On The Last Carriage to the Castle PV Mahlioz Evethisawe Finished

"True." He nodded.

Mahlioz had a point. Except, he was not sure whether he had experienced romance or not. What counted as 'romance'? After months of confusion, he was pretty sure that he had feelings for his best friend. Madison's big brother had caught him completely off guard when he urged Simon to make a move before it was 'too late'. However, he was not sure that Madison felt the same way about him. But he had noticed a slight change in her eyes whenever she looked at him. And they had even shared a bed together. Last time, when he stayed with her on her birthday, she had snuggled up against him when they went to bed.

Carried away by his thoughts, he felt a slight blush spread across his cheeks, before his focus returned to Mahlioz. The book she read seemed quite interesting. It was definitely something that Simon would borrow, should he had found the book on a shelf in his local library.

"... Anyway, the book talks about how they meet, and, um... fall in love."

"Oh," said Simon, completely surprised by the plot twist. However, his surprise did not come from hearing that it was about homosexual love. Rather, his surprise came from the fact that the proclaimed fantasy book seemed to center around a theme that Mahlioz just had made clear that she was not a fan of. So, why was this book so interesting? Perhaps because it was not that usual love story between a girl and a boy, which said something about Mahlioz as well. Maybe she was drawn to the unconventional stuff? Things that among some people were considered taboo. If that was the case, he admired her even more.

"There's other stuff as well," Mahlioz continued. "It's really diverse and talks about some important themes like racism and feminism, and I love it."

This was a good sign. He could tell why Irina liked Mahlioz now. Apparently Mahlioz was interested in the same kind of themes that often occupied his mind as well when he was reflecting upon the challenges, conflicts and injustices of the world.

"Interesting," he said. She now had his full attention, his mind spinning with thoughts and reflections on the subject. "Maybe I'll read it some time. It sounds like a book my mother would like also. She's a professor in Sociology at a Muggle university – yeah, I'm a half-blood – I know that she's been doing a lot of research that centers around gender roles, social inequality and stuff. Usually the kind of topic we're having around our dining table," he explained and chuckled.

Date: September 1 2023 Time: ~21:00

Interacting with: @Simon Tilia Mentions: X

English | French Thoughts

They'd been talking about the subject of romance for a while now, but when it came to speaking about real-life experiences, Mahlioz was rather surprised to see Simon blush. He'd seemed far in his own head for a while, and she couldn't help but wonder who he was thinking of. Because he was surely thinking about someone. But that was none of her business, she reminded herself. So she didn't mention it, choosing instead to continue the conversation.

Simon let out a surprised "oh" when Mahlioz told him what her book was about. The girl couldn't tell whether it was good surprise or bad surprise. The topic of two people of the same gender in love wasn't one often spoken about. Mahlioz was pretty used to it, what with her older sister having a girlfriend and her family being accepting, but she never spoke to her friends about it. Mostly because she didn't care about romance, as stated earlier, but also... some people seemed to think it wasn't okay. Was Simon one of those people?

Thankfully, it seemed not. He said it was interesting, and that he might read it sometime, to which Mahlioz grinned. And he said something about how his mother was interested in those kinds of topics. The Slytherin nodded. "I'm also a half-blood, but it's more my siblings who talk about that kind of thing. My parents are accepting and all, but they're not usually the ones to initiate the conversation." She paused, wondering if the question in her mind was okay to ask. She probably would have felt uncomfortable if someone asked her, but... she was too curious. "Are you... like them? Like, part of the community, I mean." It came out more weird than she'd meant, but she hoped he'd understand anyway.

Interacting with @Mahlioz Evethisawe

Simon just looked at Mahlioz for a moment, trying to figure out what she meant. What community? The only reason why he did not simply ask her to clarify was the fear of sounding stupid, because clearly, this was something that we was supposed to know. Then he glanced at her book; at the illustrated male protagonists on the cover.

"Oh, you mean...? No. No, I'm pretty sure I'm heterosexual," he said and smiled.

Pretty sure?

"I am hetero, I mean."

Of course he had reflected upon these things and imagined what it would be like to be with someone of the same sex (did not everyone?). But the thought did not appeal to him. And besides, there was only one person that occupied his mind in this regard.

"But I don't have anything against..."

A loud crackling noise interrupted him as the carriage quickly tilted heavily towards Mahlioz and hit the ground with a 'Bang!'. Simon inevitably lifted from his seat and fell forward, landing over Mahlioz lap and faceplanting into the seat next her.

