The Hogwarts Headliner, Issue #49

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My dear friend, have you ever found yourself in an unexpected location with nothing to blame but the magical staircases?

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Staircase Revolt: Do Our Stairs Hate Us? by Alyss Gilmour The furniture that is intended to lead you to your destinations, but instead fails you, transporting you to a separate floor entirely? If so, you are not alone! Our shifting staircases have been rebelling constantly—a rapid change, and with no warning? This isn’t the Charms classroom!	x	Our local students have their own stories to tell regarding the betrayal of our beloved stairways and the haunting sights they’ve been subjected to as a result. I, for instance, have been on my way to the Duelling Club simply for the joys of anger expressed through violent spell-casting, only to be directed toward the Ballroom. What I witnessed in that forsaken room can only be spoken in whispered voices under darkened skies—I shall take that secret to my grave. Unless a friend was really curious, in which I might be inclined to share.	x	Adapting to the stairways is an intense challenge, one that requires a great deal of concentration, patience, and, unfortunately, time. It took the lovely Cecilia Merrick a whole two months to become accustomed to the constant changes and shifts in the primary method of transportation between the floors here at Hogwarts. According to her, “I was often led to the wrong floor. Given my luck, this only occurred whenever I was short on time. Admittedly, I often am, but these delays caused by the staircase only made matters worse.”
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Another interesting story comes from the one and only Aodhan Shaw, who claims that when he came in late from Quidditch practices, he would see “eyes and smiling teeth in the shadows under the staircases...only ever there for a second before they move!” This is concerning: I began this article with a dislike for the staircases stemming from last-minute switches, whether they be floors or rooms, not monsters! Mr Shaw went on to claim that he heard the repeated whispers of “snornex” before he decided that they were saying “you’re next”. This mighty Gryffindor went on to pin the whispers on a Slytherin student since the stairs brought him to the dungeons, but could this point to a darker side to our staircases?

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Although it appears that these staircases are constantly betraying us (and possibly out to get us), we tend to have many adventures upon them, perhaps prompting their unruly temperament. Second-year Ravenclaw Novalie Moon told me a tale involving the intention to go sledging down the stairwell, only to end up wiping out instead. “I just wanted to see if I could, like, you know, bobsleigh my way down from the Ravenclaw Tower to the dungeons or wherever the stairs would take me, right? So, to properly bobsleigh, I obviously needed to freeze the stairs.” She proceeded to gather a sizable amount of water, spill it all over the stairs, and,	x	using her housemate Zach Zaphiere’s robe, went sliding down the staircase. According to her, “Everything was going perfectly, too. The stairs had lined up straight and I was flying downward, until suddenly! One of them moved! It was too late to brake, and honestly, I didn't even know how, so I just went with it and WHOOSH! I was IN THE AIR!” You heard that right! The stairways purposely moved, completely intentionally, sending Ms Moon floundering through the air, dropping “hundreds of floors!”, slamming into an unfortunately placed lower step, bruising her quite harshly, and sending her skidding into the Trophy Room.
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There is a wide range of fun to be had on the stairs, with the students Fire Davies and Hana Bakir supposedly placing bets on their ability to jump between platforms—not necessarily the safest form of play. Despite the trend we have seen of untimely shifts in direction and interesting situations one encounters, it seems the stairs decided to cooperate for these two with a seemingly fun, though dangerous, game of parkour.

Although our magical staircases are a constant reminder of the feats that can be accomplished with magic, they are far too random and even harmful, leaving many students feeling confused and frustrated. Our stairs? They hate us.

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STAIR REVOLT PG. 02

RINGS PG. 05

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ARTEFACTS PG. 06

GOSSIP PG. 08

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Scotland's Muggles and Their Beltane Fire Festivals

by Tristan Theramin

Beltane marks the transition between the cold and dark months of the year and the light and warm months of the year. Unlike our pesky Gregorian calendar, in which each of our months mark the transition of time, the Celtics marked their time with four festivals throughout the year. Beltane was special because it represented the transition between the cosmological forces of dark and light, warring against each other. The god it celebrates is not my favourite of the Celtic gods; those who know me would not be surprised to find that my favourite is Lugh, to the same extent that I enjoy Loki in Norse mythology.

