Finished PV Raizel Voltrouz Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

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❂《 ⌜ January 28, 2024 ▎ Some time after the duel ⌟

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Was it hours? Or perhaps just minutes? Either way, Raizel had been awake for some time. Despite the need for rest, she can't seem to find peace, not after that duel. Emotions were swirling inside, frustration, embarrassment, and moreover, disappointment. While yes, they went into that fray with one teammate doing nothing but staring and putting them at a disadvantage at the very beginning, this second year Gryffindor can't help but feel pathetic at how it went, at herself.

If only she was stronger then she wouldn't have to rely on her teammates. One missing person shouldn't be a problem. Not like she hasn't learned her lesson from her first official duel where the same situation happened. She should've trained more, got more spells, and perfect her spell casting.

Well, no… she did all that but the results were non-existent. She had been practicing hard, heck, she was going around challenging people, mostly older students just so she could get experience before this match… yet… it wasn't enough. Nothing was enough. The more she thinks about it, the more restless and desperate she gets. It's all she could think about and much like before, it's keeping her from getting rest, just like now.

Raizel had been staring at the hospital wing's ceilings for quite some time now, thinking about everything that had happened so far, her failures mostly, what she lacks. It was starting to feel so exhausting. Still, she can't seem to stop, the reason why she slowly found the strength to get up after those times of lying around and doing nothing. A couple of aches here and there, if there were still any left, won't stop her from just going back to practice.

But what was the point? She can't help but feel that… she's nothing but a burden now and she can't have that, not to these people who kind of tolerated her lack of fighting skills since they are still letting her stay despite her blunders. Raizel somehow felt guilty for that. If she's not gonna be useful… perhaps it was time to let duelling go. It's painful to do because it means that her grandmother was probably right about her. She couldn't achieve greatness, she's a failure because of her ‘tainted blood'.

Even if she quits duelling though, that doesn't mean she's giving up. After all, what she's truly after is the fighting and spellcasting experience. Perhaps duelling wasn't the right method for her to do so. Until she finds it, then she'll just have to continue on with her practice. Just as she was about to leave, the familiar voice of someone mumbling reached her ears, making her glance towards the bed and saw one of her teammates. Her name… Sere Nade was it?

“I'm sure you already know how the match goes.” She answered the first question that the girl wasn't probably aware that she was voicing it out. “That was a loss the moment it started and if you're asking for the other one… she got out of it unscathe.” there was a hint of annoyance when she finished that sentence, their teammate doing nothing had ticked her off. I mean, she had half the mind to fight Aries on that piste because… what's there to lose now that she thinks about it. In the end, she's going to leave the team anyway. The older one stood there, staring at Sere with an exhausted and serious gaze but eventually, it softened.

She's not that great in comforting but at least the girl deserves some praise considering that she stood her ground, performed way better than their other teammate, better than Raizel herself. “Still, you did great keeping up with everything.”

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⌜ Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder ⌟ | ⌜ WC: 619/200 ⌟
««««« Dialogue | #800000

Date	:	January 28th, 2024
Color code	:	Written|Thought|Said

Sere heard a girl's voice -clearly- responding to her thought. Ah, so I spoke my thought, again. The lioness immediately turned to the voice and found her dueling partner there. "Uh? Hi... So you're here too..." She massaged the back of her neck. No need to think complicatedly, the result is clearly 'it is a loss'. Moreover, exactly a second after she thought about that, Raizel made it clear with her words.

"So, we lost..." Sere's eyes are still directed to Raizel, but the sights are empty. She -once again- doesn't know how to express this experience. First about the shame and now about the lose. Her brain said that she has to be angry, disappointed, and embarrassed about all the things she faced today; but her heart -as if it's dead- doesn't sparks any feeling.

Busy with her own thoughts, all she could hear from Raizel were comforting words saying that she had done quiet well in the match, "No, no. Please don't say that." For Sere herself, her performance was still so far from good. "This is not a comforting words, but... I'm grateful having you as my first duelling partner. Thanks, Raizel."

