So I used to be one of the most homophobic people you ever did see. Maybe it was a combination of the things I heard my parents saying, my classmates, and the overall culture I was brought up in, but truth is I have mostly myself to blame.

My blatant homophobia went on for a long time. Until I heard someone I was close friends with say 'I came out to my friend and she said something along the lines 'Yeah well you're going to hell anyway''. She was very upset about that, which was the moment I realized exactly how much the way I thought and would act in the future (because thoughts turn to actions) would hurt people. So I (hesitantly at first) joined the school QSA to learn more about it. Not as an active member, mind you. I slowly became more and more engaged, realizing (with much struggle) that I may or may not have been part of the community myself.

Fast forward about a half a year, and I jump from 'Im an ally' to 'Okay so I just really like gay things' to 'Mayyyyybe I'm gay????' Enter my blatantly gay phase, where that was my entire identity. My Instagram was full of gay memes, my Pinterest of gay couples, my search history of Malec. I was starting to doubt my gender identity and sexuality at the end of grade seven, and went into grade eight with a full on 'Im so gay. I am GAY. Haha I'm gay'. Still hadn't figured out what that meant, I just knew something was 'off'.

And then Instagram outed me.

My mom stumbled upon my tablet on the night before my grade eight middle school graduation. Saw I'd put 'omniromantic agender' in my bio. Took my chest binder away. Took my borderline masc clothes away.

There was a weird gray phase of me continuing to constantly make gay jokes ((Mom *is in the car* Can you come out (of the house) please? Me: *deep exaggerated breath* Mom I'm gay)) Needless to say, that didn't end well for me.

Then came highschool. I started to pull away from the community little by little, as I started realizing what my gender identity and sexuality is. Because it didn't define me as a person anymore. I guess I needed to grow up a little to realize that.

Got my first irl GF who ended up dumping my ass after a couple of months in quarantine. Got into multiple mentally draining long term relationships which hurt both myself and the people involved. Realized I didn't have anything more than a deep platonic love for all my partners (talk about leading someone on...God I'm a terrible person, and I know they'll never read this, but I'm so sorry)

And after all that, I think I've finally figured it out.

So hi. My name is Jay. I'm transgender ftm and aromantic.

Talk about Karma putting me in my place, eh?