Cut it off. No, wait. Cut off your leg. No, wait. Still not enough. Cut off your legs. No, that foot is still dangerous. Cut off everything except your head. 

I don't know how to spell 100 percent because I forgot to learn for the spelling test.  

Why don't you forget to learn everything else too?

Everyone in the world is beginning to disappear, even me.

Tell her you did it and you were happy about it and then run away.

My sister is angry at me because I flirted with the guy she likes!

( If he wasn't Arran Magdaleno, then he's not worth. ) Since it's your sister's crush, do it again anyway.

I'm slowly beginning to look like Albus Dumbledore.

Run around screaming "I'm Albus Dumbledore!"

My sister's mad at me.

Keep falling, you'll hit the ground eventually.

The printer's mad at me and then it broke.

Keep waiting and wailing.

I accidentally broke my neck and my back

Break your legs, too. Wouldn't want people to think you were incohesive, having done a half-assed job.

I need to learn how to give better advice.

Hey, at least you'll die in a year!

I married Liam Attridge, but I secretly have a crush on Tom Holland.

That's how you ruin marriages, but love is love; go for it.

My blood is made out of toothpaste.