17 Apr 2022, 02:17
The Woven Web
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It had been a while since that summer, when he found Valerius in a place he wasn't meant to be, doing something he wasn't meant to do. The truth was unknown, he hadn't seen anything with his own eyes, only a dead body and Val with a wand drawn. After he had gone back to school, he had suffered from short panic attacks, his relation to his family crumbling around him as he started to realize the nuance of their words. He started to get angry, started to insist and rebel against them, but he still had never said a word. He loved Val, and though he had begun to detest the memory of him, he soon forgot his resentment. Val was the only person in the family who ever seemed to care about his thoughts, about his opinions and voice. He didn't want to believe that he would kill someone without having a good reason for doing so.
His journey would also be much shorter this time around, being picked up straight from King's Cross. He would be too anxious to make conversation with others, instead choosing an empty car. It was already stressful enough recently, he wanted the first possible excuse to let go. No more smiling, no more sitting up straight. He collapsed on the seat like a crumbling statue to the ruins below. He wasn't sure how much more of this he could take before his body and mind gave up without him.
When the train arrived at the station, he would move again like a automated robot switched on. With his luggage, he'd go down the aisles and say his good-byes to all the familiar faces he passed by. He briefly wondered what kinds of conversations they had been having, what kinds of plans they had for their vacation. It used to be so pleasing to hear about the lives of others, it was something he missed. A few would try to ask him about the eyepatch he was wearing, but he would easily brush them off. It wouldn't be long before people started coming up with their own explanations for what had happened to his eye, and happened to him. That is, if they had noticed at all.
He'd not take long to feel re-awakened when he saw Val's tall form amongst the crowd of waiting parents. As Flash sped over to his location, he could see Val's expression brighten with recognition, then shift to concern. He knew there would be questions, it was impossible not to ask about something like a sudden eyepatch, even more suspicious in a world where most things were easily fixed by medical magic.
"Flash, what is this?" Val would look aghast, but not alarmed. "Is this what you were talking about? What's going on?"
Flash's eyebrows would lift, sad that he was causing such worry. He knew already that he never intended to tell anything in gory detail, it was too shameful. He could barely keep it together when telling Lestrange, and that itself had been purposefully vague. Speaking of Lestrange, it had trickled down the grapevine that his condition had culminated in his removal from school. With that, his fate was cemented. He didn't want to be taken from Hogwarts.
"I know you're worried... I would be too, but..." Flash asserted the words he had decided on, not entirely confident in their convincing nature. "I don't want to talk about it. I want my eye covered, and you don't need to know why."
Val would look at Flash with clear suspicion, there was no one on the planet who wouldn't detect that something was being purposefully hidden. What he needed to decide was whether he would prioritize his relationship with Flash over the fear that trusting him would lead to a worse outcome. Perhaps it was better for Flash if he insisted that he explain everything, but that would mean invading his privacy. Afterall, Flash was keeping a secret for him, why should it not be mutual?
"Alright then... He would back off, his expression cooling and resetting. He would show conflict on his features, but it was clear now what side he fell on. "Please do tell me if you change your mind though... you're worrying me."
That obstacle surpassed, Flash would not answer, but lunge into a big hug, which Val would complete by embracing him back. Flash was growing so steadily, he was starting to catch up to his oldest brother already. Although Val was 33 now, Flash's head now came to his shoulder. He could remember the days when Val used to be able to pick him up and carry him around. Already, his childhood felt like it was lifetimes away. Val smelled like cigarettes.
Val would drive Flash back to his flat in his own car. It was shockingly subdued in comparison to Darius' model, but Val would comment on it himself, saying that the neighborhood he lived in was not a good one to look rich in. Not only that, but Val did not ever ask for a stipend from the family foundation to make his living, instead relying on his own wage and creating his own legacy. The ride wasn't terribly long, but Flash would be enraptured by every word out of his brother's mouth. From the calm delivery, the light humor, and love he had for his work and ethics, it was hard not to fall into his spell immidiately. This was why everyone adored him, why Flash adored him.
The travel up to and display inside of the flat would bring truth to the words in his letter, as the building was tightly cramped, and the space within which to live terribly small in comparison to the wide open land of the Holmwood estates. Flash had no mind to complain though, he was excited to see Valerius' living space, squalor or not. Instructed to leave his luggage wherever he pleased, he left it beside the entrance along with his shoes as he went around to investigate as they both settled in.