Sere put the glass back on the bedside table and asked Raizel to come closer with her hand gesture, "Here, please. Let's talk for a moment. I need your thoughts. Would you?" Sere feels like she has to asked out her confusion to someone.

"First of all, this is not only a small talk, really, are you already feeling better?" Sere hugged her blanket, then continued with tons of question, "How is it, being a duellist? What do you usually feel when you... lose?" Sere thinks that her words were not pleasant enough, she cleared her throat, "Umm, sorry. I mean... Do you ever experience any loss before? How long have you been in duelling actually?"

Interacting with : @Raizel Voltrouz

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❂《 ⌜ January 28, 2024 ▎ Some time after the duel ⌟

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“What's there not to say really? You did well, there's no denying that.” Raizel shrugged before letting out a chuckle and then… a frown. “It would've been a lot better if you weren't partnered up with me though.” She uttered, disappointment present on her face as she looked down before returning her gaze back to Sere. There was a short pause, her thinking on what to do now as she just intended to give Sere a bit of praise before going her way but the first year seems to want to talk to her some more, especially when she started bombarding her with questions.

Change of plans then, might as well answer her questions. She, however, doubts she could even answer all of them. If it's about duelling, Sere is better off finding an experienced duellist, someone that's a lot better than her. She should know by now how horrible this Second Year is, considering how she just performed in that duel. Her advance spells were her only selling point as she couldn't even perform them right nor hit her target.

“Feeling better? I wish I was so no, not really.” She admitted with another chuckle although there was no indication that she finds it amusing and more like she's fed up by the same situation that she's always ending up with. “Can’t say I have the answer to that second question though, I don't think I can even call myself a duellist anymore. It was fun at first, now it's just… I don't know, tiring?” Exhaustion was once more taking over her body, the mental and physical fatigue from everything that had happened becoming more apparent as she talked. A sigh escaped her lips, hands reaching out towards her head and giving it a scratch.

“Pathetic… I feel pathetic, that's all.” Once again, she answered, albeit hesitant to do so. Raizel wasn't one to express what she's feeling that openly towards others, no one should know what she truly feels but guess this First Year somehow manages to convince her to say it. She didn't tell her everything anyway. Aside from being pathetic, there's frustration, incompetence. That feeling of never being enough despite her efforts eating her from the inside. “I lose quite a lot but most of them were just me being stupid for duelling older years. Thought it would help but still ended up losing my official ones. I've only been a duellist for a couple of months I guess. Our previous duel was my second official one but… it might also be the last.”

There was no way she's staying in the team, not after two consecutive loss. She's only a burden at this point and she doesn't want to keep dragging her team behind. Much more, there are better duellists out there, people that could carry the team. Until she's at that level, she's not gonna stand on that piste for the team ever again. Raizel stood there as she waited for Sere's response to her answers. She tried her best to answer them but they were probably not what this First Year wanted to hear. As much as Raizel wanted to be positive, she couldn't. After all, positivity is non-existent in her current situation.

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⌜ Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder ⌟ | ⌜ WC: 540/200 ⌟
««««« Dialogue | #800000

Date	:	January 28th, 2024
Color code	:	Written|Thought|Said

"Thank you... I guess?" That's all Sere could say, although -of course- she would still use her own opinion to assess her performance.

The British-Korean girl, who was previously had no thought about partnering with other duellist, is now thinking about this possibility after hearing Raizel's words. Would I win if the partner changed? Sere made a small shake of her head, "You used an assumption just now," She tapped her temple, "...and I'm bad at assuming things. Speaking about the reality, it was you who was there beside me." Okay, Sere is indeed the worst at comforting someone. She caught the frustration and disappointment in Raizel's words and initially wanted to fix up the girl's mood. Now, her intention maybe failed miserably.

"Inviting seniors to duel?" Sere got a new insight in all of sudden, "We can do that?" Sere cleared her throat, "For me, it's more like a great idea than a stupid thing." Losses are only count during the official matches, aren't they? Sere remembered about her countless stupidity during the preparation program for her mathematics olympiads back then. She wasn't even think about giving up on those hard times.