"What in the world..." He grunted as he tried to find the balance to get up from Mahlioz. "Sorry!"

Simon opened the door so that they could look outside, only to see one of the front wheels going down the hill between the trees towards the lake. It hit a bump in the ground, bounced up in the air and disappeared into the water with a splash. He stepped outside, looking at the wheelless corner where the carriage was tilting all the way down to the ground.

"Well, I guess we're not repairing that wheel, unless you know the Summoning Charm."

The next carriage was already far away and they would most likely not be able to catch up with it even if they ran. Above the tree tops rose the castle before them, with its many windows and towers. It could not be that long of a walk, Simon thought. They could always inform the caretaker about the broken carriage when they got inside the Great Hall.

"Seems like we're walking the last bit," he said and brushed off his legs once again.

As they started walking, Simon remembered what they had talked about in the carriage before it broke down. "By the way, I didn't get the chance to ask you, but are you... like, part of the community?"

Date: September 1 2023 Time: ~21:00

Interacting with: @Simon Tilia Mentions: X

English | French Thoughts

Simon had at first seemed rather confused at Mahlioz's question, before eyeing her book, and then a look of recognition crossed his face as he stated that he was heterosexual. He stammered a little though, and paused a few times, so it was obvious it wasn't something he often talked about. Mahlioz suddenly felt bad, and wished the topic would change soon. It wasn't that she had anything against it, it was just that she didn't want Simon to feel uncomfortable or stupid.

Her wish was soon granted when the carriage suddenly tilted backwards towards her with a crack and a bang, sending the Ravenclaw tumbling over her. Her first thought was Wow, am I really that heavy? which was silly, because it obviously wasn't her, but it had felt that way at first. Simon got up, confused and apologizing, and opened the door for them to see one of the wheels roll off into the lake.
"Uh, nope," Mahlioz said about the Summoning Charm, which she unfortunately did not know. That wheel wasn't going to come back any time soon. Which left only one option, that Simon was quick to state: they were walking.

With a sigh, Mahlioz followed him out of the carriage and began to walk next to him. "Seems so. I hope we're not late for the Sorting Ceremony." Not that there was anyone she knew. Had Reltyl been magical, there would've, but they were back in Aberdeen, going into sixth grade. She was just interested to see the new firsties.

Rather unfortunately, the broken wheel incident had not affected Simon's memory, and he soon brought the LGBTQ+ subject back up, asking whether she was part of the community. She probably should have expected it, what with having asked him the exact same question, but it didn't make her any less ready. He had obviously proven to be a great person, but still... it was a touchy topic. "I, er... yeah, I think so." She looked away, feeling like it would be easier to talk to the surrounding trees than to Simon himself. "I think I'm panro- um, pansexual." She paused, deciding that she would go all the way. "No, panromantic. I think - I'm also asexual."

There. She'd said it. She'd come out, for the first time, as asexual. To someone she'd only met in the last hour. She had no idea whether he knew what it meant, or even what pan meant, but she'd done it. She didn't really know how to feel - it was both liberating and trapping. The ball was now in Simon's field.

Interacting with @Mahlioz Evethisawe

He knew what homosexual, bisexual and transsexual was, but the terms Mahlioz mentioned were all new to Simon. Or maybe he had read about them somewhere but forgotten about it. Whatever it was, it only made Mahlioz even more interesting in his view. What was a bit confusing, though, was the fact that Mahlioz seem to hesitate when she said them. He wondered if her fumbling over the words was because she was not sure of the meaning of the terms herself and got them mixed up, or whether she was not sure about her sexuality. Probably the latter, he thought. Mahlioz seemed well read on the topic.

"Really? Um, what's panromantic and a-... asexual?" He looked at Mahlioz and noticed that she was looking away. He was well aware that it was a touchy subject and decided to tread carefully from here on.

With the carriage abandoned, he noticed how silent it was. There was not as much as a breeze in the air and the lake looked like a giant mirror, reflecting the moon and the naked Scottish hills. All that could be heard was their footsteps on the gravel road and the singing crickets in the surrounding forest. A mosquito passed Simon's ear and he instinctively dodged and scratched his ear before looking at Mahlioz, curious about her response.

