A World Unbeknownst to Me PV Tesla

Date and Time: Sept 29, Afternoon

Tes wandered through the second-floor corridors, hands in her overall's pockets as she decided whether to trek up to the library to attempt to study, or to the owlery to pester one of the birds into letting her pet it. She was so caught up in her thoughts she was almost too distracted to be startled when a younger student jumped out from behind a column at her. As it was, Tes jumped a bit, blinking silently at the other girl as she stared back at her with wide eyes. If her brain weren't mush after a full week of classes, or her skin crawling with a strange sense of unease, she might've asked if the other student was lost or needed something. She hadn't come up with an appropriate greeting for someone that made a habit of jumping out from behind pillars at her before the girl had begun her own greeting.

She couldn't contain a wince as Scout explained that she'd seen Tes in the great hall the night of the werewolf announcement, (was there anyone that didn't see Tes cheering and getting into a one-side argument with someone?) mustering up an awkward smile. "Ah, yeah! That's me, but you can just call me Tes," she squinted at the other girl, pausing for a moment as she tried to remember if she'd seen her before. "Oh, you were sitting with Emily, right?"

Tes laughed, shaking her head fondly and relaxing into a more natural stance, smiling openly at Scout now that she felt like she had a bit of a read on why the second year was trying to talk to her. "You must be part of her project to help the nonhumans at the school be more comfortable, right? Yeah, you could definitely say I'm supportive of the nonhumans of the school since I am one of the werewolves on campus. My mum's a 'wolf too, and I'm good friends with Colin and some of the younger students. Other than that I only know a couple metamorphmagi and a half-giant, none of the other folks that are around here like the Dhampirs." Tes was really relying on the fact that a friend of Emily wouldn't hold her status as a werewolf against her, operating under the assumption that Scout didn't already know exactly what she was. "Is there something you wanted to ask me?" Tes asked with forced casualness, hoping that this wasn't all a strange ploy to insult the nonhumans at Hogwarts.

sept 29th, 2024		sunday, afternoon
wc: 400		dhampir | terrible presence
interacting with: @Tesla Stone		mentioning: @Emily Shephard

Tes was such a cute nickname, like Emi for Emily. If only Scout could've been shortened to something, but Emily did always call her 'Scoutie', which was cute. But that wasn't really a shorter version of her name. Wait- why was Scout even thinking this, she was on a mission! She had to know what Tesla really thought, she had to, if only to help herself feel different towards her own situation. She hoped 'different' wasn't inherently negative.

"Oh! You're a- really?"

That was... not the answer Scout was expecting to hear. She had initially thought Tesla was similar to Emily, someone who thought half-breeds were cool, but this was completely out of the left field. Someone who was not only not human, but wasn't something cool like a Metamorphagus, someone who might actually understand even an inkling of how Scout felt, was this a dream? Was she actually talking to someone who understood?

This would make it the second time that Scout felt the need to spill, words and secrets building up in her chest and throat like acid, aching to leave as soon as possible. But like the time before, she takes a second to think. It's something she's not used to, thinking before speaking. If it meant keeping her heritage a secret, though, she was going to have to adapt. How could she ask the questions she wanted to ask in the way she wanted to without revealing that she was a dhampir?

"Man, that's really good!" Just like she had done before, she phrased it differently. "So, listen, maybe you can help me. I've got a uh- a friend, right? She- he's a dhampir. And like, he's really struggling. Sometimes he feels like he's just a monster 'cause he's not human. How can I like... help him?" She hoped that Tesla would be able to give her proper advice even in a scenario like this. Hopefully her 'friend' would be able to feel better once she knew.

"I mean like, how do you feel comfortable being a werewolf and people knowing it, you know?" She nervously fiddles with the hem of her sleeve. "He doesn't want anyone to know that he's actually part vampire, and he's scared of facing backlash or being bullied again. And he's got a good friend that really doesn't care if he's human or not, but that friend is only human and doesn't really get it."

