Ugly Truths PV Finished

Watching as Aurelia choked out tears and exhaled through wails, she attempted to steady her face. It was easy to become emotional for anyone, not just herself. She took her hands and wiped her exhausted eyes, picking up a wet sensation on the way. She was not going to cry, nor did she feel like it. Perhaps this was just a game, after all, both students had the advantage of acting. This was all a scene, and the library was a mere stage.

Emma had said the wrong time, at the wrong time. It wasn't long before the eyes inside of the library began to wander in the direction of the three. Maybe it was a hallucination, hopefully, she had just 'dreamed' up the two, and they weren't really there with her. In that case, class was her main priority. Not some bewailing Gryffindor. 

Not only was it torture to be in the midst of her enemy, but it was also worse to pretend to be someone she had not been. Not last summer, and definitely not this year. She was still the same, old, mischievous Ravenclaw as she was last year, with the small addition of the people she had welcomed into her adolescent life.

How much farther would she continue this? It was an endless game of truth or dare, and she had chosen dare throughout it, expectedly. It had taken her this long to figure out, yet, why? She felt her cheeks begin to boil, traveling down to her hands. It was a sensation she had never felt once in her entire life, not to her parents, and not to the professors. Sure, she had been involved in one or two fights, whether it had been firsthand or secondhand, but she had gotten all her stress out. It was hard to hold anger in without saying anything she might have regretted.

Placing her hand back into her pockets, she being to, controllably, shake her right leg to busy herself. It was something to do as she listened to the Ravenclaw speak. She listened closer and closer, at one point exhaling loudly in her seat with agitation. It was quite strange what a simple sigh could do to release such tension in the air.

Celynne knew it. Aurelia also knew it. All of them knew some unforeseen tension had erupted in the library. It would have been better off just leaving the library on an empty note, but she couldn't. No matter how hard she tried to convince herself to. She had a burning desire for knowledge, whether if that meant getting into trouble or taking matters into her own hands. 

"She's right. Get over it," she said looking into the Gryffindor's bloodshot red eyes that had undoubtedly been caused by her weeping., the anger practically flowing out of her mouth. She could have said it kindly, but never in her mind would it felt right to her. Deciding to leave it at that, she looked down the aisle of Transfiguration, the aisle she had originally come from, waiting anxiously for a response to issue from her mouth. 

Ocean Eyes - Billie Eillish

Careful creature made friends with time

He left her lonely with a diamond mind

And those ocean eyes

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Five years ago, when Aurelia was still young and innocent, she hadn’t known what death was. Her parents chose not to tell her like the way they never mentioned about her adoption as if expecting her to stay naive and innocent till the end of time. But whatever it was, Aurelia always ended up finding it out.

The friends she made in the playground, not far from the muggle school her parents sent her to, had told her what death was. Aurelia had all along believed that her own brother had disappeared from home because he was upset he fell when chasing her or he didn’t like to play dolls with her anymore. Aurelia refused to believe their words when those older kids told her that her brother might be dead until she asked her mother when the woman picked her up from school.

Perhaps being naive and not knowing much was better than having all the knowledge in the world and suffering from it. The young girl locked herself in her room and cried the night knowing that she was the cause of his death, he had fell down the steps due to a simple game of tag.

It had been to much for the young girl to handle, too much knowing that she’s never see her brother again. Something in her mind snapped or maybe she yearned to much to see him again that her mind rewired itself to flush her with memories every time she came across a blue eyed. Her parents were worried as she became extremely shy and reserved towards selected people. It wasn’t like her. As the spoke to the girl, she said that those eyes who weren’t family or friends reminded her of Raphael. Her parents simply brushed it of saying time would heal, however for a young girl who had lost her brother, it only became worse as she grew older.

After 5years, it was expected that she’d have gotten over his death. However, her own mind didn’t want her to, constantly replaying memories whenever she came across a blue eyes whom she wasn’t close to. Aurelia had made attempts to help herself by avoiding eye contact, but it only seemed like a mental disorder which needed a professional therapist to help her get over with.

Aurelia was listening to Celynne as she spoke sincerely, words from her heart, it was a good thing that the tears have stopped but the many eyes in the library were on them. Her eyesbrows furrowed as the Ravenclaw mentioned that she was a Gray, half sister of Dorian Gray, the boy who was involved in hurting her friend Ami, but that was another story for another time. Celynne too had complications with her family, she had a dead mother, but she had a brother too, and Aurelia’s heart twisted slightly, she wanted her brother back badly.

Aurelia turned when the other Ravenclaw who had stayed silent for all this while had let out a sigh, it wasn’t one of pity but rather one coming from her own impatience. Emma had wanted to know about her personal information and now she had it. Perhaps since she had gotten all she needed, she stopped acting kind like how she was a few minutes ago.

“I can’t get over it,” she mumbled, more to herself than to the Ravenclaws. It was impossible to do so with her mind acting on its own whenever a blue eye passes by.

