Dangerous Territory Solo

september 2024		at uagadou, somewhere
wc: 900		zyair ona'je - uagadou
sending letter to: scout fu-hai		mentioning: Ariam Vargas | @Aston Beckett & Casey Stone | @Emily Shephard

It's midnight when Zyair is awoken by a consistent tap at his bedside. He peeks an eye open and unwillingly pushes himself awake when he sees a beautiful brown owl waiting impatiently for him. Who in the world is sending him a letter so late in the night? At first he worries it's his mother sending him an emergency-related letter, but they live in the city and she never sends owls, so he wonders if its his sister asking if he got to school alright. He doesn't even look at the way his name is written on the front, only opening the letter to confirm it's not an actual emergency. When he realizes the handwriting is unrecognizable, he lets out a short breath.

But that begs the question, who would send him a letter so late in the night? He didn't recognize this owl as one of the one's his friends owned (and it's not the one that brought Ariam's letters)- actually, Zyair doesn't recognize the owl at all. It's clearly young and whoever takes care of it does a good job... maybe he should read the letter so he can figure out who actually sent both the paper and the owl.

"Hm..."

He keeps his voice quiet (since it's so late), but he mutters the letter out loud. He knows by the rushed writing style and handwriting that it has to be Scout. There's nobody else he spoke to in such a way (save for Casey but... Zyair was going to have to figure out a way to address the situation without making either of them mad), and, well... the letter screamed her personality all over it, from the heart dotted 'i' to the fact that she didn't even sign it. It was like her to forget to do that, he thought.

While he does think about just going back to bed (he has things to do in the morning), he knows good and well that there's no way he'll be able to sleep after what he's read. Her confession was a little gut-wrenching, even if the things she was feeling weren't extended to him, Zyair felt a little responsible for her reaction. That night they had talked, he was glad she had remembered what he had told her, but he could've handled the situation a little better, couldn't he?

He takes out the pen Eba got him and begins to write out his response. It might've been a good idea to write out his letter over the desk (which is what they're commonly used for), but he instead presses the paper against the windowsill. It was dark out, but he could see just fine from the light infiltrating from the window. Little mattered besides getting his response back to Hogwarts in a timely manner. Also... the owl was giving him a side-eye.

I've read through your letter a few times and given everything you've said a good once-over. I'm sorry to hear about the things you've experienced, and if it eases any of your anxiety, I don't think you're a bad person. My sister would tell me of the things she did when she was young and (in her words) inexperienced, and what you've told me pales in comparison.

In my opinion, a bad person is someone who intentionally tries to hurt others. They enjoy seeing others upset and do not wish to change their ways. So, by my definition, you're not a bad person. A fight with someone isn't the end of the world (I hope by 'unforgiveable', that's what you meant), and a few fights isn't going to change my opinion on anyone. Sometimes we do things we regret in the heat of the moment, and sometimes our actions are influenced by our moods and emotions.

And, for your information, I've met Casey before. I'm not sure what he could've done to provoke you like that, but I can understand your frustration. He seems like a good person, if a little rough around the edges. If there ever comes a time where you and him can overcome your differences, I think you'd find yourself enjoying his presence. (He knows some circus tricks, you should ask him if he'd show you a few.)

I apologize for jumping from topic to topic, but I'd like to also mention that that's something I appreciate about you. Not to state the obvious, but even though we both know little about one another, I can tell that you're a very courageous and friendly person. My English vocabulary might be lacking a little bit, so pardon that, but I do think you're quite lovely. You're certainly the most intricate and vivacious person I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.

Obviously I'm sure my words mean little to you, but it doesn't sit right with me knowing that you don't see yourself the way I'm sure many people do. As for advice... I'm honestly not sure what to say beyond what I already have. I consider myself the kind of person to focus on logic and reasoning rather than emotion, if there's only one thing you take from this response letter, let it be this:

You're a good person. If it will help, I will tell you this every time we're able to talk. I'd also like to reiterate that if you ever decide you want to tell me that secret, I will listen.

september/october 2024		gryffindor dorm, early morning
wc: 1k ish		dhampir | sensitive to sunlight
sending letter to: zyair ona'je		mentioning: Casey Stone & @Emily Shephard

The following morning after Scout sent her letter off, she consciously made the decision to pretend it never happened. She had managed to convince herself that there was no reason Zyair would even get her letter, let alone read it and decide to respond to it. Her feelings on the situation seemed to change at a flick of the wrist, and she'd go from passionate and needing to hear his opinions to hoping he never even got the letter.

