There Were Two hognano

prologue

A nervous man paced fervently outside the white room. He peered through the window to even catch one glimpse of his lovely wife's face. Once he did, he heard the piercing cry of a newborn.

His.

The nurse stumbled out the door, and the man beamed at the little lady in the stark-white uniform. She glanced at him with tired yet accomplished green eyes, and announced, "Mister Auclair, you have a healthy baby girl."

Felix Auclair looked extremely happy, and he bounced on the balls of his feet. He was about to ask, when the nurse ushered him inside.

He gasped at his gorgeous new baby, and then gave his older daughter sitting on the hospital bed a huge smile.

"Morning, babe," Felix's wife gave him a weary smile.

"Morning, Jo!" Winking at his daughter, he went, "Do like your baby sister, Cassie?"

"Yes! She's so cute!" The ten-year-old girl gushed over her new sister.

"Have you picked a name?" Cassidy's mother asked.

"Josephine."

His wife laughed. "You can't choose my name!"

Felix frowned. "What about Josephine for a middle name?"

"Yes! What about Harriet?"

"I love that, Cassidy. Great choice!"

Josephine nodded, and Felix continued, "I'm going you visit the restroom, okay? Stay put. Cass, you need to go?"

"She can't go anywhere!" Cassidy protested yet Felix only smiled and exited the room, as she scrambled along after him.

A few hours later, Felix and Cassidy received terrible news, and they raced into the room, after being given a chance to say goodbye.

"Mummy, please don't go! Harriet needs you!" Cassidy reached the bed first, and seized her trembling mother's hand.

"Cassie, my beautiful, beautiful daughter. Keep a doting eye on your new sister." Josephine had a struggle getting her words out as she turned to her husband. "I love you, Felix.... There were two...."

Her eyes fluttered, and she fell out of consciousness. The doctor and the few nurses in the room scrambled over to Josephine's bed, trying to save her life. A panicking nurse handed Felix and Cassidy their newborn and told them to wait outside.

Feliz held Harriet tight and grabbed hold of Cassidy's wrist. His wife's last words echoing unpleasantly in his ears, pounding in his skull.

There were two....

chapter one

xxxxI woke up, sweat and tears glistening on my pale cheeks. My eyes flicked to my clock, and it read 8:22. I grabbed my brush, and ran it through my long blonde hair. Then hopping out of bed, I slipped on house shoes, and snuggling up in the warm wool, I exited the small room.

Rapping my knuckle on Aunt Fiona's door, I sighed. No answer. I turned my way downstairs, and saw my new step-mum and aunt baking scotch pancakes together, merrily.

That proved it. She was gone.

I sat in a stool, by the day counter, and I felt a huge twinge of loneliness. Cassie always said it was because I never got to see her. Dad always told me it was because we lived in a busy household, and when I was younger, he always said he would come and play with me and my dollies. He never did. He was always too busy with work or grieving.

Then came Cassie striding in with the excitement and joy of a three-year-old despite her age. I sometimes think that's the only reason her boyfriend even likes her.

"Hattie! How was your sleep?"

"Horrible."

Cassie's lips turned down in a small frown. "Why's that?"

"Auntie Fee's moving today! Didn't... she told you, right, Cass?" I trembled. I did thought Aunt Fiona had informed all of us. She sat me down at breakfast a few days ago, and annouced the day after Dad's wedding, she and her husband, Atlas, will be moving back to Atlas' old house. At first, I had cursed Atlas' name, and then calmed down after Aunt Fiona said the house was only about a block away.

"Once you get your full license, you can come visit me whenever you want, Hattie," Fiona had said, "Until then, I'll visit a lot. Remember, Cass is still with you. And Jane!" I had nodded at that point, and a few tears peeled out of my green eyes, and dribbled off my nose bridge. My aunt wrapped me into a hug and I started sobbing.

Cass narrowed her eyes as I was brought into the presence, and before she could say anything, my step-mum tip-toed over with a small luke-warm smile.

"Morning, girls! Does a Ticket To Ride, or Monopoly sound good, later this afternoon?" Jane was a literal ball of sunshine. With her loose messy bun and cool clothes, I would have called her one of the hip mums if she hadn't married Dad.

"Ah. Wish I could, Jane. Got plans." Cassie smiled sweetly at both of us, and I could swear there was a flick of anger in those hazel depths. "Next time?"

"No, of course! I only wanna get you know you girls! If you got plans, go!" Jane handed me a plate, turning to me. "Hat - Harriet, what about you?"

My lips pursed as she almost called me by my beloved nickname. Even though I babysat her adorable daughter for a little bit before Jane started to date my dad, I'd explicitly asked her to use my full name. Apparently she got in the habit, yapping it up with my dad.

"Uhhh. No, I've gotta babysit some kids down the street. Sorry!" It wasn't technically a lie as I did have to babysit, yet it wasn't til late evening. I just didn't wanna play a game with her. I'd rather play hopscotch with a crocodile. And I hated hopscotch.

Jane gave me a smile that made me feel guilty. "No problem, Harriet. You let me know when we can have a girl's day."

What?! Girl's day?? Nah, I don't do that.

Fiona passed me and Cassidy pancakes, and we settled around the family table. Addie wobbled in, with Dad after her. Addie, Jane, and Dad grabbed hands. and Jane reached for mine.

"Uhhh," I uttered as I dropped my fork.

"Oh, uh, sorry. We usually say grace before meals, is that okay with you all?" Jane looked nervous as her gaze raked across the table.

Cassie shrugged, and took Addie's hand, along with her boyfriend's. Aunt Fiona and Uncle Atlas followed her, with me looking like the awkward one. I quickly locked hands with Jane, and with my other palm, I grabbed my Uncle's.

"Thank you, Lord, for this wonderful family you given Addie and I. Thank you for this food, and let it nourish our bodies. Thank you for a new day, and forgive us for our sin. Amen." Jane finished, and everything chorused with a second "Amen". I was confused; I had never been to a single church session in my life, and Dad and Cassie knew to close their eyes and say "Amen". I did not, of course.

Then I speared the paper-thin pancake with my fork, and tried my best to swallow it, my mind wandering with unclean and despairing thoughts.

♡♡♡

xxxxIn the den, the television was on, the delight chattering background sound, and I was in a tickle fight with Adeline. Gasping laughs escaped Addie and I giggled. The only good thing that will ever come out of Dad's marriage is Addie.

Addie was perhaps one of my favorite kids, and I’ve always adored her dark, long hair and pale complexion. She is sweeter than a box-full of kittens, and, she's so obedient. All my other kids I sit are always running away from me or gets into things.

