Taking Control
@Alec Mason | May 2nd
"Argh!"
With an outcry of frustration, Opeila threw the rock she had been playing with into the lake, angrily blinking back the tears that threatened to spill over. Since when was she an angry crier? For a second, she clenched her hands into fists, before opening them again to press her finger tips against the sides of her head, in the hope to silence the pain that had steadily increased, the longer she pushed herself.
Ever since the forest, since Vladimir, something seemed to block her from functioning normally. Whenever she attempted to contact Alec via binding mark, she had to cut off the connection within a few minutes, ask him to stop talking when every syllable felt like a hammer against her brain, vibrating through every inch of her, freezing her. Not quite as bad as Vladimir's voice had been, but enough to make her back out.
But that didn't make it better. The late night talks used to end her day nicely, made her drift off to sleep with a smile. Now that these couldn't happen anymore, she was haunted by nightmares, even now, months later. And now... she was done. There had to be a way to break through, if it was all just in her head now. If not... she couldn't, no, she couldn't think about that possibility. If Vlad actually caused some irreparable damage in her head, she didn't know what she would do.
She had tried so much. Meditation, keeping the binding mark open while going to sleep- she hoped she hadn't kept Alec awake that night- different scents, different locations, keeping something in her hand like that stupid, useless rock. She was sure that Alec had felt the tug on the mark in the last few minutes too.
In the worst moments, she wanted to undo it. Wished she had never put this burden on him, that she could release him from it now. He had repeatedly told her that he was there for her, but never had he signed up for any of these long term effects. It wasn't fair.
Pressing her eyes shut, Opeila leaned back against the tree, let her fingers run over the rough material of the blanket she had brought outside. Took a deep breath. Held her face into the cool breeze that seemed to soothe the headache a little.
Taking Control
He thought it was strange when the long they had once filled with conversation became silent. It was hard for him to tell whether it’d been her pulling away or something more. He kept up with her, but never pried, if she wanted to talk about it she’d come to him. Alec thought he’d been doing the right thing by giving her the space she seemed too need, now he was beginning to wonder if he’d been wrong.
Alec exhaled, ignoring the tightness in his chest. Alec rubbed at his eyes, there were dark circles under his eyes that almost looked sunken in. At this rate he looked like one of the undead, he’d pass for @Wyatt Starkey and no one would know the difference. His eyelids felt heavy and the sleepless night pulled at him like a siren trying to whisk him to sleep. He caught himself before he could not off and refocused himself on his task once more. He focused on pouring tea for himself and only hoped he didn’t spill it because that was the last thing he needed. He felt the tug on his mark and paused. He blinked before reaching to grab a second glass to pour tea in.
Alec had never been much for sleep. From his earliest years he’d found solace as he roamed the streets under the stars. In the cover of night he had the freedom to be whatever he wanted to be, free from judgment and criticism of his family. He was free from the long late night arguments of his parents. Free from the responsibilities so often placed on him. His nightly excursions were a formative childhood experience, Alec still to this day felt the most.. Er- at home, in the night. All this to say he was accustomed to running on less sleep.
As he’d come to find out, it was a delicate balance between sleep and wake for him, one Opeila had been unintendedly disrupting. It made him wonder how much she actually slept, but he wasn’t going to prod when he wasn’t any better. With how many times he’d been falling asleep in class he had a feeling none of the professors’ were too keen on him now. His grades had started slipping too.Even with a howler he couldn’t bring himself to care, not really. Right now, he was more worried for Opeila than himself.
Alec reached for an extra layer to put on, tugging the sweater over his head, he reached for the glasses and made his way out to the grounds and eventually towards the lake. The convenience of the binding mark was that it didn’t take much to know where she was. As he walked, careful not to spill the tea he vaguely wondered if Opeila had ever clocked his late night excursions before she started having trouble with the binding mark. They weren’t nightly the way they used to be before hogwarts, but these late night excursions were so intrenched into his being that he’d never been able to kick the habit.
Alec would have been delusional to think that after all this time she’d never noticed. Sometimes he forgot just how intimate having a binding mark was. It was deeply vulnerable and made him feel in a way sort of exposed. Alec didn’t have the freedom to retreat back into himself and pull away when he felt too vulnerable the way he was used too. He’d always been okay with surface-level relationships because they were easy to handle, he could never be rejected or abandoned if he never gave people enough of himself to be rejected or abandoned with.
His and Opeila’s relationship primarily centered around her, well not always, but out of the two of them, he knew more about her situation than she did his. That’s what he preferred, it made him feel safe. Opeila knew she could rely on him. Opeila knew him, but she didn’t really know him. Most of his relationships were that way, surface-level.
