Participants:
@Meenauh Silmataurea
@Xailah Alptraum

The 22nd of August, 2019
Afternoon

If it wasn't for you, I could sleep forever.

She didn't remember when exactly she fell asleep. Getting to the empty (was it really empty?) compartment was really easy that time as only few students were coming home during that last week of summer to hastily prepare for the next school year. So, she threw her trunk in and placed her tired body on the seat near the window. And then there were the dreams. (#1, #2, #3).

She heard once about a story of a man, who lived a happy life with his wife and children, they spent around 40 years together. And then he woke up. That was a devastating story, which could turn a person inside out. That was the kind of stories that drive people mad. Shattering stories.

The sudden loud sound of the steam engine woke her up. Was the steam engine ever making any sounds, while the Hogwarts Express was on its way? Was it really the sound that woke her up or she heard it after she woke up? She didn't know, but also she didn't have time to.

The blood froze in her veins and she completely forgot how to breathe. She must have died. She must have really died. Or wait, she could still be in a dream. She hastily did that stupid action of pinching herself to check whether she was still asleep and it hurt. Then she thought of finding something unreal around her, but everything was normal and in place.

And she kept looking at the person, sleeping right in front of her. And still not breathing.

When she started to feel dizzy, she exhaled. Or inhaled. Or both. She continued to breathe anyway. Probably too loud to not wake up the other person in the compartment.

That was her best friend. The person she spent the longest time with. Her only true soulmate, who supported her during the last 20 years or so.

20 years? But she was only 12... That couldn't be real. She never actually met the person. She didn't even know her na...

Xailah.

Xailah Alptraum. That was not a real name. No one could name their child like that.

"Yours did," the voice suddenly woke up as well and tried to inject at least some logic into the completely out-of-this-world situation. And then it was silent.

She just kept staring at the girl, watching her sleep, or getting awake, or whatever. Her mind went completely blank.

"So let me get this ssstraight, if I win, I get to ssstay here?" She was sitting in a room of nothingness. The only furniture was a table with two chairs. A pendant light, hung low from an oozing black ceiling; casting a weak light on the two figures below it. Xailah sat in one chair, and across from her sat a large grey cat in an expensive suit. He was shuffling a deck of playing cards. "Correct." His voice was a low gurgle. "And if I lose...?" Xailah questioned. "You have to wake up." The large cat dealt the cards until none were left.

"Sssounds sssimple enough." They were playing War. It was a simple game of chance. Either the cards were dealt in your favor, or they weren't. It just so happened that the cards that were dealt to Xailah were in fact good cards. In fact she won the game- by cheating. The big cat had caught onto it later in the game, but said nothing. "I won." She said, pushing her cards to the grey feline. "Indeed." He took the cards, and shuffled them again. He pulled one card from the deck and laid it face-up. It was the Ace of Spades. He took two stubby little claws, and tapped the card thrice. A vine-like crack stretched out from beneath the card, and another, and another, until the whole room shattered and fell into darkness.

All the compartments on the train were occupied. There was nothing wrong with that, this was usual. The last group of people at summer camp were going home. Many of the cramped little cubicles contained kids that were giggling with their friends. That must be nice. It must be nice to have friends. She often found herself feeling jealous, about children with best friends. She had no idea where she went wrong, she had so many opportunities to have friends- yet it was never meant to be it seemed. Once she started to get along with someone, they just disappeared.

You would think she was destined to wander alone- and that could have been the case. But really, she just never found the right person- until now. Meenauh Silmataurea was fast asleep when Xailah found her. Right now she was just another person- except she wasn't. Xailah would think nothing of the girl, and take the seat across from the sleeping child. She could relax now. She was going home, and everything would be fine. And with these thoughts in her head, she would fall into a deep sleep.