Sere doesn't understand about Raizel's mindset. The further she heard, the further it's far from her understanding. She furrowed her eyebrows. The answer Raizel gave was something that unexpectedly far from what she wanted. What was that? She said that she is quitting duel? Why would this girl giving up so easily? Couldn't she see the potential inside herself? Moreover, she has only been on the team for a few months! A second after thinking about that, Sere's mind caught something that suddenly made her widen her eyes. "May I ask about... how important the word 'winning' to you? And... How important is it for the people who takes a huge influence around you?"

Instead of 'not understanding Raizel's mindset', perhaps currently Sere is more like 'not understanding her own mindset'. She just realized that the possibility of her having the exact same mindset with her interlocutor is greater than how it seemed now.

"Do you have any desire to prove yourself? Maybe to your own self? Or maybe to someone else?"

Interacting with : @Raizel Voltrouz

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❂《 ⌜ January 28, 2024 ▎ Some time after the duel ⌟

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“And my point still stands. It would've been better if you weren't partnered up with me.” Was this girl blind or something? She saw how she failed miserably on that piste, how her spells failed and how she missed and almost took out her own teammates. Bad luck was swirling around her like vultures. She sighed, giving her head a furious scratch.

She's not dealing with this though, not in her current state. Too exhausted so might as well let that go and move on. “Yes, you can. Great practice if you don't mind getting hit by powerful spells.” She doesn't mind that at all. Heck, she took a Confringo head on. Quite a destructive spell and that did make her… let's say… resilience, higher pain tolerance to the point that she could still smile and grin despite the aches coursing through her body. True, it did make her look crazy but the older students who saw her tenacity probably call her that by now. The crazy duellist who duels with those older than her almost everyday. “And a couple of visits to the hospital wing of course.”

While she was already thinking of leaving as she does have better things to do which includes more practice despite how unrewarding it is, she waited for Sere to ask her more questions. The First Year's question was something unexpected though. It was a question that she thought she already knew the answer to, something that she could answer so easily. Winning… how important that is to her. In the beginning, it didn't matter. She joined the duelling team to gain fighting experiences, to be better at spellcasting. It was the same reason why she challenges older students to learn techniques from them and eventually, adding them to her arsenal. But all that changed after meeting her… that purist woman that she calls her grandmother.

Her words were still living in her head rent free, that she would never be successful and that the talent that she inherited is nothing but a waste on a Half-blood like her and a shame to their family. “It’s important alright, winning that is. It has its own merit especially when you want to see how far you've come but that's just for me. I have mixed feelings about it and perhaps there is someone that I'm trying to prove myself to, enough reason to go through such lengths as duelling older students.” She's that desperate in proving her worth but at the same time, she knows she can't let her own selfish desires bring others down, especially the ones in the duelling team.

She won't deny her exhaustion. She already knows that the flames that once burned from within her are completely gone. She was so desperate to compensate for her poor performance that it had completely burned her out. Until she regains her composure back, it'd be best to quit duelling as she is nothing but a burden to her team with her constant failures. That doesn't mean she's giving up on her goals but rather, just taking a different path from what she had planned, a path where no one will suffer from her incompetency.

“Well? Any more questions?” She asked with crossed arms, still trying her best to be patient but it was already clear that she's not in the mood. Who would be after that lost, especially someone like her who is keen on proving her own worthiness which Sere probably knows by now. Not like it was only that duel that she's thinking about. Even though she had just been a duellist for months, there was never a day that she wasn't standing on that piste against someone in unofficial duels. Thank god for healing magic and potions to keep up with this Gryffindor's crazy antics.

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⌜ Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder ⌟ | ⌜ WC: 630/200 ⌟
««««« Dialogue | #800000

Date	:	January 28th, 2024
Color code	:	Written|Thought|Said

Right? I'm so bad at comforting someone. Her intention to cheer Raizel up is completely failed. Sere lowered the blanket and folded her arms when she heard Raizel spat out some of her mind. She couldn't help but smile crookedly, her guess was right. When Raizel looked like she really wanted to leave the Hospital Wings -and also leave her-, Sere finally opened her mouth,

"Accompany me," Sere looked at Raizel with her obsidian-eyes, "Accompany me to practice." She gets out of bed and stand right in front of the second-year that a little bit taller than her, "I don't mind how many times I have to visit this place." Anything as long as her ambition is fulfilled. Sere is a typical stubborn who doesn't have the words such as 'give up' in her dictionary.

