whatever the future holds solo Closed

It was hard to believe this would be the last time that he would be walking through the walls of Hogwarts. The day was going to come, he just didn't think it would be this early. He really did love Hogwarts, and while it was him that told his parents he wanted to move to Beauxbatons, he still was going to miss Hogwarts.

Sure, the new school would have its own charm to it. But there was something very comfortable about Hogwarts. It was easy enough to see that now that he walked through its corridors knowing this was his last time, it kind of reminded him of his first time. He always loved walking, it helped him calm down. He got into a somewhat meditative state when he did, so now that he knew this was his last walk through Hogwarts as a student, he had a stronger sense of awareness of his surroundings, it reminded him of his first walk through the castle.

But he also wanted to spend the time to reflect on things and say goodbye to... his memories. He still hadn't made many.... well, any friends at Hogwarts. It was weird, he always felt different, left out somehow. He never felt like he fit here, everyone seemed to be okay with the crazy adventures normal students went on. To him, none of that made sense. He felt pressured sometimes to grow and embrace that but... it honestly just didn't make any sense. Hogwarts was just a dangerous place, the way he saw it now.

Regardless, the few things Hogwarts had given him, he would remember. A late-night dorm party, trying to sneak out to a secret ball and getting caught up in the first and (hopefully) last dangerous situation of his life, sneaking out late at night to go view the stars, escaping from the ball to spend some time with Roberta... Roberta.

Roberta was one of the reasons he was going to Beauxbatons, one of the reasons he tried to tell himself wasn't as important as it actually was. It was exhausting to not have people he could spend time with, he wasn't jealous necessarily but it hurt seeing people together and having fun. He just wasn't good at friends, running away wasn't a good idea but... oh well. It had been long enough.

There were people he was going to miss. Of course, he still didn't talk to any of them, but hey at least he was going to remember they existed. But he could remember most of them rather clearly, none of them stuck around or anything. Some memories were stronger than others, that's about all there was to say about it though.

Now, he just had to think about going ahead. He had spent so much time trying to find himself, dealing with his loneliness and the feelings of being pretty boring compared to everyone else, he had to finally leave those things behind before he left. For the time being, he thought he had a decent grasp on the issue. He didn't HAVE to change or make himself more interesting. Honestly, that was underwhelming to him. That was it, after everything, the answer was, "you're fine, everything is fine."

But over the last few months or years even, he had slowly gone from feeling neutral about everything to having things he cared more about. Especially after meeting Roberta, it's amazing how much a friend and having hopes of having fun could do for you. And now he'd finally be spending more time with her, hopefully, that would help him grow further and find even better answers. So far, he felt like a shell of a person, but he had spent some time giving up, this wasn't giving up. He wasn't planning on accepting his position, he was just accepting that it was okay to be there and find a way out somehow.

Most of that didn't make clear sense to him, because he wasn't clear. That was fine. He was okay with that. For now, he just stared out of a window, it was drizzling, he liked that. There was something comforting about it. He stood there for a few seconds, the grounds had kids laughing and playing knowing they'd be gone for summer soon. Everyone was having fun. Soon, he would be like them. But in some odd way, he felt like he'd miss being lonely. It felt like he was leaving so much behind...

But he had to. He had to become a better person. He wasn't happy with how things were, that's why he was doing this. As much as he was going to miss how things had been so far, whatever the future held was better.

With that, he took a breath and walked on, no more thinking now. Just enjoying the last few hours he had left at Hogwarts now.