Friends even in difficult times PV Simon Kincaid Fin

In the days having returned from the holiday break, Simon was eager to catch up with his friends he had made at Hogwarts and see how their break went and catch up. He had been able to catch up easily with his fellow Hufflepuffs and even a few others, but the one he perhaps wanted to talk to the most had been the most difficult to find.

Haley had written him awhile back saying she had to leave Hogwarts. It seemed urgent and it was sudden and with each passing day Simon wondered if she meant for the break, temporarily, or for good! He had thought about writing her and he had sat down to write her several times but would she want that? Would he just be intruding?

Sometimes one wasn't so sure how much importance they held to another. Just because she meant a lot to him didn't necessarily mean that she wanted him butting in on her personal business. She was the type that liked to be guarded and he knew that she would tell her things when she felt it was time and was comfortable.

She hadn't shared the details.

So he would wait.

He was at the library that particular evening taking a look into some magical plants. Something in Herbology the other day sparked his interest and he wondered if venus flytraps didn't have some magical foundation as they were carnivorous plants.

Plants weren't really his forte, but he still wanted to investigate what he could of them that day.

He had just finished looking in one book when he got up to get another and he thought he saw a flash of redhair. Granted, Hogwarts had quite the handful of gingers in the student population like his friend Alexa Mackenzie but something told him that this wasn't just a random redhead or any redhead, but Haley Rose.

Simon headed to the far corner where, sure enough, there she was, resting in a chair. She had seen him, hadn't she? ...But she didn't come approach him or say hello. Maybe he had done something wrong. Maybe he should have written. "Haley?" he asked softly, approaching slowly. He was trying to read the situation at hand to get an idea what was going on.

Feeling stupid @Simon Kincaid

Haley sat in her chair, her head still on her knees, hoping Simon hadn't seen her. She wasn't ready for this encounter, she wasn't ready for anything right now, because she was too busy with her emotional chaos. At least that was what Haley thought. Inwardly she hoped and hoped but was quickly convinced otherwise when she heard a voice and it wasn't just any voice, it was Simon's voice speaking her name. At that moment, a new feeling spread through her. She had missed him. She had missed him all the time, but until now she had suppressed it as much as possible, but now all the feelings came to the surface.

She had sent Simon a short letter when she left but never gave him an update on her situation. On the one hand she would have liked to pour out her heart to him but on the other hand she couldn't find the words. She did not know what to say. But now she was in this situation and knew that she couldn't hide any further and all of a sudden she felt incredibly stupid on top of all her emotional chaos. What did he have to think of her, that she hid here so childishly and avoided him, although he had done nothing wrong. Even though she knew she could always talk to him and he was always there for her.

She lifted her head and looked into Simon's face with her red puffy eyes and a faint smile formed on her lips, barely noticeable but it was there. "Hey." she said so softly it was barely audible before her voice broke and she cleared her throat. With her right hand she wiped a tear from her face. She looked at Simon and she didn't know what to say. In the first moment she wanted to apologize, in the second moment she wanted to explain everything to him, in the third moment she just wanted to cry and in the fourth moment she just wanted to say nothing.

Without really making a decision, however, Haley just sat there, her emotional pain written all over her face, and she looked at Simon with a look that showed she was sorry for the way she had acted. That she had avoided him for so long. She cleared her throat again and took a breath to say something, but again no words came out of her and she slumped her shoulders and leaned back in her chair. And at that moment it seemed as if this dark cloud that accompanied her was now crushing her. She tried to fight off the feeling but everything fell down on her again and now the tears started streaming down her cheeks again. She was more annoyed than sad that she was acting so stupidly, but that only made the tears run even more. She snorted in annoyance at herself, propped her arms on her legs and hid her face in her hands.

Did she want to speak with him? She acknowledged him but really hadn't said anything more, and yet, he could tell there was some kind of emotional turmoil going on within her. Did this have to do with the move? Did it have to do with a family member? Herself?

Obviously something was wrong with his dear friend and he hated to see her so upset. She sat there, trying to fight back tears but that only made more come and more forcefully. "Haley..." he whispered again, only this time he came to sit on the empty chair beside hers. Simon turned it, so it faced her slightly and then reached out to take her hands into his. "I'm here," he said to her.

Not knowing at all what this was about and having not a hint of a clue, he knew that he could at least keep doing what he had been doing all along - he could be there for her. "What can I help you with?"

He hoped there was something. To listen, perhaps? Maybe to hold her. To give her distance if that was what she truly needed. Whatever it was, if there was anything at all, he wanted to be there for her.

