Finished Honour the Fallen, Honour your Own

Eugenia doesn’t know for how long she had cried. Probably for so long, that someone managed to find her. Eugenia heard the subtle sound of footsteps in the corridors, hoping that nobody would see her. She wanted some privacy, but also not to interrupt someone’s possibly awesome day.

Yet, someone found her. She heard as someone opened the door of the abandoned classroom she sat in. She didn’t look up, she was full of grief and was also exhausted from this entire day. She just hoped they wouldn’t really think bad of her, she had a very valid reason to be in tears, a reason that no-one knew. Was it for the best? […]

The girl slowly walked over to the still-crying Eugenia. She introduced herself. Hey there. Are you ok? Probably a stupid question, seeking you like that. Hmm. Why did the voice sound a bit familiar? She was asking if she was fine. Well, it did feel like a stupid question, but at least the girl had some empathy. Eugenia really needed it at that point. I’m Ruby. Can I help you with something, or just listen or sit with you for a while? She handed Eugenia a clean handkerchief.

She took it and dabbed her eyes, but to no avail. She would keep on crying, this time silently. Eugenia took a deep breath. Hi Ruby. I’m Eugenia. Her voice was broken. How could it not be, after all the memories she had to relive that evening once again? Thanks for the handkerchief. Few people would have noticed me here. She sat up. Her face was no longer buried in her hands, showing her tears proudly. She continued in the same broken voice.

Since you are offering to sit down and listen to me telling you things, would you like the long, or the short story behind me crying? I mean, only if you want to. She coughed. Either way, I suggest you grab this chair, the one next to me. It’s going to me a rough story. I’m sorry if this is too much…

At this point, Eugenia was so full with emotions, that she couldn’t think straight. Her better judgment had disappeared. She recognised Ruby, of course, but she wasn’t friends with her. She was simply an acquaintance of hers. Yet, thinking that it would ease her grief, she chose to say the long story.

Well, I guess I shouldn’t really do this… Anyways, here I go. Eugenia suppressed another sob and she continued crying. Silently. She tried to cough, make her voice sound less broken, but to no avail. She stared to speak once again, trying to hide her feelings. She would have to relive some of the worst days of her life, and stay strong while saying this. It indeed was a very difficult task, but she at least had to try.

Well, exactly two years ago, I remember waking up as any 10 year old child, happy and carefree. I was having breakfast with my parents and sister when a large owl swooped through the window, carrying an odd, purple letter. My parents expressions turned grim and my father opened the letter. He silently read it, my mother above him. Suddenly, I realised they were fighting back tears. Then, my father spoke to us, in a voice just as broken as mine is right now. Our paternal grandfather had been killed inside his house. Our grandmother was away, she was visiting some relatives at the other side of the country. When neighbours notified some healers who lived down the street, he was already long dead. They say he had been hit by an odd curse. He had bled out and there was no way of bringing him back. He was really dead. […]

He was about to continue talking, as the letter apparently wrote some more stuff, but I grabbed my sister and we stormed out of the room. None of us wanted to hear more. I sat on my bed and cried for hours. Neither of us could comfort each other. Well, I took the hardest blow between us two, me and my sister. She was 6, I think she didn’t comprehend his death to the fullest extent… My parents were no help either. They couldn’t help themselves, how could they help me?

I remember my grandfather’s funeral. It, well, doesn’t help having photographic memory. It was awful. I cried so much… Trust me, being front row in a funeral is truly awful. We buried him in Greece, where he lived all his life. After all these years, these two years, my pain and grief hasn’t decreased. It has not decreased. They say time heals. It does not. It just makes you feel guilty, and even worse.

Today, it has been a truly awful day for me. I’ve cried a lot, like last year. And all these memories resurfacing, they do not help either. I don’t know if you yourself can help. Just thank you for listening. I hope I haven’t disturbed your day. I’m sorry if I did.

Eugenia suppressed another sob. Even more tears began streaming down her face. She just hoped she could remain silent. And she did. The void left in her heart didn’t heal itself. And the grief disappeared momentarily, then it resurfaced. It felt like she had lived that terrible day again. How could she feel better. How could she help herself?

When Eugenia finished the story, she was overcome with emotions. How she stayed quiet, she didn’t know. Just when she finished, she looked up, seeing the blonde haired Ruby, whose cheeks were now full of tears. Eugenia definitely did not expect such an outcome. Was her story truly so heart breaking? Maybe. Well, losing a family member after them being murdered was well, not something anyone would want to experience. The girl looked flabbergasted too. Well, I definitely made her cry and possibly feel disturbed. What was I thinking when I wanted to share my feelings? Why am I so stupid when my decisions regard other people’s feelings too?

