12 Aug 2020, 19:34
Feast or Famine
Professor Jensen made a point, food is food. The rats nourished her despite the fact that there were more appealing, albeit dangerous options that were offered to her in the Great Hall. If it was necessary, if the more appealing options were absent, you take what you can get. There were children, in theory. Those first years -- still 11, twelve at the oldest. They could in theory eat them. Of course, why stay when they could find something more appetizing elsewhere? A question Erin had never asked herself until now. A question she should have asked a long time ago.
Still, she believed it was the part giants. There was enough evidence of it, a loose thread that had never been tied up. "There were part-giants at the masquerade ball that attacked the student body. They also tried to kidnap someone," she could not recall who. Some Ravenclaw boy. Something the Head of Slytherin already knew. Of course her suspicions of Quinn predated that moment. "I had also confronted him, Quinn that is," Erin added. "I never got a NO," like a reasonable person would respond. "He laughed like a madman and fled," it was not a confession either. It was still short of a confession the worst choice he could have made because it substantiated her belief that Quinn Healy was a killer.
What to look out for.
Erin shrugged. She had no idea what you needed to monitor in cannibals. "Not an expert in cannibalism," she conceded.
Was Erin an empty shell? Someone who had no fear. No compassion. It was true, the loud noises. The shouting, the emotional barrage. An attempt to create an opening, a means of egress. A gap in her opponent's defenses. To make herself appear more capable, potentially dangerous or violent. But she did not feel it, the pain less the physical discomfort she had come to crave because it grounded her, reminded her that she was alive when there was nothing else. She abided by a single imperative - survive. It was still fear, just not the paralyzing sort that is felt. It was simply known -- Erin would die if she failed. What of the loneliness and jealousy? Indeed, she coveted what others had. Perhaps want was emotional rather than logical, seeing that unbalance eliciting something besides a need. Was want an emotion?
"Who did they help?"
Erin blinked. "I don't know?" She seemed confused. Those she recalled, she wished to protect. She did not want to rat on Howard, not that he had done anything to earn her loyalty. Soon enough she would not even have a misguided sense of fidelity. Then there was the boy from the Blossom Ball, not that she could remember his name any longer. And then there was that other boy. The faces and the names, their forms somewhat muddled in her memory. She skipped over Howard, a choice she would later regret. "Alexander Vermillion," the name was wrong but she really did not know how to say it. "Elijah Wang," again the surname was wrong. Not that she was trying to hide their identities, she legitimately could not remember. There were a few others, nameless faces. "Slytherins mostly," she concluded with a shrug. Irrelevants. "But I do not remember their names," not that it mattered. They were fine mostly. "They gave them treats, candy and things. Asked what they wished for and they gave them to tools or means to make it so."
"Erin... Nothing they give you comes without cost. Listen to me very carefully... Someone told me that when you wore this pendant, your behaviour changed. You spoke of eating another student. But you then took it off. And as soon as you did, you returned back to normal and apparently did not realise what it did to you. Now I don't know how much of that is true or what this pendant is doing to you but it's more than giving you emotions. It is changing you, without your consent."
Nora tried to convince Erin that there was a terrible cost, one she was not willing to pay. Erin shook her head, "I would never do something like that." Even Erin had her limits. She had been wearing that pendant for months by the Ball, if she was going on about eating students it would not have went unnoticed. Nora was trying to mess with her head. But why try to separate her further from her goals? From the grace the crones had bestowed upon her. "But if I wanted to," a pure hypothetical. "It would not have ended with a want." She would have succeeded, overpowered what she wanted to took onto herself their flesh rather than the meat of a rat. "I probably would not have had such an appetite for rat had that been so," of course she was not wearing the pendant. Not anymore.
Confident little girl.
"I know you do not trust me. You have no reason to. But please... don't trust them either. You might not see it but they are taking more away from you, from everyone here, than you realise..."
Erin did not trust her. Why would she? She was one of them.another adult that would do nothing. That would forget. That was in on it. This was at best a useless trifle. At worst, she was feeding a dangerous enemy.