Whatever was bothering her seemed to have been bothering her for quite some time.

apologizing @Simon Kincaid

Haley did her best to stop her tears, but she simply could not. She didn't lift her head out of her hands but noticed that Simon took the empty chair and sat down next to her. As soon as he took her hands and told her that he was there for her she couldn't hold it back anymore. She started sobbing heavily and felt incredibly bad for being such a bad friend. "I don't deserve you." Haley said as she now looked into Simon's eyes. Through the tears she could only see blurry and she let her head sink again.

How could he be so nice to her when she had been such an ....? Haley was incredibly grateful but felt like she could never be good enough for Simon. It took her a few minutes before she calmed down, but with each deep breath she sobbed less and the tears became fewer until her eyes were only swollen and red but no tears rolled down her cheeks.

She exhaled deeply one more time and looked back at Simon, "I'm so sorry." she looked away ashamed again before continuing, "For not getting in touch and for avoiding you." She shook her head and couldn't believe herself that she had acted that way. She had isolated herself from everyone and she was sure that she needed that now. That she needed to deal with her feelings alone but in that moment it hit her. She had just needed a good friend to be there for her, to hold her and talk to her. And that good friend was none other than Simon Kincaid.

"Can you forgive me?" she said now, and at that question her voice broke again and tears gathered in her eyes once more. What if he couldn't? Even if it seemed trivial, Haley had been thinking about everything far too much lately, imagining the worst scenarios.

"There's nothing to forgive," he whispered to her. And there wasn't. She had things she was dealing with internally and sometimes that took a little bit. He remembered when his friend Oliver's parents were getting their divorce, how that took awhile for his friend to wrap his head around and accept before he could tell others about it.

"I'm sure you had your reasons and if you need me to give you some more space, I can do that," he began, but something told him that wasn't what she needed. No, she was someone who needed some emotional support right now. That he could tell. What he couldn't tell was why.

"I'm here for you, alright?" whether that was now or later when she was ready. He brushed his hand softly across her cheek, helping dry up some of the tears and then did the same on the other side.

He hated to see her in so much pain and he could tell her green eyes had cried too much recently. "I wanted to write you. I tried to. I just...didn't know if you needed some space to deal with whatever it was that sent you off."

Simon stood up and on his way up was so forward as to kiss her forehead softly. He then went to one of the work stations that was unoccupied and took from it a box of tissues, bringing it back over to where Haley sat and held it out to her as he sat back down.

Being thankfull for this friendship @Simon Kincaid

Haley didn't notice it, but at Simon's words a slight smile formed on her lips. It was probably the first real smile she had shown since she had returned to Hogwarts. All the thoughts about Ian, her nightmares and the stress didn't allow any positive emotions in the last weeks, but as soon as Simon was near her for a few minutes he made her smile again and that was only one of his qualities for which she was so incredibly grateful.

Without saying it, Simon knew what she needed. He understood her without words and that made the whole situation a lot easier for Haley. She enjoyed his touch on her skin and a feeling of security spread through her. Now it was her who took his hand and she quickly shook Simon off, she didn't want him to feel guilty because he hadn't done anything wrong. "Don't worry about it. It's really no big deal." She smiled at him to assure him that she really meant it.

She gratefully accepted the tissue and dried her remaining tears and blew her nose. God did she feel uncomfortable in this situation. Haley had always been very emotional, but that someone sees her in this state was unusual for her. She put the tissue in her pocket and moved in her chair so that she was now sitting in Simon's direction. At that moment it seemed as if all her doubts disappeared and as if suddenly a great amount of courage was added and she started to tell.

She told Simon everything and tried to keep it as short as possible. She told about how she herself didn't really know what was going on. How they were in the hospital and when she found out that Ian was in a coma she had a short breakdown. How her cousins told her what had happened, that Ian had had a fight with another student because someone had said such terrible things about Haley and all because she was not a pureblood and a Parselmouth. She told him, of course, that Ian was okay, but that didn't automatically make Haley's feelings okay.

After telling the whole story, she looked down at the floor and was silent for a moment. Tears were rolling down her cheek again as she recounted the whole event and she briefly considered telling Simon more. More about what was currently going on inside her. But who could she tell if not him? So she took a deep breath and continued. "I know I shouldn't blame myself for this, but I do. And it causes an incredible pain inside me." She paused for a moment before continuing, "I've been having bad nightmares ever since this happened. I can barely sleep and when I do sleep I wake up in the middle of the night and cry the rest of the night because I had another bad dream."

