On the Ninth Day of Christmas PV Elsian Finished

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☽⦙ Date | 22 December, 2023 ⦙☾
☽⦙ Interacting | @Elsian Cox ⦙☾
☽⦙ Hex Code | #810B2D ⦙☾

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Now this one, this one, felt like the most vulnerable. The most nerve-wracking, the most nauseating. Well, maybe until the last day. But this one made Dori feel like they were going to puke all over the piano that sat in front of them. They were- not a musician by any means but they could play the basics of all basics from taking lessons when they were a child before Hogwarts. So of course, their parents found sheet music that was simple enough for them and shipped it off so that they would have time to practice and play it. They were very encouraging, rooting for Dori the entire way (especially since they adored Elsi).

The room was set up with a piano, a bench, and a chair... facing away... from the piano. Because the idea of Elsi watching them do this was simply too much. They were already bright red when Elsi walked into the room. "I'm uh- I'm not the best, at music. So um- go easy on me about this one." There was a part of them that felt a bit narcissistic about the idea that them singing was a- gift. Elsi would find on the chair was the note for today.

'On the ninth day of Christmas my best friend gave to me: approximately nine minutes of singing. Flip this over after for tomorrow's location.'

Once it seemed like Elsi was seated, and most importantly not turning the chair around or looking at them, their hands would shakily start on the piano keys. The song they were playing was simpler, not as complicated as the recorded version they found over the summer. Some lyrics also had to be changed because it was originally a duet- and it was just Dori here!

So they began, their voice starting soft and shaky because this was truly the first time they had ever sang in front of anyone.


'What if this is something,
What is this is nothing,
What if this is in my head,

Trying to be careful,
Trying not to stare,
He'll notice how you're turning red.'

Their voice slowly was growing more confident as their fingers glided over the keys, muscle memory for how often they had practiced kicking in.

'Overthinking, hands are shaking,
Longing for his touch,
Don't be stupid,
Don't ask for too much,

What if this is something,
What if this is nothing,
What if this is in my head,

I've done it all before,
Right as I'm feeling sure,
He'll look the other way instead.'

The memories of every time Dori questioned if Elsi felt the same, the close-calls, the lingering glances and touch, the idea that maybe this wasn't something that they weren't just imagining flooding into their mind. At this point their eyes were squeezed shut, letting themselves believe this was just another round of practice.

'God he's cute and perfect,
You're not good enough for him,
Have you seen him in the Great Hall laughing with his friends,

But what if,
What if,
What if this is all just in my head,

Staring at the ceiling,
Fighting off this feeling,
Waiting for the phone to ring,

Last night was so fun,
Yeah, really fun,
I had a lot of fun while having fun and things,

This is awful,
I'm so dumb,
Why am I so stressed.'

Truly, why did Dori put themselves in the most stressful situations that threatened to tear them apart. The most intense part of the song coming up they finally forced themselves to open their eyes and focus on the music, on the simple chords and note changes.

'What if,
What if,
What if this is all just in my head,

Why do I feel this way about him,
I try to keep my cool,
Wanting.
Waiting.
Imagining a life where I am his,
I can't ignore this,
'Cause even if it's just a thought inside my head,
My heart is telling me don't stop,
Don't stop,
Don't stop,
Don't stop.

What if,
What if,
What if this is all just in my head,
What if,
What if,
What if this is something real instead,
Or maybe this is all just in my head.'

Their voice seeming to ring through the end of the song, realizing they were slightly out of breath. Their voice surely cracked during it, but they couldn't bring themselves to care. Before they could think about it too hard, they softly launched into the next song which was a lot calmer, more subdued in the longing, more about the joy of the longing. This one was easier with the chords, much longer and sustained notes.


'Some days fly by,
I'm happiest when I don't even try,
Grateful for everything,
The good and the bad and the terrible.

Shaped me,
But I've never met anyone quite like you,
The only one,
I keep coming back to.

Lights out, you're all I think about,
By now, I thought I'd be over it,
Daytime is never too deep,
It's only at night when I'm trying to sleep.'

To say that Elsi haunted their nighttime would be a false statement. He had been a gift to it, a relief from nightmares and panic sweats of their time at Hogwarts. He was the feeling of waking up to Buttons purring on their chest, the first light sifting through the windows and dancing on the walls. He was their north star, the first star. He was every galaxy and infinite, while also being finite and by their side whenever they needed him. It was nighttime that consumed Dori with the what if's, with the possibilities of something else, not necessarily something more, but something different.

'Lights out, I can't forget it,
My tired mouth is already over it,
Why now,
At lights out?

You'd be so proud if you could,
Look at me now,
You'd say, "My God, you've changed"
I think I love you,

Why would I ever do anything differently?
You're the one I keep coming back to,

Lights out, you're all I think about,
By now, I thought I'd be over it,
Daytime is never too deep,
It's only at night when I'm trying to sleep,

Lights out, I can't forget it,
My tired mouth is already over it,
Why now,
At lights out?

Some days fly by,
But I'm happiest,
When I turn out the light.'

Two out of three were done, the third was another harder one that was simplified so Dori could play it. Their voice felt like it was getting weaker. They were not a trained singer and it was showing in the way that they felt exhausted after singing two songs. This one they knew also seemed calmer than the actual song was, due to lacking an entire orchestra to play with them. A missed opportunity, really.


I drive across bridges so worried,
About falling that I miss the view,
Already watching the news,
Reports saying "There was,
Nothing anyone could do,"

In my mind, what if I fall,
What if it's in my mind,

What if I fly,
Get a little higher,
Get out of my head for a minute,
And just feel the wind on my face,
Maybe the fear,
Just means I'm alive,
Maybe I'll fall,
But what if I fly,
Fly,
Fly,
What if I, what if I.

A song about Dori facing their fears and asking, laying it all out for Elsi. The fear and trepidation that comes with pursuing something like this after five years of friendship. After knowing that they had a best friend through everything. Would this ruin everything or strengthen it?

'I think of you, pick up my phone,
Then put it down again,
There's no way for you to reply,
To the messages I never send,

In my mind,
We never fall in love,
But what if I'm on your mind,

What if I fly,
Get a little higher,
Get out of my head for a minute,
And just feel the wind on my,
Face,
Maybe the fear,
Just means I'm alive,
Maybe I'll fall,
But what if I fly,
Fly,
Fly,
What if I, what if I,

Yeah when I get to the end of,
The end of my life,
I wanna know that I used my time,
So what if I fall,
Straight outt of the sky,
Would I rather look back and wonder,
Or know that I actually tried,

What if I fly,
Get a little higher,
Get out of my head for a minute,
And just feel the wind on my,
Face,
Maybe the fear,
Just means I'm alive,
Maybe I'll fall,
But what if I fly,
Fly,
Fly,
What if I, what if I,
Fly,
Fly,
Fly.'

By the end their voice really was shaking, their hands too. A couple messed up notes here and there but nothing too disastrous. They took a few deep breaths, trying to get everything under control. "Um- I'll see you tomorrow." Again, before anything could be said, they bolted away. Also needing a second to recover from bearing everything in front of Elsi and still not having the true escape of asking everything they wanted from him, and telling him everything that they felt.

On the other side of the note:

'Meet me in the ballroom tomorrow after our last class.

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