"My Last Embrace"


I've wondered before,
"Does Heaven exist?
When I ascend,
will I meet all of my best people,
or will they still be people?
Will they look like clumps of white light
floating in the air, defying the laws of
the atmosphere?
Will I still know them?

If I go to Hell,
will it be cold?
Will the chills run up my spine,
work their way up from the base of my being
to my neck,
and strangle me?
Will the frost bite off my fingers, toes,
and nose and have me watch as it digests?
Will I be left paralyzed?
Will I burn
like everyone tells me?
Will my soul turn to ash
and be blown away by
the monstrous breath of He Himself?

Who is He?
Is he my father,
the one who left me in this trance,
never to fully awaken again?
Is He the monster
whom only I can hear,
contradicting everything I live for with His words?
Is He the unshakable fear
I feel when I go to sleep or
look into the mirror for too long?
Is He everything I've never wanted
or everything I've always dreamt of?
Is He me?
A whirlwind of this and that,
but never this nor that,
nothing and everything
at the same time?

Is His name God or Lucifer
or Destiny?

If Heaven doesn't exist,
if none of this matters,
will I wake up when I die?
Will my life return
to this damned Earth,
never to be unchained from the ground?
Will I be a baby,
eyes glimmering with hope,
only to have my pupils dilate
until even the sclera is coated in black?
Will I once again go blind
after years and years of built up
mistakes and tragedies?
Will I lose my sense of self,
forget my purpose, and
descend into nothing?
Will I be nothing when I die?

Before I die,
when I give my last embrace,
will it be for a lover?
Will it be for a friend or a
sister or a brother?
Will it be for my mother
whom I may or may not have taken advantage of
depending on who you ask?
Will it be for someone
I forgot existed
while I was blind?
Will I remember whom I shared my warmth with
after I die?
Am I already dead?
Have I just forgotten to whom I gave
my last embrace?"