Darkness to Light Finished PV Ruka Tân

Flash was lucky he was walking ahead of Ruka, because his face changed. A cult. He cursed the curious spirit that got him into this mess. He could have been enjoying a nice, calming jog, but instead he was there, on a cliff’s edge being told what a great person Burnett was. He had to say something back quickly, before everything just fell apart around him. Still, he kept his back to Ruka.

”How nice of you to defend him so staunchly.” Flash gripped one of his hands tightly, but kept his voice even. These two were causing him more stress than the rest of the school combined. It was all just a thorn in his side.

But, at the same time, it was engaging. It was only a short while ago that he started to think gaining favor had become a bit boring. So many people were willing to bend over backwards for some nice words and a big smile. To some, it was just second nature to follow someone like Flash. He took initiative when there was confusion, and was always friendly and inviting, always so helpful and kind.

I need perspective. I can’t just be mad when things don’t turn out as I expected… I can’t just use the same tactics on everyone. If Ruka was so fond of Burnett, he must have liked what Burnett had to offer. Even though he said it time and time again, it still hadn’t broken through until then. Flash turned around to face Ruka.

”You’re right to question my intentions.” Flash’s face no longer showed the signs of feigned emotion, it was blank. ”I wanted you to dislike Burnett. I don’t have a good reason.”

The two of them had not been moving for a while. The sun had time to wash the entire flank of the castle in brilliant red behind them. Their shadows shrank as the light grew and changed.

”I tried to make things seem worse than they were. I embellished the truth. But I’m not trying to ruin him, I’m just…” Flash had to look away. It was extremely uncomfortable. ”I’m the one who wants to get back at him. He made a fool out of me. I didn’t know how to handle that. Go ahead and laugh at me if you feel the urge.”

Flash paused for effect, but Ruka didn’t laugh.

”But, even if this is the last time we talk, don’t tell me I don’t care.” Flash managed to look at Ruka again, in order to get his message through completely. ”I don’t have to know what you’re going through to see you’re a mess. Anyone could see that you need help... and I didn't help you. I'm sorry."

@Ruka Tân

@Flash Holmwood

Ruka was almost surprised when Flash stopped too, with his back turned and clearly tense for even just a moment, until he finally announced how nice it was of Ruka to defend Jack.

There was nothing judgmental or angry in the other boy’s voice, which also surprised him a little bit. He had expected Flash to lose his cool upon realising that Ruka’s loyalties were still firmly in place despite everything, but clearly the Slytherin was more collected than that.
He should have expected it; you couldn’t play games like this without having your emotions in check.

Staring at the set of Flash’s shoulders, Ruka waited patiently for the other boy to turn to face him again, and when he did his accompanying words almost made the Gryffindor laugh.

Another one spurned.

Jack really knew how to make himself enemies, there was nothing to be said about that.

“Made a fool out of you?” he asked, eyebrows raised curiously. It seemed like a vague reason to be wanting to get back at someone, but maybe Ruka just didn’t really understand the need for revenge other people seemed to have.

Still, going out of his way to try and get some information on Jack that may or may not help him at all in his quest of getting back at the other Slytherin boy seemed almost petty, and Flash seemed too smart to him to be petty. 
There was something more to it. Maybe a rivalry? Or maybe Jack just irked this boy who seemed to be playing the same kind of games with a different rule set.

“You know, I don’t know what you were hoping to get out of me disliking him. Like I told you, he’s been avoiding me since the Tea Party, and it doesn’t look like he’s about to stop anytime soon,” he shrugged his shoulders lightly and cast Flash an almost apologetic look, as if somehow sad that the other boy’s plan wasn’t working out how he’d wanted it to.

When told to laugh at Flash if he wanted to, Ruka remained silent, eyes simply mustering the other boy intently to try and see beyond those carefully crafted facades of friendliness. 
Despite Flash having seemingly revealed his true intentions, there was something about it that rubbed Ruka the wrong way; it was almost too easy, Flash had changed the tune almost too quickly, like someone who decided to change his strategy mid game when realising his original plan wasn’t working.

Still, Ruka decided to go with it for now, a look of sympathy on his face as Flash talked about Jack.

“You didn’t,” he answered when Flash pointed out that he hadn’t helped Ruka despite the fact that he’d clearly needed it. “You saw a weakness and tried to use it against me. For your personal gain.” There was nothing accusing in his tone, nothing to make Flash feel like it was something he was supposed to feel ashamed of.

This was a game, and Flash just tried to get ahead by his own rules. Ruka was just interested in finding out what the goal was.