The five-year-old giggled and tittered with a smug smirk on her face. "You can never catch me!" You rolled out of my tickling fingers and scrambled away from me.

"I'll catch you!" I bellowed to Addie. The more loud you were, the more Addie would like you.

Then she came back. "Can we play princesses? I'll be the princess, you can be the dragon! I'll go get Chrissy! He can be the prince!"

Oh gosh. "Chrissy" is my next-door neighbor and best friend Topher. His full name is Christopher yet, to me and Haven, he never seemed like a "Chirs" or even a "Christopher" so we have always called him "Topher". He has short brown hair, and dark brown eyes, and he is taller than me. Okay, everyone is taller than me. I have the height of a ten-year-old.

Giggling, Addie raced off and I had to sprint after him. "Hey, Addie! Wait for me!"

"Catch up!"

Running through the long halls of my house, we almost ran into Atlas. And then I just about knocked the pan out of Jane's hands.

"Oh! Sorry Jane!"

"Hi Mum! Just paying a visit to my dear friend, Chrissy!" Addie exclaimed and escaped through the back door.

"Okay! Be back by two!" Jane called out and I shot her a thumbs up. She gave me a huge grin and I plastered a fake smile, and ran out the door.

♡♡♡

xxxxA little while passed, and it was about mid-afternoon. I checked my cell phone and it read 17:42; I needed to leave soon. I was on the couch with a dragon dollie lying near me that Addie had, and I was watching Topher and Addie play together. Right now, they were playing with three Barbies, a Skipper and a Ken or two.

"Ken! Ken! Watch out, she's coming!" Addie shrieked with a higher voice than her own. Her Barbie tumbled up towards Topher's Ken.

Topher made his Ken scream deeply, along with running away, and then turned to the Barbie with short hair that Addie made him play with. "Skipper, waitttt for ussssss!!" He exclaimed high-pitched and girl-like. I cracked up, laughing my head off.

Addie dropped her Barbie, and frowned. "What's up, Addie?" Topher dropped his Ken and Barbie as well.

"Your voice isn't good enough for her. Should Hattie play her?"

"Oh, no, no! My Barbie doll voices are deep and deep only. See?" I almost fell of the couch, mimicking a deep man. I started giggling uncontrollably.

Topher chuckled. "Okay. What about this, Addie? Heeeyyy, gurlll, I'm a Barbie gurlll and my boyfriend Ken is hereeeee!"

"...Don't...Topher... Stop...." I stumbled to say within gasping laughs. My belly hurt from laughing to much and too hard, and tears were starting to sprout from the corners of my eyes. Addie was on the ground, melodic giggles bursting from her little mouth.

"You're perfect, Chris. Teehee!" Addie grabbed her Barbies. "C'mon! Let's play!"

"If you say so!" Topher laughed, taking a hold of the Ken and Barbie dolls he was impersonating.

I only rolled my eyes, and, as I continued to laugh, I snagged a crisp from the red and white bowl Cassie had set out when Topher came over.

"Hattie!"

I perked my ears at my name. "Yes, Cassie?"

She entered the room with a linen basket on her hip. Gosh, she would a great mum.

"Jacob should coming home from work soon. I got to run, so could you let him in?"

"Will do, Cass!"

"See that he has had dinner. He doesn't exactly make time for it."

" 'Kay!"

She disappeared from the room. A patterned sock that had been hanging off the handle of the basket, fell to the ground.

"Uh? Cass? Cassidy! Your sock fell!" Topher called.

Cassie entered the room again with a puzzled look, and then glanced to the floor. "Oh, thanks, Christopher." She sqatted down and grabbed the stocking, tossing into the basket.

"Anytime, miss."

"Okay, okay, Chrissy! Continue!" Addie shrieked.

Some time later, I had switched the television back on to one of my favorite clean TV shows. Addie and Topher were still playing, their stupidly high-pitched voices keep making me laugh, and also unfortunately giving me a bit of a headache.

A blanket was wrappped around me, November air was always a bit chilly, and the scene of the shoe had just faded when I heard a knock on the front door.

As I wriggled out of the warm blanket, I pressed Pause on the remote, and I raced into the entrance landing. I had kicked my slippers off, so I almost jammed right into the door, as my socks glided across the polished floor. Peeking through the window, to make sure, I turned the knob, opening the door.

"Hey Hattie. Thanks for letting me in," Jacob smiled, stepping though the door and I let him in. "Is Cass still here?"

"Hi. She left about twenty minutes ago. She told me to ask you if you have eaten yet?"

"Oh, no, not yet. Did Cass make anything?"

"Nope. Yet, I'm making dinner for Addie, is there anything you might vote for? Although, I'm not quite sure if you could go against this three-year-old." I chuckled.

"Anything for me. I'll be up in Cassie's room. If that's all right?"

"Totally. Just remember her rules!"

"Oh yeah!" Jacob nodded, and made his way to the stairs. Cassie's "rules" was for Jacob and Jacob solely. He wasn't allowed to stay around later than eleven, and there was some other rules that I hadn't bothered to listen too. Even though, Cassie was an adult, and was a responsible human being, me and my dad including had other thoughts about Jacob.

Popping my head in the living room, I called, "Addie, what do you want for dinner?"

"Spaghetti!" Addie giggled.

"Right away, ma'am!" As I ran to the kitchen, I could hear the delightful shrieks of Addie.

chapter two

xxxx"See you later, Topher!"

I had just been able to walk out of the door. When your new step-sister already knows just about everything about you, she already knows what can delay you when you have a place to be. I stood just outside the house's front doors, waiting. "Three, two, one...."

"Wait! Wait!" Addie. I laughed and opened the double doors in a sweeping motion. "Can I come with you, Hattie?"

Knew that was going to happen. "Oh, how I wish you could, Miss Adeline. But, you'll just have to wait til morning, 'kay? Be good for Topher, he'll be putting you to bed, tonight." Honesty Addie could do whatever, I think, yet, I can't act that way around Jane. Even though she is working. Both her and my dad were working this night so they could go on their honeymoon tomorrow evening.

"Okay," The little girl stressed the last syllabus, and she enveloped me in a huge hug. "See you in the morning."

"Na-night, Addie! Topher, her mum's not here so make sure she goes to bed in an hour or so!" Topher flashed me a thumbs up as he sat reclined on the couch, watching an Disney movie, I think Cars. Thank goodness he was not watching a PG 13 action movie like he usually does.

