july 6th, 2025		sunday, morning
wc: ~2000		dhampir | terrible presence
interacting with: npcs		mentioning: @Emily Shephard & casey primarily

identity, that's the identity of one's tastes
identity, growl, cause it's your fault and yours alone

It didn't take more than one extended stay with Scout to know that... well, she wasn't the type of girl to sit still. She'd bounce on the balls of her feet when idling (if that were to happen), had far, far more energy than any of her classmates or peers, and had a strong tendency to 'squirrel' more often than not.

It didn't take a genius to know that she had ADHD.

It was one of those things she filed away in the back of her mind, growing up her parents never used that word or even mentioned it. Whenever a muggle teacher would talk to Nina or Baishu during parent-teacher conferences, they threw it around willy-nilly. Most conversations that had started with Scout's poor grades, or her finnicky behavior in class would end with the most simple sentence: 'I think Scout would benefit from some therapy regarding her inattentiveness.'

Her father never grew up in the kind of environment where therapy and medication was sought out, and her mother never had any of those problems in her youth. So... it was just... never addressed. Nina had just assumed that how Scout did in the muggle schools would be vastly different from Hogwarts- that this supposed ADHD wasn't as big of a problem as the teachers made it out to be. Sure, Scout was always mildly zoned out, seemed to forget things easily, was the textbook definition of attention-deficit, but all kids were hyper and forgetful.

Scout sits in the lobby of St. Mungos, feeling awfully out of place. She watches as people walk in and out, wizards and witches with far more problems than she could have at her ripe old age of thirteen. One time, a wizard who was literally missing an arm, walked in and sat across from her. She felt really weird. Her mum sits next to her, reading her book and paying minimal attention to Scout as she squirms in her chair.

"Fu-Hai?"

Scout is the first to jump up of the two, following the healer through twisty halls and infinite sets of door, only to end up in a completely empty office. Well, there's chairs and moving pictures, as well as a few kids toys on the ground, stuff you'd expect to see in a pediatric doctor's office. Scout sits, kicking her legs and letting them just barely graze the desk in front of her- not enough to leave a mark or make her mom smack her leg, but enough for her to hear a satisfying 'click' every time her scuffed up tennis shoes hit the wood.

Her mum places a hand on her shoulder, gentle but firm. "I'm just going to tell Dr. Cassie everything your dad wrote down here, so jump in whenever you want. If you want me out of the room, too, that's fine." Scout nods, and two clicks later, she responds. "Yeah, okay, I will."

The door opens, and there's a shuffling of paper, and Scout turns around. The woman- her doctor- is short and blonde, looking through some paperwork on a clipboard. When she sees Scout staring, she smiles, offering a small wave.

"Hi there, Scout, right? I'm Dr. Cassidy, I've heard so much about you. It's so good to see you too, Nina."

"Yes," Nina pulls out paperwork of her own, and Scout knows she's in for the long run, "it's so good to see you, Cassie. I'm sorry Baishu couldn't make it, you know he's the one that did all of her paperwork and schooling. But he wrote all of this down, it's notes and suggestions- some from Scout's muggle teachers, when she was in muggle school-"

"Oh my, she went to muggle school?"

"Yes, Baishu thought it'd help her adjust. But we ran into some problems with her peers and had to remove her early. But all of her teachers thought we needed to consult a doctor regarding Scout's attention and behavioral problems. She's always struggled with staying focused, but I thought it was just something she'd grow out of."

"Right, of course! I completely understand, most children do grow out of this! If that's all, I'd like to ask you to sit outside. I'd like to talk to you, Scout."

Scout groans internally when her mama leaves, crossing her arms. The last thing she wanted to do was be here at all, and the last last thing was talking to some random lady that she didn't know. So what if she was kind of spacey and didn't bother paying attention in school? Her grades were fine, she rarely ever got below an Acceptable! Maybe she wasn't as studious as Emily or Zyair were, but did that really even matter? She was fine.

The woman looks through the papers her mum gave her, but it only gives Scout twenty-or-so seconds before the attention is back on her. She smiles kindly, but Scout still feels iffy. Just think, once she's done with this mess, she'll get to hangout with her friends across the world, if she could handle the chaos of being around Casey and Cursa, this should've been cake!

"So, how was school? Muggle school, I mean, though I bet you're loving Hogwarts just as much as I did, right?"

Scout shrugs. "Um... it was fine, I guess? Everyone was kind of- am I allowed to say curse words?- bitchy to me. I like Hogwarts a lot better."

"Sure, say whatever you need to. Why don't you tell me more about those people? Did you have any friends? What did they not like about you?"

"Um... I dunno, they didn't really like anything about me. They'd kinda like make fun of me for eating dumplings or whatever food my dad made, they thought I was too pale, and that my hair was too short. Um... like, sometimes I'd like need extra time on tests or whatever and they'd make fun of me for that, too. It's kinda weird 'cause once I got to Hogwarts, all that stopped and now everyone is really nice to me."