There would be a slight awkwardness in the air, as they both tried to find out how to properly communicate with one another. Even when Val was still living at the estate, he was often off at school. For as much time as they spent with one another, Val had missed most of Flash's preteen years, when he started to seriously develop into his own person. Flash likewise was only now starting to learn what Val was truely up to, besides the childlike, idealized image he had as someone impossibly perfect. After sharing his story about catching the snitch, and Val explaining what his work schedule was going to be like, talking became easier.
That night, Val ordered take-out on his phone to be delivered. It would seem the Holmwood curse was to be useless in the kitchen. Along with that, they put aside conversations about their lives and decided to play a few card games. Or, Valerius would explain the rules and theories about some card games while Flash listened and asked questions. Flash liked learning new things anyway, so the activity was a peaceful one. The game itself would be played most other nights, as a way to relax and wind down after a work day.
Once the dinner had finished though, Flash was spent. He asked for an early night, which brought Valerius onto the topic of the letters they exchanged, "Tell me now, am I also not supposed to ask about this bad sleep you spoke of? How you want a pet for your mental health? You're raising a lot of red flags, you know."
Val would voice his concern, something Flash would finally feel ready to face. He knew he was not going to get away with saying nothing, but he had needed to prepare himself, and see what demeanor Val had first. Looking down and heartbeat quickening, Flash would tap his fingers against the floor, still reclined on a pillow where they had been gathered around a card deck.
"I know. It's because of the same thing as my eye." Flash admitted, not making eye contact. "I'm afraid of what will happen if you know. I could get in trouble."
Val's brows would furrow, upset by the implications. "Whatever happened, I'm sure we can protect you. I know you don't trust the family right now, but..."
Val's words would cut out, realizing the murky waters he would need to tread into to explain. Clearly this was a complicated problem. For all Val knew, Flash was getting him to admit that the family was covering for his own crimes, or that anything was excusable as long as it was done by a Holmwood. After all, their family motto hung above every stable-- Quidvis recte factum quamvis humile praeclarum. Whatever is rightly done, however humble, is noble. Flash should have seen the narcissism then, calling oneself humble and noble in the same breath.
"Well, I won't force you to talk about it." He would conclude, continuing to leave towards his bedroom as he had before. Remembering something, he held a finger up as he turned around. "But I think a pet is a wonderful idea. We should take a visit to Diagon Alley tomorrow, what do you say?"
With that, a great weight would leave Flash's shoulders, and he'd smile brightly. "Great, I look forward to it!"
Once they said their goodnights, the lights would be off, yet the city wouldn't sleep. Unlike the basements of Slytherin or the lodge in the woods, the streets were alive with the sound of cars and people. In a way, he liked it. It was different, a new experience, a distraction.
As he tried to fall asleep, he amused himself by reading the spines of the hundreds of books littered throughout the living room. Most of them were books on law, but others were fascinating enough that Flash plucked them out and started making a few piles. When he'd be sharply awoken by a nighmare, or a weight on his chest, it was a pleasurable way to distract his mind. He'd not have the brain capacity left to read that night, but he hoped they would be a pleasant way to spend the time that Val was away. He had always loved reading Val's books, it was almost like being a child again.
Story is continued in Rat in a Trap
For we dreamed a lot//And we schemed a lot//And we tried to sing of love before the stage fell apart
Sta: 9 ★Eva: 5 ★Str: 7 ★Wis: 15 ★AP: 3 ★Acc: 15
14 May 2022, 18:39
The Woven Web
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If it hadn't been for Bridget's rat, Flash would likely have not seen their value either, but with the encouragement and enthusiasm of his brother, Flash was able to get swept up in the excitement. It had been a long time since he had been excited about anything, and it wouldn't be long until he was brought back to reality. There was another thing about rats that Flash preferred-- they had short lifespans. That meant if something were to happen to Flash, the rat would not be a burden on another for long.
After the two brothers played a single game of poker before bed, Flash would be left, but not alone. Once Valerius was gone, Flash could take off his eyepatch and begin one of his nightly attempts at sleep. Even with the main light off, the lights from outside would leave a dim glow. Flash lay on the floor and watched Nicodemus investigate his new home, sniffing each thing in turn and nibbling on each thing at least once. Flash was only distracted for a moment when he thought he saw something moving around the flat, but after briefly turning on the light and looking around, he could find no trace.
