25 Jun 2023, 22:33
I Will Remember to Never Forget
Graphic created by AngelFyre
She is Gone, @Simon Kincaid
6 August, 2023
"Remember to never forget, my darling girl, that there is beauty to be found in everything, and everyone, if one is willing to look for it."
It was one of the millions bits of sage wisdom Grandma Ruth... she of the impish smile, salty language, and twinkling blue eyes... had shared with AngelFyre ever since she could remember. But as this very particular thought crossed her mind, AngelFyre could almost swear it was coming to her as clearly as if Grandma Ruth had been sitting right next to her, uttering the words in her presence.
But she had not been. Nor would she ever be again.
That hard realization shattered her already broken heart yet one more time. It had broken too many times to count over the last three days, but AngelFyre struggled through her pain, looking for the truth in her beloved Grandma Ruth's words. She also clung to her faith in the belief that all of this... a death... just really could not be the end. It sure looked like it was. It even, if she was being completely honest, felt like it was at times.
For the first time ever, really, she was having to put her faith to the test now. She either believed in her Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, and His promises, or she did not and had only been paying lip service to a doctrine when things were easy and no test of faith had been set before her. Her moment had come. Who was she, really?
"I am looking. I truly am looking," she whispered to herself... and to Grandma Ruth... if she was even listening.
She had time now to sit and reflect on the whirlwind that she had been caught within since returning home from Hogwarts. She knew the situation was desperate when her father met her at King's Cross station and tears were in his eyes. Simon saw him first. They had been walking when Simon stopped in his tracks suddenly and squeezed her hand 3 times quickly and then almost immediately, 3 times more, but slowly.
Thinking he was just sad at their impending parting for the next month, she looked to him. His gaze was not fixed on her, which is what she had expected to see, but off to his left. Before she had time to look to what he was seeing, he turned to her and softly cupped her chin, now fixing his gaze on her. "AngelFyre, my love, remember that it's all going to be okay in the end." Before she could say a word in reply, her father stepped up to them from out of the crowd and everything she needed to know was written on his face. Well, almost everything. He wrapped her in a hug and just held onto her for the longest time, resting his head on the top of hers, kissing it every now and again.
She had a vague sense of everything having gone quiet. Her father patted her back before releasing her, and she looked up at him, asking, "Is she - ?" but her father quickly shook his head no. "No, sweetheart. I think she is waiting for you."
AngelFyre then became a girl on a mission. There was no time for tears. They just needed to get home, and quickly. She turned to Simon and wrapped her arms around his neck, whispering into his ear, "I love you and I will miss you every second," and she then pressed her lips to his while stroking the side of his face. When she pulled back from him, there were still no tears, only an urgency to head out. "I promise to remember, love. And I have to go. Now."
There was no train ride back to Scotland on this day for them as that would have been too slow. Her father had instead chartered a private flight for them so that AngelFyre was at Grandma Ruth's side in just a little over 2 hours after leaving Simon at King's Cross station. The moment she hurried into her room, Grandma Ruth smiled a weak smile and tried lifting her arms to her for a long awaited embrace. "There's my darling girl," she tried to say in a labored whisper as some of her words faded out with no breath to propel them into existence.
"I am here, Grandma Ruth. I am here. I love you so much,"and she leaned over her to deliver a gentle hug and soft kisses to her grandmother's hollow cheek.
While AngelFyre had been sitting and reflecting in her own thoughts, she completely missed her cue. Simon leaned over and whispered her name softly, and that brought her back into the here and now. Right. She could do this. She would do this.
AngelFyre gave a soft smile to Simon before rising from the pew and heading to the podium. She stepped up, looking out at everyone from her position behind the lectern, but she let her eyes finally come to rest on her mother. In a surprisingly steady voice, AngelFyre addressed the hundreds of people sitting and standing who had come to say their goodbyes to her spitfire of a grandmother.
"My family and I have been attending this kirk since I was 5 years old. I know in the grand scheme of things that is just the mere blink of an eye, but it is a significant span of time in my short 13 years of existence. This place, and all of you, are a second home to me, and you were to my... to... my - " and AngelFyre felt the familiar constriction on her throat as she strived to hold back her tears. She took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly, feeling her trembling lip begin to still itself. Picking up her thought, but approaching it slightly differently, AngelFyre forged ahead. "What I mean to say is that I know Grandma Ruth felt the same and would want to make certain you all know it."
She silenced herself for a moment and really took a beat to look at those filling the sanctuary. There was sadness on all of their faces and muted cries and sniffles echoed throughout. These were the shared collective sorrows and sadnesses manifested in the loss of what had been a life well lived and well loved. This was the beauty in the moment.