I grab my phone and shut the door quickly. I really needed to leave. Joan, the person I'm babysitting these kids for, needed to leave at seven, and it was already half pass six. It took me about fifteen minutes walk to Joan's residence, so I shoot Joan a text, hoping she didn't get too mad that I would be arriving just a tad late.

hey sorry Joan, I'll be just a little late

I shoved my cell phone back into my bag, near the colouring page I brought. I bring a lot of various items and games I think each kid might like. I've only babysat these kids twice, and that was for a weekend about a month ago, though, I've known Joan my whole life. In fact, just for a little bit. she used to babysit Cassie and I, when we were a little too young. Once Cassie turned seventeen, she would have been allowed to babysit me.

Joan has three kids, Megan, Ray, and Jenna, and they are absolutely adorable. Megan is seven, Ray is four, and Jenna is just a little, absolutely cute one-year-old. Each are priceless angels.

I feel the vibrate of my phone through my bag. Then annother. I unlock the device, and press the green Messager button. It's Joan, and she says, Hey! It's no problem! And the other notication is from Jane, Is Addie still with someone? I know you have work, but is Cassie home?

Addie's with Topher! if he wasn't available, then I would have made sure she would have came with me.

Phew. Thanks so much, Harriet.

no problem!

Soon, I'm at Joan's doorstep. I knock with my left knuckle and stood waiting. The door finally opens and I see a frantic Joan.

"Oh my God, you're here! They're all yours. They ate a bit of candy when I wasn't looking and they're a bit stircrazy." Joan stuttered out, the poor women looked traumatized. "Their father will come home at eleven. Thanks, Hattie, hope you survive!" I gave her a scared-as-hell smile and gave her a double thumbs-up.

I step inside the house and Joan ran out to her car, starting it up. I take off my shoes, leaving them on the Welcome! mat and shut the doot behind. Once I really got the grasp of the situation, I gasped.

"Oh. My. Goodness." They weren't angels. They were freaking devils.

Megan was on the couch, her foot tapping the floor obnoxiously, and her brown iries were wide with sugar rush. Then she started running around the living room, her manic laughs getting into my brain. Probaly going to cause serious nightmares to me, later. Ray had a blue marker between his sticky fingers, and he was running the marker across the walls with it, his high-pitched giggles all I could tell that he definitely had way more candy than a little bit.

"Ray. Come here!" I tried in what Haven, my other best friend called my "high authority" voice. Topher calls it "preschool teacher".

"Noooooo! Never!" He continued to colour all over the walls, his outrageous scribbles ineligible. Okay. So was gonna have to do this the hard way. I tossed my bag nearby my shoes, and cracked my knuckles.

"I guess, I'll just have catch you."

Ray giggled. "Nuh-uh. You can't catch me!" His short, stubby, little legs stumbled him into the kitchen. I ran after him, and chased him all over the house until I finally caught him in the living room. I wrestled the marker out of his grubby hands, and I sat him down in the huge rocking chair in the living room.

"Calm down, Ray. You need to get to sleep soon, calm down." I was knelt on the floor, gently rocking the chair. Ray nodded sleepily. He looked fine for now. I knew how tricky kids were. They act sleepy and then get into things. Shutting all the doors to the living room, I went to Jenna's room, and made sure the little toddler was still in her crib. Joan always put her down for sleep by six-thirty. The precious gem was fast asleep, already swaddled in her favorite baby blanket.

Next on the list: Megan.

I crept in the kitchen, hoping to find Megan there. And there she was, behind a dining room chair. She looked like a hungry animal as she gobbled up so much chocolate. The chocolate was in a little heart box and it looked half-formed.

Oh my gosh, thank goodness they didn't have a dog. The little girl looked dangerous with the chocolate all over her face and clothes. I advanced her slowly, like I was cornering a wild animal. In a way, I was.

"Megan, it's just me. Hattie. No need to be scared," I say, and my voice shook. She bared her bitten nails, and her mouth opened in a snarl.

Oh no, she is an animal born in a barn, I grimaced. I reached my hand out to grab the seven-year-old's wrist. I would slowly walk her to the sink, just in case Megan would reject, and rummaged though a drawer to find a rag. Once I found it, I ran the cloth under the faucet to clean the child's mouth and cheeks. Her shirt would just have to be washed.

I brought her to the living room, and turned on a Disney movie. Ray hadn't moved, his frame curled up on the chair. All that running must have wore the poor guy out. Just then, Jenna started crying. Her cries were loud and I was afraid she might wake up Ray. I usually can get a baby calm, but, one time I had to call Cassie to ask how to calm this red-eyed baby would not stop crying for nothing!

I went to the closet and brought out Jenna's playpen. She loved playing there while the rest of us watched movies. I quickly went to Jenna and Megan's room. and swiftly lifted Jenna out of her crib. I held her neatly, and gave her a little hug. I whispered, "Hey Jenna! Everything's all right!"

I took the one-year-old out of her blanket, and lowered her down in her pen. Jenna immediately stood up, her cute face already smiling and her eyed already burning with curiosity. I ticked her little belly and giggled as Jenna made such a cute sound.

I grabbed some cleaner and a rag from the kitchen. I wasn't about to let marker on the walls keep me from Joan not hiring to sit anymore. As I cleaned, singing a nursery tune, I heard a wet sputter and I spun around, thinking it was one of the kids.

It was one of the kids. It was Megan, holding her stomach, and heaving, expelling vile-smelling contents. My eyes widened, and I dropped the rag, and the bottle of cleaner. I exhaled quickly, my horror and alarm suddenly taking over my body, and I felt dizzy as my throat went completely dry. Fear attacked my brain and my feet as I sprinted to the bathroom, holding my mouth. Darkness clouded my vision, and the last thing I remember was my hands grasping the cool, porcelain of the toilet seat.

♡♡♡

xxxx"Hattie. Harriet?"

I groaned as a pair of small hands shook me. I peeked my eyes open, and saw sweet, innocent Ray looking at me with worry. I trembled, and shot up.

"Ray! What happened?"

"You fell asleep!"

"I - I did?!" I stood up, and sweat dripped down my back, as I glanced around at my surroundings. I was in the bathroom, and there was a foul smell coming from the toilet. Oh, no, I thought as I kicked the toilet lid shut, hit the lever to flush and I finally exhaled.

"Yes! You dropped everything when Megan puked!"

"Oh no. Oh no. Oh shi-" I raced out of the bathroom, and ran into the living room. There was a dark-coloured puddle on the floor, and Megan was on the couch, looking scared. Sweat trickled down my back and I forced my self to breath through the mouth and turn away from the vomit. At least Jenna was all right, not screaming or crying. We got a quarter of everything all right.