"For what it's worth..."
"I don't know if you do lack a heart... If you did lack one entirely, you would not feel hurt or betrayed or angry or scared... You would not feel lonely, if you were truly devoid of all emotion... If, for even a second, you feel something... then maybe, we can find a way to cure you without it taking away everything..."
"I do..." Erin claimed. "But I am losing it again," she added. Just a shadow, an echo of what was. Everything was in muted shades of grey. The fear, hardly a tickle. The loneliness and the want for something more, for friends and for peers. The sense of betrayal and the fear. There was nothing good that was felt and she could barely feel it at all. Why would she want that back? Because it was better than the nothing from before. Even if it was pain and terror. "It will be gone again soon and I won't miss it," she lied. Freedom from everything that hurt. From love and from hope, lies. "Then I will only have to remember and survive." But what was once thought to be an asset had proven to be a hindrance. Her want for acceptance had blinded her as she accepted promises and unions atr face value. She had no friends. She had nobody.
She was heartbroken but it was a consolation to know that soon enough she would not care at all.
"By the way... Jack doesn't realise what he knows."
Sadly, that was not today. It hurt to even hear his name. Her eyes watered, the corner of her mouth twitched. She shook her head to the side and blinked away the blurriness. Stupid boys.
"But the attack that happened on the Slytherin common room a few months ago? Whatever is in the dungeons did that."
"No, it didn't," Erin insisted. "Those were spiders, not centipedes," Erin claimed. Not that Erin was there for the incident, she had heard enough about it. How the dark spiders came in droves, how they attacked the students. How she slept through the whole ordeal. Semantics perhaps. A detail that the Professor would likely care little for but she would know it was true. Nora had seen the living, writhing darkness. It was not an arachnid. Proof perhaps to Nora that Erin did know something, that she had seen something. An observation that the woman might not have made.
"And now that they have found their way into the castle... There's nothing stopping them. Those missing students you spoke of? There could be many more now..."
Back to it being the hags fault rather than the part giants, even the death witches.
"Hey... The food served in the great hall. You said it was poisoned. How about if you pick some vegetables from the garden and I help you cook something? You can watch, so you will know that I am not poisoning it. I'll eat it too, if you want. Just... that rat is probably not very filling or tasty and I want you to eat properly. You need to eat to stay strong, to be able to protect yourself better. Eating raw rats that you find from the ground might make you sick."
"I don't have the time," Erin admitted. [color==indigo]"I would be in detention again for skipping,"[/color] not that it was very different from her usual perennial state of discipline. "I get in trouble enough," nobody scolds you for getting sick. An attempt at compliance. At conformance.
"You don't have to agree to this... I just... I want to help you. What can I do for you?"
"Find who is missing and prove me wrong. Not that I will care by the time you succeed. IF you succeed. But if I was a better person, I would have." Little consolation, just a promise of a bitter-sweet ends.
Still, she believed it was the part giants. There was enough evidence of it, a loose thread that had never been tied up. "There were part-giants at the masquerade ball that attacked the student body. They also tried to kidnap someone," she could not recall who. Some Ravenclaw boy. Something the Head of Slytherin already knew. Of course her suspicions of Quinn predated that moment. "I had also confronted him, Quinn that is," Erin added. "I never got a NO," like a reasonable person would respond. "He laughed like a madman and fled," it was not a confession either. It was still short of a confession the worst choice he could have made because it substantiated her belief that Quinn Healy was a killer.
What to look out for.
Erin shrugged. She had no idea what you needed to monitor in cannibals. "Not an expert in cannibalism," she conceded.
Was Erin an empty shell? Someone who had no fear. No compassion. It was true, the loud noises. The shouting, the emotional barrage. An attempt to create an opening, a means of egress. A gap in her opponent's defenses. To make herself appear more capable, potentially dangerous or violent. But she did not feel it, the pain less the physical discomfort she had come to crave because it grounded her, reminded her that she was alive when there was nothing else. She abided by a single imperative - survive. It was still fear, just not the paralyzing sort that is felt. It was simply known -- Erin would die if she failed. What of the loneliness and jealousy? Indeed, she coveted what others had. Perhaps want was emotional rather than logical, seeing that unbalance eliciting something besides a need. Was want an emotion?