Tes nodded at Scout's shocked response, relaxing as the younger student seemed far more excited than afraid or cruel. She tilted her head as Scout asked for help on behalf of her friend, and hummed thoughtfully, rocking onto her heels as she thought about how best to respond. After all, she really didn't know as much about dhampirs as she probably should. Maybe she should actually pay attention in class, instead of staring out of windows.

"I hate to say I'm not super familiar with what it's like to be a dhampir, so I can't be too much help. As for me, I'm not all that comfortable with having people know I'm a werewolf. I've had a couple rough interactions in the past, and it can make it really scary. Especially since a lot of the fear around werewolves is the fact that if you decided to hurt them, anyone could become just like you. They don't like to think about how they can easily become the thing they hate," Tes paused for a moment, trying to remember if there was anything similar to that for dhampirs. "I'm not sure if dhampirs can actually really hurt anyone like that, though. I guess full vampires may be able to. All I've really heard people say about them is that they're kinda unnerving and have to drink blood sometimes, but I really wish I knew more about how to help you!"

Not wanting to ramble without giving Scout any material to help her friend with she added, "For me the biggest help is community. It's easy for werewolves since we all go together to the shrieking shack, so we know almost every other werewolf here, even if we don't interact. It really helps to know you're not alone. Is there any way your friend could meet other dhampirs? Maybe at the nurse's office? It's nice to have normal witches or wizards who aren't scared of you, but it's not the same as knowing others like you."

sept 29th, 2024		sunday, afternoon
wc: 400		dhampir | terrible presence
interacting with: @Tesla Stone		mentioning: @Emily Shephard

Tesla brought up a really good point- community was important. Did Scout even have a community? She hadn't really ever known any other dhampir's besides her dad. She wasn't even sure if there were other dhampirs at Hogwarts; but there had to be, if there were werewolves, Metamorphmagi, and part-giants, why couldn't there be others like her? There must've been some number of them, right?

"Yeah that makes sense."

Thoughts consumed her. Would she really feel better knowing there were others like her? Emily would definitely know, given that she was a little nosy so invested in half-breeds, but Scout had only told her secret to Emily. If she was so terrified of her lineage getting out, there must be others that feel the same way she does, right? Maybe that's why she's never seen another dhampir, maybe they all share this same innate fear.

The fear of being known.

Before Scout can think about her words or really anything, she lets out a dejected sigh. "It's not fun. Being a dhampir is not fun." She murmurs, eyes trailing down to the ground, unable to even fathom looking up to chance meeting Tesla's eyes. "It's... actually maybe the worst thing in the world. It sucks, it really sucks. Sometimes it feels okay but most of the time it's just horrible. I can't even make friends because I'm so uptight about it all the time, like, why am I the way I am? Why did I have to be born like this?" Words pour out from her mouth, drawing feelings that she had managed to keep close to her chest.

"I don't even get it, I don't feel like a vampire. I don't really care for the taste of blood and I never feel like I wanna bite people, but then I see other people- not people, half-breeds or whatever- and I feel like I'm the outcast. There's nothing good that can come from being a dhampir, like nothing! I hate it, I hate it so much!" Scout's knees sink under her and she crouches, eyes glaring at her black shoes. "I feel like everyone's always looking at me all the time, they're always scared of me all the time. I can't tell anyone 'cause if I do they'll just treat me like I'm some 青少年罪犯!" young delinquent Her breath becomes a little ragged, but she takes a second to stop her rant to breathe, evening herself. "And like I know that it's not just my problem, and I'm probably overexaggerating most of it anyway, but it's just so stupid!"

Tes realized that maybe it wasn't a friend Scout was asking for, and instead herself, as she begins to express the struggles of being a Dhampir. Stepping closer as the words begin to come out in a flood, and Scout sinks down to crouch on the ground, Tes squatted down herself to join her.