Her lips pursed together, frustrated, she wasn’t going to sit any longer on the chair and spill any more of her secrets. The ravenclaws, intelligent creatures had taken advantage of her emotional state and that resulted in her providing the information they wanted. They had it now and it they could use it against her if they wanted, she couldn’t take it back but she could avoid giving them more if she left them. She wasn’t going to let them know she had the fear of blue eyes. They’d laugh at her and mock her.

Aurelia stood, retrieving the book that faced Emma. They probably also knew that the book was very important to her. Her family members had always reminded her not to leave herself vulnerable to situations like these but she had done just that.

“Theres nothing I can do about it even if I tried. You won’t understand neither can I tell you about it.” She spike to both the Ravenclaws but directing it more to Celynne, the wiser and more sincere one. It was foolish of her to think that her enemy Emma was actually kind to her for once.

She hadn't realized she'd spoken aloud until a few moments after the word had been uttered. She felt, then, that a translation was necessary. "Grief brims itself and flows away in tears, Ovid. Aurelia, I never said there might be something you can do to get rid of grief." Indeed, she had no say in the matter. Her grief had been washed away by a flood of ignorance-- a horrible blanket of unknowing. Numbness was much worse than sadness, but then sadness came back to her over the summer. She still remembered laying in the soft bed in the Gray Manor, eyes wide, hearing the voices in her head, the memories buried under a curse, the waves of sorrow and grief slamming into her over and over and over and over and over



and over again. A wave of anger suddenly shut down her sympathy, and she decided, suddenly, that her melancholy words would do nothing. "Aurelia, snap out of it," she said harshly. "Now. Do you think a savior is going to come and scoop you out of your ocean of sorrow like a damsel in distress? Your grief will not go away. You cannot try to push it away. You will take it, you will spin it around, and you will say to it, I refuse to drown beneath you. You will get up, get to work, and climb the heights until you come out at the top, and you will find that your tears have become fire, and you got there because of your brother. And then you will tell him your story, because there is only one thing you can do, and that is keep living for him." 

Possibly that was the longest time she'd spoken in the past week. Certainly that was the most sincere outburst she had expressed since last year. The advice was as much as for Aura as it was for herself, Cel realized-- they were the message that Natalia had given her as she had smiled a mother's smile at her living daughter, then reached out to touch her cheek, then told her to leave for the Hogwarts Express or be late.

Remember. She remembered, one night as she stared at the words painted in silver and aquamarine on the ceiling of her bedroom, that she was Celynne. She had a brother. She had a mother. She had a friend. She had a life, and she would not let it go to waste-- the only way to climb the ranks was to dive after it. Something clicked, and she came back. Her skin had paled from its week without touching sunlight, two half-moons below her eyes contrasted starkly with it. But her eyes sparkled, her lips tilted up, and she began devouring the Gray library.

Aurelia might have lost her brother. She might have lost her blood. But sorrow was sorrow, although melancholy was multifarious, and grief did not fade until one forgot about it, and it was very difficult to ignore a void. The only way to escape it was to engross oneself in something else-- for her, it was learning, ravenously searching for every little shred of information she could possibly obtain... never mind her paling skin, her tired eyes, her slowly declining health... she needed to know more.

Everyone had gotten over everything at least one point in their life. Despite if you witnessed a family member say their final words before parting for good, or heard about their traumatic experience, you got over it. One way or another. 

Her keen ears listened to every single word that emerged out of both the girls' mouths, listening closely to both their tones and their body language. Needless to say, she was uncomfortable in her current situation, and her visit to the library was pretty pointless unless you counted Aurelia's new boyfriend and this slight chance of her being adopted.

Glancing back at the journal that faced herself one last time, she slightly rolled her eyes and made a mental note to remember the features as if it were the ultimate thing she'd do. Hopefully, she could get her hands on a Pensieve, she didn't mind the whole school seeing a picture of Aurelia's 'brother' Raphael, but her thoughts had been interrupted. She had stood, was her scene finally over? Had the curtains closed for the ending act? She sure had hoped so, it was one time she dreaded the ancient appearance of the library. Perhaps it was the first time she left the library without checking out a book to read throughout the week.

When she spoke to Cel, she listened, even though she got the idea she wasn't actually supposed to. Keeping her mouth shut, she thought silently to herself. Believe me, you can forget about it. She just needed a Pensieve, just like herself, although she had no clue what a shallow bowl of thoughts and memories could help relieve any grief. After all, you still remembered part of the memory, didn't you? She had no idea.

Emma hadn't heard Celynne speak in a harsh tone, well, she had never heard her speak a lot, whatsoever. Her opinion wasn't big or even accurate about Cel, all she knew was she had been inside of this very room, and undoubtedly, she was happy to attend the Lock-In. She was happy that it wasn't an absolute waste of time and food. This time, she stood, grabbing her bag.