“That might be the difference between you and Jack, you know?”

No matter his multiple flaws, Jack had never once tried to use Ruka’s weaknesses against him, never tried to take a broken toy and break it even more to see if it could be useful to him that way.
No, Jack had tried to fix him up, maybe out of curiosity, maybe to build up the kind of loyalty that Ruka was displaying in this conversation, maybe for another selfish reason Ruka couldn’t even begin to fathom, but he had constantly tried to work him into a direction of bettering himself and his lifestyle.

“I want to say you seem like a good guy, Flash. But good guys don’t use other people like that.” 

How droll. Flash wanted to roll his eyes, but he nodded in agreement instead. So Burnett is a nice guy and I’m a bad guy, huh? I don’t like that narrative at all. Flash had practically no options left. His theory had been proven true, at least, that Ruka cared a great deal about blatant honesty.

It wasn’t Flash’s style. He’d been scorned by it too many times to accept ‘the truth’ at face value. The nature of truth was more malleable than people liked to believe, and so was the notion of being a good person. For instance, if Ruka was the kind of person who just went along with Flash’s narrative, then he would have been happier. Things would be improving for him, regardless of his ‘intention’.

But he wasn’t that kind of person. Flash should have seen it sooner, but he had been stuck trying to put himself into the most ideal position. He didn’t want to be on an even playing field. If it had worked, he would have Ruka doing as he said with a smile on his face. He would have been thanking him. Instead Ruka was wallowing in his self-righteous despair.

Why didn’t it work? Because I wasn’t genuine? No one wants me to be myself. They want me to be Val. What would he have done...

He would have done the same thing, only better. Flash needed to work on sounding more genuine. Talking to Ruka was a good start. In the end there was still a mystery to solve.

”It hurts to hear, but I deserve it.” Flash tried not to sound too cloying, but instead quietly remorseful. ”When I saw you in the dungeons, coming to see Burnett, what I really saw was a mistake he had made. I wanted to know what he did wrong, but…”

Flash paused to think about his words. With them stopping to talk, the day had finally broken. In the distance, the sounds of students clamoring into the Great Hall could be heard.

”It wasn’t even him. It was something else. Burnett didn’t cause your pain at all, did he?” He spoke mostly to himself, as he sifted through his thoughts. ”He’s avoiding you to protect you, then?”

@Flash Holmwood

Ruka thought he could almost see the thoughts racing behind Flash’s blue eyes, as if he’d been thrown for a loop, some kind of hurdle he wasn’t expecting in this conversation.

It was almost funny how convinced Flash seemed to be that a little talk and smile would have Ruka turning against the one person who’d been there for him when he’d needed someone the most, but then again, the Slytherin had said himself that he didn’t know what was going on with him.

It was significantly more difficult to manipulate people if you didn’t understand where their mind was at.

Ruka hummed in slight interest when Flash admitted to thinking that Jack had been at fault for the Gryffindor’s distraught state the night before, and he couldn’t even judge him for having been curious. The way he had gone about it, however, had left a sour aftertaste in Ruka’s mouth.

Ruka was about to say something about that, something about how Flash needed to mind his own business, how Jack’s actions and mistakes were nothing to do with him, but then the Slytherin’s last words made him take in a sharp breath.

Smart. 

“Maybe,” Ruka answered Flash’s speculation, well aware that it had been posed as a question, probably to invite the Fire Dancer into providing further information. 
He’d known Flash wasn’t stupid.

Shaking his head lightly, Ruka reached up and took the fedora off his head to inspect it for a moment, mostly just to avoid looking at Flash while he weighed all his options.

He could have ended the conversation there, taken the out and just left, never to have a conversation with this boy again, but...
But there was something about this side of Flash that he found intriguing; There was something more genuine, more real about the way he was talking, the change in his face as if he had dropped at least a couple of masks. He almost looked a bit uncomfortable.

Well, there was no harm in humouring Flash for a little while, was there?

“I can’t assume his reasoning for anything he does. Heaven knows what goes on in his mind most of the time.” He shrugged lightly, eyes glancing from the fedora back to Flash to see if the other boy would react to that statement in any way.

Flash probably had first hand experience with Jack’s unpredictable mind, otherwise he wouldn’t have such an interest in his housemate. Such a longing to best him at this game they both seemed to be playing.

Ruka was just interested in what that experience had been.

“But I’m sure he’s not doing it to get back at me for anything. It’s not to hurt me.” He put the fedora back on, eyes sliding across the courtyard, the sound of students filtering into the Great Hall reminding him that breakfast was near.
His stomach grumbled desperately, which his mind immediately countered with a wave of nausea at the thought of actually eating anything.
Instead he focused his attention back on Flash.