'You are too complex.'

She had to agree with that one. Scout was too complex, especially as of late. She liked it much better when she was in her first year, and her emotions were always on the positive end of the scale, rather than the negative. It was easier to be pessimistic and gloomy, but she longed for the warmth she knew she used to have. Why in the world did she feel such a way? It was so unlike her. Where had Scout really gone? This couldn't be the same happy-go-lucky girl that was buying stuffed animals just a few months prior, could it?

Her thoughts (however many she had) were cut short when Pebble flew onto her bed. It was early enough that the sun was just beginning to rise, but not so late that the other girls were waking up. Admittedly, Scout needed the distraction. Her sleep schedule had decimated in terms of quality since she had first sent Pebble to Uagadou, though the two probably weren't connected. It wasn't like Scout was known for her perfect attendance, both before Hogwarts and during it. There were quite a few cases where she had missed breakfast and first period, it was harder to wake up without her dad bugging her.

"Who's it from, Pebs?" Her dad had promised her a few extra sickles for her monthly allowance, but Pebble didn't have a package with him, so maybe it was just Baishu telling her she'd have to wait a few more days before she could have the coins. "Hm, that's weird. Who wrote this?" It wasn't addressed to her by name, but the handwriting on the front of the letter was exquisite- she had never seen someone write so beautifully in cursive!

...

She had been doing okay. That morning (though it was early), she had been doing okay. The negative thoughts about herself had been quiet, but reading his letter made them spring to life with a sudden vigor that Scout wished she had when she dueled. It wasn't that the words he said were cruel- it was the total opposite. He was too... kind, too sweet, too soft. She didn't deserve that kind of response.

At first she contemplated whether or not he did actually mean it, but while Scout lacked wisdom, she wasn't that stupid. His words were sincere. She was just undeserving, and every thought she had after she read his letter reiterated that as much as possible. It would be impossible to convince her that she wasn't some horrible monster that did not deserve human kindness. It had to be, it had to be. Thoughts jumbled back and forth between her head, none particularly sticking out. Why was everything blurring together? Oh, she was crying. That was why.

'You want help, and now you don't accept it.'

'Your complexity will be your downfall, vampire.'

Vampire, monster. They meant the same thing to her.

I read your letter.

You've met Casey? Maybe we're talking about different ones, because the guy I met was a real piece of work. Like, okay, here's the thing. My friend- her name is Emily Shephard, she's a Hufflepuff, short, squishy, real cute girl- anyway, so from what I think, she somehow got ahold of this picture that was Casey's, and it was like a total accident. Then, he blew up at her, and obviously I was like not okay with that, so I told him to buzz off, and then he got mad at me and I got mad at him and then... you were spot on, we started fighting.

But not like fighting like it was fair, he walked away and then I casted some jinx at him, I don't even remember which one. It's so weird, I don't even remember casting it at all, or grabbing my wand or anything like that! Why did I do that? Good people, even by your definition, don't just do that! They have to be corroded and horrible to want to hurt someone who couldn't even fight back. I bet he would've too, if he could have.

I should've told you the real story, that way you could know what kind of person I really am. I can't be good, it's just not possible. I feel like a monster all times of the day. You're a really good person, Zyair, much better than I am. I'm really sorry for sending you these insanely emotional letters at random, I'd just rather not tell anyone here what's going on.

Your sister sounds nice, what's she like? I wish I had siblings, but I'm kind of thankful I don't. It's hard enough being a dhampir as is, I'd hate to force someone else to deal with it. I'm an only-child, but I'm really close with my cousin. Not anymore.

Do you think there's something wrong with me? Besides the obvious 'being a monster'. I mean, normal people don't fight random kids and don't yell at people and don't do dumb stuff without thinking, and they especially don't send random letters to some guy they barely even know! I don't even know why I'm upset, but I am! I felt fine not when I started writing this letter but now I'm so upset and it's just not fair. Why am I even whining??

