Muglins Galore

Clark mumbled, not wanting to send an elaborate letter giving hints to anything that he had planned, no matter how miserable it might have sounded if he would've said it verbally.

He wanted Muglins. He believed invading the school with an army of Muglins would've benefited the school, especially if they were Bairds. But he needed to plan this precariously.

He began to write his letter, keeping the sender's name off of the parchment until he was done.

Dear Reader,
If you are reading this, Clark Baird is surrendering. He is surrounding to the dark side. There is no more caving in to the light. People have always told him that he was a demon straight from hell, that he needed to 'go back from whence he came' and that he was simply an unwanted guest. He does not agree. He wants revenge and he will exact it one way or another.

If anything, it should be made obvious that Clark was not going to avoid the miscreant ways that his ill-gotten girlfriend @Alyssea Brown might warp him into. There was no way he was doing anything to make other people feel good.

It is all about instant gratification. If you can't provide it, then you're going down. The Clark Uprising begins. Beware. Turn to the Clark Side now before it's too late.

That should serve as enough of a terrifying letter to be read, especially when he finally decided who his subject would be. He whispered to the owl, tying the letter around his leg. "@Solomon Lear."

If there was one person he has not met yet, it was the flipping headmaster. He didn't mention that he was planning on spiking the headmaster's drink or food with the turbo farts potion, knowing full well that the headmaster wore armor at all time, and he knew that it was not going to be pleasant for anyone. Well, it would be for Clark simply because he did the prank, but this was a prank-in-planning. He was going to execute it as soon as he possibly could, as soon as he could manipulate his idiot father into sending the Turbo Farts potion from home. Ah, that was another letter to write.

Mind you, this one would likely tug at his father's heartstring and he desperately hoped it could win him the potion.

Dear Father,
Please help! I'm falling behind in my classes! I'm told that I need to have the turbo farts potion brewed and.. and I don't know what to do! I wasn't taught how to brew a potion! Please father, can you... provide assistance? I mean I know you made the Amortentia potion and the Turbo Farts potion over winter break, can I please borrow one from you? I promise I will only give it to the professor and not take advantage of the possession of it.

Please? I promise you I'm being so nice and kind to people... and I'm not beating them up at all! Please!!!! PLEASE DAD! PLEASE!
- Clark Baird

He proceeded to admit his lack of dedication to understanding potions, in a more blatant way. He wanted to draw himself with puppy dog eyes but he knew that would likely be too much. He would be pressing his father's buttons a little too much and this would likely refer to his father reaching out if he couldn't trust his son and if he was a little sus about what Clark had wrote about. He wanted to curse @Octavius Baird so badly.

Of course he had to step down because Clark had to open his big, fat, stupid mouth and ask his father to step down. It would've been a lot easier if his father would've stayed, the access to gaining the potions would've been faster and he wouldn't have had to waste his time writing.

He mumbled, now thinking about writing a third letter, but this time to his newfound half brother @Ernest Baird and thought about duplicating this letter to be sent to @Logan Baird. He might as well make three copies of it and send the final to @Alec Mason.

Dear Bairds... and Mason,
I met two of three of you before, but I've only heard about Alec through the fables Ernest regales to me... or maybe I just like reading people's writing to see if there was something embarrassing. That's not the point. Alec, welcome to the Baird family, but be aware that the moment you are even in my presence, you will need to acknowledge me as your king. I do not go by any other names except for King Clark, The Gremlin King, or anything along those lines.

Logan, we need to meet up again. I quite miss the last time we met. Gosh, your bed was covered with itching powder AND I got you covered in dragon dung! Ah, good times good times. I think we should meet up again... in the forbidden forest. I heard mushrooms are REALLY good for you... not that there are mushrooms out there, I'll bring some. It tastes just like its a slice of heaven.

Ernest, fuck you. I hope you go missing in the middle of the school year. Yui redauik iard. Yuir kusrar duakm's dmuv kicr obuis aeui, I bareaqa I com vrukeka sros. Ik kra vok obkams kur orr uk kae reka, sram kra vuird'qa baam obkams kur aeuirk. Nuv, orr I com koae ek... dum's su su kraav. Yui kesrs voda iv vesr aeuir romd em o buvr uk vork vosar omd aeui'ra suems su ba raorrae akborrokkad, akvaceorrae vram orr aaeak ora um aeui.¹

- Your wonderful King,
King Clark

¹ You hideous jerk. Your mother doesn't know much about you, I believe I can promise that. If she was absent for all of my life, then she would've been absent for yours. Now, all I can say is... don't go to sleep. You might wake up with your hand in a bowl of warm water and you're going to be really embarrassed, especially when all eyes are on you.

He was definitely just a tad harsh, and he didn't care. He rewrote the previously written letter twice just to have the three copies. Oh, he absolutely hated that Ernest took his spot as the baby Baird. He was going to get his revenge, even if it meant Ernest would find himself floating on a bed without his wand, in the middle of the lake, far away from shore, but closer to the Giant Squid and closer to Josh, the Grindylow.

Next up, he needed to make sure Alyssea @Alyssea Brown knew how sweet he really was. Oh, he was definitely a honey bun.

My dearest queen,
I hope you understand that without you... I'm just a boy without a soul. You're literally like the only reason why I find this world so wonderful, you're like a rainbow right after a rainy day, lighting up the world with joy and happiness and beauty. And speaking of beauty, your beauty is LITERALLY just the only reason why stars shine at night. Your beauty is so incomparable to the others that if you were in a beauty pageant, you would win the second you step out into the light.

Oh my dear, I'm absolutely floored to have known you. I hope you know that anything I do is for you, and I can't bear another moment away from you. Please, please meet me where we first met, the Great Lake. We can share our second kiss, and you'll make me the happiest boy in the entire world.

- I love you, Clark

He found four owls and proceeded to tie the letters to their legs. "Ernest Baird, Slytherin. Logan Baird, Hufflepuff. Alec Mason, Gryffindor. Alyssea Brown, Hufflepuff." And that being said, he walked away as the wings flapped against the air as the owls took off.