"Uhm..." I shook, my skin felt reptile-like, a skin not like my own. I heard the thumping in my heart before I felt it. "Ray, don't step near the.. puddle, and watch the movie please."

Ray climbed himself to his chair, and trained his eyes to the TV screen. I exhaled and turned to Megan, who was staring at the floor.

"Megan, c - come to the bathroom. Step around the... uh - yeah. Please do not step there. Here." I stepped to the couch, quite careful of the puke puddle. Megan shuffled to the end of the couch I was at, and I picked her up, crossing my fingers that she did not blow her chocolate on me.

"Hattie?"

"Yes, Megan?"

"I don't feel so good."

A huge rush of pure alarm rushed through me, and the beating of my heart in my chest made my ears hurt. I hurried the poor girl to the restroom, and set her down, propping the lid up. I rotated as I stood in the door way.

"Go ahead, Megan. Whenever you need to," I said, my voice trembling. "Just know I do not judge you for this."

I don't remember much that happened after that, as as soon as Megan did vomit, I turned away, holding my fear and my own vomit, and I might have blacked out again.

Once I recovered a little while later, I shoot Joan a text, and then sent a text to Cassie. I sent Jenna and Ray to bed, and told Megan she could stay in the living room, watching a TV series she liked, with a huge bowl, where I could keep an eye on her.

I grabbed a unused mask, and Cassie has sent me a reply to how I would clean the puddle of puke. I grabbed some paper towels and some gloves. I whimpered as I brought the towel riddled with solids to the rubbish in the kitchen. I used some neat disinfectant spray I found Joan's bathroom cabinet.

Once I washed my hands thoroughly, I grabbed a glass and filled it with water. I brought the glass to Megan. "Make sure you don't break the glass, but drink some water. You need some water after y - you... yeah."

"Thanks. Can you turn Rapuzel on?" Megan asked, her little hand grasping for the glass. "Also, I'm a little hungry. Is it okay if I can something?"

Tangled is one of my favorite flims since it came about just about a year ago. I dodged the puddle and reached for the remote. "Do you have a DVD for Rapuzel?"

"Yes. It's in Mummy and Dad's room, by her nightstand. Last night, Jenna and Ray had some nightmares, and Mum put on Rapuzel." Megan looked at me matter-to-factly. I had the feeling that she twisted the truth a bit.

"Okay. Be right back." I turned around to Joan and her husband's room. It felt weird being in the dark room, I probably looked like a thief thrifting around the bedroom. With my cell phone's light, I found the nightstand easily and saw the plastic case with the famous purple dress that had little and older girls at over the world pining for it.

I pushed the DVD in the disc drive, and with the remote, I clicked play. "Megan, what does your mum give you when... you... throw up?"

"Toast or chicken noodle soup."

"Right. I'll be right back. If you need to... y'know... go straight for the bathroom, do not stop to pause the movie. And call for me, just don't wake up your siblings, please!"

Megan shot me a thumbs up and I went to the kitchen, trembling. I didn't really wanna make her chicken noodle soup as the broth might make her sick again, at least that's what I thought. I remember when I was younger, I think was around the age of three, Cassie had gotten the flu, and passed it along to me, where my fear of puke emerged. Anyway, my father had fixed me a bowl of chicken noodle soup, and I choked on a noodle, evidently, choking on my puke. I wasn't about to let Megan choke and let her be freaking scared for the rest of her life about vomit.

So I grabbed the loaf of bread. Turned the toaster on, and took two slices of bread. I opened the cupboard and grabbed a plastic, kid-proof plate, tossed the slices into the toaster.

I turned around, to open the fridge, and just a hand hovering of the butter made her think it was a bad idea. I shut the refrigerator and the toaster dinged. I grabbed the pink plate, and handled the pieces of the toast carefully, as I walked toward the living room.

"Here you go, your highness," I teased as I handed the plastic plate to Megan.

"Thanks, Hattie!"

"Anytime!" I smiled at the seven-year-old girl.

"How long are you going to stay?"

"Til eleven when your dad comes home. But, you, Meg, are going to bed soon. Like, after this movie."

"Awwee, man."

"You oughta go to bed soon, missy."

"Buuut.... whyyyy?"

I laughed. "No, seriously, Hattie, why must I go to sleep?" Megan flung herself over my lap, and I only laughed again. "I wish we never had to go to sleep."

"Me too, but we have to sleep! How else will we ever be so happy in the day?" I smiled and hugged Megan. "Now, I gotta clean.... that up." I gulped.

"Uhhh, good luck!"

I'm going to need it, I thought as I went to the kitchen for paper towels. Even thinking about... that, makes me shudder and my heart rate to increase.

chapter three

xxxxFive, four, three, two, one...

I counted down the seconds to make my heart stop racing. To be frank, it did not. I had gotten home in the late of night, and my dad had picked me up from Joan’s household. Goodness, I was a wreck.

Joan’s husband did not, in fact, get home at eleven. He got home at 12:33 on the dot. He hurried a apology to me, and of course, me being the bigger person, I said, “No problem, Mr. Scott!” Then I told him about Megan and that whole problem, with quite minimal trembling. To say the least, I was proud of myself.

“Oh God, I’m so sorry for that. Thanks for telling me, though. Where did she throw up at?”

“Oh! I-I already cleaned it up.”

"Damn, thanks for watching out for my kids. Thanks again, Harriet.”

“Anytime! I love those kiddos! Have a good night, Mr. Scott.” I ducked out the door, and saw the yellow headlights of my dad’s old, beat-up sport car. I hopped in shot-gun, and I heard my dad saying something, but I did not hear a thing due to the loud, rumbling of the engine.

“What?”

He took the key out and thank the Lord, the engine stopped it’s outrageous growling. “I said, hello, Hattie. Sorry about that. This old thing is getting in her last days.”

“Sure.” I didn’t know what to say. And I fiddled with my bag, and then asked, “Why don’t you get a new car, then?”

Dad’s jaw tightened, and his fists tightened over the wheel. “This car was your mother’s favorite cars of all I had. And, it still have so many memories.” He reached for the key, and I can see tears lighting up his eyes in the weak light. “Also, you wanna a car when you get your license?”

“Yeah, I guess.” My stomach felt weird and ut it felt like it was crumbling inside.

“That’s what I thought.” He wiped his eyes and put the key in to start the old car. The car engine roared to life, louder than it was before, and I engrossed myself in my phone so I didn’t have to listen.