"Now, Aurelia, you know it's unwise to challenge two Ravenclaws," she said sarcastically. "But you've got to admit, they give great advice. Surrender your pain, or live with it forever. It's your choice." She threw her bag over her shoulder. "We've still got a deal, don't worry I won't break it." She said in that sarcastic tone, in a voice higher than her on, possibly even a half of an octave. It was hard to tell if her friends would go blabbing around her secret, but she didn't mind. It wasn't her problem, nor was it Cel's

Turning on her heels, she proceeded to the door with a final wave to Celynne. Strange. It was a Ravenclaw leaving without a book inside of her arms. The two weren't on good terms before, and they sure weren't here. It was going to be a long year...

The headaches had always followed with the mention of Aurelia, it was bearable, but had made her head feel more uncomfortable as the seconds passed. Stress her Mother explained, it was reasonably true, she was now being pressured by two Ravenclaws. They had gotten what they wanted so why couldn’t she leave? Obviously because they were curious and possibly some part of them didn’t want to see someone left in a breakdown.

Honestly, Celynne’s words were of wisdom maybe even from experience, whatever it was, it had moved her. The girl held Raphael so close to her heart, refusing to believe he was gone, convinced herself that he had became a ghost, terrorising her with those whose eye colour matched his. Perhaps it was a mental disorder, but she couldn’t help it. Regardless what the cause was, she would accept the grief until it went away by itself.

She would try. She gave the Ravenclaw a mustered smile. She couldn’t help but acknowledge what Emma had said about Ravenclaws. Aurelia’s eyes narrowed as Emma left, she hoped she would keep her promise. However, she hadn’t made the same deal with Celynne, she would do so now. Words were for assurance and she needed it.

“Celynne,” the girl started.

“I’ll give you my word not reeling anyone about your family’s situation now and promise me you won’t tell what every I have revealed to you today to anyone. ” She took Celynne’s hands in hers. As she spoke.

Betray not a secret even though racked by wine or wrath. Cel knew about secrets. They were something to be thought about, and yet they could break a person in half. Tell a secret, and although it will remain a secret between you and the other, soon it will be a secret of the entire world. But no secrets were permanently hidden-- the truth found its way out, one way or another.

Honestly, what most people said about only the self being able to let go of grief and let go of pain and whatnot was a bunch of faex, as Dorian liked to put it and as she chided him for. There was no letting go of loss, because loss was the absence of something-- it was a void, like how there was no darkness, only absence of light, and no cold, only absence of heat. Someone could only use the space to fill it with something else-- use that extra space for something else, use it to rise again. That was what Aura needed to and didn’t understand before; hopefully, she did now.

By now it was quite obvious that Emma, the Ravenclaw, and Aurelia were not friends, especially as Emma expressed contempt in her departure. Cel watched after her, head tilted to the side in a short mental soliloquy. Perhaps it was time for her to leave as well-- but her train of thought was interrupted when the Gryffindor girl began to speak again, and Cel chopped her thinking short to turn back.

She flinched a little as Aura took her hands in her own and began to pull away, but stopped as soon as she realized it could come across as unfriendly. No, she didn’t want to be unfriendly, she simply didn’t enjoy human contact very much; usually she only accepted hugs from Dorian if the came to her. But she was no Kaz Brekker from Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo; she could withstand human contact just fine. She was only not a touchy person.

So that was what it was about: keeping it a secret. “Of course,” Cel promised gently, with a hint of a smile. No more of a tilting up of the lips, really, just enough to convey the absence of any animosity that might be inferred. She shifted in her seat-- honestly, it wasn’t like she had anyone else she could tell about Aura’s situation.

Moreover, she didn’t particularly care about her own situation being exposed. A majority of the pureblood families already knew about what had happened with her amnesia and everything else, and so did nearly all of Dorian’s friends, of which he had many, many more than she did. The only reasons why she had tried to tamp down her flashbacks last year were because they were hard to explain, she hadn’t quite understood it completely herself, they disrupted her daily life, and they hurt simile infernum, like hell.

The feeling came over her that one receives when too much time has passed on the same topic, and she wanted out. There was no point in her staying anymore, really; the promise had been given, and it would be kept. Probably. At least, she would try; she had no reason to break it at all, even if people tended to want to tell secrets. Carefully she stood up, extracting her hands from the Gryffindor girl’s grip smoothly so as to not seem sudden, and reached down to grab her book bag, taking a single, small step away.

“I should start up the West Tower now if I’m to have enough time to read,” she excused herself quietly, though loud enough to be heard. Truthfully, that wasn’t the problem. She had plenty of time on her hands, and although the hike up to the Ravenclaw Common Room was long, it wasn’t that long, and she had a year and some of experience making the trek up and down the stairs every day. But there was no point in her presence, and she really did want to read her books in the peaceful tranquility of her dormitory, stretched out like a cat on her bed and reading under the light of the crystal puzzle-chandelier above them.

“I hope you’re better.” With those words, she dipped her head once, offered a small smile, and half-fled out the door, eager to read. She did not look back to see whether or not Aura had taken it as an excuse or as a genuine reason; she did not care. Perhaps she had helped a trouble soul today; it was likely that if Aura approached, they’d talk about it more. If not, well, the subject could be left alone. ...and then she could read more.