"So, I'm going to take a wild guess and say you weren't asking for a friend, but instead for yourself?" she asked, leaning and trying to catch the younger student's eye.
"C'mon, you gotta breathe Scout," she whispered, trying to sound soothing and deescalate the situation, even if she knew firsthand how terrible it felt to be so alone and ostracized, "I'm so, so sorry you feel this way. Do you know any other dhampirs around the school? Anyone else you can talk to? I'm happy to be here for you as a fellow half-creature, but I know it's not the same."

She stayed there, trying to be a soothing presence, thinking over what the dhampir had said. In all her stupidity, instead of mentioning anything important, she found herself blurting out, "So, do you really drink blood? Is it like those muggle novels where you sparkle or something and have to bite people, even if you don't have the urge to? Or is it just like a blood pudding, but heavy on the blood?" she quickly slapped a hand over her mouth, blushing wildly, "Wait, no, totally don't answer that. Not the time for those questions, I'm so sorry. Ignore me, let's talk more about your feelings!"

Tes fell back to sit on her butt on her ground, burying her face in her hands. Here she was, trying to be a helpful upperclassman and fellow "monster", and she had to go asking the sorts of questions her momma told her were insensitive. She just had to hope Scout didn't mind, and was still willing to talk with her.

sept 29th, 2024		sunday, afternoon
wc: 450ish		dhampir | terrible presence
interacting with: @Tesla Stone		mentioning: @Emily Shephard

It was frustrating, being like this. The sudden switch on and off emotion, the flickering anxiety that felt like it was always present in her stomach- the everything. The mood swings were the worst, it's why Scout felt shaky laughter bubble up in her throat at Tesla's question. She didn't think she sparkled, she was pretty sure she had an opposite effect, but the idea that there might be some shiny spots on her made her a little giddy. She hadn't ever been a princess girl, but it was an appealing thought to be the prettiest girl at the party.

"I don't really like the taste of blood, it's kind of iron-y." Which was ironic, there were a lot of dishes her family made at home with blood in it. Her father didn't seem to mind the taste as much, but he had a few more years to get used to it. "Uh... we get blood-pops everyday, but I don't really eat them. Oh, but sometimes when I get a headache or a stomachache I eat one, just like in case it's my vampire side telling me to." It was too gross, too vampiric, too unhuman, too monstrous. Eating a blood popsicle? Normal people didn't do that, and Scout was trying very hard to be the epitome of normal.

"I mean like... haven't you ever eaten an animal when you were a wolf?" She asks, wiping her tears. Scout was always a fan of distraction, it was satisfying to not acknowledge her thoughts. "Or really ever just had fresh meat? It's like... really strong, kind of too much. My dad doesn't mind it but he grew up eating more of that stuff than I did." If only she could have some of her family cooking right now, that would definitely make her feel a little better. "I guess I thought werewolves just kinda ate whatever when they transformed- I probably would."

Her knowledge on the limitations of werewolves was limited to whatever information she got second-hand from Emily, considering she didn't really pay attention in other classes, and she definitely wasn't going to read a book on the subject. It was too much for her, way too much. Just thinking of finding a page about how gross and yucky vampires and dhampirs were, that would crush her even more than her own thoughts.

To know that the world would only see her for something she didn't even want to be... it made her more sad than angry.

"I don't know any other dhampirs, actually. Maybe in the future I'd be comfortable enough talking to someone else like me but..." How does she even explain that she can't talk to her own father about her affliction? "It's just a little too much for me right now. Does it really help when you have a community? I don't think I've ever had one."

Tes settled into a cross-legged position, nodding along encouragingly as Scout spoke. She'd been working hard on listening better, practicing at home with her mum, so she suppressed the urge to disrupt or ask any questions until Scout seemed to be done for the moment.

