Bad Advice

Atacama Desert. Day pack. No water.

How to successfully get a job?

Find a piece of cardboard, write "Will work for food" on it, then find a convenient street corner and stand there with your sign held proudly in the air. Feel free to be creative with your spelling as well!

My hair is just hopelessly unmanageable. Help me, please.

Have you tried a hammer? You can't hate your hair if you're unconscious.

I don't know what to do for dinner. Any advice?

Starve for a year then see if you know what to eat then!


What personality of dog do you reccomend for kids?

Hotdogs! They're pretty cool

My internet isn't working! What do I do?

Go up to your internet box and politely ask for better WiFi, if that doesn't work, SMACK IT DOWN HARD.

I just lost my phone. Where do I look?

(Hey! Its you again! Hi! )
You should burn down your house instead of looking. I heard that nice people might give you the newest iphone if your homeless!

How do you avoid burning your kids to death?

Water beats fire. Hold them under the water. Keep them under, keep them safe.

I can't stop procrastinating, what should I do?

Make a fire chase you to the place to do things at all times! Make it so you burn if you don't do the thing in time. Fear helps!


In what situation do I do CPR?

CPR is typically done when someone is having a bad dream. Pressing on the chest increases the blood supply to the brain. Its the lack of blood flow to the brain that leads to bad dreams. Don't stop until you hear the ribs crack, that's the sound of good CPR.

I was thinking about getting a tattoo. What should I get and where should I get it?