"The last words Grandma Ruth spoke suddenly mean something different to me in this moment than they did at the time I heard them. She had been in and out of conscoiusness during her last 12 hours, and after one particularly long bout, I thought we had heard the last from her. I was wrong. She opened her eyes and looked right at my mother and me and asked in a clear, strong voice, 'Are we going on a trip?'" AngelFyre's voice cracked, and she stopped again, gathering herself before continuing.
"We both told her, no, but I now believe she was not even seeing us or speaking to us. I think she was preparing to go on a trip... her very best trip." Just then AngelFyre heard her mother sobbing, and she felt her own eyes filling with tears. She swallowed hard and looked to Simon, knowing she would find her own strength there as her father comforted her mother. Simon gave a soft, encouraging nod and she relaxed a bit. Then she smiled while blinking back her tears as she saw her "thinking of you right now" bracelet light up in a rapid series of flashes. She looked back up to him and simply put her hand over heart.
Thank God for you, my love.
"I cannot stand here before any of you, in good conscience, and say that I have not been angry and confused and questioning if what I have always believed to be true is really true. This has been hard and the non- stop pain of it has threatened to crush me beneath its weight, but to my surprise, it has not. I pray about it. I talk to my loved ones and friends about it. And I remember my Bible and have been comforted by the promises within. That someone was here and then suddenly not was overwhelming, and honestly probably will be for a long while. I know God is big enough to take my anger and questions and doubt. I know this because He put a poem in my path that has brought me a lot of peace and has fortified my belief in where we, the children of God, go when we die. May it bring you all peace as well."
I am standing on the sea shore.
A ship sails and spreads her white sails to
the morning breeze and starts for the ocean.
She is an object of beauty, and I stand watching her
till at last she fades on the horizon,
And someone at my side says "She is gone".
Gone where? Gone from my sight, that is all.
She is just as large in the masts, hull and spars
as she was when I saw her, and just as able to
bear her load of living freight to its destination.
The diminished size and total loss of sight is in me,
not in her, and just at that moment when someone
at my side says, " She is gone", there are
others who are watching her coming, and other
voices take a glad shout "There she comes".
- Bishop Charles Henry Brent
She folded the poem up and ended with, "Bon voyage, Grandma Ruth. I will always remember to never forget that though you are now apart from me, you will always be a part of me. May God bless you and receive you into His gentle care, and may He continue to bless all of us. Amen."
The magic is real.
2 Jul 2023, 14:46
I Will Remember to Never Forget
Hoping to provide support to @AngelFyre McCubbin
He held her hand. He held her hand and he wouldn't let go.
Some days were just harder than others and this day in particular was quite difficult for everyone in that room; especially his girl. Grandma Ruth Godshall had been such a wonderful blessing to their lives and was a firecracker of a soul that he was certain she had forever impacted and imprinted upon all that met her. Simon didn't doubt for a moment that probably even someone who randomly passed her on the street and caught the gift of her smile would have their day and their life brightened, even if just ever so slightly.
The Church was beautiful. It was the same Church that he had been given a tour of back on a visit to Stenton Village and he looked up to AngelFyre's favorite stained glass window. It was beautiful and even were all the decorates that adorned the space in tribute of a wonderful woman. Surely it helped to ease the pain and void that they all felt from their loss but it wasn't enough to heal them. Time and prayer would be needed for that.
Simon would remain near AngelFyre's side for the service. There wasn't much he could personally do to help her ease that pain and void but he could at least offer her the moral support of him being there. At times, he'd give her hand a gentle squeeze three times in the code for 'I love you' and he would love her - immensely and devotedly. He'd love her as that was the absolute greatest gift one could give each other.
"Do not lose sight of each other. Be mindful that the single most important person in your whole life should always be that darling girl. You put AngelFyre above everyone else." - That was but a snippet of the advice that Grandma Ruth had given him over his time knowing her and he was trying Grandma Ruth, he was trying! He was trying to be there for AngelFyre there and now so fiercely and he would try to be there for her always and perhaps help lessen that void that was now left. He would do what he could to protect that AngelFyre McCubbin of his - her body, her mind, her soul, her heart.
Love was still there in AngelFyre's life, as prevalent as ever.
Simon too battled with his own internal sorrow of Grandma Ruth's passing. The woman was always such a bright light and happy to see him, as he was her. Her laughter, her smile, her words of advice and reassurance, they were all now forever frozen. Thinking of these good traits of Ruth Godshall made him smile and he glanced over to his girlfriend wondering if she herself ever noticed those traits in her. She too was a pure soul - someone who allowed herself to feel freely and let her spirit shine without worrying what others thought. Ruth Godshall and AngelFyre McCubbin certainly were kindred spirits.