Back to the present, I sat on the couch, watching the remains of a PG13 action-packed flim with Topher and Haven. Dad usually let me stay up past midnight on non-school nights and my nerves were so jittery that I asked my best friends to come over. Topher was still at the house, anyway. I sat in the middle of Haven and Topher, my fingers picking at my nails.

Haven looks over at me, “Are you okay?” Her sparkling hazel eyes looked golden in the blue light from the television.

“I guess. Man, I’m going to have nightmares about that now.” I sighed and sank more into the couch.

“Shush! I can’t hear the dialogue!” Topher snapped, his eyes trained to the TV.

I rolled my eyes, and grabbed a handful of popcorn Topher had popped without permission earlier. He kinda reminds of Kimmy Gibbler and Steve Hale from Full House combined. He is always grabbing any kind of food out of the fridge, or pantry, and Cassie is getting just a tad bit annoyed with it.

I took my phone and texted Aunt Fiona; I know, I know. She’s probably asleep right now, yet, the only one who’s going to stop my heebies jeebies before I climb into my nice, warm bed, would be Aunt Fee. Then I put the phone away and watched the movie. The movie would be even half interesting if there had been a female hero. I was honestly disappointed with this flim as I thought seeing a scene or two before Haven got here, I thought I was going to like it. But, no, it lacks pulling plot and interesting character.

I yawned, my eye sockets hurting as I half-closed my eyelids, and pulled my socked feet closer to me. Through my slit iries, I saw Haven grabbing her phone, and her blonde curtain covered her face.

“Are you leaving, Hav?”

“Yeah, Mum said I had to. Sorry, Hattie. Text me?” Haven slid onto the couch, and gave me a side hug, whispering the last words in my ear.

“Yeah, it’s okay. Night.”

“Night.”

With his face ever leaving the screen, Topher called out, “See ya, Haven Marie! Night!”

Haven and I both giggled and Haven shut the door behind her. I took Haven’s spot, spreading out, yet, making sure my feet doesn’t touch Topher’s, and I rested my head on the headrest. I sighed and yawned again.

“Tired?” Topher asked.

“A bit.”

“Then we can finish this tomorrow.” He reached for the remote.

“No, it’s okay!” And I grabbed for it first. I paused the flim and said, “It’s got fifteen minutes left, I’ll be fine.” And with that, I unpaused the movie.

“If you say so.”

I nodded, and shut my eyes. I wasn’t going to watch the rest of the movie, I would rather sleep.

Once the movie ended, I powered off the television, and said goodbye to Topher.

“Don’t go to sleep too late.”

“No promises.” I sleepily smiled at him and once he went through the kitchen to get to the back door, I dragged myself up the stairs to my bed.

♡♡♡

xxxxI shot up, my mind crazed and cold sweat dripping down my back. Crude flashbacks from last night terrorized my brain, along with other horrific sights. Pounding in my skull, I panted, my breath laboured.

Tremendous shivers overthrew me like a evil king might do to a neighbouring kingdom. My covers were all untidy and all out of place, yet, I didn’t care, I just wrapped my duvet around myself, and I gasped, my eyes wide as my nightmare ran over and over and over again.

I was just helping lure Megan back to sleep, in my dream, and then she vomits all over me. I screamed, and I was just counting to four when all I could see was blood and all I could hear was ominous whispers. I felt my stomach doing cartwheels and flips, as sheer anxiety took over. The whispers were in my brain, then they were coming from my lips. I screamed, my voice all raw and rough, and then I was in a hospital room. Seeing the needles and the sharp things, and the crimson blood underneath and above the sheets in what was supposed be a stark-white bed. And then --

I stopped my brain, trying to shut it down before it could get to the very part that sent me spiraling to wake up. I tried to slow down my breathing and I could have screamed. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like at all. I was used to having bad dreams, nightmares mostly about being alone and all that stupid crap, yet, I’ve never had a dream about blood.

I turned on my lamp, and placed in on my window sill, I really hoped Topher wasn’t up but if he was, I would want him to know about it. He would want to know too. Since he lived next door, we’ve been best friends since we could talk. And when we were nine, he earned his older brother’s bedroom, which was across from my upstairs room, and we tried but it wasn’t til we were in our tweens we were able to stay up later and we would talk late into the night with our windows open. We had just a strip of lawn between our two houses, and when we were four and six, I used to follow him around, and we’d argue who’s grass was who’s and which part of lawn was ours.

I checked my phone, and the time said, 3:21 am. I tossed my phone back on the pillow and groaned. I had five hours to stay in here. Five. That was a long time because I knew, I knew quite well, that I would not be able to go back to sleep for hours. Generally, it took me a while to fall asleep anyway!

A light flickered on next door, and a small smile grew on my face. It was Topher and he was awake. I set my light back on my night stand, and opened the window up wide. Topher opened up his as well.

“What’s up, Hattie?” His brown iries seemed to search my face and he asked next, “Are you okay? You’re pale.”

“Like a ghost?” I countered, my lips turning down.

“Yeah. You good?”

I sighed. “No.”

“What’s wrong?” He leaned out of the window, his elbows leaned against the sill. I could tell Topher was sitting on one of his spinny, swival chairs.

“Uh, oka--okay. I had, had just woke up from this, uh, terrifying nightmare. It was about Megan, erm, this kid I was sitting to-tonight and then I was in this, er, well, I suppose, ER room, and I saw... bl--blood underneath the bedsheets.”

Topher reminded his quiet for a bit til he hummed a bit, and his fingers tapped the wooden ledge. “Well, I’m sorry to hear that you had a night terror, Hattie. How can I help you?”

“Not much, I guess.” I shrugged, “I suppose I just wanted to tell you, get it off my chest before I try to go back to sleep. Did I wake you up? Sorry if I did.”

“No, I was up doing homework.”

I glanced at him, suspiciously. “Without a light?”

Topher laughed. “Hope you get some sleep and see you in the morning.”

“It’s already morning, dumbo! Three o’clock, remember?”

“Oh, well then. See you soon.”

“That’s better.” I nodded approvingly. I was about to close my window when Topher opened his mouth.

“Night, Tea.”

“Night.” Shutting the window, I waved at my best friend, and he waved back. Locking the window, I collapsed on my bed, and hoped real bad I was able to get some sleep. Sleep was sleep and I needed it.

chapter four

xxxxWhen you're a sixteen year-old girl and your mother is gone, and you sleep in past noon when you usually only sleep to eight or at the latest nine-thirty, you relize that your way older sister freaks out. Genuinely, you realize that teenagers your age sleep in a lot, and I didn't. I was surprised too when I slowly opened my eyes, and saw the bright, yellow orb shining through the window, causing me to groan loudly and shove my face into my lien pillow. That is mostly why I like to wake up earlier.