Date: September 1 2023 Time: ~21:00

Interacting with: @Simon Tilia Mentions: X

English | French Thoughts

Reducio

Hope this makes sense, it's a complicated and peculiar topic that's not often talked out. I'll be happy to edit anything that breaks any rules. Also, if anyone reading this wants a more detailed description, I do recommend JaidenAnimations' Being Not Straight video on youtube. (:

Even though she wasn't looking at him, it was rather obvious he had no idea what she was talking about. In a way, it was a little bit of a relief, but at the same time it meant she would have to explain it to him. Which she would have been fine with if it didn't have to do with her. She could have gone on and explained all about the difference between pan and omni and bi, or talked about the erasure of aromantic people, as long as she didn't have to connect it to herself. But she'd gotten herself here now, and she was going to have to explain.

Taking a breath to try and ready herself, she did her best to answer Simon's question. "Pansexual or panromantic means that you're attracted to people regardless of gender. The prefix pan- means 'all', or 'every'. Asexual... um..." She hesitated, and who could blame her? It was quite a taboo topic, and maybe he'd find her weird for thinking about things like that. They were only 12, after all.
But it wasn't like she'd gone and searched it up on purpose. When she'd first found the definition, a little less than a year ago, it had just stuck. Maybe it would change over time, maybe she knew nothing at the moment (she was only a tween, for goodness' sake), but at that moment, it had just felt like it was her. Like the world finally made sense.

The question was how to describe that without sounding completely and utterly weird. "Well, it's a lack of, er..." She sighed. "Intimate attraction? Basically, there's lots of different types of attractions someone can have, but the two most common ones are romantic and intimate. And I experience romantic attraction - at least, I think so - but not intimate." She hoped that made sense and didn't make her sound like a creep. She had heard so much about ace coming-outs where people told them they were too young to know. And maybe that was true, she didn't know! How could she? But it didn't matter. It was what she was right now. It could change, but for now, that was what she was.

She still could not bring herself to look at Simon. She just felt weird. Like everything she'd just said was wrong and weird and she shouldn't have said it in the first place. Why did she feel the need to come out? She wasn't sure, except that she'd held it in for a long time and, in all honesty, it was something she was proud of. If people could be proud about liking the same gender, or transitioning to a different one, couldn't she be proud about who she was? Even if it was a rather weird orientation.

'Panromantic' seemed pretty straightforward. The difference from bisexual must be that panromantics covered all genders, even non-binary, he thought. He silently wondered how Mahlioz had discovered that, whether she had been attracted to a non-binary friend or non-binary celebrity perhaps. As soon as she mentioned 'asexual', however, she seemed to hesitate. There was a pause and Simon's curiosity only grew bigger. It was indeed a very mature conversation, quite unlike the rudimentary and shallow conversations he usually had with his Muggle friends from Edinburgh where everyone one of them was hetero, far as he knew.

Mahlioz explained it with making a distinction between 'romantic' and 'intimate'. Simon's brain was spinning and he was trying to come up with the most logical interpretation. It seemed as if she was talking about 'love' and 'sex'. If it was not for the fact that the topic centered around Mahlioz's own sexuality, he would have asked her to clarify, but that did not seem like to most sensitive thing to do – especially since they hardly knew each other.

Simon had never thought about 'love' and 'sex' as two entirely different or separable things. Looking at it like that opened a flood gate of questions.

"Oh, I see..." he said. There was not enough time to process this new information and prepare a proper response, so he continued spontaneously: "I've never actually thought about that... That you could have a romantic attraction but lack the intimate kind of attraction. But it still makes sense when you think of it."

Not that his own limited experience of romance was connected to more intimate thoughts and desires. Of course he had been thinking about sex in general as well as love, but it was not like he thought about sex whenever he thought about Madi, for instance, and his growing feelings for her. But that did not mean that he was 'asexual'... right? Just because he was not strictly speaking very sexual just yet... That would probably come later as he got older, he thought.

Simon instantly felt the urge to go to a library and read about the whole thing, although he was not sure such literature were to be found in the Hogwarts library, which meant that the only one he knew that had this knowledge – and the only one he could ask – was Mahlioz. Although now was probably not the right time.

"I think it's very brave of you, being open about it, you know," he added to give her some well-deserved acknowledgement and encouragement.

Date: September 1 2023 Time: ~21:00

Interacting with: @Simon Tilia Mentions: X

English | French Thoughts

Mahlioz could not express how grateful she was to Simon in that moment. She could not have expected a better reaction. He was quick to understand, and really tried to, not shunning the idea away because he hadn't felt anything like it before. She really felt... accepted. Like next to her was a person she could really trust.
"There are lots of people who don't see the difference between the two," she said about the different attraction types. "Most people feel both completely, and so they feel like they're related. But not everyone does." Now that she felt like she could really open up to him, she wanted to tell him everything. "There are some people who do feel the intimate attraction, but not the romantic one. Those would be called aromantic. And some people are both aromantic and asexual, and some people are neither."