As Scout continues to ramble about her old school and Hogwarts, Dr. Cassidy nods and listens, occasionally writing things down in a little red notebook. Scout ignores the weird pit in her stomach whenever she sees it. "You said you needed extra time during tests, right? Why's that?"

"Oh, 'cause like... I dunno, I just can't get my brain to focus whenever it needs to, right? But I think I make up for it by..." She thinks of the multiple adventures her and Emily have gone on, whenever Scout entered protective mode, there was nothing that would stand in her way. But besides those circumstances, she rarely ever paid attention or made decisions that might've been considered smart. But she couldn't mention half of those excursions to the doctor, for fear of outing herself as a dhampir. "Helping my friends when they need it, I guess? But not all the time, 'cause..."

Her mind immediately flashes to Casey, and then to Sage, and then to Sabrina, and all of the decisions she made that indirectly (or directly) hurt them. She can feel the angry fire burning in her chest, and the way her hands felt after she cursed Casey, or the way her tongue felt foreign in her mouth as she yelled at Sage. Scout didn't think she was actually a bad person, but the evidence was overwhelming and never in her favor. The doctor gently coaxes her into continuing, "Because...?"

"Sometimes I do really bad and mean things and hurt people 'cause I'm angry. I feel like I can't control myself once I get really worked up. A friend of mine said something mean to my best friend and I jinxed him, and I felt so horrible about it. I don't even really remember what he said or what went down, just that I was so, so angry about it. And that's not even the only time I've done something like that. Dunno, I guess that technically has nothing to do with the whole focusing thing, but it's fine I guess, it kinda sucks."

"Must be pretty bad for you to think that way. Is there anything you to do make yourself calm down?"

"Nothing works. It's like... I dunno, like I get so angry that by the time I can even think about calming down, it's over and I've already done so much damage. Is that weird?"

Dr. Cassidy laughs, it's warm and rich and reminds Scout of her papa. "I don't think it's weird, but I think it sounds like something you're really struggling with. Would you say you're struggling more with the anger than with the inattentiveness? It sounds like one is affecting your life and relationships way more than the other is."

"Um, yeah, I guess. I mean, I'm not angry all the time but I am kinda... not focused all the time. I dunno."

"Well, Scout, I think we can figure something out to help. Why don't you go sit outside while I talk to your mum?"

Scout shifts in her seat, a sudden burning feeling in her cheeks. Those words sounded a lot like a grounding when she got back home! "Um... yeah, okay. I'm not in trouble, am I?"

"No, no! Nothing like that. I was thinking we should talk some more, actually. But I want to get your mum's opinion first. How does that sound?"

-

Nina pats Scout's head when she comes outside, dropping her hand to pat her daughter's cheek when Scout leans in for a hug. She hands Scout her purse and cardigan, making sure that she's comfortable sitting outside before stepping back into the office. Despite the chaos of St. Mungo's, Nina's actually far more comfortable in a chaotic environment than a stereotypical doctor's office.

Cassie's office is quieter than she remembered, having visited a few times over the course of the years. While Nina's focus as a Potioneer wasn't really on medicinal potions, she'd find herself helping with research for them. Cassie was more of an extended coworker, if anything. But she had resources neither Nina or Baishu could get on their own, and could, at the very least, give them an idea on how to help Scout.

Though Scout tried her hardest to hide her struggles from her parents, it's hard to hide them from a father as attentive as Baishu was, and while Scout was their pride and joy, Nina was Baishu's best friend first and foremost. So, anything Baishu heard, Nina wouldn't be far to find out. Of course, being at Hogwarts, it was much easier for Scout to get away with things, but she still had mood swings whenever she got home, though it was infinitely harder to get the truth out of her.

"I think Scout would do good with some counseling," Cassie starts, speaking slow, "more reoccurring than just a one-off appointment. She brought up some things that were a little bit concerning, I know you mentioned the anger as being a problem she had in primary school, but she talked about how she was still struggling with it. I asked her if she thought the inattentiveness or the anger was more debilitating, and she said the anger was something she struggled with a lot more."

"I see... and she was struggling this whole time? I knew she had a little bit of a temper but I can't believe I didn't pick up on this..."

"I don't think anyone's at fault, kids struggle so much with regulation, especially at this age. But I think that, with time, I can help her find some coping mechanisms, and that'll help with keeping her from lashing out. Usually kids with temperament problems just need some extra help, and I've worked with lots of young witches in her shoes." Cassie waves her hand, and a calendar flies off the wall onto the desk. "Do any of these dates work for you and Scout?"

Nina settles on a few days after Scout comes back from her trip with her friends.