13 Jan 2025, 02:26
Melancholia
banner by winnie harper
time- noon
ooc notes- continuation of xThe lock on Sage's trunk clicked shut. The room she had at Christopher's house was... gray. Cold, empty, heartless. It was as if she'd never lived there. Though, she did suppose part of her never had.
"All packed?" spoke Christopher from the doorway. "The car's all ready to go."
Sage lifted her trunk from where she'd packed it on her bed and turned to a man she felt she no longer knew. "Just... Can I have a second?" She spun in a slow circle, looking up to the white ceiling.
"Fine. I'll be in the car. Don't take long- I'm not getting you to the station late." And with that he left.
Sage flopped back onto the stiff mattress. It had snowed outside. It rarely snowed in Kent, specifically during December. But London snow was different from any snow Kent ever got, this was slush with muddy footprints in it. The hustle and bustle of London wouldn't even care if they were destroying such an important part of winter.
Sage sat up on the bed, looking around the room. Had this room truly been a place where she spent over half her life? The gray walls, the chill growing up her spine, was it all common for a younger version of her?
The only thing documenting her young self was a Polaroid photograph on one of the bare walls. Upon closer investigation of the fading image, a shuttering breath was drawn in and a sharp pain in her chest came.
A young Sage with cake all over her face, and a woman with the happiest smile Sage had ever seen. The remains of the cake on the bench the girls sat at read "Happy First Birthday" in curly script. Her first birthday must have been the celebration.
They'd only have one year after that... One short, microscopic year, and then some. She tore the photo off the wall and hugged it to her chest. She missed her. So much.
"Jesus, Sage, what's taking so-" Christopher wandered back into Sage's room, rubbing his glabella and sighing. His words stopped short when he saw Sage crying.
"Sorry. Sorry, I just need- I need a second." She lowered herself against a wall and put her head on her knees. "I'm not ready to leave her yet."
"Leave... who? Oh." His emotionless eyes found the photograph. "I forgot I didn't take that down."
Christopher bent down to take the fading picture and sat down on the floor with his daughter. He held it so both could see, speaking nothing else for a full five minutes.
"Why didn't you take it down?" Sage asked, wiping her nose on the back of her hand. "I mean, you took everything else from the room, so why not this?"
He held up his hand to stop her. "I didn't take everything. I just- just moved it to storage since... I didn't know if I'd have you back here again..."
"I'm here now, aren't I?"
"If you were me, Sage, watching your seven-year-old daughter, second wife, and step-daughter leave your home, you wouldn't be sure they were coming back. And then you don't hear from them in ages, your attempts are met with silence, then you start to mourn."
"Mourn? None of us died."
"Mourning doesn't just come with literal death. Losing you was the death of something else in me."
Part of Sage died when she left, too. Part of her was broken, shattered, never to be whole again. That empty part of her, she wasn't sure if she wanted it filled again. How would she know Christopher wouldn't hurt her again? Why subject herself to that?
"I've been mourning, too."
"Have you?"
Yes. I lost my father. You realize that, right? I lost my last biological parent. All because you refused to accept that I was growing up to be just like Mum." Sage stood up and began pacing, her hands shaking in front of her. "A witch is only one thing we both share. I'm a Metamorphagus just like she was. I look like her. I love reading like her. I lost my leg in the accident that took her life!"
Sage's voice rose with every syllable, every second when she realized how much Christopher despised her similarity to her mum. He didn't want to lose the same person again.
"Sage, let's calm down-"
"No! No, I will not calm down! We might have acted like 'best mates' yesterday, but I am done with forcing myself to love you again! I'm done. You moved me into storage, you cleaned me out of your home. You erased me." She stopped pacing and faced him. "I cut you out of my life, you weaseled your way back in. I responded, and wound up here. I can erase you too, no matter how much it hurts."
He stood and closed his eyes, head turned down to the floor. "Do you really want that?"
Sage wasn't sure. To lose him again, to suffer again, to let the hurt return, was it worth it? Cassie admitted to her that she had considered divorce, she had stopped loving him. Was Sage ready to stop loving her dad? Was anyone ever ready for that?
"It still hurts from what you did. This- you- is reopening the wound. But, I don't know. Can I leave again, can I put myself through the recovery again?"
Christopher checked his watch and grabbed Sage's trunk. "We're late."
There he went, avoiding the topic again. How long would it be before they talked about it? 5 years? 10? Never?
The two of them got into the car, and halfway through the drive to the train station, Christopher asked, "Will you be fine on the train by yourself?"
"I've been fine without you for six years."
Christopher's grip on the wheel tightened. "So did you like the movie I got you?"
Sage paused. "It was sad. It was... beautiful."
"I knew you'd like it!"
But you don't know anything else about me...
Sage's melancholia enveloped her, pounding in her ears and drowning her at sea. She didn't say a whole word until they arrived at the station. Christopher walked her up to her platform and waited with her for the few moments until the train arrived.
Then the awkward moment came when it came time to say goodbye. Again. Only, last time she hadn't said goodbye.
"Uh, well, I suppose this is it. Have a happy Christmas Eve and happy Christmas with Cassie and Kora."
She awkwardly nodded before stepping on the train and sitting down. She watched him through the window. That time, he waited. He waited to see her safely off. Who knew how much time would pass until they saw each other next?
Would the melancholia be forever?