I had read a bit after I spoke with Topher because I just couldn't go to sleep. As each hour crept past slowly, last night, my stupud skull kept pummeling, and the last time I checked the clock on my cell phone and it was around five-forty, just an half-an-hour before my sister got up. Shortly after that I fell asleep, and when I crawled out of bed, hitting the hardcover that I dropped when I conked out.

I took a peek in my mirror, and noticed my whole hair was a mess, my cheeks and green eyes dull. I sighed. Pulling a sweater gently over my head, careful to avoid my studs, I realized it was Sunday, and I went to mark yesterday off on my calendar. I tramped down the stairs and I entered the kitchen, heading a bee-line to the fridge. Man, sleeping half the day away really gave you an appetite. My stomach was growling and demanded for any kind of food. Any. Kind.

Cassie, already dressed in straight, high-waisted Jeans and beige sweater, reading a magazine at the dining table, round glasses perched on her nose. As soon as I opened the door to the refrigerator, the freaking stove beeped and I looked to it, cursing at it in my mind and whoever put something in it. It could have been Cassie, Aunt Fiona, Uncle Atlas, or my dad, or really, honestly Topher probably grabbed some bacon and shoved it in the stove, following the instructions horribly. And I wouldn't be surprised if it actually was him. He was always getting into food when he was over, and not that I blamed him, I juts thought it was funny he seems comfortable enough just to look in our fridge.

I quickly and swiftly grabbed the key lime yogurt I wanted and inched out of the kitchen as slowly as I could when Cassie, without even glancing up from her publication, yelled, "Topher! Your bacon is done!"

I froze and thought, I knew it, then I stepped back, not wanting to get caught, backing up right into the wooden wall. I cursed and Cassie rotated with the swiftness of a tiger.

"Oh, Hattie!" Cassie raced over to me, tossing her weekly magazine on the table, not aware that the blooket fell to the floor. "You're finally awake! I didn't know why you would sleep in that long, did you go to sleep later than midnight yesterday?"

"Uhhhh. Well. Stuff happened last night at Joan's, watching the kids, and I couldn't sleep.

"Aww! What happened, are you okay? Did the kids do bad for you, or were you rude?"

I gaped, How was I rude and the kids did nothing! and then rolled my green eyes in my head. "Yes. I'm fine, Cassie. I'm a teenager, I would like my beauty sleep." I stopped, wondering where my words were going. Then just for good measures, I added, with a touch of edge, "I thought you knew that."

"Err, I better duck out." Topher entered from the living room, stepping towards the stove, clearing understanding the tension in my very veins. Topher and me has always been two little peas in a pod, and I practically know when he's mad, and he always knows when I'm upset. Haven and me are similar, she always knows what the haps with me. They brought out the best of me.

"I just need to get this bacon for Addie and I," he added, and I groaned.

Cassie looked hurt, as she didn't know what to say, her eyebrows clenched, and lips pursed. Her mouth opened, and I thought she was going to yap something back, anything, and then she closed her mouth. I rolled my eyes only again, and I stormed back upstairs with the yogurt in my grip. "Whatever, don't speak back," I called behind me, and I could practically see the waving, sharp pain between Cassie and I. I didn't care, though. Why should I? She was being stupid, she was a teen too, seven years ago. And, anyway, she could have been moved out by now.

The gaping hole in my chest only grew, with all my increasing hate, and loneliness. I stomped to my bedroom, and grabbed the curtain from my closet. I had taken it down a few weeks ago because, i was fall, and I wanted to see the autumnal colours and the turning trees. And anyway, moving the curtain was a huge pain when I wanted to speak with Topher. That was before. Now, the blinding, fall sun blinded my eyes. I sighed, and the tears pricked at my eyes, as I man-handled my curtain rod back on the window.

Then, oh shoot. I realized today was Aunt Fiona's last day in the house. My angry self said, Whatever, and my sad self, well, it wanted to cry. I just wanted to curl up in my warm bed, and disappear within the covers, hoping the nightmares doesn't come back. If they did, I didn't know what I was going to do. I would have screamed.

And so I did, I kicked my rubbish bin, and then tossed the yogurt container on my bed. Kicking the bin over and over, I got all my anger out, and I sighed. I went to my bed and ate the light green yogurt with the absence of a decent spoon. I read a novel, and then without noticing, I drifted off in a uneasy sleep.

♡♡♡

xxxxI only remember half of the dream before it reigned in full on terror. I was wrapped up in a cozy, light blue blanket on lying on the couch, watching Addie play with Topher, and Haven was in the recliner, her fingers flying over her phone. Then, everything just went black, midnight dark, like it's three am in your room. I remember falling, I fell and fell. A screen ripped through me and I felt like my fall was never-ending, exhaling another scream, I tried to grab something, anything, to try to stop everything. Then, I was in that same hospital room, and my breathing was fast and drastic as I looked around.

A flash of white, and I was back in my own room, my tears mixing with cold sweat. Gasps riddled my body, and I grabbed my duvet, desperate to feel something. I sighed, exhaling a long breath, and then gulped up more air. Air. Air. I love air and oxygen. Then, I felt guilty. There were people in the world who was sick, and had to use tanks and other machines to help them breath. I felt like I was abusing my lungs, and oxygen. I felt like I was bragging to those who couldn't use their lungs.

I grabbed my phone, and checked the time. 18:46. Sigh. I slept for that long. Sleep was sleep, I confirmed, and a tremble shook me as I climbed out of bed, and out of my room.

It was a challenge to even get down the stairs, and to the living room. Topher was sitting, his long legs outstretched, on the fancy, fuzzy rug, and Addie was running around, and every so often, Topher would catch her and tickle her.

"Hattie!" Addie squealed, and abandoned Topher to race up to me.

"Hey, morning," I croaked out, my throat quite dry.

"Have you been sleeping all day?!"

"Evening, sleepyhead." Topher glanced at me, and there was worry shone in his eyes. "You slept the whole day away, and you missed board games and Treehouse!" He sounded happy, yet his posture and face said different.

"Treehouse is so much funnier with Chris!" Addie shrieked. "But I missed you!"

"I missed you too," I added to her, and to Topher, I laughed, "I'm so glad I skipped stupid "Treehouse", FYI."

