13 Dec 2018, 05:42
Ghosting
It was late. It was late and snowing. It was late and snowing, and she didn't feel a thing. Despite her subtle liveliness that usually never faltered, it had gone on vacation somewhere until further notice. She was left alone, a shell that was open to anything and everything. She was vulnerable, even to herself.
Thoughts raced through her head in uncontrolled chaos, leaving her in a jumbled up mess. Nobody would be able to tell due to her expressionless face. If you waved a hand directly in front of her while she was in such state, she most likely would not have noticed. She stared into the distance, seeing her mother and father's faces in the large patch of trees below.
Phoebe was afraid of what she was experiencing. A disconnection from her mental universe and the physical realm she resided in left her confused. All she could do was allow the snow to fall on her head and allow her mind to roam freely.
She knew she was not herself. She was somebody else in the same body, and to be completely sure of this, she held out her hand in front of her. She saw the same freckled hand, the same callused fingers, the same exact freckles in the same exact areas, yet she felt so unfamiliar with herself. She blinked, wondering if it had something to do with her vision. Nothing happened.
Phoebe felt as though a hole had been drilled into her chest at some point. She knew she was scared, but any emotion she experienced was being filtered by an irrepressible sensation of emptiness, so she could not properly feel it. It was more like she couldn't feel in general. It was almost as though she were in a trance of some sort.
She thought she was dead for a good moment. She looked down at her feet, lightly tapping her toes against the stone ground. She turned, making her way to her dorm to get a good night's rest. Hopefully a nice slumber would somehow fix her.
Thoughts raced through her head in uncontrolled chaos, leaving her in a jumbled up mess. Nobody would be able to tell due to her expressionless face. If you waved a hand directly in front of her while she was in such state, she most likely would not have noticed. She stared into the distance, seeing her mother and father's faces in the large patch of trees below.
Phoebe was afraid of what she was experiencing. A disconnection from her mental universe and the physical realm she resided in left her confused. All she could do was allow the snow to fall on her head and allow her mind to roam freely.
She knew she was not herself. She was somebody else in the same body, and to be completely sure of this, she held out her hand in front of her. She saw the same freckled hand, the same callused fingers, the same exact freckles in the same exact areas, yet she felt so unfamiliar with herself. She blinked, wondering if it had something to do with her vision. Nothing happened.
Phoebe felt as though a hole had been drilled into her chest at some point. She knew she was scared, but any emotion she experienced was being filtered by an irrepressible sensation of emptiness, so she could not properly feel it. It was more like she couldn't feel in general. It was almost as though she were in a trance of some sort.
She thought she was dead for a good moment. She looked down at her feet, lightly tapping her toes against the stone ground. She turned, making her way to her dorm to get a good night's rest. Hopefully a nice slumber would somehow fix her.
The trees cry in autumn because their hearts are growing cold.
Phoebe McCrary
14 Dec 2018, 04:04
Ghosting
Amber was not an outdoors person, she would much rather stay inside and sit by the fireplace reading a good book. So why was she out here in the cold in the dead of winter? Why was she walking toward the forest for seemingly no reason? Because she had a feeling, an instinct that for whatever reason she was needed out there. It was a feeling that had forced her out of the common room and brought her out of the castle.
Amber knew it was dumb and unusual for her to let her emotions control her actions so strongly but she had a reason for it. She had never felt this strong of a feeling since the day that she had discovered her powers or magic, whatever you wanted to call them, it was a feeling of dread, but a pure need of her. It was a strong feeling that had filled every bone in her body.
Amber walked along the cold ground as the winter air bit at her nose and she regretted her desition of not bringing a jacket. She would have brought one but in her quick rush to get to where the feeling brought her she had forgotten. Amber tried to close the robes she had around her tighter to preserve the heat somewhat a prevent freezing.
Suddenly the feeling she had faded a little, or a least changed, and Amber worried that she was too late to help whoever may have needed to help. She noticed it wasn't gone so to say though, but instead it was changed in its emotion. Amber continued along the path when she saw a girl walking from where she couldn't she with an almost frightened look on her face.
Amber wondered if this was the source of the feeling she had gotten and she decided to talk to the girl just to make sure that she was alright. "Hey! You look kind of spooked or something. Are you alright?"
Amber knew it was dumb and unusual for her to let her emotions control her actions so strongly but she had a reason for it. She had never felt this strong of a feeling since the day that she had discovered her powers or magic, whatever you wanted to call them, it was a feeling of dread, but a pure need of her. It was a strong feeling that had filled every bone in her body.
Amber walked along the cold ground as the winter air bit at her nose and she regretted her desition of not bringing a jacket. She would have brought one but in her quick rush to get to where the feeling brought her she had forgotten. Amber tried to close the robes she had around her tighter to preserve the heat somewhat a prevent freezing.
Suddenly the feeling she had faded a little, or a least changed, and Amber worried that she was too late to help whoever may have needed to help. She noticed it wasn't gone so to say though, but instead it was changed in its emotion. Amber continued along the path when she saw a girl walking from where she couldn't she with an almost frightened look on her face.
Amber wondered if this was the source of the feeling she had gotten and she decided to talk to the girl just to make sure that she was alright. "Hey! You look kind of spooked or something. Are you alright?"
When life throws you a curveball, train and hit a homerun
14 Dec 2018, 05:33
Ghosting
Phoebe turned to find the source of the voice. No, she was not fine, but she was not willing to talk about the strange feeling she was experiencing. Her piercing eyes looked directly at the girl, almost as if she was looking through her. Her dim eyes stared blandly, not quite registering that there was a person physically in front of her.
