HELP Solo Finished

Dear Prim,

HELP ME. There is something seriously wrong. I think I have a crush but it's not a good crush. I don't even know if it is a crush because I've never had one. And all boys are horrible disgusting little Flobberworms most of the time. Anyways, whatever this is, it's bad because I hate him but I also like him because he's cute sometimes but ALWAYS ANNOYING AND EVIL. And I can never EVER let him know that I like him even if it's just a little because he will never let me live it down. He will make fun of me and bully me for the rest of eternity and I'll have to get myself expelled myself from Hogwarts by possibly blowing up the Great Hall and then somehow figure out a way to be thrown into Azkaban forever. (I have several ideas but I would need to borrow obscene amounts of Floo Powder and possibly that one doll you have that we think is cursed.)

In short, I WANT TO DIE THIS IS SO HORRIBLE. HOW do I get over this immediately??? Is there a spell you know? Can I just poison him? I hate crushes and I hate him but I always feel so funny when I'm around him, like there's flaming butterflies in my stomach and I don't know if I want to throw them all up or hold his hand out of impulse. I DON'T KNOW AHHHHH. What I do know is that he can never find out and that I need to get over this right now!!!

Your extremely desperate sibling,

PS This was too confidential to tell you in person because you never know which paintings gossip or not (speaking from personal experience. Merlin I hate that stupid knight portrait.) So I've sent you an owl TRUSTING that you will not allow it to fall into the wrong hands. Or any hands for that matter. Not even Maisie knows of this (too embarrassed to admit weakness over a boy). I will kill you if anyone finds out and that is a promise.

@Gabriele Ricci-Armani