She really hoped she wasn't going overboard with it. She fell silent again as they continued walking, both of them deep in thought. Mahlioz had never spoken to anyone about this kind of thing, ever. The internet had been her only source, and because she'd found it so interesting, she'd been eager to learn it all, until all her questions were answered. Not that they were, not yet. That had been proven when she'd started questioning everything, after that day in June. But she was getting there. Maybe at some point she'd understand it all, understand herself.

Simon broke the silence by saying he thought it was brave of her to be so open about it all. Mahlioz wasn't sure what to think of that. "Thank you," she said, before adding, "I... appreciate your listening to me." There was more she wanted to say, of course - there was so much more to all of this - but she wasn't sure whether she should say it, for Simon's sake. It was probably already a lot, and maybe he didn't care as much as she did, enough to want to know what she did. And that was okay. She was already so very thankful that he cared this much. That he was still here.

Interacting with @Mahlioz Evethisawe

Aromantic? Mahlioz kept throwing new terms at him that made him reflect, rethink and reconstruct his prior yet limited knowledge on the topic. New questions rose and he had to really bite his tongue not to ask them out loud as they popped into his head.

"Well, again, it all makes sense when you say it like that, but I can't help but feel bad for those who cannot feel romantic attraction," he said. "My mom always says that there are many different kinds of love, that type you feel for your family, for your friends, 'yes, even the same sex' she says, and then there is romantic love. What a shame to never be able to experience that though..."

He realized that the same could be said about asexuality, but he hoped that she was getting the point. Of course, he was not judging or anything, he was merely trying to put himself in the shoes of an aromantic, because he was pretty sure he had the ability to experience romantic attraction and romantic feelings. Still, the topic had him confused. What about grey zones? Could these sexualities change over time? Or were they more like 'permanent'? When and how did you most likely know if you were either aromantic or asexual?

Talking about this stuff with someone who seemed to know a great deal about it was intriguing. Simon had never had such a person in his life, and sometimes, depending on the topic, he found it more valuable to talk to people about it rather than read about it on the Internet. Listening to someone's personal experiences usually lead to a deeper understanding than going for that theoretical kind of knowledge. But he did not want to pressure Mahlioz into talking more about herself more than he had potentially already done. If she wanted to speak to him about it again some time, he just had to see.

"Anyway," said Simon as they eventually reached the top of the stairs inside the castle after a more casual and trivial conversation for the rest of the way. "This was certainly a more interesting ride to the castle than I had expected. I'll make sure to notify Miss Greer about the broken carriage." Simon smiled politely to this nice girl that he hoped that he would get to know even better. "It was nice meeting you, Mahlioz. You enjoy the rest of the evening." As he approached the large oakwood door, he turned around again."Oh, and by the way – when you finish your book, I'd be happy to borrow it, if you'd let me. I'll see you around!"

When he pushed open the door for them, they were met by an immense noise from all the chatter and the warm light from the hundreds of flickering candles under the blue night sky. The hall was almost vibrating with anticipation for the upcoming school year. He and Mahlioz went in opposite directions, finding their seats among their fellow house mates. Before they sat down, he quickly made eye-contact with Mahlioz for the last time before her head disappeared behind the myriad of students. He sincerely hoped that she would be willing to talk to him again some time.

Date: September 1 2023 Time: ~21:00

Interacting with: @Simon Tilia Mentions: X

English | French Thoughts

Simon seemed once again amazed that such a thing existed. He stated that it made sense, but that he felt a little bad for people who couldn't feel romantic attraction. He obviously had no evil intentions, but Mahlioz still felt the need to say something. "I think it's because of how romanticized the world is. Everywhere you look - boom, romance. The bestselling genre is romance. Since we see it so much, and it's shown as the best thing you could possibly imagine, it's easy to feel bad for those who don't experience it. But I think... I think you can be just as happy - or even more - even if you don't have a romantic partner."

After a little more conversation, Mahlioz realized that they'd finally arrived at the castle. Simon turned to her and said goodbye, telling her to enjoy the rest of her evening and that he'd be glad to borrow her book, if she didn't mind. She smiled. "You do as well," she told him, before they parted ways. He glanced back at her before she lost sight of him, and made her way to the Slytherin table. As she sat down, she couldn't help feeling she'd just made a very, very good friend.

Mahlioz has left the thread.