I just hope you're doing well. Yeah, just ignore everything else I wrote, please.

september 2024		at uagadou, somewhere
wc: 900		zyair ona'je - uagadou
sending letter to: scout fu-hai		mentioning: Casey Stone | @Emily Shephard

He couldn't stop thinking about her.

What had Scout done to him?

Every moment of freedom was spent with his thoughts clouded by the red-headed girl from Hogwarts. As soon as he laid down in bed, he wondered if she had gotten his letter, what she thought about it, what she thought about him. Had he done the right thing in given her the advice he did? Or was he too forward, too prude? Did she even believe the words he wrote down on paper a week or two ago? Maybe everything he said was jumbled together and impossible to understand.

Zyair was a mess. He felt... conflicted; complex, in every way. Every time he thought he had his emotions and feelings figured out, he'd be sidelined by another thing that was brought to his attention. It was a mess, and god- was this how Scout felt? Although she was burdened with guilt, he was burdened with confusion. Had he done the right thing? Said the right words? It wouldn't be a stretch to say he did care deeply for her, had he conveyed that through his letter?

When the same brown owl flew into his window at midnight once more, it was like the pit in his stomach was lifted. This was his chance to finally settle his inner anxieties, he could finally, finally know what she really thought of his words. It was embarrassing to admit how he really felt about the situation. It was so unlike him, and it felt like he was venturing into some really dangerous territory.

Zyair- he didn't consider himself the kind of guy to be easily upset. He knew he wasn't, he didn't get upset when he lost duels, he didn't cry when sad movies played, he didn't even get angry when unfair things happened around his household. Okay, maybe he got upset once when his mama gave his toy to Chi, but that was years and years ago. Now? He didn't even give a chance to the ideology of feeling intense emotions.

But thinking of her...? It felt like knives stabbed into his heart when his mind even trailed to her.

-

The pit in his stomach came back almost as soon as it disappeared. As his eyes scanned through her letter, he knew his words were ineffective. Damnit, what could he have said different? How could he have worded his sentences better? She wasn't a bad person, how did he tell her that in a way that wasn't so blunt? Clearly being blunt wasn't going to work. But how does he explain how he feels in a way that would make her believe him?

Why was he getting so frustrated? It was so unlike him. Scout wasn't a monster, why did it make him so angry to even think that she believed that she was a bad person. But why? If this were anyone- anyone else, he'd feel indifferent. Maybe he'd feel a bit of pity but how other people felt was their business, not his. He wouldn't want someone trying to solve his issues for him, why didn't this extend to Scout?

He couldn't stop himself from writing back, his letters blurring from the intensity of his hand pressed against the ink and parchment.

I'm not at all bothered by the letters you send, emotional or not. I just want you to know that I'm always here, alright? It's important to me that you know that you can rely on me, and there's never going to be a time where I think you're a monster- no matter what you do. If there's only one thing you can take away from these conversations, let it be that.

And don't worry, I do understand where you're coming from with Casey. Now that you explained the situation more, it makes sense. I can see him being rude without meaning it, especially if your friend really was so kind. I mentioned something about mysteries and lost people to him, and his reaction was in tune with what you're describing. I think he's just dealing with some things that we don't know about, give him some grace. I know that might be a bit selfish of me to say, but I do think he deserves at least that.

You have a heart of gold, I promise. I know it might seem tarnished now, but that won't last forever. You're lovely. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with you, nothing that could be wrong with you. I may not be a genius of any kind, but I know when someone is good, and I know that you are good. There is so much love in your soul, and maybe I can't properly articulate my words, but I hope you're able to understand everything nonetheless.

Tu es comme un ange pour moi.

If it'd help you feel better or distract you, my sister is kind. She lives in London and works for the Ministry there. She takes after my father, he was an Auror. I don't know why she moved to London, to be frank, I find it to be overwhelming and smells atrocious. Forgive my bluntness, if you happen to live there. My younger sisters are twins and they're equally as mischievous as the other. But it's alright, I like taking care of them.