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The Loch Ness and the Morag are kelpies. Is that not fascinating?

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Though most Muggles do not believe in these gods any longer, 21st century Muggles do have the fun habit of revitalizing their past traditions to make modern day revelries. The Beltane Fire Festival occurs every year in Edinburgh, Scotland, since its reinvention in 1988. The festival was revitalized by the University of Edinburgh and a musical collective called the Test Depth. It takes place every year on the first of May, with a bright bonfire which reflects the meaning of the word Beltane, i.e. “bright fire”. I was born in Glasgow and am thus fascinated by the history that surrounds our fateful lands, Muggle and magical alike. After all, Hogwarts makes its home up here in these lands as well. Scotland has a long history spanning from prehistoric times, Roman invasion, and colonization, to the present. Of course, there was also sadly a long history of wixen being attacked by Muggles as well.

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A unique aspect of the Scottish isles is the fact that in these lands, composed of 790 islands, Muggles have chosen the unicorn as their national animal, though they believe it is mythical. I feel that there is something beautiful about the fact that Muggles still hope for the magical despite having no evidence of it. They even have their own version of people they call witches. I wonder if they would accept us, now that they accept their own people who call themselves witches, though they are solely non-magical people who worship their ancient gods.

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If you ever heard of the Muggle sport of golf, Scotland is also its first championship’s origin as well. Furthermore, Scotland is home to the oldest tree of five thousand years, as well as three thousand castles, making it the Muggle country with the greatest density of castles. Its national dish is called the haggis, a savory pudding made from sheep’s heart, liver and lungs, mixed with onions, oatmeal, and spices. The first color photograph was also taken in Muggle Scotland. In Gaelic, Scotland is known as Alba, a word derived from the Latin for “light”. The oldest Neolithic settlement left preserved, Skara Brae, founded around five thousand years ago, is found in Scotland as well. If any of you purebloods do not understand the word Neolithic, it refers to the period of time in Muggle history where people first began to settle, domesticate animals, and farm land.

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Muggles also have a system of machines that allow them to fly, which are known as airplanes. These machines usually take Muggles on flights lasting hours, but Scotland has the shortest of these scheduled flights, lasting only a little over a minute. Scotland also has the only knighted penguin in the whole world. Those living in the Muggle world often study far longer than us at an institution of higher education known as a university, and the fourth oldest university in the United Kingdom is found in Glasgow, made in 1451. Scottish Muggles believe that the Loch Ness and Morag are real, though not many believe them. Of course, they do not know what we know; the Loch Ness and the Morag are kelpies. Is that not fascinating? Muggles are so afraid of what is different yet so excited to find the magical and the different. Some dedicate their entire lives to it. Some chase storms. Some chase magic. Some chase love. All for the magic of life.

Perhaps all these Muggles yearn for the same magic that we yearn for. Yet they are better than us stagnant purebloods, are they not? There is something to learn from them each time we study their history and perhaps, through this article, I can share their knowledge with this world.

