Fin Bring Me Up, But Let Me Down Gently PV

Hogwarts was a busy place, all the students and professors equally made busy simply by the attention they paid one another. Sylvain had yet to really gain the attention of anyone at all, but not for lack of trying, but a rather distinct lack of interest on their part. He didn't know any better yet, but if he had stopped to let doubt mire him down then he would never make friends. Instead, he found time to write home, some chance at brilliance still shining through the morose feelings of loneliness.

September 14th, 2019

Dear Mums,

I'm writing to tell you that school has been going well so far. I've taken to potion-making and I'm starting to think I'll really enjoy it. Gathering ingredients and taking my time to follow the steps is a lot like cooking was when I was littler. The biggest difference is that if I follow the recipe correctly, I make something magical that changes the world.

I haven't really made any friends yet, but I've been reading a lot and I think there's a decent chance I'll make friends by winter break. Things will turn out aces soon.

Love,
Sylvain

Sylvain couldn't help but worry in those short few months since he had sent the letter, but he hadn't yet sent additional letters in case they were away on business or vacation. Their trips often took them abroad for several months at a time, and since he had asked the owl to deliver the letters to his home, he thought it most likely that they simply hadn't returned yet. With the onset of December, his birthday and Christmas would likely have him home for winter break. He wrote again hoping to figure out the plans they had in store.

December 18th

Dear Mums,

Sorry I've taken so long to write to you again. I figured you were probably out and about working so I didn't want to be a bother. I've been waiting for a little longer than I thought comfortable, but now that winter break is so close I thought I should go ahead and send another letter.

I love my classes so far, all of the teachers and students are impressive. I'm learning a lot about magic and really enjoying it. I even met a boy, who seems smart and kind, and I hope that we'll become friends soon.

Please write to me so I know what the plans are for Christmas. We go on break on the 23rd and are off until the 5th of January.

Love,
Sylvain

As he sealed the letter up tight, he asked the owl to take it directly to his mothers. Whether they were home or not, they would hopefully get his letter this time.

It was only a matter of a few days before they sent a response back. His heart leapt into his throat when he saw the envelope addressed to his name drop from the persnickety owl's grasp and into his lap. He had begun to think they might not write him back, but when he opened and read the letter, a lump stuck in his throat and tears began to well in his eyes.

December 20th

Sylvain,

It is sweet of you to write to us so often, but we haven't been home to write to you since August. Unfortunately, we must once again leave sooner than we would like. Otherwise we risk missing the bloom of the rare Titan Arum. We hope you understand that we won't be home in time for your break, and the neighbors aren't willing to watch you in our absence anymore.

Love,
Rosie and Gracie

A lie. The Titan Arum had bloomed last year and Sylvain was certain of it. Anytime he mentioned that they were not honest with him before, they brushed him off as a child who didn't understand the truth or dismissed his observations and backpedaled their way out of it. He had learned by now that if he wanted the truth Rosie and Gracie were not the kind to deal with it. He forgave them immediately. Sometimes Syl forgave people just because he still wanted them in his life.

His response was immediate, and swiftly written. Sylvain stood his ground writing the two back, but admittedly could only express his doubts and optimism. It was all they left him with.

December 21st

Dear Mums,

Don't worry, I understand. Turns out the boy I mentioned, Flash Holmwood, will be staying for winter break as well so I won't be alone for Christmas. Also, didn't I go with you to see the bloom of the Corpse Flower last year? I thought it only bloomed once every ten years?

I hope to see you again for the summer.

Love,
Sylvain

As nice as the thought of being with a friend for the holidays sounded, Sylvain missed his home. He missed the warmth of his mothers' embrace and the smell of freshly baked cookies resting on the countertops. In reality it had been four or more years since they'd had any such merriment, but his heart bitterly clung to the last remnant of love his adolescent mind remembered. Rosie and Gracie had already moved on and not told him.

Winter break and his twelfth birthday came and passed with a Flash, the new year bringing with it untold riches in the wealth of friends he would make shortly after. Letters from home, however, never showed up at all.

February 7th

Dear Mums,

I hope you both got the doodles I sent you. Sorry they aren't as neat as the flowers I picked last year. I haven't had as much time to write, but that's because I made another friend! We met after I volunteered to clean the school greenhouse. Something I wouldn't have had the confidence to do had you not shown me. Her name is Willow and she offered to make me a friendship bracelet. I offered her worm digging like we used to do when I was still very little. Can you please send my hand shovel?

Love,
Syl

P.S. Here are some Valentine's day cards I made for you.

Two days later his hand shovel arrived without a note or letter. At least they thought to send it.

It was hard to imagine the past months of school, but as Sylvain lie motionless in his tent for the second day in a row without anyone to check in on him, he penned another letter to his mums thinking it best to announce his arrival home.