What's it like being an only child? Tell me more about it, it'll take your mind off of things, I hope.

translation: you are an angel to me
_{and ofc mentioning the lovely @Aston Beckett}

october 2024		owlery, late at night
wc: 1k ish		dhampir | sensitive to sunlight
sending letter to: zyair ona'je		mentioning: Casey Stone & @Emily Shephard & @Aston Beckett

She had been sitting on his letter for a week now. Every single morning Scout would wake up, read his letter, and then shove it to the furthest back of her mind until she couldn't physically ignore it any longer. Which was today, five days before the day the students from around the world would come to Hogwarts. Five days before she would have to see Zyair again. And she couldn't put it off any later, because he wouldn't get her letter before he would come to Hogwarts.

At first, she contemplated telling him about literally every thought on her mind. The good, the bad, the ones that whispered nasty names in her ears, and the ones that told her to spill her heart out to him. But that was why she had to sit and think about everything she wanted to write. By this point she had gained some trust in him, she knew he wasn't going to tell her secrets to everyone in the world. But she also knew that she didn't know him at all. Maybe he thought vampires were monsters just as much as she did.

She couldn't risk him thinking she was a monster, not the way she did.

But Aston had said it best- 'you can't build a nice relationship on distrust'. Did she even want to build a 'nice relationship' with Zyair? He- he was a genius, smart, perfect, it was impossible to not want to have some kind of friendship with him! But to be friends with someone like him, that could really build her up to failure and... why was the idea of him being a horrible person really destroying her inside? He wasn't her best friend, not like Emily was. So why was her heart snapping at even the mere thought of it?

If only Emily were here, Scout really wished she could go to her for advice. She'd have to admit her true feelings about every situation she was going through right now, she'd have to tell Emily literally everything before she knew her friend would be able to give her the proper advice she needed to hear. Scout couldn't do that, not yet. If Emily worried about her... it'd kill Scout to know, to fathom. So here she was, stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Of course, she had a third option. Tell Zyair that they should meet up when Uagadou went to Hogwarts, then figure out how to navigate the situation from there. He was lovely in his letters, and she knew he was even kinder in person. Maybe it'd be easier that way. Actually- she knew it was going to be infinitely harder, but that was a problem for her when the ball came.

Hi.

I want to meet you in person when your school comes to Hogwarts. I want to talk about everything, I think. I want to tell you everything I can. Although I feel like I won't, I think I'll choke up and I'll leave out some important details. This is the most clarity I feel like I've had since I read your letter. Thank you for all the help you've given me, I really appreciate it.

I'm sorry I took so long to respond, honestly so much has happened here that I don't even know where to begin. Like, do I tell you that one of our Head of House's is a werewolf? Isn't that insane? A werewolf living with the rest of us, I wonder what other monsters lurk here. I don't think he's a monster, but I know I am. I ended up talking to a girl who got really heated over the whole thing, and I didn't fight with her. Are you surprised?

Plus it turns out that my friend, aforementioned squishy girl, invited Casey to the ball. I hope you're going to be there in case I freak out and jinx him again. I hope it doesn't happen, but you never know. I kind of assumed you were going to go, hence my opening line. If you're not, let me know. I probably won't go if you don't, actually. No pressure, though!

Sorry, I don't even know why I'm rambling on paper.

Being an only-child is nice, I guess. My mum is a Potioneer and works all the time, so my dad stays at home to take care of me. When I was younger I went to muggle school, which sucked. I hated it, but I kept going because I didn't want to disappoint my dad who encouraged me to go. Did you go to school? I know most people who know that they're magical don't, and get tutored or homeschooled instead. I really wish I had been homeschooled.

And don't worry, I don't live in London. I live outside of it by an hour and a half, and I absolutely agree with your statement. Most of my family lives outside Shanghai, and even though I've only been there a few times, the smell is exactly the same as it is in London. Gross and stuffy. Have you ever been to China? I mean, I assume not, but you should visit Fengjing, it's right outside of Shanghai and is so beautiful and the food is so good. It's where my dad grew up.

Do you have any other questions to ask me that aren't like... sad and secret related? I really like writing to you about happy things. By the way, I'm not quite sure what your French means (but I do know it's French!) provide a translation, please? If you don't, I'll have to start adding cryptic messages in Mandarin for you to try and decode.

march, 2025		at uagadou, somewhere
wc: 700		zyair ona'je - uagadou
sending letter to: scout fu-hai		mentioning: @Emily Shephard & sabrina | @Sage Willows

Really, I am. I wasn't expecting the gala to end the way it did, so please forgive me. I didn't think things would've exploded like that, and everything that happened was entirely my fault. Sabrina had every right to yell at me, to want to fight me, I have never been such an uncaring person in my life.