Phoebe turned back around, ignoring the girl who caught her attention, figuring it was just a figment of her imagination. Although thinking that seemed kind of dumb, Phoebe wasn't in the correct state of mind tobe thinking normally.
She would have walked away if she hadn't doubted herelf. She turned back around, seeing if the girl's form was still there. It was. She took a couple steps toward the girl, lifting her head to get a clearer view of her.
"I'm fine," she said, noticeably sounding a little standoffish. "It's quite cold outside. You should go warm yourself up." With that, she sharply turned back around, quickly walking away, leaving the girl alone.
Phoebe was barely aware of what she was saying. She felt as though she was someone else, watching herself from a distance. In a way, it felt like an out-of-body experience but in close proximity. It was rather difficult to explain. All she knew was she was not herself.
Phoebe turned back around, ignoring the girl who caught her attention, figuring it was just a figment of her imagination. Although thinking that seemed kind of dumb, Phoebe wasn't in the correct state of mind tobe thinking normally.
She would have walked away if she hadn't doubted herelf. She turned back around, seeing if the girl's form was still there. It was. She took a couple steps toward the girl, lifting her head to get a clearer view of her.
"I'm fine," she said, noticeably sounding a little standoffish. "It's quite cold outside. You should go warm yourself up." With that, she sharply turned back around, quickly walking away, leaving the girl alone.
Phoebe was barely aware of what she was saying. She felt as though she was someone else, watching herself from a distance. In a way, it felt like an out-of-body experience but in close proximity. It was rather difficult to explain. All she knew was she was not herself.
Reducio
What Phoebe is experiencing is called dissociation. Dissociation can be a side effect of trauma, PTSD (a more severe form of trauma), MPD/DID, anxiety, or depression. If dissociation is experienced often, then it becomes a dissociative disorder. It causes a person to disconnect from their thoughts, feelings, memories or sense of identity.
The trees cry in autumn because their hearts are growing cold.
Phoebe McCrary
16 Dec 2018, 22:28
Ghosting
The girl had said that she was fine but the way that she acted seemed to state otherwise. The way she had ignored Amber increased her worry tenfold. After the girl had almost brushed off her statement and then walked away Amber ran after her. "Well, even if you are fine, you don't look like you are. Besides, I need to get back to the castle too anyways so I'll walk with you and if you need anything or end up not being fine then I can be here to help or something." Amber was nothing if not stubborn but she usually was for good reason.
"My names Amber what's yours?" A simple question but one with meaning in the grand scheme of a conversation. Honestly, it was more over the fact that if the girl drifted off again Amber could help ground her. She wasn't sure what had caused her far-off look but she did know that if she got it again she would need someone's help in grounding. "Also if you don't mind me asking what's your favorite color? Mines green." Another seemingly random with a reason, seeing as the one grounding method Amber knew was to have someone find a color.
"My names Amber what's yours?" A simple question but one with meaning in the grand scheme of a conversation. Honestly, it was more over the fact that if the girl drifted off again Amber could help ground her. She wasn't sure what had caused her far-off look but she did know that if she got it again she would need someone's help in grounding. "Also if you don't mind me asking what's your favorite color? Mines green." Another seemingly random with a reason, seeing as the one grounding method Amber knew was to have someone find a color.
Reducio
I know what dissociation means, talking with my therapist we think I have at least a mild version of it as a coping method. I didn't know it was linked to trauma but that makes a lot of sense.
When life throws you a curveball, train and hit a homerun
17 Dec 2018, 17:27
Ghosting
"My name..." Phoebe trailed off for a split second. Her mind wasn't processing much at the moment. "My name is Phoebe. Phoebe McCrary." She was confused. She didn't know her, yet the girl approached her so boldly. She just didn't understand it, and frankly, she felt too lost to question it any further than a single second of confusion.
Phoebe looked at the girl, wondering why she had asked her for her favorite color. There was certainly no reason to. "My favorite color?" Phoebe asked, moreso to herself. She bit her lip, trying to remember any colors that stood out to her. She liked various shades of purple, and she remembered her garden in her backyard at home. She remembered how her favorite flowers bloomed in spring. The corner of her lip twitched. She loved her garden.
"Green," Phoebe said, curling her toes. "It reminds me of my garden." Phoebe wasn't sure if that was the only reason she liked the color green, but that was all that had come up in her mind. She smiled. It was a small smile, barely noticeable unless you really looked at her, but it was there nonetheless.
"Green reminds me of my mother's eyes," she said, not thinking at all. Actually, it was more like she spoke what she thought as she thought it. Phoebe was scared. It was like the filter between her mind and mouth had lost all function, and that worried her. She pressed her lips together, trying to prevent herself from saying anything she didn't want to.
Phoebe looked at the girl, wondering why she had asked her for her favorite color. There was certainly no reason to. "My favorite color?" Phoebe asked, moreso to herself. She bit her lip, trying to remember any colors that stood out to her. She liked various shades of purple, and she remembered her garden in her backyard at home. She remembered how her favorite flowers bloomed in spring. The corner of her lip twitched. She loved her garden.
"Green," Phoebe said, curling her toes. "It reminds me of my garden." Phoebe wasn't sure if that was the only reason she liked the color green, but that was all that had come up in her mind. She smiled. It was a small smile, barely noticeable unless you really looked at her, but it was there nonetheless.
"Green reminds me of my mother's eyes," she said, not thinking at all. Actually, it was more like she spoke what she thought as she thought it. Phoebe was scared. It was like the filter between her mind and mouth had lost all function, and that worried her. She pressed her lips together, trying to prevent herself from saying anything she didn't want to.
The trees cry in autumn because their hearts are growing cold.
Phoebe McCrary