Practice of Spells

Her wand refused to work, yes it was her wand's fault. Was it broken? Was she broken? There was a sense of anger and dread. The reason only mattered ephemerally, the result was still the same -- she could not cast the spell. Her hands were shaking as the fearful potential truth crawled into the back of her mind. What if she was not a capable wizard? What if there was a mistake and that whatever powers she thought had manifested were a lie, a hope, a passing delirium. 

Her face like a picture book. The flushed sensation, that embarrassed sense made her feel small, as if her insides has withered. She did not want to admit her failure, she like many of her peers was a creature of pride. That pride was damaged in this instance, even with a more private audience failure and weakness was not something she was willing to demonstrate. Her first instinct was to lash out in anger, to dismiss the session on a bitter note.  It was no use. She would simply draw more attention to her failures, not less. She wanted to say something but the shameful words would not come out as anything more than a throaty cough.

She took a breath.

"well, maybe..."

Maybe what? She was a failure. A complete and utter fool. How had she ever been admitted into Hogwarts if she could not cast a simple disarming spell? This was child's play! Disparaging thoughts filled her mind. The others seemed indifferent about the lesson, confident that they walked away knowing something. Why was it so much easier for them than it was for her?

"Perhaps you have to be willing to disarm your opponent? Not sure, but maybe intention is important for this spell?"

"I am willing," she muttered her gaze downcast. "I want to disarm you," she added. She truly did. But he was not far off. Intention is an ingredient but there was something else that she lacked. Passion and faith. "It... I... uh..." she let out a disheartened sigh that left her deflated. "I do not seem to be able--" she coughed "to cast." It was for her a terrible admission, it would be like a painter stating that they were color blind. She wiggled her wand uselessly with a disgusted expression. "But thank you... thanks you the effort." 

She would look at his wand a final time, her shoulders slumped as she said the incantation and performed the gesticulation as defined. The wand did not spark, Kaiser's wand would not move. She would force a half smile on the left side of her face, it was more a twitch. "See? I did nothing wrong."

"I am willing, I want to disarm you" the words seemed to be painful to mutter to her. Kaiser shrugged, it seemed his choice of words had been poor, all he wanted was to find a way to make her feel better, but it seemed to only made things worse. Soon the happiness he felt when he succeeded changed into worry, he had to find a way to somehow help her. "I do not seem to be able--" she said before shutting herself, it was clear to him there was something the Slytherin girl was not willing to say, or maybe it was not will but rather shame?

The boy thought for a moment, he had to come up with something, he was partly in fault of her current situation so he had to do something to help her "But thank you... thanks you the effort." he heard her with a tone that was more filled with rage than sadness, perhaps she was frustrated by this? The fact that it didn't work made her angry maybe? "that is well... odd, I mean, you did everything right, I saw you" he said as her eyes were fixed on his wand, she spoke the spell once again and gestured to perfection again, but just like before nothing happened "See? I did nothing wrong." she said with a forced smile. It took a moment for him to speak again, but it finally came to him, what he could say "maybe you just need practice? I mean, I might have gotten it right now, but that might just be luck too, I wasn't sure I could do it really" he claimed, maybe it wasn't much, but at least that was a reason she could accept, after all, most people don't get things on their first tries, and to be honest he considered himself lucky that he got the spell right in the first place so he was not lying really. What really worried him though was the fact that she didn't seem to be too different from most Slytherins, she seemed to be proud just like most of them and help was not something they accepted to eagerly, much less coming from someone outside of their house, but hey, at least he wasn't a Gryffindor whom they hated to much. 

Lisabetta had spent the entire class going over the spell again and again, trying to get in perfect. Her family had always taught her that if you are going to do something, you have to be the best at it because you are not doing it for yourself, you are doing it for the family. She knew that, in her parents eyes, going to school was just a formality, and that her entire life was already planned out for her, but, she was hoping that if she did well at school and a lot of opportunities were presented to her, she could pursue other things before taking on the responsibilities of her family. 