"Man, that does sound really tough. I don't know why, but I feel like you would've had something with your body that makes the blood taste better, because that honestly just sounds like what it tastes like to me. I've never been able to eat a blood pudding without gagging, but I do sometimes crave rare meat leading up to a full moon," she paused to think for a moment, before shrugging, "Honestly, I haven't ever eaten something during a full moon like a whole animal. The wolfsbane potion means I'm still completely myself, I'm just fluffier and it kinda hurts really bad to transform. If I didn't prep, I'm sure I'd be hungry enough to eat a whole horse! But I always bring loads of snacks that don't take thumbs to eat and have a big meal right before and after! That's how my momma learned to handle it, and getting to learn from her means I have a big leg up on the other students that come straight to school with no idea what to expect. They always turn into hangry monsters in human bodies come morning!"

She sighed, scooching closer to Scout so they were nearly touching, trying to offer the younger girl some comfort with her presence. "Honestly, I think community is the only reason I can handle this. My first year at school, I was so scared to transform without my momma. I cried and cried, and spent weeks writing letters asking for comfort, and could hardly focus in class. Thankfully, I met another wolf before I could have to figure it all out by myself, and it got a lot less scary," she paused to pull up her legs and wrap her arms around them, sobering quickly at the memory of her only lone transformation.

She looked at Scout out of the corner of her eye and gently rested a hand on her shoulder. "I've only ever had to transform alone once since I got turned over four years ago. I think it was the worst thing I've ever had to do in my life, and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone in the whole world. So, yeah. Having a community can really help," she took a deep breath like her mum told her to recenter herself, and continued, "Hey, you said your dad eats some of the same stuff as you? When you're home, do you think you could talk to him about it? For now, I have to drink my wolfsbane potion every night for a week leading up to the full moon, and it's pretty gross. I usually go by myself, but maybe we could meet up, and you could make sure you're eating one of those blood pops for at least a week out of the month?"

She stretched out her legs, the movement a visual representation of the way she unwound from the tense panic invoked by the memory of a lack of community. Moving to gently give Scout a friendly punch on the arm instead of the comforting hand she added, "Maybe we can make a game out of it! See whose mandatory supplement is grosser. I bet mine is!" she leaned in to whisper conspiratorially, "Mine's got murtlap tentacles and dragon's blood in it!"

She made an exaggerated gagging motion, sticking her tongue out and shaking her head, before breaking out into a grin.

sept 29th, 2024		sunday, afternoon
wc: 700		dhampir | terrible presence
interacting with: @Tesla Stone		mentioning: @Emily Shephard

i'm sure that the lights that shine upon the shadows of the city
seemed more gentle than yesterday

There's something about Tesla that enamors Scout. She is undeniably rough around the edges, the way she bounces on the balls of her feet or the rushed out questions that may or may not have been appropriate for the emotional situation. Combined with that is someone Scout think she might admire, gentle velour lining the insides of her wolf soul. In a way, if Scout could have some similar velvet lining in her crimson-stained heart, she might feel more 'okay' about the vampire situation.

As Tesla talks, Scout finds herself in one of those rare occasions where she doesn't have anything to add. She could- because she loves to talk until her mouth falls off- but letting someone else lead the conversation isn't the worst thing in the world. It lets her think, something that the young dhampir isn't entirely known for. There's something that Tes says that sticks out in her mind, "... I'm just fluffier and it kinda hurts really bad to transform."

Like most things in life, it didn't occur to Scout that transforming would hurt. It didn't hurt her to bring out her fangs, at worst she'd bite her lip or the inside of her mouth, unused to the sharp intrusions. What was transforming like? She had heard about Animagi, and she was pretty sure that turning into a bird or wolf that way wouldn't hurt. What made being a werewolf so different?

But when Tesla talks about the transformation aspect, Scout does notice (surprisingly) the way her face falls just a bit, if only perked up a little bit later at a mention of a 'game'.

"I think most potions taste pretty bad, but... murtlap tentacles? And every single day? For a week? What happens if you don't take it? Or like if you miss a day? I'm not really sure the consequences of what not having blood does to a dhampir, 'cause as far as I know, I don't even need it to survive. But like... I think I just go blood-crazy or something like that, it's probably more catastrophic to miss a potion when you're a werewolf, yeah?" She tilts her head. Though she didn't say it out loud, she figured it must be a whole lot worst to be a werewolf than a vampire. Going through something traumatic like being bitten, then having to transform every single month for the rest of your life? That sounded like it must... hurt... like a lot.

