A Rock And A Hard Place Solo

May 2nd 2024

Hi Auntie,

Sorry I missed last week's letter. I had a whole load of exams back there... You know how it is, hehe! But I'm back. They're all finished. I think I did okay.

I could really use some advice though. So much has happened over the last few weeks and I don't really know how to process it all. I've snuck out to this nice little village, Hogsmeade - First Years aren't allowed to go there until they're at least in Third Year, but I knew I couldn't resist... Not just as a Muggle but just as me in general. But don't worry, I've only gone there twice and haven't been there since last month.

But while I was exploring I came across this freaky cool cloak which has allowed me to sneak into the Forbidden Forest. You remember what I told you about the Forest right? How it's meant to be filled with magical creatures and all?

Well... I snuck out one night to see for myself what it's like. It's beautifully creepy. Lots of trees and plants everywhere but terrifying at the same time. It really felt like something from a horror movie, or like that book I read, the one I told you about a few letters ago.

I heard so many things. Unordinary things. Inhuman things. Things that sounded like they could pounce on me. I was fascinated but I was terrified so I ran back. To this day, no one suspected that I'd snuck out at night.

But since then I've been doing some thinking... Perhaps I'm being childish, trying to live a childish fantasy, exploring the forest and acting like Little Red Riding Hood. Maybe because I can do magic now, I've become cocky and reckless. I'm worried Auntie, because before I ran I felt invincible. But when reality kicked in and my confidence waned, I suddenly realised just how small and inexperienced and... Pathetic I am.

I know you'll say that I was just being curious and that I've done no harm, but the thing is... I could've died. What if something could've and did catch me and... well, you know...? In that moment I thought of you... and our neighbours... even Mother and Father... Even they don't deserve to deal with a dead daughter.

I'd been afraid to go back since then. I'd only been a very small handful of times. No more than three. But I keep feeling this pit in my stomach. There's a huge awareness in me that prevents me from being courageous, as if I should be scared. As if I should know constantly I could die.

But at the same time... I want to know more. I want to see these creatures. I want to meet one. I've read about them in books and they're so different... They're fascinating. And unfortunately, some of them are even discriminated. And I love every living creature. I feel nothing but sympathy and want to spread my love for them. Remember when I was younger I wanted to be friends with vampires and werewolves and stuff? Well... Knowing that such creatures are real and more... I most definitely want to achieve that goal. I want to be friends with these creatures indefinitely.

But how could I get close if I'm afraid of what could happen? What if I'm wrong? What if it's an impossible thing that will refuse even a gentle soul's wish?

My desires, my skill, my hopes and common sense are clashing. It seems no matter how I look at the situation, I feel as if I'm still bound to hurt someone, if not myself.

What do I do? Please help me, Auntie. I need you now more than ever.

- Emily.