“Hurting me like this would have been too easy. And easy isn’t really his style.”

Impossible to know-- funny way of saying clueless. Flash’s mouth twitched at Ruka’s bold assertion. He wanted to laugh out loud, but he had very recently grown thicker skin. Ruka had changed, it felt like Flash was just meeting him for the first time. He didn’t have time to dwell on the thought, and instead had more to scrutinize.

Easy isn’t his style. The pieces were starting to form a picture, and Flash could begin to see the folly in his approach. Burnett himself had given so much away, no doubt because he wanted it to be ‘harder’ for him. For what to be harder? Talking to each other? It seems he just revels in difficult relationships.

Feeling the fruitlessness of being flummoxed by Burnett, Flash began to recall the feeling he had a moment ago. The way he thought about Ruka, before then. He had only ever thought of Ruka as a tool for revenge. If he himself was so above Burnett’s childish behavior, then why did he want so badly to get back at him? For a brief moment in time he felt his age.

Then, a twinge of remorse. When Ruka admonished him, he hadn’t taken it to heart. It was something he wanted to get out of the way so they could keep talking. He was out of control, he had to pull himself back. He had to remember that they were both kids.

”Ruka… are you going to be okay?”

It was a non sequitur, but suddenly Burnett didn’t seem very important. The dark circles under the eyes, the pale skin, the unkempt clothes, it was still all there in the daylight. Somehow, he chose to ignore it.

@Ruka Tân

@Flash Holmwood 

There was only a small twitch of Flash‘s mouth to show something like amusement at Ruka‘s words, and the Gryffindor made a note of that reaction in the back of his mind. The Slytherin possibly found it funny that even Ruka - who had claimed to have been close with the other redhead - didn‘t understand Jack‘s mind. Maybe it made Flash feel better about not having Jack figured out yet himself.

Either way, the thought died in his mind when he heard Flash‘s next words, coming out like they were coming from a completely different person.

What was it about Flash that made him seem like he had several different personalities he changed like clothes for different occasions? Ruka definitely didn‘t feel very comfortable with it, but he kept a small smile on his face, eyes fixing on Flash‘s blue ones.

„I‘m a fighter,“ he said, voice steadier than it had been in a while. He was aware of the fact that Flash had seen him as anything but since the night before, but Ruka had fought through battles much harder than a petty, nosy boy trying to manipulate others for information. „And I‘m a survivor.“

He offered Flash a nod and a smile before he slowly started walking towards the castle again after waiting for the other boy to join his pace. 

A part of him thought he could see a flicker of care in Flash‘s face when he had asked him if he was going to be okay. Maybe the Slytherin had really only just realised that Ruka was suffering through something more severe than a lost friend, or maybe it was just another manipulation technique, but either way, Ruka almost felt sorry for the other boy‘s lost attempts at getting back at Jack.

„Can I give you some advice?“ he asked carefully as they walked side by side again, the quickly rising sun in their backs. „Stay out of Jack‘s business. He‘s better at this than you are.“

Flash couldn’t help but feel conflicted. When his day had started, he almost wished Ruka wouldn’t show up. When he did, he wished he would just spill his guts and get it over with. Somewhere inbetween the night and the day, his perspective of Ruka had changed completely.

Flash didn’t have time to catch up to his own thoughts, the interaction had been so quick, yet so much had been said. He wished he would have taken one of the longer routes instead, but it was too late to feel regret. There was still more he wanted to say, to ask, but he couldn’t contrive a reason to elongate an already exhausting interaction.

Who was Ruka, really? He insisted on affiliating himself with Burnett, but he was someone completely different than he had expected. Flash spent so much time being frustrated at his inability to control him that he spent very little time actually getting to know him.

He was a survivor, then. What he had survived, and what Burnett was keeping away from him, was locked away tightly from Flash’s prying inquisition. As much as it frustrated him, he was once again thrust up against a daunting barrier. Ruka made it impossible to talk to him any further without losing his grace. Flash could imagine how much easier it would have been if he had no tact like Burnett. He could start to see how the two fit together.

Better at this. At what? He racked his brain to think of what to say, but nothing fit. When he tried to speak, his voice didn’t reach him. He felt some kind of deep ache in his chest, being shut out. Why did he suddenly want Ruka’s approval?

It didn’t matter anyway, because the walk was over.