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STAIR REVOLT PG. 02

RINGS PG. 05

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ARTEFACTS PG. 06

GOSSIP PG. 08

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Flawless Fashion at Hogwarts by Livia Machavariani From school robes to winter cloaks, observing an individual’s fashion is not always a simple matter. However, some students manage to distinguish themselves, and still others do more than that by creating their own couture. To this end, I have obtained an interview with one Harvey Barrows, a second-year Slytherin. As one of my dear friends, he has continued to impress me with his fashionable finesse, which includes a simply stunning ensemble which he displayed at last summer’s Granian Derby. Mr Barrows pays a remarkable amount of attention to each individual for whom he designs, and, truly, his impeccable efforts require more attention from others. It is my intention that the information in this interview allows others insight into Mr Barrows’s outstanding mind. When asked how he would describe what he, a designer, actually does,	x	Mr Barrows responded by emphasising that “design is an art form”. He then elaborated that “...like any artist, you must understand your mediums and how to manipulate them to truly express yourself.” He noted that while paintings and visual art used in the decoration of homes could be moving to someone, clothing could provide “a much more personal representation” of oneself. “[Clothes] can make you feel beautiful, they can make you feel confident, they can help you make a statement to the world x about how you want to be seen,” he stated. Regarding his style, he noted that he designs “for women exclusively”, intending to instil “confidence and a sense of power in the wearer”. As for his colours, they are “feminine and also assertive”. That is the philosophy with which Mr Barrows creates, and “the same goes for the structure of the clothes as well. Lots of straight lines with just enough flair to be beautiful.” Based on the pieces x that I have seen (and had the pleasure of wearing), I would concur. As I was curious, I asked him what his favourite piece was. The answer was, for me, quite touching, in fact. Mr Barrows stated that it was a piece he had designed for me: “I feel like that was the first time I was really able to take something all the way from thought to actuality. It turned out exactly how I hoped it would.”
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Truly, that is quite impressive, how those with creative minds can push a thought into reality. I hope to wear the design in front of enough students to showcase Mr Barrows’s talent.

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As Mr Barrows is one of the more fashion-conscious individuals at Hogwarts, I asked him if he had any advice for those hopeful to improve. He did, and he recommended fashion magazines. “Find a style you like and just try it out,” he encouraged. “You can even play around with secondhand clothes if you have to. Mix and match, find what works and build a wardrobe.” His most important piece of advice? “Just remember to keep it fresh. Don’t get locked into just one aesthetic or style. Your collection will eventually be outdated if you do.”	x	─ ❝ ─ ──────────┓ x ─. Of course, what would fashion be without a showcase? ── x┗────────── x❞ “I would love to host a show,” Mr Barrows acknowledged. It would be a space for everyone to show off their fashion portfolios. “It would be nice to give those who want it a chance to express themselves through fashion in a meaningful way. We’d need models, materials, photographers and journalists. Lots to plan, but hopefully more details to come soon.”
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I, for one, think that is incredibly exciting. I would encourage anyone interested in such an occurrence to stay tuned.

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STAIR REVOLT PG. 02

RINGS PG. 05

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ARTEFACTS PG. 06

GOSSIP PG. 08

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Rings of Power

by Xiomara Torres

Rings are a great statement piece of jewellery that can showcase your personality whilst not taking away from the outfit. They often go with the majority of outfit choices, so they can be worn anytime and anywhere—though, perhaps not if you plan on boxing. The magical world has so many rings that put the Muggle ones to shame.

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Ring of Almost Warning: Worried about the dangers of a Hogwarts event? Get one of these and you can almost be safe as it will sense danger but not alert you until it has been resolved! At least you will know you avoided danger, I suppose? Naturally, this is sold at Zonko’s Joke Shop as it is more of a joke product than useful!	xx
Spy Eye Ring: I have no idea how this works, but this ring has magic that makes the wearer’s eyeball come out of their socket, and yet is still usable. Just be careful not to drop it, as you will end up picking up all the dirt if it goes rolling or, worse, squish it. Supposedly sold at Borgin and Burkes.	xx
Ring of Promises: This is a great ring for the older years who are in a relationship. The ring on it holds so long as you are fulfilling your promise; it is a great way to show your dedication to the relationship without being engaged to marry (since we are way too young for that, of course). Available at Madam Puddifoot’s Tea Shop.	xx
Much Mustachio Ring: Potentially my favourite ring. It gives you facial hair that varies depending on which finger you wear it! An instant moustache or beard of your choice sounds pretty fun, no? If you need to change your appearance or look older, then a beard might help that! Sold at Zonko’s Joke Shop.	xx

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❝ ─ ───────────┓ x ─. Treat yourself to things that mean something to you. ── x┗─────────── x❞

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There are so many options out there, but if you ever want something personalised and handmade specifically for you, you could always ask a goblin to make you something. Goblin-made rings will hold the test of time, potentially becoming good family heirlooms. You can, quite literally, have magic at your fingertips by wearing a magical ring! Some Muggle rings are also fun—you could get a mood ring that literally changes colour whilst on your finger. Of course, it works by using heat, but I would not be surprised if there was a magical version that actually told your mood out there. You can also get cool rings with different designs and shapes on them. Perhaps it is time to upgrade your collection to include different rings! Rings are a great way to show off your personality and express yourself, even if it is a simple band. They can hold so much meaning, but you don’t have to wait for an engagement ring or a wedding ring—treat yourself to things that mean something to you. Dress up your hand for any occasion!

