STUPID SORTING HAT SOLO

13 September 2021

"STUPID SORTING HAT!" Colin exclaimed. He kicked at his satchel with his left foot, sending it skittering along ancient stone step of the fountain. He paid no mind to the babbling of the cool waters. He sprawled dramatically on the steps, his arms spread wide and bare legs at odd angles. He rolled his head back and forth. "Whyyyyyyayyyyayyyyy???" Colin let out a long, exasperated sigh.

Liam sat quietly next to Colin's sprawled form, industriously rummaged through his own satchel until he found what he was looking for. Leaning back against the cool stonework, he opened up the book he had been reading. Fantastic Schools. A Muggle book about the wizarding world, is how Liam had explained it to Colin.

"I ask you. Seriously Liam. How did I possibly end up in Slackerin, the single worst house in all Hogwarts and not in Ravenclaw with ye where I belong!?!?!" Colin turned his head. Liam didn't appear to be paying him any mind whatsoever. Colin knew better though. No one knew him better than his own twin! Just as Colin had his moments of outer stillness, so Liam had his moments of energetic physicality. They were like binary planets, sweeping along their orbit in a seasonal dance. Right now was Colin's time to project and whinge and complain; and Liam's time to digest and be wise.

"It can't be all that bad, Cail! I mean. Tis no doubt that our high tower affords a far superior view and we've got actual books in our library that are scribbled with curses and dark magic." Liam smirked. Colin narrowed his eyes. He thought about all the kids he'd met in class so far. He thought about how so many of the Slytherins seemed to have been breathing too many potion fumes.

"What's that supposed to mean, Liam? It's every bit as bad as all that! It's dark. It's damp. It's fully of creepy older students. I sear, Liam, the whole house is full of zombies and hags. You mark my word, they're trouble! There's this one older boy, Athanatos. You'd think he owned the place!"

"Really?" Liam asked. "I rather thought that would be yer job lad!"

Liam wiggled closer to Liam. "Pfft. Stuck up wank. And the students our age are not much better. Avery's cool. Chen. I like him. Plays the fiddle! Maggie and June --- yeugh! Dour auld women, those two, let me tell you! And Vale --- I think she's after being the next Queen of Dark Magic! Gives me the shivers. The cool kids are in Ravenclaw. I met a really smart girl from yer house. Jarael. Oh! And then there's this other really smart girl in Hufflepuff. What's her name? Oh! Fire Angel! I wonder if she'd like to be friends? She doesn't seem like a slippery old snake or stupid Braggingdor. Slytherin slackerin, they all need a nackerin!"

Liam giggled. "Snakey boy Slytherin! Wished he could fly with eagles! Slackerin skunkerkin, left on the ground with the beagles!"

"Hey!" Colin cried. "That's not very sporting!"

Liam snorted. "Not my fault ye ended up in Slackerin, lad! But remember what Rigel said, and Ma and Da too."

"Sorting Hat is always right, never wrong---" Colin began

"--- always sorts where we belong!" Liam joined in. "See lad? I don't like it any more than ye do Cail. I dinna ken whit, but there has to be a reason ye ended up in Slytherin. I reckon just give it some time. We'll sort it all out together."

Colin smiled.