[font=PT Sans]After a crying outburst, his thoughts became slightly rational. The first thought he had was ‘wow. This is incredibly embarrassing’. But it was an acceptable embarrassment. His body seems to unexpectedly accept the fact that he had just cried like a newborn baby despite the standards he put up for himself. Crying wasn’t something he did frequently since he was good at keeping them inside and avoiding the reason for said tears. He assumed that to cry meant that he had lost control of something dangerous. It causes more unnecessary problems for him and others. Prime example 1: Daella Prince. From chatter box to quiet mouse. Oddly enough, he didn’t seem to hate it as much as he thought he should. It was an extremely strange sensation for the boy. He was curled up in a ball, the lower half of his face covered by his crossed arms placed on his knees. Prominent shades of red added a dash of colour to his stinging eyes and yet they looked completely calm. His breathing had never been more gentle. While he was obviously exhausted, he looked weightless. He might as well be naked with how much he looked so vulnerable. The mask he created, the hiding, the ignoring. All blew away as gentle as the wind that tickled his eyes. The endless fog that clouded his thoughts dispersed. Allowing new thoughts and ideas to fester. Specifically, those that he would normally reject within a heartbeat.

He wasn’t miserable, but fragile. Planting any ideas in him would be a starting point of something new. Many years later, he may come to appreciate that it was Dee that was next to him. The next words he would sprout out sounded less robotic. It wasn’t pretty words but nevertheless, they contained much more honesty and genuinity. “ I actively tried to be in the wrong… . All this time..being in the wrong just felt more comfortable. I never thought of being anything but a screw up. I can’t make other people happy. I accepted that and I became the ideal screw up. But Percival.. . He stayed even after all the crap I pulled”. No longer did the name Percival stung his heart. It flowed just as smoothly as his raspy voice could. “ Apologise huh..?” a tired laugh escaped him “ I should… but I can’t. It would bother him. I really hurt him, you know? Hahah.. I really did… . I wish I was dumb enough not to notice, honestly. What happened at the Fight Club..it wasn’t the first time. I know him well enough to know he would accept my apology. But do I deserve his forgiveness?” He slowly gazed to his side where Dee is. It looked like he already had an answer to his question, but unlike before- it contained a slight doubt. Barely noticeable but enough for an observant kid to notice. For once, he was open for someone else to tell him it wasn’t true. Heck, he wanted to hear it. Dee, despite how awkward their conversation was, still stayed. She went against everything Hana expected anyone to do in this situation. Why did she stay? If he couldn’t figure this out, perhaps there was more to the picture that he wasn’t seeing. A hole in his ideals that didn’t make sense.

The point of saying all this was to be understood. At that moment, Hanako wanted nothing more than to understand where his outburst came from. How to start? Where to start? Did he even have a chance to change? Did he deserve it? Frankly, he didn’t think so. There was no one to help him on the way. He thought the isolation made him stronger, but how long could he fool himself? For a chance to be understood, someone had to throw the ball. Someone had to have enough courage to listen. With a chance at being understood or understand, trailing behind was a chance to misunderstand or be misunderstood. He realised after his sobbing fit that he was fearful of the latar. The small chance of being misunderstood shaked him to the core. His lack of bravery stopped him from forming meaningful relationships. That was what happened to Percival. He was beginning to unravel the tangled ball of yarn in his head. Slowly but surely.

He lifted his face and continued to gaze at Dee. His blank face- as tired as they looked- managed to crack a small smile. “ I told him he was a dumbass for thinking we were actually close. Why? Because he looked so worried about me. What was that for? I’m sure you remember the situation we were in. Hah.. why would he be so worried? I hated that. Shouldn’t he worry about himself more? It's just.. I always thought he would eventually leave on his own. Being in that spot, seeing him worried for me? That- that pulled me back down to reality. That.. he really didn’t leave. And I was .. horrified at that. Hmm.. how do I explain this in simpler terms..” he paused for a moment, looking genuinely like he was in thought. He wasn’t the best with words and didn’t even have enough energy to try.“ I realised that I didn’t want him to leave me. But I know he will one day. So I left him first. To me, leaving first was much more better than being the one left behind”

He lifted his face from his arms and now gazed upon the grassy lands in front of them without much emotion. This situation felt very surreal. Words he never said just calmly slipped out of him like they were waiting for a chance to be freed. And now that they were out, he felt free. A surreal dream-like kind of freedom. Where he was sure he was going to wake up from. One thing for sure is that he felt good.