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STAIR REVOLT PG. 02

RINGS PG. 05

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ARTEFACTS PG. 06

GOSSIP PG. 08

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Arcane Artefacts: Oculus Inventio by Pericles Dralt	x	Despite the wix world's limited access to electricity, our inventors have found ways to weave magic into technology. Some of our most complex devices are those which enhance vision. Aside from stargazing, birdwatching, and navigating the outdoors, these tools are invaluable in the realm of sport, strategy, and improvement of daily life.
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01. Omnioculars & Binoculars

Found at Quality Quidditch Supplies of Diagon Alley, Omnioculars function like a combination of Muggle

binoculars and camcorders. These are typically made from brass with settings adjusted by dials and knobs. They grant the user a powerfully magnified view with the capability to pause, rewind, and caption sporting action. Some models are programmed to offer their owner a labelled play-by-play during Quidditch matches, including the names of captured maneuvres. These have been utilised by referees to determine whether or not fouls have been committed. They have also been utilised in Duelling and Racing to analyse a team's play, allowing captains or players to evaluate and adjust their strategies. One could acquire a plain pair of binoculars from the same store for a fraction of the cost. =

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Omnioculars 4G 14S = Binoculars 1G 8S Featured Fun Fact! ─────=On Omnioculars=───── At the Quidditch World Cup, Ron Weasley made an old wizard pick his nose repeatedly using his Omnioculars. ════════════════════

02. Eagle Eye Goggles For night use, Dervish and Banges in Hogsmeade sell Eagle Eye Goggles. These function closer to regular binoculars, albeit with the ability to see in dark. These work by amplifying existing light, granting the wearer vision similar to that of a nocturnal animal, though they induce vertigo with prolonged use.

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Eagle Eye Goggles 4G 9S 10K

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03. Magic Eye

For those who have lost binocular vision, St Mungo's can supply a replacement Magic Eye. These come in two varieties: as an implant device or headgear. The first requires minor surgery, in which the socket is braced to

hold an eye, which is commonly made of glass. Patients who prefer a less invasive model opt for a monocle-esque holder strapped around the head and worn similarly to an eyepatch. Specialised models are imbued with enchantments. The most famous example was the eye worn by Alastor ‘Mad-Eye’ Moody, whose prosthetic eye was supposedly

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Magic Eye 35G

capable of seeing through almost anything—including invisibility cloaks and the back of his own skull. Hypothetically, the blind could replace both of their eyes with these devices.

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STAIR REVOLT PG. 02

RINGS PG. 05

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ARTEFACTS PG. 06

GOSSIP PG. 08

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The Magic of Journalling By Xiomara Torres	x	When you put hundreds of growing students, aged eleven to eighteen, in one building, combined with the chaos of magic, you are bound to have some accidents and trouble. No one passes through the school without seeing something go wrong, which is only natural when you consider how most children entering the school do not know how to cast a single spell or brew a potion properly. If you’re anything like me, you will also struggle with those things for many months afterwards. As such, sometimes you have to look after yourself and do what is good for you.	x	I was inspired by the Autobiography of a Journal to start my own journal. It appears to be a book that records an entry on its own every day, which is so fascinating to read. The journal that I flicked through in Flourish and Blotts was mostly about sitting on a shelf, getting picked up by random people but then put down. I am pretty sure that if I went back now, I would see an entry from that day where the journal describes seeing me. It is definitely an interesting purchase if you want something to read!	x	However, today I wanted to talk about journalling. Many people find that keeping a journal can help them express their thoughts, and seeing this journal inspired me to start my own. Most days, I only write a few words, but I have found that it helps me to clear my mind, gather my thoughts, and know exactly what I want to do the next day. Rereading my journal the other day, I realised that I should write a letter to my mum and let her know how much I miss her whilst I am at Hogwarts—it also reminded me that Mother’s Day was coming up!
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If you want to write something private, you could easily get a journal with a lock on it. Scrivenshaft’s Quill Shop also sells fascinating ink and quills that are worth checking out. They have Everlasting Ink if you are looking for something that will stand the test of time and not fade—an archival ink, if you will. Alternatively, you could pick up some coloured ink to make your pages pretty without trying—like the Lilac Ink. My favourites are the Disappearing Ink from Scrivenshaft’s or the Invisible Ink from Zonko’s Joke Shop, both perfect for times you want to vent on paper but do not want to risk anyone reading it. If you hate writing but want a journal, get yourself a Quick-Quotes Quill, which will write anything dictated to it. Really, there are no good excuses not to try keeping a diary and seeing if it works for you, with all of these incredible magical items around.	x
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Journal away today.

