8 Dec 2018, 22:39
Seeking Calm
Sitting by the lake, Rowan could see the just-falling snow hit the water-covered ice, sending ripples up to meet him on the shore.
Calm was a challenge for him.
See his mind took in more than it could handle most often, leaving him overwhelmed as he tried to process it all. Which lead to panic attacks. Which lead to a bad time for everyone around him.
In his own words, his brain was broken.
But he would have to find some sort of way to keep from getting lost in the large crowds that were found quite literally everywhere in Hogwarts, if he wanted to keep his sanity.
Animals often worked for him, as he could focus on things like their heartbeat or subtle shift in mood. But he had no personal animal to speak of yet. So how was he supposed to drown out the voices and whatnot?
He needed an anchor of sorts, was his first thought... But that often lead to him missing the current conversation, which wasn't preferable.
An anchor would have to be his plan B, not his first approach.
So what else calmed him?
Silence was one. The obvious.
Reading. Not an option.
His mind ran through the limited options, though none of them ever really worked, so eventually his thought process drifted.
His father had taken him to a therapist once, after his mother's death, once he was well himself. That was after he had been mute for weeks.
Rowan hadn't said a single word to her the 16 visits he had gone.
Now he was wishing he had someone like that again to talk with, to help him figure this out.
He was a boy of ice and snow, and his mind was about to shatter.
Rowan chuckled a bit at this imagery. Turning his hands over in front of his face, he could almost imagine his core freezing, an elegant ice sculpture sitting in the snow, thin hands open as if reaching for something. Maybe his sculpture would provide some nice shelter for some animal, before he was turned into slush by a heavy rain, insignificant then.
He blinked a few times.
What was it about rain that had stood out to him..? He would melt before it rained next, if he really had been an ice sculpture.
It was probably nothing. He told himself, but for some reason rain stuck with him.
Alright so what did rain do? Drowned out.. noise...
But how the hell could this help him? How could he apply it? If it couldn't be applied in some method, it was useless to him. He couldn't just make it rain all the time.
Or...
Maybe he could. Not literally, of course. But just like before, when the thought of a boy of ice and snow had jumped out to him, maybe imagery was the key. The problem was in his mind so why couldn't he solve it in his mind?
He recalled the moment in the great hall from earlier, and instead of getting caught in the wave of noise and conversation, he imagined plucking each string of words out of the air and placing it in a raindrop, having it drop to the ground, in an insignificant little puddle, left behind.
Min-Seo was talking to him, so he left her voice in the air, drifting to him through the raindrops.
Maybe he could really find a way to fix this on his own...
Homework indeed, Professor Griffith.
Calm was a challenge for him.
See his mind took in more than it could handle most often, leaving him overwhelmed as he tried to process it all. Which lead to panic attacks. Which lead to a bad time for everyone around him.
In his own words, his brain was broken.
But he would have to find some sort of way to keep from getting lost in the large crowds that were found quite literally everywhere in Hogwarts, if he wanted to keep his sanity.
Animals often worked for him, as he could focus on things like their heartbeat or subtle shift in mood. But he had no personal animal to speak of yet. So how was he supposed to drown out the voices and whatnot?
He needed an anchor of sorts, was his first thought... But that often lead to him missing the current conversation, which wasn't preferable.
An anchor would have to be his plan B, not his first approach.
So what else calmed him?
Silence was one. The obvious.
Reading. Not an option.
His mind ran through the limited options, though none of them ever really worked, so eventually his thought process drifted.
His father had taken him to a therapist once, after his mother's death, once he was well himself. That was after he had been mute for weeks.
Rowan hadn't said a single word to her the 16 visits he had gone.
Now he was wishing he had someone like that again to talk with, to help him figure this out.
He was a boy of ice and snow, and his mind was about to shatter.
Rowan chuckled a bit at this imagery. Turning his hands over in front of his face, he could almost imagine his core freezing, an elegant ice sculpture sitting in the snow, thin hands open as if reaching for something. Maybe his sculpture would provide some nice shelter for some animal, before he was turned into slush by a heavy rain, insignificant then.
He blinked a few times.
What was it about rain that had stood out to him..? He would melt before it rained next, if he really had been an ice sculpture.
It was probably nothing. He told himself, but for some reason rain stuck with him.
Alright so what did rain do? Drowned out.. noise...
But how the hell could this help him? How could he apply it? If it couldn't be applied in some method, it was useless to him. He couldn't just make it rain all the time.
Or...
Maybe he could. Not literally, of course. But just like before, when the thought of a boy of ice and snow had jumped out to him, maybe imagery was the key. The problem was in his mind so why couldn't he solve it in his mind?
He recalled the moment in the great hall from earlier, and instead of getting caught in the wave of noise and conversation, he imagined plucking each string of words out of the air and placing it in a raindrop, having it drop to the ground, in an insignificant little puddle, left behind.
Min-Seo was talking to him, so he left her voice in the air, drifting to him through the raindrops.
Maybe he could really find a way to fix this on his own...
Homework indeed, Professor Griffith.
Often lying, but not to you.