Over the course of a few minutes, Xailah would live out 20 years of her life. She died, she lived, and she grew as a person- only all of that was wrong. Because while she was also living her, life she was also living the life of another. So, they died, they lived, and they grew. And it was beautiful. Only it would not last, because they were going to have to wake up eventually. They were going to have to go way back. They were going to have to start from square one. Maybe...

Someone is watching. Xailah stirred in her seat uncomfortably. Schrödinger was curled up around Xailahs neck, as if he were some sort of fuzzy accessory. He had been swishing his tail, causing stray fur to float up in the air. The grey tail wrapped around Xailahs face once; tickling her nose. That is what awoke her. That was when she felt the eyes. How long had they been staring? Who did they belong to? Xailah opened one eye half way, to get a glimpse of who it was. It was the girl. It was Meenauh.

Xailah thought nothing of it until all the pieces started to fall in place. Oh boy. The hair on the back of her neck stood up. Her brown locks writhed in an unnatural way, as if they were being blown by a breeze that was not felt. She was for sure that her soul had just abandoned her body- she wished her soul had abandoned her body. She was starting to panic, she had no idea what to do, she had never been in this situation. Was this a test? Was this a dream. She bit down on her tongue. This was no dream. She was completely lost, so she froze in place, and squeezed her eyes shut; in an attempt to fake being asleep- and lets face it, it was a bad attempt. Maybe if she sat there with her eyes closed long enough, one of them would disappear.

How was this possible? Okay, they say that the mind usually puts those in the dream, whom you have recently seen. When she arrived there was no one there. She thanked the world for that and somehow fell asleep. Okay, so that was out of the question. She was from Hogwarts, so she must have seen her somewhere in Hogwarts then. Even a glimpse would be enough for the subconsciousness — she could even not remember her, but the mind would. She wanted to try the mind palace thingie and search for her... for Xailah, but she wasn't able even to move a muscle at that point. Was she really Xailah, her precious friend? But she didn't even know her. She actually never met her. Never. The subconscious couldn't know that because they never met. So that must have been a faked name, put there by the dreaming subconsciousness. Definitely fake as there was no such name, she was sure.

"And what if you just saw it on some student list at Hogwarts?" the voice in her head didn't want to subside. Damn it, the voice in my head, damn it.

That was creepy. Creepy as hell.

"What if she's a metamorphmagus and just morphed into that girl?" the other voice started.

"Yeah, sure, the child legilimenced into her dreaming head, retrieved the image and decided to fully morph and then fell asleep, sustaining the image?" the rational voice attacked and Meenauh actually felt more relieved.

"Well, anyway, we could start with asking for her name, right?" the non-rational voice suggested actually quite a nice and straightforward idea.

So she needed to speak. She needed to just command her face muscles to open her mouth and just ask. Yeah, as if that was easy...

And the girl finally moved in a fashion of someone who was trying to wake up. In those dreams, Meenauh was the first to leave. Xailah (maybe we shouldn't call her like that before we actually know the name) was always coming after. And now Meenauh was the first to wake up. God, why it was turning even creepier?!

Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Ask her.

"N-... Name?" she tried to ask a question, "I mean... your name?" she tried a bit better but still, "I-... I mean, could you please tell me... your name, please?"

She prepared for the worst. Or actually the best.

Her body was confused on how to react. It wasn't sure if it should protect itself or try to hide in some way. Her heartrate was beginning to speed up. The eyes weren't leaving. How could they? The crimson color of the seats headrest, began to creep across her face. The quilted pattern spidered across her skin. If the other girl would not disappear, then Xailah would try to instead.

The most confusing part of this whole thing was probably the fact that she knew this person, even though she never physically met them. She wanted to hide, but she felt safe in the presence of this person, even if her body told her otherwise. There was no use in hiding. It was silly to try and attempt to anyways.

The girl could obviously still see her, since she wanted to know her name. You know my name damn it. You know my name. I know you do. At least she thought she knew. Maybe this girl knew nothing. The crimson fled her face as it returned to its usual milky color. The pattern faded. She forced her eyes open. Her pupils grew and shrank, as the adjusted to the lighting in the compartment.