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STAIR REVOLT PG. 02

RINGS PG. 05

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ARTEFACTS PG. 06

GOSSIP PG. 08

PAGE 08.

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┏ ────────────────── ┓ Spilling Hogwarts's Secrets: Vol. 5 ======================== by Lady Audentia ┗ ────────────────── ┛ Greetings, dear readers! Today, instead of an agglomeration of awe-inspiring admissions, I offer you an exclusive exposé into the most astonishing affair of some of Hogwarts’s least fine.

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If a student were to have been in the library during the evening of the 26^th of February, it would have been incredibly difficult to miss the slobber-filled snogging that occurred between a seventh-year Ravenclaw and a fourth-year Gryffindor. The Ravenclaw is hard to miss, despite her general lack of remarkable traits. One might note that she organised a series of protests after the incarceration of former professor Marcus Iwasaki. Having seen her, I would not exactly call her pretty, but she is definitely “out of the league”, as one might say, of Gryffindor Harlan Montgomery, who has been lusting after her like a licentious loser in the library.

That’s hardly to say that Mr Montgomery is unattractive. But that is absolutely not my point.

Let me start with the fact that Harlan is an adolescent rapscallion staring with saucer-wide eyes at someone who is about to graduate and likely holds at least twice the maturity he does. Truthfully, what individual with any sense of dignity lets their emotions tug them about like a puppet on a string? What tomfoolery!

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In any case, it is not Mr Montgomery’s feelings that led me to write this article. It is the show that he put on for my hapless source. “Sloppy”, “desperate” and “disgusting” were among the words utilised to properly describe Montgomery’s lacking finesse in the art of kissing. I was not there, having, of course, better things to do with my time; however, it is not difficult to imagine the churlish Mr Montgomery attempting to shove his tongue down Miss Prince’s throat.

Perhaps the more problematic phenomenon is that Miss Prince seemed to like it.

Now, I would never shame anyone for their preferences. Love is love, after all. However, one really ought to have standards. Furthermore, is it not a bit cruel to lead on such an idiotic knave, especially one so young when compared to Miss Prince herself? They say Ravenclaws embody wisdom, but it appears that Miss Prince is none the wiser when it comes to the etiquette of amours.

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That is hardly all I have to say. Let me elaborate: Miss Prince has a boyfriend, and they are most certainly exclusive. I, for one, hope her beau discovers the contents of this paper. He has a right to know the debauched deeds in which his hardly loyal girlfriend has been participating. Towering bookshelves and seemingly-silent studiers will hardly conceal the deed that was done; unbeknownst to Prince and Montgomery, apparently, people talk. To Mr Montgomery: if you intend to be successful in future amorous endeavours, it would serve you well to refine your skills of osculation. Miss Prince may disregard your lack of expertise, but most other individuals will not. To Miss Prince: I am not sure if you have heard of “loyalty”, but it is a trait you would benefit from researching and embodying. I do sincerely hope your (soon to be ex-) boyfriend comes to his senses.

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To my most esteemed readers: I hope you have learned something valuable from this scintillating volume of Spilling Hogwarts’s Secrets!

Of course, I cannot stop here. Should any other treacherous deeds come to my attention, I shall have to report on them.

XOXO,
Lady Audentia

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STAIR REVOLT PG. 02

RINGS PG. 05

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ARTEFACTS PG. 06

GOSSIP PG. 08