Finished I’m Unsure How To Feel… PV: Ava Winchect

Dear Ava,
I’m still glad we met. Nothing can change my opinion on that. I know you want me to keep hating you, but it’s still hard. I hate you. I hate you. There.

Welp… that means that they definitely read these letter. I guess that makes sense though. Just to make sure you are not doing anything bad…

Be a good girlie ava, and then maybe you’ll get out sooner.
With love,
Charlie

Dear Charlie,
I had the most amazing talk with a staff member yesterday. It feels like… I finally found a purpose again. I feel whole, and clean and ready to face the day now, which is something I couldn’t say a month ago. We barely talked, but she helped me understand that there was still time to turn my story around.

I can’t wait to see you again. As everyday passes I feel a sense of growth within me, When I return it will be a new person facing you. One a little more complete than I am.

Your overjoyed friend,
Ava

Dear Ava,
Wow. That is awesome! I’m so glad you are connecting to people over there. That is really good. I’m so glad that you are connecting and finding your true self again. I knew it was still in you, Ava. And yes, I’m still mad at you but at least you found something in yourself that made you stop. And not carry out that horrible action.

I’m so happy for you friend. I really am.
-Charlie

Dear Charlie,
I don’t want to talk about the past anymore. I know it’s unavoidable for me but here can we keep it strictly happy things only? I need to center myself here and not in the past.

The people here are nice enough, if you keep in mind the only ones I really talk to are staff members. Thorn hates me so much, it’s like I made her do everything and say the stuff she did.

Staff seems promised with my progress. They keep saying I’ll get to come back soon, but in their eyes I can see that soon isn’t near enough for them.

Your overjoyed friend,
Ava

Dear Ava,
Alright. Honestly, it’s probably a good idea for me to not even think about it. January was a rough month for me, and I’m glad it’s over.

That makes sense that you only talk to some people. If I was in your situation, then I wouldn't;t have even looked at Thorn.

Glad their somewhat happy with your progress. It’s ok if it takes you all year to get back. They just want to make sure you are ok, and that you would have a repeat of this again.

With love,
Charlie

Dear Charlie,
January..a rough month for you? I really don’t want to sound rude or anything else, but your month was probably half as bad as mine. I can’t really say more than that without getting really really angry.

It’s hard not to look at Thorn when we’re stuck in group therapy. Especially when you can feel her glaring daggers at you.

I wish they would be happier with my progress. I’m really trying my hardest and there’s only one person who really is helping though.

Trying not to fall back into the rabbit hole of despair,
Ava

Dear Ava,
I guess you’re right. You definitely had a harder month than me. But losing my only good friend I actually trusted… I mean that really hurt.

That must be rough. Like really rough. I wish I could march over there and punch Thorn in the face for you. But remember, Thorn was the one who has a whole trunk of knives under their bed.

Hey. You have made a lot of progress. Just think about your chat with the staff member. You’ve made so much progress, and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. But why do I sound like a motivational speaker?

Promise me you’ll give yourself some grace.
-Charlie

Dear Charlie,
I hate to rub the fact in your face but…only friend? I only saw you so often during the school year, so what were you doing when you weren’t with me?

I still wonder where she got the knives from. And why she gave them to me. I was not the most convincing layer, i will say. She pretty much agreed to help me…hurt someone. I still can’t write it on the page, or the sick feeling returns to my stomach.

You do sound like a motivation speaker. Ever thought about trying to be one? The problem wit not letting anyone tell me otherwise is the fact that they are measuring my progress and telling me.

Still trying,
Ava

Dear Ava,
I know. I have other friends, but they are so busy off doing things and hanging with their other friends. Plus, I spend time with older students who I would call too old to be a good friend. They are honestly like the older siblings I wish I had.

So Thorn is just as guilty as you are. I know you said no more questions but did she pressure you at all to do it?

No actually. That kinda sucks. Say you don’t make any progress, do they tell you that?

Hoping for the best,
Charlie

Dear Charlie,
You don’t have any older siblings? I can’t decide if I’m surprised or not. It seems like something I guessed of you, I suppose.

This is the only question I’ll answer. She didn’t pressure me and…well, made me swear I wouldn’t hurt her or her friends.

The stuff I do in therapy says what my progress is like. Lately it feels like no progress at all.

Hanging in the rabbit hole,
Ava