After one unsuccessful attempt at sleep, Flash awoke with rapid breathing and light sweat on his brow, anticipating the need to wrestle something off of him. In his frantic fit, a heavy blanket was thrown to the floor. A quiet squeak followed the sound of Nicodemus' cage being caught in the the crossfire. Flash would first need to wait for his heartbeat to slow, burying his face in a pillow to ease the painful frustration. Part of him thought getting outside of the castle, doing new things, and being with Val would make things easier. He had a small hope that he would be cured if only he could get away from the stress. So much for hope.
Once he calmed down, he became more aware of his surroundings, lifting the blanket from Nicodemus' cage and inspecting him. Nicodemus would stand on his hind legs to try to get closer to Flash's face, a silence in their mutual observation. Thinking it was as good a distraction as any, and having learned that rats were mostly active at night anyway, he opened the latch and put his hand out for him to crawl into. Nicodemus did so easily. No doubt it had been around human hands since the day it was born. Once it was lifted closer to Flash's face, its sniffer would twitch and its neck would crane. Flash had to admit, it was fairly amusing.
From that night on, Valerius needed to return to his daily work at the Ministry. He would need to leave the house at 6:45 and be gone until around 17:00, depending on what kind of day it had been. As Flash had promised without being asked, he was awake before in order to start the kettle. It was less a gesture of wanting to spend time together, than it was a requirement, so that he could put his eyepatch back on before Val could have a chance to see. After asking about the kitchen, Flash resolved to learn how to make an egg. It was not much, but he knew they held significant nutritional value, so he thought it would be a meaningful contribution to Val's life. The first morning would result in inedible slop, but Val made it easy to look forward to future successes. He had a way of talking that made it seem like anything was possible, and everything was fine. Flash would bask in that feeling over the two weeks he stayed there.
He spent the time Val was gone either reading or playing with Nicodemus, in order to get to know him better. He tried to take Bridget's advice, and sought to enjoy the lack of a need to talk. The way the creature liked to sniff and investigate everything entertained Flash the most, and he soon found it liked to climb up to high places as well. After getting used to Flash, it would start bravely climbing up his arms to get to his shoulders, sniffing his hair and the pressure points where he applied his perfume. The nose tickled slightly, but the creature was so light and delicate that it radiated no violent capability. Flash took to looking around the flat for interesting items to show the rat, and watching it as it discerned the object, usually first by sight, then smell, then touch, then taste. Flash would also experiment with different kinds of rat-friendly snacks. Even though Val did not want him wandering around the East End alone, there was a tiny convenience store nearby that Flash could use.
Val assured him that he could call one of his neighbors anytime, they were a stay-at-home mother who was almost always in the building. Flash visited her with Val, and spoke to her in the halls, but only ever really took her up on the offer once. Which, of course, was advice on how to cook an egg. For that, she gave indispensable information which improved his egg-making in spades. As usual, outsourcing was a great boon. It seemed Val and her were merely good neighbors, despite the unspoken absence of a love life that Valerius had. As a young child, Flash assumed Val did not want a wife, as it would distract from his commitment to his career. Now that Flash had given love a go, he wondered how Val staved off the loneliness. Did he actually want to be alone?
When Val was in the house, he just continued to work. He would talk to Flash about his day, encourage him, but it was only when a moment could be spared. He was always on the phone, always reading or writing something. Owls came by regularly to drop off letters directly in a drop-off box, a thing clearly routine, even if the times at which they came were irregular. Flash would find it impossible to discuss things he had read at length, or ask him his thoughts about things he'd learned. It was more than Val could spare.
On the weekend he ought to have been more available, but the day before it he warned Flash about a large fundraiser he needed to attend on Easter day that would take all night. On Saturday, Val needed his rest from work, and wanted to turn in early to prepare for the next day, when he'd be giving a significant speech. For the most part, Flash was living with someone who was not really there. He could see why a wife would not be attracted to this lifestyle. On that Sunday, alone in the flat, Flash would recall the anniversary of his last Easter, when he had been stolen and attacked by Selim. Similar to then, he would wrap himself tightly in a blanket and cry.