As much as he tried to close himself off from her, parts of him slipped through in the conversations they used to have that lasted into the early hours of the morning. The physical distance made him feel safe, in those hours they spoke about nothing and everything… It wasn’t particularly deep or vulnerable, but that was the point. They were two kids just being kids for once in their lives
As he walked out on the grounds, the cool breeze made him shiver involuntarily. At least he had the tea to keep his hands warm. As he arrived at the lake he spotted her sitting on a blanket leaning against a tree. His steps slowed as he got closer. “Opeila?” He called gently when he was a few feet away from the blanket so as not to startle her.
Alec hummed, he tilted his head and eyed her with a lopsided smile that even he surprised himself with his ability to muster it up. “Already at it again?” He spoke as if rather they weren’t broaching the subject for the first time and they’d already had a million conversations about her struggle with the binding mark before. He looked over at her tenderly. “Take a break,” he nodded towards the cup in his right hand and held it out for her to take, “yours”. He moved to sit beside her. The tight feeling in his chest rose up once more. His eyes drifted towards the lake. Watching the water flow in a rhythmic motion.
@Opeila Winters
Alec exhaled, ignoring the tightness in his chest. Alec rubbed at his eyes, there were dark circles under his eyes that almost looked sunken in. At this rate he looked like one of the undead, he’d pass for @Wyatt Starkey and no one would know the difference. His eyelids felt heavy and the sleepless night pulled at him like a siren trying to whisk him to sleep. He caught himself before he could not off and refocused himself on his task once more. He focused on pouring tea for himself and only hoped he didn’t spill it because that was the last thing he needed. He felt the tug on his mark and paused. He blinked before reaching to grab a second glass to pour tea in.
Alec had never been much for sleep. From his earliest years he’d found solace as he roamed the streets under the stars. In the cover of night he had the freedom to be whatever he wanted to be, free from judgment and criticism of his family. He was free from the long late night arguments of his parents. Free from the responsibilities so often placed on him. His nightly excursions were a formative childhood experience, Alec still to this day felt the most.. Er- at home, in the night. All this to say he was accustomed to running on less sleep.
As he’d come to find out, it was a delicate balance between sleep and wake for him, one Opeila had been unintendedly disrupting. It made him wonder how much she actually slept, but he wasn’t going to prod when he wasn’t any better. With how many times he’d been falling asleep in class he had a feeling none of the professors’ were too keen on him now. His grades had started slipping too.Even with a howler he couldn’t bring himself to care, not really. Right now, he was more worried for Opeila than himself.
Alec reached for an extra layer to put on, tugging the sweater over his head, he reached for the glasses and made his way out to the grounds and eventually towards the lake. The convenience of the binding mark was that it didn’t take much to know where she was. As he walked, careful not to spill the tea he vaguely wondered if Opeila had ever clocked his late night excursions before she started having trouble with the binding mark. They weren’t nightly the way they used to be before hogwarts, but these late night excursions were so intrenched into his being that he’d never been able to kick the habit.
Alec would have been delusional to think that after all this time she’d never noticed. Sometimes he forgot just how intimate having a binding mark was. It was deeply vulnerable and made him feel in a way sort of exposed. Alec didn’t have the freedom to retreat back into himself and pull away when he felt too vulnerable the way he was used too. He’d always been okay with surface-level relationships because they were easy to handle, he could never be rejected or abandoned if he never gave people enough of himself to be rejected or abandoned with.
His and Opeila’s relationship primarily centered around her, well not always, but out of the two of them, he knew more about her situation than she did his. That’s what he preferred, it made him feel safe. Opeila knew she could rely on him. Opeila knew him, but she didn’t really know him. Most of his relationships were that way, surface-level.
As much as he tried to close himself off from her, parts of him slipped through in the conversations they used to have that lasted into the early hours of the morning. The physical distance made him feel safe, in those hours they spoke about nothing and everything… It wasn’t particularly deep or vulnerable, but that was the point. They were two kids just being kids for once in their lives
As he walked out on the grounds, the cool breeze made him shiver involuntarily. At least he had the tea to keep his hands warm. As he arrived at the lake he spotted her sitting on a blanket leaning against a tree. His steps slowed as he got closer. “Opeila?” He called gently when he was a few feet away from the blanket so as not to startle her.
Alec hummed, he tilted his head and eyed her with a lopsided smile that even he surprised himself with his ability to muster it up. “Already at it again?” He spoke as if rather they weren’t broaching the subject for the first time and they’d already had a million conversations about her struggle with the binding mark before. He looked over at her tenderly. “Take a break,” he nodded towards the cup in his right hand and held it out for her to take, “yours”. He moved to sit beside her. The tight feeling in his chest rose up once more. His eyes drifted towards the lake. Watching the water flow in a rhythmic motion.
@Opeila Winters