21 Nov 2024, 01:09
A Happiness Unachievable
october 19th, 2024 wc: 900 interacting with: zyair ona'je
(and/as their inpcs)Zyair already had a date to the Gala, he had told Scout when he first arrived to Hogwarts and after everything had blown up. Apparently it was quite a scare and a confusion for him, and at the time Scout had felt horrible. Getting almost set on fire? Seeing someone literally get set on fire in front of you? The thought alone would've made her stomach twist with terror and agony, it must've been much worse to see it in person, to experience the flames on his skin.
But right now, Scout was kinda wishing he had been too injured to dance, because that was what him and some cute girl were doing. Dancing, talking, smiling- it was too much for Scout to bear even looking at. Of course she was cute, long hair and a pretty dress that rivaled Scout's mediocre outfit- it wasn't a new and shiny dress, but an old one her dad had tailored. She insisted on not wearing something new, he had been the one to offer to take her to a muggle store or magic store and buy whatever dress she wanted.
Scout wanted to act on what her and Ophelia had talked about in the bathrooms a few weeks ago, making her own style. Finding out what clothes really suited her, what really was her. For Ophelia it was nothing more than fashion advice, but for Scout it was a closer step in being more human, less monster. Her inner turmoil would diminish if she wore something that was sweet and lovely but still Scout, a nice mix.
But this stupid girl with luscious long hair and pretty green eyes was making Scout wish she had bought a dress on par with that girl. Maybe then she'd have the same attention that the girl was getting- oh if only she knew her name! She'd be begging Emily to teach her jinxes and curses all for her! And that mask that obscured her face, didn't guys like mysterious girls? Damn it, why did Zyair have to be some stupid guy!
The annoyance must've been obvious on her face, two boys that were talking near her gave her a concerned glance and that really set her off. For just a moment she wondered how badly she was overreacting, how stupid it probably seemed to everyone else. Zyair was literally just some guy and Scout didn't even like him that much! He was the closest thing she had gotten to a close confidant since Emily, but she didn't even like him. His existence swayed her dreams and danced in her mind any time she wasn't actively focusing but-
For the first time since the event had started, Zyair and Scout locked eyes. For the first time since Zyair had made it to Hogwarts, Scout felt overwhelmingly sick. She could feel her throat seizing up and the anger died in her eyes. She was getting angry over some random girl and guy and she didn't understand why people saw her as a monster? She didn't know, really? The eye contact was prolonged, he didn't look away and the terror in her eyes made her realize she couldn't look away either.
As a child, Scout had always moved first and thought later. Her body was first and her mind came second, she'd often run before she would get a chance to really understand a situation.
Her feet slammed against the floors of the Great Hall, roughly navigating and pushing through the crowds of people long before her brain could process what she was even doing. What a coward she was, running and hiding from a problem she didn't want to acknowledge she had! By the time she had successfully ran out of the Great Hall, she didn't have any clue where she would go. While the thought of finding and confiding in Emily seemed appealing, it was likely that Emily was still inside, and Scout couldn't face the crowd of happy people again. Not until she calmed down anyway.
The moon was out by the time she had made it onto the grassy fields by the Great Lake. Everything was quiet, and Scout took great care to make sure nobody was nearby- almost-black eyes surveying the world around her before she yanked off the cardigan over her dress and sobbed into it, muffling the sound to the best of her ability. Snot and tears rubbed against the white fabric, the sight making Scout cry even harder.
Why did she feel like this? Why did seeing Zyair with some girl make her feel this way?
"Damn it!" Through the tears, she yanked the cardigan away and began slamming her fists on the ground, dramatic as ever. "Damn it, damn it, damn it! I hate him! I hate him so much-" she hiccupped "I hope he dies! I hope that stupid girl dies too! I hate him! Why didn't he ask me, why did he ask her?!" In a final moment of anger, she slapped her hands against the grass. It didn't really help, and she only felt worse when she had to wipe her tears and snotty nose with her hands that were now mildly tinged green and smelled like soil and pebbles, but it did feel a little freeing.
Wiping her eyes one more time, she finally began to calm down. Her chest heaved with a few broken-off sobs, but she felt a little better now. It didn't even occur to her that someone had begun to approach her.
don't look at me; you can't understand, right? i'm just like a monstrous flower that bloomed too soon
scout fu-hai & zyair ona'je