She felt uncomfortable at first for revealing her feelings like that but at the same time she felt a kind of relief. It was good that she had someone to talk to about it and even if she was sure that no one could help her in this situation, it helped to talk about it.

"It all comes down to stupidity on the behalf of those other kids that said those things. That's the root of it all. There's no need for you to feel bad. Ian, he just loved you enough to defend you and that shows that he's an amazing person. Don't place guilt on yourself in all this."

But he knew that was easier said than done because she had been carrying this around with her for awhile. Even now she still seemed rather heartbroken by it. "I don't really know much about families but I'd like to think that they're supposed to do that sort of thing...stick up for one another - just like what Ian did. He did it out of love and out of support."

Simon was a little hesitant at first to ask how he was doing since she said he was in a coma. Maybe it would be best to wait. "I uhh..." he paused. This was a big part of his life but he knew it could be different with other people and he didn't want to seem odd to Haley so he wasn't sure he wanted to say it but no, this is what helped him through many situations and maybe it could help her. "I could pray with you, if you'd like....or even just pray for Ian, if you'd rather."

Simon was a pretty spiritual person when it came to religion. His mother had turned to the church when her parents died in an accident just after graduation and she leaned on it during hard times through her battle with cancer. Once she was gone, his aunt continued to take him,

a good friend is all you need @Simon Kincaid

Haley knew Simon was right, and she had been trying to remind herself of that over the past few weeks, but the guilt was still there. "I know you're right, but it's hard." And Simon was right, Ian loved her so much that he defended her so much and that's exactly how she loved him. Not in a weird way but in a way a big brother loved and protected his little sister. "I can always count on my family, especially Ian. I don't know what I would do without him." She smiled at the thought of her family and how much they stuck together.

Haley looked a little puzzled at Simon as he visibly struggled with his next question and a look of realization spread across her face as she understood. Haley had never been much into faith and religion, but was familiar with it all. Many of her father's family were believers and here and there Haley would pick up something. She understood all that, the belief in something that gives you security and found the thought nice to have something like that in life and had no prejudices against it why it was not strange for her that Simon was into this. But also she had never found the great interest to deal with it further, at least not in her younger years. "That's very nice of you!" she smiled at him thankfully at his words and stroked the back of his hand with her thumb. "Ian is doing well again, though, thankfully. He was able to heal completely and it had taken a few days but he came out of the coma." She remembered the first moment he woke up and saw Haley and had to smile, she would never forget his first words and she realized where she got her humor.

"I feel so stupid and childish." She shook her head, wishing she could turn back time to change the past. A few minutes with Simon had lightened her mood and she could feel herself feeling better in his presence. "It's funny how sometimes we think we need to get out of the way of something that is actually exactly what we need." She laughed now at her statement and shook her head again. It was the first honest loud laugh she'd had in weeks. "Oh Simon, I can only thank you again. For being such a good friend, my secrets keeper, and most of all for supporting me in situations like this even though I act so impossible." Furtively, she now looked into his eyes.

She had been afraid that Simon would think she was weird for feeling and acting this way. She felt broken and broken things most people didn't like. She was afraid that Simon would turn away from her, not only Simon, but also her other friends, but even though she was not yet fully aware of it, she slowly realized that this was nonsense. She would learn that this would not happen. Her friends liked her cheerful and witty nature, which she almost always possessed, but that was exactly how they would like Haley when she had a low and was broken inside.

He already felt a little more at ease as she said that Ian was doing well and was thankful that he was out of the coma. It was crazy sometimes how one could experience empathy - Simon didn’t even know Ian personally and yet he felt pain because Haley felt pain.

“It’s not stupid or childish. Sometimes when we need someone the most is when we push people away because no one wants to seem vulnerable.” His friend Oliver had been like that when his parents first started arguing and followed it through the divorce process.

“Now impossible...that part may be correct,” he flashed a teasing smile. “So what book were you attempting to look like you were reading even though you failed so miserably?” he teased again but really did wonder of the content of the book. There were so many brilliant books there in the library on all subjects, ones not even imaginable to him before he came.

“I started a list of all things great and small that I want to learn about while I’m here,” he said of Hogwarts. But he really didn’t even need to learn all of it there, as the wizarding world was now something he was forever a part of.

“Did you know there were giants? Someone can be half giant, too.” And while Simon was very much one to support that love was love, he wasn’t really quite sure how that worked when it came to intimacy or child rearing, but then again it really wasn’t something he wanted to think about in much detail.