"Xailah. Xailah Alptraum. Your turn. Whats your name?" Maybe, maybe this wasn't the same girl that she had spent a lifetime with. Maybe she just happened to look exactly like the person. There was always a chance. That was always a chance. But the thought of her not being the same girl made her heart sink. deep deep down she wanted this to be Meenauh. She really did.

And if it was, maybe the both of them could find all the pieces of the puzzle, together. She wanted a friend. She needed a friend. She needed a friend that was not Schrödinger. She needed someone she could laugh with. She needed someone she could cry with. She wanted someone she could spend her life with. She needed someone like that. She needed someone like Meenauh.

And then she said it.

Meenauh followed the girl's name syllable by syllable and pronounced it along in her head. Meenauh's forehead got hot in just a second. She felt her temperature going really high and it felt she was sweating under her skin.

"This is not happening."
"This is not happening."
"This is definitely not happening".

She murmured the last one out loud.

"There's no point in refusing the accept the reality when you're already sure it is the reality," the voice tried to bring her back to reason.

"Okay, this is happening. There's no point to not accept it. It is unreasonable, but it's happening. We're wizards, that's magic, everything is possible," she thought hard, sometimes resembling the ways her father talked to her.

"Okay, Xai... Xailah," it slipped and she corrected herself. It was a disturbing and uneasy feeling — to call someone the full name, when most of your life you called that person by a short one. But... which life?

"Sorry, I don't know why I halved your name, I am sorry," she tried to giggle but sort of a fake laugh with mixed sob got out, "I... I have experienced a very magical thing and what is happening at the moment disturbs me to the bones," she ignored the question just for now, "I am practically in the dread right now. I never met you before, I believe I never even saw you either, but... but somehow I knew that you are Xailah Alptraum. I am scared to continue because I may know when is your birthday, the name of your pet," she was shivering by that moment, "I am afraid that somehow I know... everything about you."

She took a pause. She wanted to close her eyes, but they were not closing. They were forcing Meenauh to look. To search for clues, for any magic that was messing with her.

"Actually, that was just a dream. Well, several dreams. They were all about you. I can't comprehend it or explain. I read about these things called lucid dreams —  dreams, which the dreamer is aware they are dreaming. I even read about collaborate lucid dreaming, but that's all different. I lived a whole life there. I knew you, Xailah, I know you."

She cut herself. Why? Why was she talking like this to a stranger? Why was she talking to a stranger as if she was talking to her old friend? Her mind was a huge mess.

"I am sorry. This might be just a dream. And that person just looked like you. You might think I'm a lunatic or something, but I may become one if I'll fail to explain what had just happened. I am Meenauh. Like 'me' and 'now'."

She brought her hands to her face, to stifle a whimper. This was upsetting to some degree. Everything that she had worked for- everything that she had lived for- gone. All of it was gone. She was only left with lingering memories of what had happened. Had happened- but it was a dream, so was that even an appropriate term?

Was what happened, even a dream? What if that was reality, and this was a dream? Perhaps this was like the Truman Show- maybe they were actors on a set, but didn't know it. Xailahs eyes shifted. The large golden spheres floated from side to side. Were people watching? She looked out the sliding screen. There was a Trolley Lady going by. But other than that no one appeared to be particularity interested in what was going on in the neighboring compartment.

Schrödinger saw the sudden change in emotion with his human. He cooed, and bundled his body close to hers. She found some comfort in his rusty purr. When Meenauh made the slip with her name, the tears started to form in her eyes. "No- no. Don't be sssorry." She said. The words came out muffled, due to her hand being in the way.

And then she started shaking. And nodding. It was a struggle to hold back the tears. And then, she decided that there was no need to hold the tears back. She knew Meenauh. So what if she cried? Who was she to judge. There was some really weird shit going on, it was only a matter of time till one of them finally broke.