AngelFyre got up to read her poem aloud to the congregation in the Church and the reading was perfect for the occasion - it was perfect for her, perfect for her parents to hear, and perfect for everyone else. And if anyone knew Grandma Ruth's last words, they would know that this reading was utmost perfection for the grand trip that such a great lady was about to embark on.
But before his girlfriend came to join his side, it hit him. One could have such a devoted faith and still miss the passing of a beautiful soul from this life and it hit. It hit him that he would never see that smile, hear that laughter, gain her advice, or be enveloped in one of her hugs - nor would AngelFyre. His heart hurt for him, for AngelFyre, and for everyone else in that room.
Simon could feel his eyes brimming with tears. Simon took in a slow deep breath. This wasn't good. He was in a room full of so many people, under bright lights, and now tears? No, this wasn't as if Simon Kincaid was having some manly battle with his ego over crying; it was because he was a dhampir and about to cry in a room full of muggles.
Tears of blood.
Much of the time, being a dhampir wasn't so different and he felt mostly human. He had love and passion and could venture somewhat normally into the daylight. Being a dhampir didn't normally prevent him from day-to-day human activities. But moments like this helped him realize that he wasn't human and as much as he wanted to assume that he was he couldn't ignore that there was another part of him. Right now, that other part of him wasn't allowing him to be there for him for AngelFyre how she needed him to be and it was only causing the frustration to build.
Now was not the time. Now was not the place.
The frustration was causing his unsettling aura to rise but Simon had spent well over a year now working to subside that aura. He thought of Grandma Ruth's words once more: put AngelFyre above everyone else.
His eyes shut tight and he leaned forward in his seat, placing his head in his hands to steady himself. He couldn't do this now. He couldn't be selfish. He couldn't get worked up, nor could he cry. Just breathe.
Be kind to one another. (*iNPC is Miles Thatcher)
10 Jul 2023, 02:28
I Will Remember to Never Forget
Graphic created by AngelFyre
Crimson stains and chains @Simon Kincaid
6 August, 2023
As she took her place once again on the pew beside Simon, she knew immediately by his posture what he was battling in the moment. His girl, even amidst her own grief, was nothing if not prepared. People cried at funerals. Even strong, strapping dhampirs, and truth be told, AngelFyre might have been a little disappointed and a whole lot hurt if Simon had not had to face this battle today. If anyone deserved to be cried over, it was Grandma Ruth. She had simply adored Simon and she knew Simon was more than fond of her, too.
He had been so stoic as he had held her for hours as she cried and she knew it would be only a matter of time for his own shell to crack. He was strong, most definitely, but try as he might to learn about his other half, he was also human, too. The amount of physical and emotional energy he must have expended in staying strong for her had to have taken a toll on him. She knew it would have broken her a million times over to ever see him hurting like he had been seeing her hurt over this particular loss.
AngelFyre watched as her father made his way to the podium. Grandma Ruth's favorite hymn, like it was for so many others, was Amazing Grace. She had, however, liked a version with a more modern twist, and she had especially liked to hear Iain McCubbin sing it. Her mother had owled her that her father had been practicing it for months down at the boathouse because he wanted it to be just perfect when the time came.
As her father began to sing for Grandma Ruth, AngelFyre reached for the dark, crimson-colored handkerchief she had tucked up her sleeve. Most attention was on her father and his masterful rendition she reckoned, but if anyone did happen to take notice of Simon and herself, all they would see was a young man overcome by grief. No one would think twice about that.
AngelFyre surreptitiously slipped the handkerchief to Simon, and leaned over to wrap her arm over his back as he was currently leaning forward, head in his hands. She squeezed him and softly whispered in his ear, "It is okay, my love. Cry all you need to. No one will know the difference, and if they do, we will just say it was a nosebleed. Here, take this. It should be just damp enough to clear all residue away, so no worries. Let it all out. You are safe, and remember that I love you so very much.”
When she pulled back from him, she sat up and turned her eyes to her father. Focusing too obviously on Simon in the moment might possibly draw unwanted attention his way, and that would be far worse for him. She did let her hand rest on his thigh, caressing it very gently, near one of the elbows that was supporting his head in his hands. As her father sang, AngelFyre began to feel much more at peace. She knew what she knew and she knew what her grandmother believed. She had no doubt where she was and in whose presence she found herself. That was a great comfort.
As the lyrics spoke of chains now gone and of being set free, AngelFyre could not help but pray that one day Simon would be free of his chains and could feel safe and free enough to be who and what he is without such worries. Maybe not in the presence of Muggles, but certainly in the presence of those graced with magic.
And even if this world could not… or would not… accept him, he would at least know that he always had her.
The magic is real.