He was happy to have the time he did with Val, but he had still silently hoped Val would be just as interested in spending time with him. Flash had been forewarned of Val's general unavailability, so he had no right to complain. That warning did little, except make him feel guilty for feeling so lonely. He admonished himself for being so selfish as to want more than Val was capable of providing. However, he knew the guilt was not productive, it did nothing but hurt him more. He was too weary to debase himself further with self-hatred. So, he simply cried and let it out. Perhaps having a place where he could grieve openly was also a good thing.
Eventually, the holiday would be at an end. Flash had mixed feelings, not feeling quite welcome in Val's home, yet having sincerely appreciated the break from the routine. He would be looking forward to another change of scenery over summer, since his father had accepted his request to work with him in Northumbria while away from school. Packing his things could be done magically, so all that would be left was a small lunch together, and Val walking Flash back to King's Cross Station. During their lunch, Flash would be a bit distant and somewhat mopey. They were out on the town, in another small café, and Flash couldn't help but notice how much attention his eyepatch drew. It was a big, black spot on his face, a curiosity that was pleading to be answered. It was incredible how far this punishment leaked into every aspect of his life, rendering even the smallest moments full of inescapable vulnerability.
"I am going to be sick worrying about you, Flash." After they had started to eat, Val had clearly noticed Flash's discomfort and linked its likely cause. "Can you at least tell me you aren't in great pain... that I'm not going to regret not pushing further?"
Flash's attention would be drawn back to his brother, his concern relatable. He could not lie, but telling the truth could be even worse. Flash would feel that guilt again, the one inherent in almost all interactions with his family, when instead he ought to have questioned why he trusted his brother so little.
"Please don't worry about me." Flash would look directly at his food while talking, and not answer the question at all. A transparent diversion would replace directly reminding Valerius to respect his privacy.
What followed was silence, though it was not filled with any tension. Val would sit back, drink from the water he ordered, and look out at the passing people on their way to and fro. Similarly to Flash, he would refuse to agree to not worry, yet would not press the issue at all. Know when to hold them, no when to fold them. It was something he learned about Poker as well. He wondered if he would ever get another chance to play card games with his brother again. With his thoughts always returning to the family, Flash felt the urge to speak up again.
"I know I've been avoiding the topic... about the family and all that." He started, also looking out at the countless unknown bodies surrounding them. "If you were wondering... I don't want to do anything that will hurt you. I don't want to know what happened that night, and I doubt anyone wants to tell me."
A noticeable shift would occur in Val's posture, but its implication would be lost. "I don't want anything to do with our family's business, I don't want their help. I'm just--"
This was not a practiced speech he had always intended on spouting, but rather a culmination of thoughts that filtered to the top as his time with Val matured. That, and his time at school ever since the last summer, when he spontaneously decided he didn't want to do what his parents wanted him to do. Though they were allowing of it, and spoke of understanding and giving him space, the reality was that there was pressure tugging at him to state his position. Until he did, they would continue to hover expectantly with feigned patience.
"I want to explore my individuality... everyone my age does, don't they?" Flash attempted to relate as well, looking back at Val to catch his reaction. He looked unaffected, and perhaps bemused. "I feel suffocated by the family name, it feels like I'm never good enough.
"Good enough?" Val repeated, his hand raising to his chin as he looked on with pity. "You poor thing. You don't need to meet any sort of expectation. Though, I understand that feeling. We do set forth a standard, and our parents aren't exactly forgiving. I hope you know I support you."
Flash would look back quietly, not exactly motivated to take a stance on Valerius' exception to this desire to be apart. "When I was around your age, I was terribly confused as well. There are many different people you meet, and all of them think they know what they're talking about. It's hard to know who has your best interest at heart, even our family may have other thoughts about what is good for you. You must learn to let go of the notion of being right or wrong."
Though he had said it casually, to fill the void of indecision, his words were meaningful to Flash. He could both think it was wrong to do, and do it anyway. The simple truth was, he had no one to answer to but himself, and no one would face the consequences of his actions but him. What his own best interest was, he didn't know, but he wanted to figure it out while he still had life to live.
"I think you're right." Flash would continue quietly.
Before long, he'd return to the train and to Hogwarts, his time with his brother quickly over, but a new companion gained.
Thread finished
For we dreamed a lot//And we schemed a lot//And we tried to sing of love before the stage fell apart
Sta: 9 ★Eva: 5 ★Str: 7 ★Wis: 15 ★AP: 3 ★Acc: 15