It is time for the truth PV Simon Kincaid Closed

@Simon Kincaid

And of course she had to be right in this case of all things. She stopped abruptly when Simon called for her and in any other situation she would have laughed at her new second name, but not at this moment. At the moment when she just wanted to be alone and above all avoid what was to come. But now she stood there, her back still turned to Simon, not smiling at the actually funny call. A chill ran down her spine, she almost didn't dare turn around and face the truth.

"I can't." she whispered so softly that only she could hear, her back still turned to Simon and not sure what to do now. She couldn't just walk away, for far too long she had avoided her own boyfriend and she couldn't show him so little respect that she would just leave now. He didn't deserve this, all this he didn't deserve. She dropped her bag on the floor and slowly turned around, desperation written all over her face and it was just hard to look up from her feet to his face. She was afraid to see the disappointment in his face and especially to show her weakness.

But she finally looked at him. She looked at him with her green eyes, her facial expression never wavering. She didn't know what to say. Should she play dumb and ask what she should talk about? No, he and she both knew it would be an evasion. Should she just tell everything here and now? As much as she wanted to, she couldn't. The words would not leave her mouth. It seemed like there was no single option for Haley and the time she just stood there in silence grew longer and longer. So long that there was no point in saying anything else.

Finally she decided to remain silent. Not a single word left her lips and disappointed with herself she lowered her eyes and head. But Haley was lost in the situation herself, she was constantly rescuing herself from this conflict and doing everything she could to avoid having to wrap her head around it all, so how could she do it now? People don't understand how stressful it is to explain what's going on inside your head when you don't even understand it yourself.

But it had to happen sometime and maybe that sometime was right now. She was just waiting for Simon to break the silence. To tell her that she was totally out of line, that she was being unfair to him and not to be such a stupid stupid kid. Even though Simon would probably never say this, he would be right to do so. She needed to talk to him. She needed him and if she didn't want to lose him, she had to take this step.

The situation was almost burning her skin. The uncertainty of what would happen now. Would he just leave her standing here? Would he talk to her sympathetically or yell at her? No one liked being yelled at, let alone arguing, but it seemed that was exactly what was needed for Haley's wall to finally break.

@Simon Kincaid

Haley had expected many things, but not this reaction. She listened to Simon, attentively. But she waited for him to finally yell at her. Not that she expected him to, because he was the type because he wasn't. It was much more what she would do in his position, much more that it was what she deserved and maybe it was just what she needed to finally get her courage up. But it was Simon, understanding as always, even if he would have had every right for a different reaction.

She listened to him attentively, her gaze lowered. She was ashamed of her behaviour, had been for weeks, but she was a coward. She did not face the truth, the things that happened and above all she hurt other people with it. People who were important to her and who didn't deserve this. People like Simon.

He spoke of healthy relationships, he listed her misbehaviour and if it had been possible, she would have lowered her head even further. She felt ashamed, but sad at the same time. She knew she had messed up. She had Simon by her side, someone to hold, someone she needed, but she had screwed up. Tears dripped one by one from her eyes to the ground beneath her and she waited for a certain sentence. A certain statement. That he couldn't do it, that she wasn't the Haley he liked anymore and that he would leave her.

Toxic relationship, she knew it, it was about to come. She tried to hold back the tears. She tried to ignore the stabbing pain in her chest. She deserved this and it was her own fault. But just at the moment when he should have left her, he said something else. You deserve better. Wait what? What was happening right now? It wasn't her who deserved better, it was him. Confused and jerky, she raised her head and looked at Simon. His gaze was downcast and for a moment she was at a loss for words, she really didn't know what to say this time. At that moment it wasn't that she didn't want to talk, it was that she couldn't.

All she could do was look at him. To see what she had done to him. How she had hurt him. How she had misbehaved for months and all to Simon's sorrow. She hated herself more than ever at that moment. More than in the basement when she realised she was a stupid stupid child.

Just as she was about to say something, something happened. At first she didn't realise what was going on, but the moment Simon raised his gaze she realised. She had never seen Simon cry before. She had never seen a dhampir cry before. But she knew what was happening. Blood. Dhampires cried blood, she had read that in one of the books. After Simon and she had suspected that he might be a dhampire, and it had been unofficially confirmed, she had immediately grabbed every possible book she could find on the subject.

"Wait!" she called out to him without thinking about it. It was her body, her gut, her heart that spoke and not her head. The last thing she wanted was for Simon to leave NOW. "You're not right Simon. It's not ME who deserves someone better, it's YOU." She bowed her head, but pulled herself together. She took a deep breath, raised her eyes and walked slowly towards him. She waited for his reaction, would he let her or not? She might stop, but she would not stop talking. For far too long she had done so.