Frankly, it was so out of my character that I wasn't even sure how to address this letter to you, so forgive the length and the wait. I've had to do much more thinking in the past two-three months than I have in a while. I wasn't sure where to begin, although I figured an apology would be the best place to start. So, I'd like to reiterate: I'm so sorry for the gala, for leading another girl on and letting her treat you in the way that Sabrina did. I'm sorry for not giving you a proper goodbye before I left, a part of me thought it'd be rude to approach you again after what had happened, and I regret it. I wish it was possible to convey how much I regretted not telling you goodbye.

I understand if, on some level, you might not be able to trust me after what happened. If you don't want to talk to me again, I understand that as well, and I don't take any offense to it at all, so don't worry about that.

In the next month, the Spring Ball will be occurring. While I'm not sure I'm interested in the events, I'd like to ask to meet with you in person, so we can talk. And, if it means anything to you, I would like to formally ask you to attend with me. I am asking only you, and you are my first choice.

When Zyair hands the letter to one of the owls, he wonders if Scout will even read it. It's the shortest letter he's written to her by far, and half of it was just him apologizing profusely. He's never felt so awful, he's really never treated anyone as bad as he had treated Sabrina that night.

It makes him wonder, why in the world had he abandoned her like that? Why was he... why was he acting the way he had been for the past few months? Zyair wasn't reckless or uncouth, he always put a great deal of thought into his actions, everything he did was always carefully and thoughtfully put together. He didn't want to be the kind of person who acted without thinking, although he couldn't ever fault people who did act without thought.

Scout, he couldn't fault Scout.

Even if it didn't seem like she thought before she did something, even if it seemed like she jumped the gun without any second thinking, it made her actions more admirable in his eyes. She had hexed Casey, ran up to help Sabrina- done so much of what Zyair would ultimately consider good, and unlike him, she didn't need to think about it. Her heart was always in the right place, even if it meant she didn't hesitate to contemplate something before she did it.

He knew that if she were to avoid him, it'd be because he was unkind to Sabrina, too closed off to Casey, not because he hadn't thought enough about a situation. If only he were a different person, maybe he wouldn't feel so nervous sending a letter to her. It was just unlike him, he didn't feel like himself with this uncertainty.

early april 2025		owlery, late at night
wc: 600		dhampir | terrible presence
sending letter to: @Zyair Ona'je		mentioning: @Emily Shephard & @Casey Stone

i cried, still unable to say even goodbye, phony phony phony
tangled up in lies, i am a phony

Scout really, really didn't want to see Zyair. Not because she was angry or upset with him, not because she didn't forgive him for kind of ruining the Gala- but because she just... she didn't know what to do.

She had only just turned thirteen, and every day that passed made her really feel like it. Things had been pretty okay since the Gala, in all honesty. Her and Casey got kind of close, (at least closer than before), she spent time with Ophelia and Emily, and even had a weekend sleepover with the latter, things had been relatively okay. Then she went to Beauxbatons for a bit, and got to spend even more time with Emily... Colin was there too (major bummer), but she got to meet Cursa and some other girls as well. Things were... okay, at least for now.

Meeting up with Zyair, that probably wasn't a cause for chaos- but how was she supposed to know? How was she going to know if she spending time with him meant that another girl would end up with Scout as their number one enemy- or maybe that he'd get blown up again- Scout was a penchant for chaos, but she was starting to think Zyair was the exact same!

...

But that wasn't really the problem, was it?

No. It wasn't. The problem stemmed from one single fear, deeply rooted in Scout's psyche. If something went wrong- too wrong- then how close could Zyair get to learning her secret? The longer she pushed him away, the longer she could stave off him finding out who she really was. Sometimes, she'd think about what Aston had said- "You can't build a healthy relationship on lies", and scoff at the advice. Sometimes she'd take it seriously, and contemplate telling him everything.

