i know the end solo

August 7th, 2023. Wednesday morning. Windermere, England. Playlist.
Godmodding of @Evelynn Decipio approved prior to posting. TW for death.

It was the middle of summer, the days stretching out and blurring together into a soft nothingness of warmth and pleasure. Like every other school break ever, Ivy was on a mission to avoid her parents as much as possible, and hence had spent most of her time at various friends' houses, including her grandfather's house in France, the Barlowes' in London, and now with Evelynn in Windermere.

She'd never been to this part of England before, and she had to say that she liked it a lot more than London and Sussex (although it was possible she had only come to this conclusion because it was Evelynn’s home). Sitting atop a chestnut mare and hacking through a winding trail in the nearby hills, Ivy had come to the conclusion that this, right here, was what happiness was, the cool morning air leaving their cheeks tinged with pink and the sunlight outlining Evelynn’s pretty features with a gentle halo of light.

She was very pretty, Ivy noted again as she looked across at her best friend, as if it wasn’t the one singular thought that had been circling her head for over a whole year now. She felt a pang of something resembling yearning in her chest and looked away, adjusting her grip on the reins to distract herself.

For a moment, Ivy imagined telling Evelynn how she felt and her breath caught in her throat, knowing that she feared ruining their friendship too much to ever say it out loud. It was a marvel that Evelynn had stuck around so long after everything that'd happened. Ivy couldn't risk losing her when she'd lost so much already - thinking about her sisters still felt like a knife twisting in her chest. Some childish part of her was still angry at them for dying and leaving her behind, but for the most part, she was tired and unsure of how much more she could handle.

Perhaps if they'd met before Alison and Lillian had died, it might have been easier.

Ivy shivered and looked over at Evelynn again, seeking comfort in her presence, and tried not to think too much about her life. Right now, she was spending time with her favourite person in the entire world, and that was more than enough for her.

It was not all bad, Ivy reminded herself. There was still Evelynn; she had not left yet. And there was always going to be time, to heal over her wounds, and maybe one day enough time would pass, and she would finally be able to take a risk without the possible consequential disasters crippling her with anxiety. Ivy hoped, no she knew that she would be able to make progress, given the time to do so.

What she did not know was that she was not to be given any more time.

Without warning, the mare beneath her spooked at seemingly nothing, twisting and bucking so suddenly that Ivy didn't even have the time to scream when she fell, shock and fear closing her throat over like ice. For a moment it felt like she was flying, the blue sky stretching infinitely away from her as the ground rushed up to meet her. Even her thoughts were not forming coherently; there was nothing but pure panic and shock burning through her veins. Ivy heard her own breath catch and rattle as she crashed clumsily to the ground in a heap. Pain tore sharply through her head.

She thought she heard Evelynn yell her name, and through her blurred, hazy vision, she saw her dismount her horse and run towards her, terror frozen on her face. Ivy could not remember ever seeing her look like that.

Memories of Evelynn flashed past in a confusing, disorientating montage - the weight of cauldrons in her arms, the bright moon's reflection in the lake, the blue of her midspring festival dress, the sticky heat of summer, Evelynn's voice, Evelynn's laugh, Evelynn's smile. Evelynn, Evelynn, Evelynn. Always Evelynn. Ivy wanted nothing more than to reach out and pull herself back into those memories, but they were already fading into grey. She blinked, and the sky turned dark.

So much for more time.

Her final thoughts were not of Evelynn, but of her sisters. She saw her childhood house exactly as it had been years and years ago - the cobblestone paths that led to the stables at the back, the ivy that crawled up the walls towards the sky, the lush green gardens she'd so often played in as a kid. This place had not felt like home for years, yet Ivy felt safe in spite of the loud rushing sound that filled her ears. It sounded like the wind at the top of a cliff, or perhaps the crashing of a very large wave at the beach.

She was at the gate, where the gravel driveway spanned from the house down the hill to winding countryside roads, and she saw Alison and Lillian watching her from the front porch; somehow she could tell it was with love.

Overwhelmed with longing, she pushed the gate open and stepped onto the estate. "Lillian! Alison!" Ivy could hardly hear her own voice over the deafening noise in her ears. The vision of the house began to crumble away into a blinding white light, yet her sisters remained where they were in the distance. "Wait for me!" She broke into a run, hands grasping blindly towards them and legs moving so fast that she could no longer feel her feet striking the ground, until it became clear she was not running at all, but flying.

There was no fear of falling. No temptation to go back.
The roaring sounds in her ears stopped.

Ivy reached up into the light, and her sisters pulled her towards them, enveloping her in their arms until they were, once again, whole.