Treehouse was these stupid, little, freakishly scary game where Addie (or I, she makes me) climbs up the super tall banister, and Topher (or I, she still makes me) would catch Addie. (No-one catches me; I shimmy down). I say it’s unsafe even though I’ve played it once. God knew why I just didn't stop her.

I'm never playing that again, I remembered remarking, after I climbed all the way up and almost fell.

I also added, my voice tight, "Topher, you promised me!"

"I promised you, what?" His coy smile played with his lips, and I rolled his eyes. I knee he was playing.

"You literally promised me that you would stop playing that game with her! Someone could get hurt! I almost got hurt!"

"Eh, when the kid asks you play something, you don't shut down her ideas."

"When they are crazy ones you do!" I huffed. "Whay would happened if her mum came in?"

"Jane?"

"Or Cassie? What would have happened then?"

"Mmmm," Topher sat, thinking, as Addie raced around the room, her sharp giggles filling the den, and I glared at him. I didn’t even let him finish when I held up a hand.

"Did you feed her candy or something, Christopher?"

There is his full name. Perhaps I might talk some full sense into him.

"So what if I did?"

"TOPHER!"

Topher looked unhazed as he glanced at me with half-shut eyes. My racing pulse grew faster as I gulped delicious air.

"How. Much. Candy. Did. You. Give. Her?"

"Just a KitKat."

I only rolled my eyes.

"Your eyes are going to be stuck like that if you keep doing that," he smirked as he grabbed Addie as she ran past, and pinned her down, ticking her.

"Shut up." I sighed. I still wasn't satisfied with his answer. "'Just a KitKat', Mr. Edwards?"

"A-a whole bag of M&Ms?"

"Topher! No, please. Stop." A hand went to my cheek, and my cheek was warm. My breathing became quicker.

Topher noticed. "Hey, you okay?"

"You just gave her candy? Do you know what I just went through last night?" I had to sit down. My knees were knocking together by now. I went to my little chair by the couch, and finished, "Megan threw -- threw up last night after getting into so much candy. Then I did -- did it too. I can't even do so much as look at candy after that. And I'm af-afraid."

"Of vomiting?"

I nodded.

"It's okay. Now I know. We'll just have to work together to be Addie to calm down." Topher smiled at me, a real genuine smile. I nodded again, dumbly, and I sighed. He was the first person I ever told of my fear. It was probably one of my deepest and darkest fears and I did not like sharing my secrets. I didn't really like secrets that much anyway.

Then I heard it. Addie. She had stopped by the rug, her face now a ghastly-white, and Topher was looking concerned.

"Oh no, you’re okay, Addie." I hopped out of my chair immediately, and despite my heart hammering wildly in my chest, I fought for calm to mostly remind on the outside. "Come along, slowly to the bathroom."

As I led her to the houses downstairs' toilet, I saw Topher following us, yet, at a distance. Once we entered the restroom, I quickly flipped the lid open, and I said, "I'm sorry, but I can't be in the restroom while you do this. I'm right here on the other side of the door, if you need me. Just sit on your little stool, and wait 'til it comes. It might take a while."

"Hattie?"

"Yes, A?"

Will you stay there?"

"Of course. Uh, when the feeling's past, you can open the door." Had with that I gently shut the door. I sighed, and slid down the door. Topher joined me.

After a time of silence, he said, "Y'know, it's okay to be scared of that. It's a normal fear."

"No, it's not. Bugs, the dark, and spiders are normal fears, not... that." I exhaled, my breath coming I uneven strides. "That isn't a real fear. It isn't! It just makes my skin crawl, and my heart beat to race, and it makes my anxiety worst.

It's not a normal fear." I repeated, and my eyes grew misty as I curled myself into a little ball, and I wished with all my being, that I was somewhere else or somewhen else. I wished I was seven-years-old again, following Topher around and I wasn't in front of a bathroom door where a girl who was about to throw up was inside. I wished I wasn't the adult in this scenario; I wished I was the tween who could stomp up to her room. I wished I could stop everything. I wish I could leave and never come near this houdr again. I wished I was playing hopscotch even thought I absolutely despited it. I wish I wish I wish I wish I wish.

Hopscotch. I used to love that game. It was fun sketching out the numbers and boxes you had to hop across, and I loved the acorn or pebble or coin or marble or bottole cap to toss to a square. Until, that day I made a earthquake. I don't remember everything but I remember that Haven and I were just innocently playing hopscotch, and we scotched put everything out in pink and blue and yellow chalk and Haven threw the pebble we were using. She landed on one of the higher sqaures and she hopped there. When it was my turn, Haven passed me the small, smooth stone, and I tossed it on box. As I bounced over there, I didn't see this older dude, gliding over to Haven and I on a board, and he rammed right into me, causing me to loose balance, to trip and fall. I let a anguished cry as my baby elbows jutted out in a last-ditch effort to stop my fall. Tears sprung from my eyes when my soft, fatty, pale, baby skin made contact with the grey slab of concert, and we all know about toddlers' emotional earthquakes. I had a huge tantrum that Haven and Topher still tease me about to the present day. And before you say anything, I'm not scared of hopscotch, I was mad at that dude for ruining hopscotch for me, and I just hated the outdoor game. It's done and there is no more further discussion. Period.

I could feel Topher's lean fingers stroking my upper back, trying to provide me some cool. Then I heard it again. I let out a whimper and tightened myself into a smaller ball, my breathing more and more labored. Tears ran down my cheeks, and I didn't want Topher to see, so I kept my tears quiet, and only let the saltly liquid drip down and into my sweater. More and more and more of me was dripping away, and I couldn't care, as a shell of myself shifted away that night.

chapter five

xxxxBreathe, Hattie, breathe

You're fine. Everything is okay

Breathe

Are you okay, Hattie

Mummy, is she going to be okay, mummy

Let her breathe

Who knew she could be afraid of that

Hey, ignore them. You are okay

I could hear voices all around me, and I'm pretty sure I fell asleep. My body still entangled with my arms and legs, I twisted my head to gaze around and see my family all around me, my brain sketching their concerned faces, and I saw Topher and Addie on the floor, Addie's leg bouncing up and down. I grimaced, and noticed her. I remembered when I discovered that my leg or foot would bob up and down sometimes during primary school. I had researched it, and the primary points was that it from anxiety. Which made sense because Cassie thought I had anxiety, due to her and my mum having it. I wondered if Addie had the same disorder as Cassie and I.

"What's up? Did someone die?" I asked, my voice unintentionally soft, and I glanced into my sister's lovely, green eyes, to even find a clue to what was up. "I'm serious, guys. What is up?"