She knew that people would not understand why she was to intent on her studies and doing everything to the best of her abilities, but she didn't care. She wanted more than just to marry the right person, that would make her family look better, and just be the good politician and house wife. She knew that life worked for her mother, but it just didn't seem all that great to her. She remembered mentioning it to her mother right before coming to Hogwarts, but it was pushed aside, said to be the thoughts of a young girl, and that as she grew up and matured, things would change. Her mother is hoping that just by age, Lisabetta would realize that she wanted that life, but so far, that was not the case.

She tried to ignore everyone else in the classroom, who didn't seem to care about their studies. Lisabetta didn't have another class for the next hour or so, and, she was hoping, to do as much studying and practice as she could, so ignoring her other classmates was crucial, no matter how difficult it may be. 

"Kind for a Ravenclaw," she admitted with a self depreciating laugh as she rolled her wand between the pads of her fingers. The houses in Hogwarts were both a blessing and a curse, they created a fractional, competitive environment. One of favoritism, fanaticism and of course a variant ethnocentrism. Yes, they did not belong to an ethnic group and some might call it 'team spirit' but it was more than that indeed. It was a dangerous precedent created and respected through years of thoughtless tradition. 

"But you as well as I know that there is no such thing as luck," she claimed with a sigh. "And that there is something wrong with me," she had to account for that fact. Her experience casting magic was limited, in fact her parents were against the practice of Magic outside of her tutelage here. She was their daughter, she was fairly certain. Her appearance was quite unique and it ran in her family. She knew that there was something wrong, she saw it when her parents looked at her with those trite troubled expressions. She was a deeply flawed person and she was odd, she did not think like her peers in most ways. There was an analytical component that others seemed to lack. There was a also a seething anger tied to a dark ambition, something a child would hardly realize and for many adults the fact would fall beneath their purview. 

It was not the magic, nor was it the wand or even the words and behaviors that were wrong. It was indeed her. She was not angry, she was disappointed and worried. She was not herself despite the fact that this her was likely something that others would have preferred. "Kind for... any person," she concluded as she mentally updated her consideration of Kaiser. Was it her or them? The other boy was... Hmm... Not unkind, nor rude. No hubris. But she did feel envy towards both for their successes. She was missing something, something that was terrible but it defined her. She was not angry. She had abandoned her passion or at the very least forgotten it. 

"What are you gaining from this encounter?" She asked realizing that he was not forced to be here nor did he have to be kind. "No tit for tat. No promise of a future favor. No attempt to remind me of how much better you are. You have no gain here, so why?" That was the problem. The difference. Magic is based on many things, those words of power, the right ingredients, the right movements, an intent but without a catalyst there would never be a dynamic reaction.

"Kind for a Ravenclaw" he heard her say. Kaiser was silent for a moment, it seemed after all that houses were important to her, at least at some degree. Or maybe it was just like him, she had a picture in mind on how each houses' members behave and his actions were not according to the picture she had in her head. "But you as well as I know that there is no such thing as luck and that there is something wrong with me" she continued. Kaiser shrugged, he wasn't so sure about that, his life though in the world of magic had been more oriented to the care of magical creatures, dragons in specific, but other than the occasional spell casted by his parents or the magical artifacts around his home, so he wasn't too familiar on how the spell casting part of magic worked, in fact all he knew about it was what he read on books, and even there it was not too clear for him.

The young boy was still considering what he should say when the girl spoke again "Kind for... any person" she muttered, instantly his previous considerations seemed to need a re thinking, perhaps her idea of behavior was not limited to houses, maybe it was more to it, or maybe he was just thinking too hard about it. "What are you gaining from this encounter? No tit for tat. No promise of a future favor. No attempt to remind me of how much better you are. You have no gain here, so why?" she continued after a short pause. Kaiser stared at her for a second before coming with an answer "I'm not doing this to get something in return, I do it because... Well, I don't see a reason not to really" he answered. Did it seemed like a real reason? Not really, but it was the truth. Erin was right, he had no reason to stay and help her, but he was not expecting to get something in return, he just decided to help her because in his eyes, there was no reason to say no. Yeah maybe she was a bit harsh at the beginning, but other than that, there was nothing or no one to force him to stay, but still he didn't see a reason to say no.