Bad Advice

Buy one on the Dark Web.
I want to become president of the United States.

Say that exact sentence nonstop for the rest of your life.

My cat drowned.

Pick your nose.

I'm dying.

(Lol how is "too bad" bad advice, it's not advice at all!)
Drink lava.

I have chicken pox.

Stab your eyes out and roast them over a campfire.

I think I'm allergic to water.

Buy a book called "Surgery for Noobs" on Ebay or Amazon and you know what to do.

My house is surrounded by the most vicious animals on Earth and we have no food, water, or electricity.

Call upon the worst demons in the Bible(or wherever you read about demons??) and make them fix your computer after giving you soul to them.

I somehow got sucked into Minecraft so now it's my reality and I have one heart.

Use your hand gun. (Get it? )

I'm blind.

Call the FBI.

I have no friends.