"I was the worst girlfriend in this world and you didn't deserve all this. Never will I be able to make it up to you, never will I be able to expect you to forgive me and I can understand if you leave." She paused for a moment. The thought of losing Simon hurt more than she might have imagined. She swallowed the lump in her throat and continued. "I just want you to know that it's not because I can't or don't want to talk to YOU. You're the first and probably the only one I want to talk to." Tears gathered in her eyes again, but she didn't want to cry. She wanted to finally give Simon an explanation. At least an explanation as to why she had never told him. After that she would let him go, that would be his right. "When I say it out loud, it's as if I give this experience, this event, power. As if it would become true and I would give up the power of repression. My biggest fear is to relive it all by saying it out loud and that is why I have repressed it as much as possible. Ignored it, tried to forget it."

She lowered her head. She had managed to give him an explanation, but she would not be able to watch him leave.

@Simon Kincaid

The thought that this was now the end of Simon Ezra Kincaid and Haley Rose hurt more than Haley could ever have imagined. This young relationship that was special in its own way. The newly married couple now faced a obstacle in the road and a decision had to be made. But most of all, Haley had to make a decision, would she relive the events from the summer, would she tell Simon everything or would she keep quiet and at the same time that would be the end of this relationship. Or would she not think about herself for once and do what was best for Simon? But what was best for him? It wasn't her and that meant, by implication, that she would have to let him go.

But she was still a child, how could she make such a decision? She didn't know what it all meant. She was a child and had to go through these experiences in the cellar. Maybe this was also the point where she had to leave her childhood behind.

Haley stood there, her eyes still lowered. She couldn't watch Simon leave. How the relationship would end here. This pain was worse, her heart felt like it was breaking and at the same time there was a heavy darkness inside her at being gone without Simon. She didn't know what to do, she stood there. She wanted to be with Simon, but she couldn't do that to him. She would have to pull herself together for once in her life and not be selfish.

She listened to Simon, tears rolling out of the corner of her eyes and dripping onto the ground in front of her. The careful contact of their hands was the light at the end of the tunnel, but she felt all the more empty when he broke contact again. His words resounded in her head. "Someone you trust more like Aiden..." She couldn't believe it, was this about Aiden now too? "There is no one." She spoke through gritted teeth and paused briefly to take a breath. "There is no one I trust more than you." And she wasn't just saying that. Simon was her Secret Keeper and for a reason. "YOU are the only one I would even want to talk to." She continued now, and at the same time couldn't believe that Simon would think it was because of her trust in him. "And it was always you. I've never spoken to Aiden about it, I haven't even written him a letter since I got back. It doesn't matter now, which is my point. The only reason he knows anything about it is because he got me out of it." Haley fell silent, the images coming back into her head and she could feel the panic slowly rising inside her. She clutched herself, her gaze still fixed on the floor. Actually, she didn't even know if Simon was still there, but she kept her eyes down, closed.

"They wanted to use me. But I refused." "I just wanted to forget. Not answer any questions and not relive all this." Her breathing became faster and stronger in the last few minutes, the panic inside her increasing. She was having a panic attack and she didn't even notice it herself.

Not once did she dare open her eyes, even when she squatted down and sat on the floor. She hugged her legs and rocked back and forth, tears streaming down her face and she felt weak. Like a stupid stupid child. She didn't even assume that anyone else was there. She just whispered softly, "I love you too."

@Simon Kincaid

Haley hated that this experience, this pain and this fear had so much power over her. That she was now sitting here on the floor, crying quietly and feeling nothing but insecurity. She hated it, hated it, hated it. And it all just caused her to slide deeper into the panic attack and it seemed like there was no way out. But Haley was wrong. There was a way out and not just one way out. There was a way, it had been in front of her the whole time. A way that would help her to come to terms with what had happened, to not be alone and to experience love, not pain. But as so often, she couldn't see the forest for the trees. She had closed herself off, cut everything and everyone off from her, but it was as if her vision was slowly clearing.

It was the moment when Simon put his arm around her. It was the moment when she suddenly felt safe. When the spiral of panic attacks stopped and she slowly calmed down. She began to be able to concentrate better on her breathing, clear her head and hold back the tears. It took time, but eventually Haley lifted her head and looked up at Simon with her red eyes. "Simon they just wanted to use me. And I was that supid child." she whimpered, tears in her eyes.

It was that moment when she let the wall fall. She began to tell him everything. She knew there was no point in putting it off any longer, she had to get through it NOW. She tried to hold back the tears but every now and then there was a crack in her voice. She had to stop, wipe away the tears, but she went through with it. She told Simon everything, from beginning to end. How she had been happy to see her grandfather again, that Aiden was there too and that he had helped her. That the only contact after that had been a brief "He's fine." and she hadn't contacted him since.

With all that, she felt ashamed. She didn't know why, maybe because she had been such a stupid child, but she was embarrassed. After she had fallen silent, finished telling her story, she looked at the floor in front of her. She did not manage to lift her head. She did not want to see what expression she might see on Simon's face.