Date: 5th November 2024

A dark presence had fallen over Durmstrang as grief clung to the air and strangled breath from throats. Everything seemed somehow quieter like the very soul of the place had been lifted straight from under them and torn away, he suppose it had with their headmistress gone. With everything he had faced last month when they left for Hogwarts even Nikolai 'sun child' Vol'ka couldn't manage to summon a brightness in these hallowed halls. It was as if the world had simply forgotten to keep moving and yet everyone was to just go about their usual schedule as if a bomb hadn't literally dropped a mere fortnight ago. Still pained from his injuries the boy wandered the halls aimlessly vehemently refusing to attend classes until he stumbled upon the first memorial.

Attached to a locker hung a photograph of a boy he hardly recognised adorned with flowers beneath and notes of well wishes and sorrow. An homage for the departed soul, a soul of which he couldn't even address with a name let alone a memory. How in the world could someone go from being a person to a memory so quickly. Well that he supposed he knew given the circumstances with his own family. Trying to save his old family had practically shattered his new one and he was powerless to do anything to stop any of it. Life was just spinning so violently out of control and Nikolai begged more than anything for everything to just stop. Suddenly it wasn't just life spinning as the walls themselves began to swirling around his fractured mind like sharded glass piercing at every point of his skull.

The young Russian was no stranger to panic attacks but this was something more, something deeper. Likely it was something he was going to have to get used to for a while. Fear he thought he had become a master of now seeped back into this fragile mind and he found himself clinging to the wall behind, images of the boys face as well as countless others he had seen since the memorial. Flashes of the devastation of that day, the feeling of smoke choking at his lungs retching at his lungs. Hyperventilating he desperately dug his fingers into his hands trying anything to regain composure and stop the axis from swirling endlessly but nothing was working. Every time he managed to slow the world down for even a second he remembered the damage from both the event and his own subsequent injuries. Memory from the attack hadn't come back and likely never would but the pain was all too present.

Tears beginning to run down his face and he choked helplessly on air that refused to greet him he forced his eyes shut and envisioned himself surrounded in a library with gentle amber light filtering through stained glass. It was the smallest nook of his bedroom and a place he felt entirely safe. Barricading himself against the walls of his mind now littered with books he fought for comfort in the warmth of the place, in the smell of familiarity and safety. Slowly opening his eyes he found himself tucked down into a shell like position still violently shaking from the emotion. The feelings that resided within him were dark and corroding and left him with the unwavering dread of helplessness. It was sickening.

Still clutching at the ground for support he staggered his way forward and forced himself to face the picture. Forced himself to face the reality of the life that was lost. Whoever this boy was deserved to be remembered and not simply on a locker but something permanent, a record of his life, his accomplishments, goddamn even just his friends. Any memories of himself and all the others too should be immortalised in the school. A school that had only just seen fit to allow them in and had already failed them. Nikolai had managed to help Madhup save many that day but each of these students haunting faces was a reminder that they had still failed as a people. A daily reminder of how he had failed to help his family. Maybe he couldn't do anything for them then but he owed it to them to do it for them now.

Still staring at the gentle memorial he allowed a final tear to slip down his face, pretending as if he had any power over the fact, so lost in the emotion he didn't even notice the presence of another until he was upon him.

Interacting with Luka Antonov @Alexandria Clark