Eugenia didn’t stop crying. Ruby was speechless after hearing this story. How could she tell her not to feel sorry? She was crying herself, of course Eugenia would feel sorry for her. Ruby though placed her feelings behind Eugenia’s. She valued her action so much. Seldom ever had anyone, aside from her parents ever done that. They had both just met. That was a very empathetic reaction from Ruby. And Eugenia felt very grateful for her.

You had to be strong for so long, it was bound to come out some day. Ruby’s words came as a total shock to her. How, how could she have been strong? Eugenia always teared up when talking about her grandfather or whenever she got a random memory in which he was involved. She was very surprised by how Ruby treated this part. I was honestly never really strong. I always cried when it came to this topic. It was never one of the things our family mentions, half of us had kind of the same reaction. My sister is the only one who talks about it freely. I talked to her a bit, after that talk she wasn’t sad anymore. She was six years old, I don’t think she understood his loss, really. She is the only one who has properly gone on with her life. She hasn’t understood grief yet, that’s why. And by no means, I repeat, was I ever strong. I was just great at lying that I am fine and hiding my weakness.

Then, Ruby hugged her. A thing she never expected. And she promised that she will never say the story. Eugenia’s appreciation for Ruby skyrocketed. She could only whisper. Thank you Ruby, Thank You… And then, Eugenia was given a Chocolate frog. Not knowing how to thank Ruby, she grabbed, unwrapped it and started eating it, not before shoving the card inside, Babayaga, towards Ruby. Take it I don’t want it. You deserve it, anyways. She tried to make a faint smile. I don’t mind if you stay. I’ll like it, anyway. When we get back to the common room, I will give you one of my unopened frogs. As a small gift perhaps. Thank you for sitting here. Would you like to be friends?

Eugenia, feeling quite helpless, listened al lot to Ruby as she talked. She didn’t know how to react, really. I know that this is a gift, but if you want to be friends, then you should realise that, at least, that is what I do when given gifts. I give something back. Because I honestly appreciate any gift very much. For example, I remember very clearly what my grandfather once gave me for my birthday. It was a little enchanted doll. Whenever I hugged it, it would hug me back and laugh. Eugenia smiled at the now bittersweet memory. It felt nice thinking about that doll; she still had it, but also sadness. It honestly felt awful, thinking that the person who gave you this present is not alive anymore. Is not with you.

A fresh tear was produced and this time, Eugenia didn’t restrain it. She let it fall, showing, without her knowledge, how brave she truly was. For, showing an almost complete stranger your tears would feel odd, a detesting thought. There was no such thought in her mind. Because she placed her trust in Ruby. Something that is also very brave.

Bravery is not staying behind on life. But, was this ever an available option? Eugenia was no ordinary child. Aside from being a huge perfectionist, she was always pressuring herself to “be the example” for her sister. Because if she wasn’t, who would be? Those were the expectations people had of older siblings. And she had to live up to them. I, I never had an opportunity to stay behind on life. Older siblings are the ones who show the way. I had to make myself, and my family proud. And with no one to comfort me effectively, I just sort of “bottled up” my emotions. I shove them aside and continue my day. Because if I break down, those who are around me are disturbed. I’m not the one who disturbs people.


My options were limited from the start. So yes, I couldn’t stay behind. Why would failure ever be an option? And trust me, it will always be both a smile, and a tear. It’s very difficult for my grief to disappear. All the memories connected to it will be preserved perfectly. I’d wish I could forget certain encounters. But I can’t. We can’t always have nice things in life… She stood up for a minute. It felt still a bit odd. It felt like she hadn’t expressed herself correctly. And it seemed like her “emotion bottle” had been knocked over, broken in a million pieces, broken in a way no reparo could fix. All her bottled feelings decided to come out now. But she had to keep it in. For now. Maybe sleeping later would help a bit. Who knows.

Now, she could only think of one way to comfort herself. A song she knew. And loved. Ν’ αγαπάς τα βουνά και τα πέλαγα. Τους γνωστούς και τους άγνωρους τόπους. Τα πουλιά, λουλούδια τα σύννεφα. Και πολύ ν’ αγαπάς τους ανθρώπους. (You should love the mountains and the valleys, the places you know and those you don’t. The birds, the flowers, the clouds. But you should also love people a lot.) Singing in a warm high voice. She dried her tears. She tried to remember the happy days back in their home, in Athens. How nice they seemed to be. Them themselves were a bittersweet memory. Yes, grief was valuable. But so was happiness. How can you be the master of pain, the master of grief? Eugenia kept her thoughts quiet.

When she finished her song, Eugenia looked at the slightly blushed Ruby. Desperately waiting for her to speak, hoping she hadn’t ruined her day, or her thoughts in general.