"I know...I know." She said between sobs. She wanted to go back to sleep. She yearned for the comfort of a warm smile. Her heart ached for the presence of a friend. She understood nothing. Her mind didn't want to understand anything. It didn't want an explanation. Her sobbing soon ceased. She wiped her eyes. "I know. I already knew your name."

She let out a small quiver, before pushing Schrödinger to the side. "I- I just needed verification." Her lips trembled, as she added; "I just wanted to make sssure." Her hair began to writhe, and stand on end. "I'm scared. I'm so fucking ssscared. I don't even know why. Meenauh, did I lose a friend?" The translation; Meenauh did I lose you?

All of a sudden, instead of being crazy and paranoid, the whole moment turned out to be one of the most fascinating events not only in her life, but in whole dream science. If there would would be a dream science society (there is), this could have been massive news.

She was torn between two things at that moment. Okay, maybe three.

Part of her mind wanted to rush and search for Dr. Keith Hearne's research to learn the very basic stuff about the topic.

Part of her mind wanted to cry, because there, right in front of her, completely real and alive, was her best lifelong friend, Xailah Alptraum.

Part of her mind wanted the whole creation cease to exist, because of the huge hole in her heart. A hole caused by losing something precious. And yes, because she couldn't explain it.

There was no right or wrong way to continue.

She had to be rational. Around seven thousand and three hundred thirty-seven combinations were spiralling in her brain and on her tongue — ways to proceed with the conversation. The images behind the window started to resemble something she could identify and that meant the train was to arrive soon. So inconveniently... So little time. She silently watched Schrödinger whirling around and Xailah ceasing her sobbing.

Meenauh weighted her every word with maximum precision. 20 years of her life were at stake. 20 virtual years that never existed. A hole in her heart, which was caused by mere shock from the experienced shared lucid dreaming.

She had to be rational.




"Okay," she started so slow that she could feel her every sound weighing a ton, "Okay, apparently, I am not as crazy as I thought. From what you say I can slightly," she had to stop and breathe — keeping such a slow pace was a torture, because the train of thoughts was moving with the speed of light, "slightly guess that you had dreams in which you spent quite a lot of time and, possibly, met me there."

She was literally improvising. She probably already knew what happened between them, but she couldn't form a strong image of how that had happened and why and therefore — nothing made sense otherwise.

The truest emotions of Xailah were throwing her flying off the roof of her rationality. Every remaining sob was like a piercing pike slowly coming through her chest. Did she lose a friend? Why even asking if she was sitting in front of one?

"I am your friend. Despite my rational voice that keeps telling me we never met before, I am one hundred per cent sure we are friends, Xailah. In order to understand the scale of our... catastrophe, I am going to say a few words and if the order and choice of the words will make any sense to you, just nod."

Before continuing she also understood a different thing. A good thing. It was like hot chocolate in a very cold day — something cosy. A thought that made her smile: they had all the time in their lives. They could live the happy moments once again and be friends in reality.

"And I've just realised something. We have all the time. We can live happily once again and be friends in reality. There's no rational point, though I understand it has nothing to do with rationality, to mourn what happened inside our minds, when we can get to know each other for real," she said to Xailah with her voice already getting more stable and steady, and she smiled.

"Playground. Darkness. Space. Moon. Lake. Coffee."

"Quite a lot of time?- Meenauh, we lived a whole nother life together." She leaned towards the other girl a bit, before pulling a small silk handkerchief from one of her breast-pockets. It was uncharacteristic for the young Gryffindor to cry- well, in front of peers, at least. She removed her glasses, dabbing at the bit of moisture that remained on her pale cheeks. She rested her temple on the hand holding the handkerchief. The piece of square cloth, shadowed her yellow eyes.

She looked out the window, as she listened to Meenauh speak; observing the familiar blurs, of what could have been livestock. Their journey would be coming to an end soon. Or maybe, just maybe, their journey was just beginning. Was this the end of something? Or was this the start of something new, something wonderful? Perhaps it was both. Perhaps they had to wake up so they could actually embark on a lifelong journey in reality. Maybe, this was really how it was mean to be.