She felt like such a phony, a fraud. How in the world could she be a Gryffindor, the house of the brave and courageous, how could she be that? She wasn't a lion, she wasn't brave- Scout was a coward. That's why her fingers trembled as she wrote the reply to Zyair's letter, that's why she couldn't really face him or tell him the truth.

I don't know what to say- it's really nice that you thought of me. But, I just don't really want to go to the Spring ball, and I'm probably just going to spend the event sleeping in my room.

And don't worry about what happened at the Gala, I've basically forgotten it already. Maybe we can get together with Casey and Emily over summer break? Emi came over to my house over Christmas, so maybe us four can do something like that for summer!

Thanks again for inviting me, sorry to disappoint!

It might be the fakest letter Scout's ever written, but she tries not to think about it as she hands it to Pebble. Her fingers tremble, and she starts to sniffle and whimper, wiping her eyes hurriedly. Why is she crying? Why is she crying? Zyair did something kind, he apologized and he even invited her to the Spring Soiree, he was being kind.

What follows is a state of catatonic rage, emotions flipping through her brain like a switch. She finds her feet slamming hard as she runs down the stairs from the Owlery, throwing her hands at the brick walls of the tower. She can feel the blood gathering at her hands from the scrapes she was getting, and she can feel her heels start to ache from how hard she was stomping them.

Phony. Monster.

Isn't that all you are?

date info at the bottom :]		at uagadou, somewhere
wc: 600		zyair ona'je - uagadou
sending letter to: scout fu-hai		mentioning: @Casey Stone

because this world is even more unkind / than what we imagined,
what I wanted to do, at the least / is to stay by your side.

When Pebble shows up on the window sill in his dorm room, Zyair is... well, he's honestly not sure what to think. He knew the letter he had written before was nothing short of rash, he knew that it didn't have all the words or emotions he wanted to convey, and he knew that... he wasn't sure what Scout's response was.

Upon opening and reading her letter, Zyair couldn't help himself from rereading it, over and over, over and over. He felt his hands trace over where her quill had been, the slightly bent and torn edges where she had clearly crumpled the paper. The letter is addressed to him, and Zyair can tell where she misspelled Uagadou, where she had tried to dot the 'i' in his name with a heart, only to scribble it out with ink.

He had never felt like he had known someone so completely from just a letter, not even from the contents, but the way it looked and felt in his hands. The actual letter was bullshit, he knew that. There were two keys, two things that stood out the most. The short replies, the phony rushed out apologies, that was not the way Scout had ever written a letter before, but... well, there was something that caught his attention far more than any word on the letter, or even the state of the parchment itself.

On the bottom right corner, a signature stared back at him. Signed, Scout. Scout? Not from 'me' or 'you know who', but from Scout?

It didn't take a genius to know why Scout didn't sign her letters with her name. And although Zyair might've only been short of being one, he figured it out easily. The contents in the letters were deeply personal. Zyair was fine with the idea of having it be tied back to him, the things he wrote. He was always a person who thought deeply about what he said or wrote, so he would never really regret them being aligned with his name.

But the same couldn't be said for Scout.

Zyair was fine with it, he was fine with waiting, fine with the patience, fine with telling her that he was there, that he wasn't going to go anywhere. Yeah, he was okay with that. But now she had signed her letter with her name? This was so out of character, he was far more worried for her than he could explain with words. But... what was he supposed to do? Clearly his letters weren't getting through to her... he just needed some reason to see her in person again...

Scout, I believe you've also received a letter from Casey, asking to accompany him to some... 'trip' in the U.S.A.. If I'm being completely honest, I feel a little apprehensive. I only can hope that this endeavor that he's going on is thought out fully, and not a result of poor emotional regulation and impulsiveness.

Although with our Casey, it's hard to tell.

I will meet you there, and I can only hope that then, we'll be able to have a talk about everything that's happened. I think it's important for you, as well as myself, to not let these things fester, and face them head on. So, keeping the tradition of shorter letters going, I will sign off here.

Ah, wait, I just realized that I wanted to talk to you about something else. If you recall, when we first met, you were buying the stuffed dog in a toy store. I have a present, and a surprise for you, when we meet. So don't feel too uneased, alright?

the first half of this post is dated april 2025, right before the spring ball
the letter portion is at the end of the school year, so june/july 2025