"I am obviously annoyed you and my questions confused you just now. Sorry." Sere took a deep breath, preparing herself to say a fairly long dialogue, "Winning is so important for me too, but it only applied on the academic terms all this time. Being the best in every subject is something I absolutely have to achieve. I have no lose option because I have to... prove myself to some people." Sere remembered how strict is her family, requiring her to live straight and excel in academics.

"However, being a duellist feels so... different. I don't know what to feel about losing just now. Should I be angry? Should I be embarrassed? I... don't know." Sere sighed, "Talking to you made me more confused than how much I wanted it to solved my confusion at first, actually. I was so surprised because I couldn't even accept your point, Raizel. I don't understand at all."

Sere scanned through all over the Hospital Wings as she continued to speak, "Then, I realized that I just have to roll over a bit of my perspective to see that we actually have a similar mindset." The girl shook her head, "Not just similar. We have the same mindset."

Sere placed her palms on the chest, "I don't want to accept the lose, I want to achieve those victories. I feel like my ambition is getting stronger because I lose in this duel." The girl used the same palm to point Raizel, "And you... You don't want to accept it either, and now taking a big step down before coming back stronger."

Sere put her hands together, "We are on the pretty same boat. We have to prove ourselves... to other people, and to our own selves in the future." She looked at the dark-brown haired girl in front of her with a fiery sight, "Now, I need your help for proving myself. I have a huge -harder that it says- ambition. For me, you are the one who understands best how this ambition feels like,"

Sere doesn't look at Raizel based on her performance in the duel, not at all. This girl has a buried ambition that she wants to achieve, and that similarity is what Sere needed. She needs Raizel to help her improving her abilities, and although she doesn't say this, she also wants to help the second-year, to dig in and reach back out her initial goal. "Huh, right! This is such a long explanation. I hope I answered your confusion, and make you made up your mind about my offer."

Sere stretched her palm, inviting Raizel to shake hands, "Duel me, Raizel. Accompany me to practice and don't worry, I'll take whatever it takes. Would you?"

Interacting with : @Raizel Voltrouz

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❂《 ⌜ January 28, 2024 ▎ Some time after the duel ⌟

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Again, another unexpected thing. Raizel never thought that despite how she is acting towards this first year, she would still ask her to accompany her. Much more, to a duel practice? This Gryffindor doesn’t usually practice with others and not like a lot of people often asks her to be their practice partner. It was a miracle that Zach and EmmaLee even asked her before to practice with them. After all, Raizel had always done things alone ever since her first official duel unlike before when she was going around, searching for anyone to duel.

She stayed quiet as Sere went on to tell her what she felt or rather, what she still needs answers to, especially about what she should be feeling after that loss. This girl was right when she said they have the same mindset. That desire to prove themselves to people, to get better. Her reasons however, weren’t always about her wanting to show her grandmother how wrong she was. It was deeper than that, more noble, but she couldn't remember anymore.

She has no time to recall though, not right now at least. If she had forgotten about it, it was probably not that important. Little does she know, however, is that her vision is clouded due to her desperation of proving herself. Setting that aside though, Sere hit another spot. Losing, yeah, that left a bad taste in her mouth. She could’ve done better really, it was frustrating. Not only did she fail but she failed her team, twice in a row. If she was stronger, then her teammates spacing out wouldn’t be so much of a problem. It showed how weak she is currently.

“As much as I want to stay, I can’t let others suffer from my incompetence. Whether I come back strong, however, remains unknown but I’ll keep trying, Can’t give up after all.” Raizel sighed, eyes on the other girl. “Alright, I’ll give you a helping hand if that’s what you wish. Could be a nice final duel in case I don’t find myself duelling anytime soon." The first year seems determined enough to follow through her own reasons and Raizel felt she was looking at herself from when there was still fire burning from within. Funny how they are just a year apart. Goes to show how much of herself that she had lost just within a year.