She was beginning to calm down now. Using a faint flick of the wrist, she fanned herself with the silk cloth. What Meenauh said made sense- and, was quite brilliant to some degree. Just think about it. There really wasn't a rational reason as to why what happened happened- it just did. Therefore there was no rational reason as to why they could or could not be friends.

"You're right. And, I think I would like that- getting to know you for real, I mean." Her eyes would flicker away from the little blurbs she had been watching out the window; the yellow embers would meet eyes of a cold blue, but only for a moment. Her slotted pupils would tremble for a mere second, before returning to a stagnant state. She would then give the other girl a distant nod. She understood. She now understood completely- or at least, she was beginning to.

Playground. Darkness. Space. Moon. Lake. Coffee. The words were indeed familiar. She knew where the puzzle pieces fit. But there was one missing. It was a seemingly insignificant piece, but it was just as important as the others. Shattering. Breaking. Their journey had always ended in something shattering to pieces, like thin glass. Glass. Frail, brittle, glass. "And Glass."

She then looked down at her hands. She silently twiddled her thumbs. "We're coming to our ssstop soon, aren't we?" The realization was rather disheartening. They couldn't yet stay together. After all they have been through, they would have to be separated once again. Or so it seemed. The hazy golden glow of her eyes would reveal an inkling of an idea. "I- Would you mind if I wrote to you over the sssummer...?"

She closed her eyes once Xailah told her about her life as her heart ached. Her super cosy eyes were critically close to Meenauh's and when she opened them she could swear Xailah was her beloved friend. It was real. It all was real.

She continued and waited for Xailah to say the highly anticipated word — Glass. It was all true. There was no way back. There was no explanation. That was just pure magic. Pure destiny. That was pure.

Xailah suggested writing to each other over summer and Meenauh started to feel the stream of rationalism flowing into her, finally. They were coming home for the shortest possible period. They had to buy more things for the next school year, spend time with their families and they'll see each other in a week.

Meenauh kindly smiled:

"Xailah. It's the end of August. We'll see each other in a week," she giggled, "These dreams must have really messed with our consciousness. You're from London, right?"

It was kind of scary. She felt like a seer. A person who knew things would happen before they actually happen. But she couldn't be certain. The dreams were scattered across their whole lifetime, but they were also just scenes. Scenes, torn from certain periods of their lives. It was not enough to consider each other friends. They had to get to know each other better. They had to live their actual life together.

The train has stopped and noisy students rushed off to meet their parents, grandparents and other members of their families. Meenauh saw her parents near a distant column of the station. A sudden burst of love pierced her heart. She hasn't seen them for so long. Longer than she expected.

"I see my parents," she stood up and picked her trunk, but then turned to her new friend, "Xailah. I think we have some time to think about what happened on this train. And then we can go full tabula rasa together," she awkwardly smiled and stretched a hand, but once Xailah stood up to take it, Meenauh instantly dragged her close and hugged her, putting her face deep into Xailah's shoulder.

Several moments later she let it go.

"That was... new for me. I never hugged anyone except my parents," she looked at her parents standing on the platform, "See you later, Xailah. Stay safe."

Meenauh opened the doors and pushed her trunk outside, and started to drag it along the corridor. But then she remembered the dreams. She always was the first to leave. She always left Xailah alone. Her heart stopped. She dropped her trunk and rushed to their compartment. Xailah was sitting there alone, staring into the window. Not moving, not preparing to leave.

"Actually, you know. Why not getting off this train together?" she said quite loudly, a bit out of breath from the sudden realisation, "I think I should stop leaving you alone," and she smiled.

And they stepped on to the platform together. Two pairs of legs jumping off the train. That day they were both Neil Armstrongs stepping on to the surface of the Moon. First steps on the surface of their newly born friendship.