@Ruka Tân

@Flash Holmwood

Ruka fidgeted a little uncomfortably in the silence that Flash seemed to punish him with for the rest of their walk back towards the castle, eyes sliding across the courtyard and over the boy quietly walking next to him.

He wasn’t sure what to say, didn’t know if he was supposed to say anything at all.
Flash was a riddle that kept changing its rules the longer he spent on trying to figure it out. There seemed to be so many facets to him, so many layers to breath through; Where Jack had built up a fortress around him, Flash seemed to be layered in beautiful costumes to show off to whoever fancied such splendour.

It had to be horrible to care so much about what people thought of you, that you would work so hard on trying to shape their minds to your liking.

When they reached the entrance to the Great Hall, Ruka stopped, reaching out to grab Flash’s wrist and keep him from just walking to breakfast without another word.
Flash hadn’t responded to his advice about Jack, and Ruka didn’t know if he’d even heard it in the first place, but that wasn’t the most important thing about their conversation today.

“I don’t know what your goal is,” he said, positioning himself in front of Flash to make sure he wouldn’t just start walking again. “I don’t know what exactly you want with Jack, I don’t know what you were hoping to get out of me, but...” he sighed, shaking his head a little. “Sometimes it’s better to just focus on yourself, rather than everyone around you. Excuse me if I overstep, but you strike me as a person who really needs to think a lot less about others.”

What? They hadn’t said anything to each other in the courtyard, but as soon as they were about to part ways, Ruka grabbed ahold of him to say his peace.

Think less about others… he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. It was a ridiculous assertion to make-- things were going well for him this year. It was Burnett and Ruka who were the problem, they were damaged, compensating for something. Flash didn’t have any damage, he was seizing influence through kindness.

No one else was complaining. Flash had seen the admiring looks he had been getting from the girls in class when he smiled at them, the gratitude in people’s voices when he helped them out. How selfish could Ruka be to tell him he should focus on himself. He belonged to everyone. Ruka's words only bolstered his belief.

”You’re one to talk.” Flash smiled, but his brow was furrowed, unable to hold back the sorrow that was growing inside him. He needed to readjust, to get rid of the face he was showing. A sign of weakness. ”I’ll be fine. I’m always fine. You’re the one who looks like a mess.”

Flash chuckled a bit involuntarily, looking back at Ruka’s feet. The reason he decided to walk in socks was completely beyond him, but the outermost layer was caked in wet grass and dirt. There were a few scant students walking around in the courtyard, but no one took particular interest in the two of them.

”Why don’t you take some of your own advice? I could help, you know. I’d be glad to.” Flash’s smile finally returned.

@Ruka Tân

@Flash Holmwood

 

Ruka had expected Flash to wave his advice off like an annoying fly, he couldn’t even be upset with the way the other boy immediately tried to turn the attention back on the Gryffindor instead of himself again.

A look down at his own exterior made it glaringly obvious to Ruka that he really wasn’t someone that other people would take life advice from in general; with his mismatched, wrinkled clothes and his dirty socks he definitely didn’t look like he had his life together.

“At least I know I’m a mess,” he pointed out, head tilted to the side a little as he watched a flicker of emotion cross Flash’s face that he couldn’t quite decipher. “And unlike you I don’t try to hide it from the world.”

He shrugged lightly, finally letting go of Flash’s wrist when he saw the other boy putting his smile firmly back in place. There it was, that thing that bothered Ruka the most about their entire interaction. 
No matter what was said, no matter how much Flash had changed faces during their short walk, it always came back to that smile - The one that basically screamed I just want to help and seemed to hide a whole tirade of self-esteem issues underneath.

Flash wanted people to think he was nice and harmless because... because why? Because enchanted people were more likely to do you favours? Because if people thought you were their friend they were more likely to open up and drop their walls?

Come to think of it, maybe that was the reason Flash seemed to have some kind of vendetta against Jack; the other Slytherin had near indestructible walls built up around him and could smell a phoney friendship act ten miles against the wind.
No matter the amount of charm Flash might have tried to use on Jack, it would have backfired spectacularly.

Maybe that’s what Flash had meant when he’d said Jack had made a fool of him.

“I don’t care about other people,” he said thoughtfully, eyes drifting across a small group of students on their way to the Great Hall. “I don’t care what they think of me, and I don’t care what they’re up to as long as it doesn’t affect me.” He shrugged lightly, giving Flash’s exterior a meaningful once-over. “You, on the other hand, care too much.” He returned Flash’s smile with one of his own, eyebrows raised slightly as if challenging the other boy to protest. “And concerning yourself this much with other people’s business won’t fix whatever mess you are keeping hidden inside there.”