“Give me a time and date or even today if you’re feeling it.” Raizel said to her. True, they just recovered and the nurse or any other staff in the hospital wing won’t be that happy to see them back here just after being healed but that is just how she does things.

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⌜ Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder ⌟ | ⌜ WC: 452/200 ⌟
««««« Dialogue | #800000

Date	:	January 28th, 2024
Color code	:	Written|Thought|Said

Yes! Sere exclaimed happily, deep down inside herself. I got it! She's very content by the time Raizel agreed on her duel invitation, but all that this 'hard to show her emotion' girl can really express is only a nod with two additional sentences, "It would really help me. Thank you for your consideration." Unfortunately, she just got the moment to talk to Raizel in this kind of situation, when the dark-brown haired girl's spirits are scattered apart and falling into pieces. But still, this is better than not knowing her at all.

She brought back her palm that she was stretched out, maybe Raizel is just not in the mood for shaking hands, Sere used it to pat her stomach instead. "I think I'm getting better now... and... umm... hungry. Should we get out of this place?" The obsidian-eyed girl stepped out of the Hospital Wings, "For the duel, could you please give me some times out to prepare myself better? I will surely owl you when I'm ready. Besides," Sere looked back inside the hospital, "The nurses won't like it if they have to see our faces again today, right?"

Sere cleared her throat. She just wanted to confirm it, "So, you've decided to take a break from duelling? Are you really sure?" This is the first time Sere asked it straightforwardly, regardless on how many times she had heard 'signs' that were more than 'clear enough' came out from Raizel's mouth since the very beginning.

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❂《 ⌜ January 28, 2024 ▎ Some time after the duel ⌟

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In the end, Raizel managed to satisfy this younger girl's needs and in the form of a practice duel, her final duel perhaps, who knows when another invitation is extended out to her. Who would though? Probably those who are looking for an easy win. She's the easiest target around here, maybe one the most pathetic duelist. She really is a mess if that's all what she sees in herself but who could blame her? Her duels went so bad and while she knows deep inside it wasn't her fault for having an unprepared teammate, she has her own faults and that is for making so many mistakes.

“It’s the least I can do.” She told Sere. Though Raizel doubts that the first year would gain a lot from duelling someone like her. It would be better if she asked other people, those that are a lot better. “I was already planning on leaving so, if you're feeling better, then we can indeed leave and as for the duel, I'll be waiting for it.” Raizel's gaze fell on Sere as she began to step out of the hospital wing before following her out and then glancing behind her and shrugging. “Maybe.” Two Hospital Wing visits in one day… that's something that Raizel hasn't experienced yet despite being one of the regulars here. At most, she had only visited perhaps 2 to 3 times a week when she was still running around and asking anyone for a duel. She sure was a hot-blooded duelist then.

That sure didn't help her though. She thought it would gain her strength but it looks like… it made her situation worse since her lack of improvement just showed that she had gained nothing even though she was putting effort. What's more heartbreaking than doing everything you can only for them to be so unrewarding. It's like she just wasted her time doing all of that. “I'm positively sure.” She gave Sere her answer to her last question as she walked past her. “I’d rather not drag my teammates down. I don't think I deserve to be standing on that piste, not in my current state. Until I get better, stronger and finally see the results of my training and hard work, then that's when I'll come back. Right now… it's better for me to step down.”

Raizel stopped on her track, giving Sere a glance. “Even if I quit, that doesn't mean I'm stopping anytime soon in practicing. Duelling was just something that happens to align with it so I tried it out, believing that it would greatly help.” If only she wasn't such a dead weight then she would continue, she doesn't want to quit after all, that's not her style. But her guilt of being someone that'll drag her team down with her lack of skills wouldn't let her stay. She needs to stop being selfish. Not to mention, she is so out of it already, burned out from it. This is for the best.

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⌜ Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder ⌟ | ⌜ WC: 502/200 ⌟
««««« Dialogue | #800000