I always had an interest in lady bodies, ever since i was little, which i guess was a bit weird, but anyways i didnt exactly have the best living conditions so uhh a lot of things were exposed to me as a child.

Third Grade. I started to like the tomboy style n stuff, which then led to me wanting to go by Julian at school because it was the boy version of my irl name. I then started to want to be a boy, id go crazy and tell everyone (except adults) to start calling me Julian, it worked a lil but most of the time it didnt and i just got bullied for being a kid with crooked teeth lol. I also had an interest in girlxgirl stuff, i even started this comic series of these two furry?? dog girls that were best friends and they were adorable and they also had a thing going on. I had no knowledge of the LGBT+ community so i had dumb thoughts like "omg i must be a rebel or something cos i like girls ahahahhah", i also kept the whole girl liking thing a secret from everyone.

In 4th grade i still wanted to be called Julian and i liked one of my best friends (to this day im still friends with her).

In 5th grade i moved to California and started to find out about the lgbt+ community, then i got bullied even worse when i said i wanted to go by Julian. Then i realized basically all the kiddos were homophobes so i kept my gayness to myself and the internet.

In 6th grade the lesbian jokes got worse and i, myself got worse, so i went ahead and did stuff like fake liking another dude to make sure everyone thought i was straight. This guy was pretty chill and kinda nice (or at least nicer to me compared to the other guys) and in 5th grade we were both seen together a bit so it would be believable if i said i liked him. Obviously, we didnt date and i never knew if he liked me. To this day i sometimes think maybe he did, cos there were a lot of rumors at the time.

7th grade. I got to middle school, changed friend groups, and became openly queer as frick! At this point the only ppl i wasnt open to were my parents lol. Oh and i was fluid, mostly non binary tho. And skipping the girlfriend drama blah blah blah i fell in love with this guy who became my best friend that year and blah blah blah maybe im bi after all?? fast foward-

8th grade we break up, i return to looking at girls, i start going by the nickname Jay, i even throw myself into a miserable toxic relationship with another guy cos i thought maybe i'd get over my best friend. That didnt work out, though, i did get over the other guy. Oh and in 8th i started to give up on binding my chest and dressing up, i basically gave up on myself and later on i fell in love with another guy and he helped me get up and ta-da! i actually started to not feel super weirded out by being in a girls body. So, now i go by they/them and she/her, with the random urges to be a guy. Im still dysphoric but its not as bad?? Im comfortable with my bf calling me a girl and calling me by my girl name, with others i tend to steer them towards calling me Jay and using they/them, unless im wearing something like a lolita dress or whatever girls wear lol. Sometimes I wonder what if i later on completely become gender neutral or trans?? My bf is straight but he loves me for me, so idk bruh.

And throughout middle school i've tried coming out to my parents but they either steer it towards another direction, or say my queer friends are being contagious because apparently i follow what my friends do when in reality i mostly do whatever the f i want, or specifically my mother- would star talking about mental illnesses. Once or twice she basically said i was sick in the head. So that was fun. At one point i got a free chest binder after a year of waiting but i gave it to a trans friend who ended up not talking to me anymore after quarantine started -_-

So yeaa!