Hammers fix all real issues. Grab one, pinpoint exactly where on the microwave the beeping is coming from, and swing as hard as you can!

I think hammers can solve all of life's issues. What should I do?

Liquidate all of your assets. Use that cash to buy as many hammers as you can while the prices are still low.

My apartment is too hot but my roommate says its too cold. We cant agree on a temperature for the thermostat, what should I do?

Set their room on fire and freeze your room, then close the door and windows so the temperature (And you) can't get out!

What do I do if my cat keeps being sick?

She needs more vitamin C, pour Orange Juice in her bowl. If that doesn't work its time for a dog.

I have a headache, what should I do?

Is anyone coming to understand the effectiveness of the hammer yet? You need to sleep the headache off. You figure the rest out.

My truck's engine blew up. What should I do?

Pour gasoline on it. Trust me, gas is what keeps a car going so pouring gasoline on the engine will obviously help

I drank a lot of caffeine and can't get to sleep.

Might as well turn the radio on and start dancing. If you do it loudly enough, you might even wake the neighbors!
All my food is becoming rotten and moldy; what do I do?

You can't waste food. Just eat it with some wine. The alcohol will kill off the mold.

I recently earned $500. What should I do with the money?

Buy a plane ticket to Las Vegas, and go straight to the slot machines to get even more money!

My dog doesn’t want to cuddle with me

That's because your dog is a domesticated animal. Everyone knows it wild animals that love to cuddle. Only an animal living on the streets will appreciate the warmth your body provides. Find an animal outside whether it be a raccoon, bear, possum, what have you. Try to avoid stray dogs unless they're lonely, you can tell when they're lonely because they'll be foaming at the mouth.

I want to travel. Any advice?