“ I guess….you were right about me being afraid~” he weakly smiles at Dee’s direction, his tone lightly playful but not enough to be mockery. “ Wow. That sounds really un-cool of me..haha. Never make me do that again. Apologizing... not only that I think I don’t deserve it. I don’t know where to start. I haven’t apologised since… since I forgot to water Jessie, my plant. That one time. She suffered...” Hanako didn’t mean it as a joke but he looked dead serious. As if the suffering plant still haunted him.
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@Dealla Prince@Percival Rainwood

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By SK

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Head curiously tilted to one side, Dee watched as Hanako finally quieted down. Had likely run out of water, there were only so many tears a human could cry. He was probably dehydrated at this point. She still didn't understand what exactly had happened, but she was rather relieved that the waterworks had stopped. She hadn't meant to break him, just... crack him a little. Would he return to his defensive barbs now?

But no, he didn't. Instead, his next words contained more honesty than their entire conversation so far. He seemed vulnerable, somehow. It gave her an odd sense, like what she said next would matter now, had the power to influence the course his life would take. How curious.

Dee listened quietly, for some reason more hesitant to barge in and interrupt him than she had been when she'd been teasing him before. Usually more concerned with her own feelings, satisfying her own impulses, trying to attune to someone else's emotions was an odd experience for her. Not that his honesty made much more sense to her than his defensive claims earlier, it was still just as confusing. Nonsensical. Why would Hanako - why would anyone - feel that way about themselves? Actively try to sabotage themselves, their own happiness? Try to make themselves and their loved ones miserable? It was nothing that Dealla, with her rather limited and happy life experience, could even begin to comprehend. Being happy came easy to her; she'd never tried to be anything but herself.

When Hanako turned towards her, looking to her for the answer to his question, for confirmation, assurance perhaps, Dee's face was serious, her aquamarine eyes steadily meeting his. "He's really important to you, isn't he?" she asked, her voice quiet, but didn't wait for an answer. "And I think he probably knows that - somehow, in spite of how you're acting - but maybe he needs you to show him...?" She paused, considering. She wasn't one for empty platitudes, anyone asking for her opinion had to be ready to handle her honest view, which was usually delivered with a direct, sharp tongue. "If you don't think you deserve his forgiveness, you could always try to earn it. Try to, you know, be a decent human being. Make it up to him, become a better friend?" She nodded to herself, her expression thoughtful. "Personally, I don't see why you wouldn't deserve his forgiveness, if you make an effort."

Then she made a face, nose crinkling, as she suddenly remembered who the person they were talking about was. No, better not think about that. She didn't give the advice to help him, she did it to help Hanako. Also, to right the world back to its normal axis, that seemed to have somehow gone askew with Hanako and Rainwood not on speaking terms. More the latter than the former, really, although Hanako was increasingly capturing her curiosity. He was such an odd boy. He'd make a good social study subject, she thought.

At his confession of how he'd treated Percival, and why, Dee scrunched up her face again, then reached out to gently flick his nose in admonishment. "Logically," she said, "if he hasn't left you so far, with all the 'crap you've pulled', as you said, why would you think he will in the future? And who are you to decide that he will? Especially if you start making an effort to keep him instead?" Nodding as if she'd made an indisputable argument, Dee crossed her arms in front of her chest. "You're his friend, that's why he worried. People worry about their friends, that's not a bad thing. You worry about him, too, don't you? Kind of at least, with all that 'I can't apologise because it would bother him' and 'I hurt him' business. That's good, you don't want to hurt him."

All these things that seemed so obvious, so natural, so self-explanatory to her, and at the same time, completely incomprehensible to Hanako. It was strange, sitting there and watching him have a breakthrough about things she'd never thought twice about, that she'd never questioned, just taken as fundamental truth. How come he didn't understand these things? Perhaps... perhaps he just needed someone to explain them to him?

His weak smile was returned with a full, brilliant one from Dee, that turned slightly teasing at his admission. "Of course I was right, that much is obvious." She softened slightly, dropping her hands back to her lap. "It's never too late to start. Maybe... you just need some help? It's really not that hard. And I'm sure that, uh, Jessie understood."

@Hanako Tone