But on the other hand, there was simply no way to tell Tes was a werewolf, not by just looking at her. She had heard from her mama that werewolves usually had scars, but from the position Scout was in, she couldn't see anything beyond freckles. Although she hated the idea of even admitting it, Scout did look like a vampire- the stereotypical kind, too. Pale skin, dark sunken eyes, the gaps in her teeth- although it was possible to miss it upon first glance, it wouldn't take much thought for someone else to see it. No matter how much of herself she would hide behind big clothes and sunhats or hoods, it wouldn't take a genius to see through her thinly-veiled disguises.

"It's nice that you've got your mum to rely on, I don't really like to bother my dad with this kind of stuff," she brushes off the idea of talking to him, "like don't get me wrong, he's great and everything, but I just don't... yeah." Scout doesn't really know why the idea of confronting her favorite person makes her skin crawl, she can usually go to him about anything, but recently... she's found herself digging a bigger and bigger hole that she's not sure how to climb out of.

Oh well.

"You know, you're kind of good at this 'giving advice' stuff. I can see why Emily likes you so much, you guys are really similar." Scout omits the fact that Emily would probably walk into a vampire's den if it promised friendship and love- but she figured Tesla already knew that face about her, her kindness and gentle nature was the first thing someone would see about Emi.

Tes rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly, grimacing as Scout asked about the nature of the wolfsbane potion. "Ah, it doesn't change much for the actual transformation as far as I know. The big thing is if a werewolf misses a single potion, they won't keep their human mind on the full moon. They'll become a beast intent on hurting humans," she held out her right wrist, pulling back the bandana to show the neat bite marks scarred there, "I was actually bit as an accident because of a lack of potions. It's really hard to afford them or source them for lots of werewolves, which is kinda why so many of them have to live so far from society. If they can't get their potions, they have to do what they can to avoid all humans instead."

She didn't bother to cover back up her wrist, tapping her finger to her chin thoughtfully, "I guess it's about the same as a dhampir without blood in that case! I'm guessing blood-crazy means you'd go hunting for human blood, about the same as a werewolf looking for human flesh. It's a real good thing we can both avoid that pretty easily while we're at Hogwarts," she finished with a shudder, not sure how to imagine the struggling girl in front of her lunging at innocent students with big spiky fangs. She didn't think Scout would ever look like that or do such a thing, but maybe she really should read more about dhampirs, and check in on the younger student more often to make sure she was taking her blood. She wouldn't want her to do anything she regretted.

Looking a bit closer, Scout did seem rather pale, which could be a good sign that she was iron deficient and hadn't been feeding herself properly, in both the vampiric and human way. Yeah, she'd definitely need to check in with the other student. Maybe she could ask Emily when she got out of class, and she could "encourage" her to go to the nurse together, game or not.

Tuning back in, she shrugged, thinking fondly of both her mum and momma. Blushing slightly at the praise, she laughed at the comparison of her to Emily before replying, "I don't really have a choice not to bother my momma with this. Since she's a werewolf too, we both have to spend the full moons together, so it's easy to get all the tips and tricks she has to share after dealing with it herself," pausing before continuing she added, "If you want the truth, basically every piece of advice I'm giving is just something my mum already told me. She's got lots of great advice! Although, 'punch people who look at you funny', might not be the kind of advice that would help right now. I think Emily's just naturally good at helping people, but I like to do my best."

Stretching her arms over her head, Tes pushed herself back up to her feet, rubbing her butt where it was cold and sore from sitting right on the stone floor. "Speaking of, are you feeling any better? Seems like you're a little bit more out of your head than when you came up to me," she asked, offering out a hand for Scout to take.