"Don't you mean, what's down?" My dad's sad eyes looked glazed, as his clothes hung loosely against his frame. He was just starting to gain weight when he started dating Jane, and for some reason, his clothes still didn't fit him. I was getting scared, my family had never been this serious, and it wasn't well for my worry.

"Uh, guys. I just fell asleep! I'm fine! Aunt Fee? You don't believe this?" I saw my Aunt looking quite torn, and I just wanted to go back to sleep. "I'm fine!"

"Hattie, hon, we all know something is up." Fiona turned to Cassie, and my sister nodded.

"What? Nothing is wrong!"

"Topher says otherwise," Cassie remarked. "And, I noticed you're getting different each day. You know it, too, don't lie to me, Hattie."

"Is this the reason besides baby-sitting, you didn't want to hang out, to have a girls' day, Harriet?" Jane asked, quietly.

"No!" I exclaimed, I was in rage. I didn't want anyone to know that I was afraid, I was alarmed of anxiety, emetophobia, not being enough, of being alone, recurring night terrors, death, of everything. "Nothing is wrong, and if you all think there is, then, clearly you don't know me."

And with that, I untangled myself from my limbs and I stood up, went up to the stairs, and didn't care what happened. I did care, though. I didn't want to hurt my family members. After people hurt me, my relatives making tease of me; I had no interest of hurting my kin and blood. Yet. That part of me was expired and departed me. I cared, though, not enough.

"Harriet Josephine Wren!"

Drop the middles names like you would with a mic. I turned around and rolled my eyes at my dad, even though I knew he hadn't used my middle names in a long time. It seemed to hurt him to even think of my mother's name, and I didn't even blame him. Perhaps now since he'd "healed", he can use those names whenever he wants. Or of course, perhaps he did forget about her. I didn't want to listen anymore. I raced up the stairs, the deep crimson organ in my body screamed at me, it’s thumping beat breaking me. I wondered what would happen if the heart actually did break, and bright, scarlet blood oozing out.

"Harriet! You come down here right now."

"Why should I when all you guys do is make feel like shit! I don't have my somebody, while you all do!"

I heard a sharp gasp, and I'm pretty sure it was Jane's and I'm pretty sure she slapped her palms to Addie's ears. I heard Dad say my full name again, and I just continued up the stairs without a care in the world. I knew was going to be in a crap ton of trouble later. But I didn't care. Why should I? It's them and so many other people who haven't apologized for the so many fruitless, stupid things they'd done and said to me.

I heard thunderous pounding up the stairs behind me, almost as if the person following me was letting me know that they were shadowing me, and I entered my room, and shutting the door behind me, not even bothering to see who it was rearwards of me. Then a small tap reverberated on the door.

"Go away, Dad!" I called out as I flopped onto my bed.

A rhymic knock, and a small knock, and then two sharp, quick raps. Topher. I groaned. Why did he have to tell them!? He just had to tattle on all my deepest and darkest secrets, and then unearth, and unpack them and show them to my family! Although, I just couldn't stay wrath ful or unsettled by Topher for long. He was my first best friend, and it was frightening how everlasting and permanent our friendship was.

"Just come in!"

"It's locked!"

"I locked it?"

"Yes, now come unlock it before your dad comes." Topher rapped on the door again.

"Fine!" I exclaimed. I stomped over to the lock, unbolt it and collapsed back on my covers, thrusting my face into my cushion. I heard the door crack open, and Topher tromping in.

"What do you want?" I asked into the pillow, my heart shattering in a billion of pieces.

Topher didn't confabulation for a eon, and I didn't hear him sit down or anything, so I had assumed he had approached my bed, yet, didn't stop standing. I was getting erked, and possibly pissesd off at the universe.

"Uhm. I'm sorry."

I whipped around, my long, blonde tresses slapping me in the face, and my skull crash into the headboard. I cursed, rubbing my scalp, and then I let my crown fall on my pillow. I glanced at Topher, he was standing near the foot of the bed.

"Sorry for what?!"

"For telling your parents about your fear of puke."

The mere mention of 'puke' caused chicken skin slide down my neck. Hot tears pricked my eyes, and my head started throbbing.

"I could hardly even care about that! I just didn't like them in my face, how they looked like they were scolding me. And to make matters worst, my dad used my full name. H-he, he never does, and," I sobbed, but I continued, "my mother's name was Josephine, and he hated even mentioning her, so why would he say it? I hope, tonight, that he starts literally sobbing late into the night, this evening, that would make my day...

"Even though it is almost night-time. I would give anything to hear him. Anything! He made me feel so worthless, hearing him say my mum's names. Hearing him sounding like a full-fledged parent. Bull shit! You wanna know who's been more of a pa-parent? Cassie, my own s-sis-sister, and Aunt Fee; where both of them should be living their lifes out! I mean, Cassie and her boyfriend would married right now, if I wasn't born. Sure, he's my father, but he was never my dad. He was never, ever around to play with me when I was young, he was never around to help me with my homework, he was never around for my games. It was always Cassie and Aunt Fee, and occasionally Aunt Fiona's husband! My u-uncle is more of a parent then my dad is! Is that sad? Tell me that's sad, Topher! Tell me it’s sad! Tell me that my dad can't start being a parent, when he hasn't for my whole life!"

By the time I finished, tears were racing down my cheeks, making my eyes ruby-red. I hated when I cried because one time, a friend I had way back, used to say whenever I sobbed full on, that it looked like I had Christmas colors on my face, due to my lively green eyes. Christmas flushed. That only made me cry harder.

Topher took his sweet time trying to gather the words from his brain to his lips. "It is sad," he said, his words soft and slow. Then he got up, grabbed his jacket, which he left on the very corner of the bed, and left the room, presumably to go home or snitch all this to my family. Who decides to care and shelter this messed-up sixteen-year-old, I asked myself. God knows why they haven't sent me to a foster-care system yet.

I wiggled underneath the covers, and tried so hard to slow my breathing, I tried to calm my racing heart as flashbacks from last night and not even hour ago riddled through my brain. I was unnerved and everything screamed through me, as I felt like my body was being ripped away from me. I felt so much pain in my head, and my heart, and in my body that I felt like I was going to die. I couldn't fall asleep and soon I actually did, surprisingly. The ache in my body soon dispersed, yet the throbbing in my head never slowed; it only increased. The pain in my heart never stopped, it only stayed at the same pace.

I was a storm.

Scratch that.

I am a storm. I'm a freaking storm and I just want everything to stop. To slow and to cease. To halt.