July 6th

Dear Mums,

Summer is here and I'm camping outside of London with the rest of the school for the quidditch cup tournament. I've fallen asleep watching the stars, eaten barbecue, and even made a few more friends though I think I upset them by wandering off. I also bought a new book, I'll be taking it home and reading it there too so I'll have plenty to do this year. Will the neighbors be watching me again, or are you going to be home to see me?

Love,
Syl

They in fact, would not be home, but Sylvain would only learn this after arriving at an empty house some twenty days later. Luckily the spare key was still beneath the rock out front or he'd have had to have broken a window to get in. The neighbor, indeed, was watching him, but more like a prisoner or a cat than a child, stopping by only to feed him meals and see that he still drew breath. If Sylvain left the house, they might notice and say something to him, or they might report him to the police as a runaway. The one day he got out that summer, he visited Aida, Alexander, Dealla and Ileen. It was the grandest adventure he'd ever taken part in. It encouraged his wanderlust.

Time to get back to school meant planning how to get there. Summer breezed past once more, like wind beneath his wings. Despite being cooped up for the majority of it, Sylvain managed to keep himself as busy as a bee. Between his new found religion of potions and poisons, his adventures on the rickety white bus, and his interest in music on the internet, Sylvain only lacked the love he desired. It was the only treasure he wanted that he couldn't point to on a map, so it was obviously the only thing left to discover.

Having given up on trying to reach out to them, and fearing being let down, Sylvain wrote a letter home to inquire for his holiday plans. Hopefully the months of time ahead gave them time to schedule a vacation.

September 14th

Dear Mums,

I'm writing in hopes that you could take some time off work this year to visit me for the holidays. I know you're usually super busy that time of the year, and that you might not have the time, but if you could set some aside for me I miss you.

Love,
Sylvain

He did not know what to expect this time.

A letter would arrive at an inopportune time. During lunch in the great hall of all things, where he was most likely to be laughing and enjoying himself than any other time of day. A meal with friends.

September 20th

Sylvain I,

We hope that you are well and safe while you read this. We know that we haven't been there to support you in the ways that you've needed and wish there was something we could do to apologize. We take full responsibility for our absence in your life and understand that you miss us. It is hard for us to let go, but feel as though we must find some form of closure for you before things have been drug out too long. Ever since the first day you washed up on our doorstep we have loved you, but it is the very unique life you lead that separates us. We will not be able to take you into our home this winter. With regret and guilt, we must relinquish you to a family who can take better care of you. A family that leads a life more adequate to raising a child so gifted and talented as you are.

Sincerely,
Rosie and Gracie

It was not everyday a boy got a letter telling him he'd been let go from his family, but that was exactly what this letter was. A letter telling him that he no longer belonged to those who had sheltered him. A letter that said he would soon be tossed into that tumultuous sea of his nightmares. A small croak escaped his throat as he read the letter, his pain echoed. He stared for a moment, one of the ravenclaw students sitting beside him asking what his letter was about before he folded it up and put it back in his pack. "Oh, this," he stammered "Its nothing, just uh...." he paused trying to find a way to deal with the way it made him feel to recognize the truth. "Just a letter from somebody that I used to know."

It hurt because the truth was that he was free again. Free to worry to death for himself, and free to forget what it was like to worry for someone else that had stopped caring long ago. Not that it made much difference to the pain seated next to his heart. That still hurt, but it would still heal.

He wrote a reply the following morning. The last of the letters between the two. He would return home shortly the following summer if they allowed him to. He wanted to at least bring what he owned with him into his new life. They owed him that much.

September 21st

Dear Rosie and Gracie,

Thank you for being honest with me. I would like to come home and get the rest of my belongings before I move. I am sure that there are some people in the wizarding world who can take care of me so please don't worry yourselves. I will be alright.

Regards,
Sylvain Indarys

And he would be. The boy was not a skilled liar, nor was he an insufferable know it all. He was himself, and still working hard at figuring out who that was. Not once since he arrived at Hogwarts had the people back home shown him the same kind of love that the people here had given freely and it grew to be a sign that he too should move on and let go from them. He didn't need the Indarys family to figure out who he was, he had magic and friendship. That was more than good enough for him.

September 27th

Sylvain,

You are too kind and show maturity beyond your years. Continue to be the blessing that you have always been. Here is a bracelet we have held onto since you joined our family. It's time we gave it back.

Love,
The Indarys Family

The bracelet held a name affixed to it. His true name. No etched initials, or marks left behind to provide proof of the charm’s authenticity. No stamps or mint markings to ensure regulation by skilled tradesmen. Just a name, and one that held power behind it. Sylvain Wyllt. He could finally start figuring out who he really was.