"Who did they help?"
Erin blinked. "I don't know?" She seemed confused. Those she recalled, she wished to protect. She did not want to rat on Howard, not that he had done anything to earn her loyalty. Soon enough she would not even have a misguided sense of fidelity. Then there was the boy from the Blossom Ball, not that she could remember his name any longer. And then there was that other boy. The faces and the names, their forms somewhat muddled in her memory. She skipped over Howard, a choice she would later regret. "Alexander Vermillion," the name was wrong but she really did not know how to say it. "Elijah Wang," again the surname was wrong. Not that she was trying to hide their identities, she legitimately could not remember. There were a few others, nameless faces. "Slytherins mostly," she concluded with a shrug. Irrelevants. "But I do not remember their names," not that it mattered. They were fine mostly. "They gave them treats, candy and things. Asked what they wished for and they gave them to tools or means to make it so."
"Erin... Nothing they give you comes without cost. Listen to me very carefully... Someone told me that when you wore this pendant, your behaviour changed. You spoke of eating another student. But you then took it off. And as soon as you did, you returned back to normal and apparently did not realise what it did to you. Now I don't know how much of that is true or what this pendant is doing to you but it's more than giving you emotions. It is changing you, without your consent."
Nora tried to convince Erin that there was a terrible cost, one she was not willing to pay. Erin shook her head, "I would never do something like that." Even Erin had her limits. She had been wearing that pendant for months by the Ball, if she was going on about eating students it would not have went unnoticed. Nora was trying to mess with her head. But why try to separate her further from her goals? From the grace the crones had bestowed upon her. "But if I wanted to," a pure hypothetical. "It would not have ended with a want." She would have succeeded, overpowered what she wanted to took onto herself their flesh rather than the meat of a rat. "I probably would not have had such an appetite for rat had that been so," of course she was not wearing the pendant. Not anymore.
Confident little girl.
"I know you do not trust me. You have no reason to. But please... don't trust them either. You might not see it but they are taking more away from you, from everyone here, than you realise..."
Erin did not trust her. Why would she? She was one of them.another adult that would do nothing. That would forget. That was in on it. This was at best a useless trifle. At worst, she was feeding a dangerous enemy.
"For what it's worth..."
"I don't know if you do lack a heart... If you did lack one entirely, you would not feel hurt or betrayed or angry or scared... You would not feel lonely, if you were truly devoid of all emotion... If, for even a second, you feel something... then maybe, we can find a way to cure you without it taking away everything..."
"I do..." Erin claimed. "But I am losing it again," she added. Just a shadow, an echo of what was. Everything was in muted shades of grey. The fear, hardly a tickle. The loneliness and the want for something more, for friends and for peers. The sense of betrayal and the fear. There was nothing good that was felt and she could barely feel it at all. Why would she want that back? Because it was better than the nothing from before. Even if it was pain and terror. "It will be gone again soon and I won't miss it," she lied. Freedom from everything that hurt. From love and from hope, lies. "Then I will only have to remember and survive." But what was once thought to be an asset had proven to be a hindrance. Her want for acceptance had blinded her as she accepted promises and unions atr face value. She had no friends. She had nobody.
She was heartbroken but it was a consolation to know that soon enough she would not care at all.
"By the way... Jack doesn't realise what he knows."
Sadly, that was not today. It hurt to even hear his name. Her eyes watered, the corner of her mouth twitched. She shook her head to the side and blinked away the blurriness. Stupid boys.
"But the attack that happened on the Slytherin common room a few months ago? Whatever is in the dungeons did that."
"No, it didn't," Erin insisted. "Those were spiders, not centipedes," Erin claimed. Not that Erin was there for the incident, she had heard enough about it. How the dark spiders came in droves, how they attacked the students. How she slept through the whole ordeal. Semantics perhaps. A detail that the Professor would likely care little for but she would know it was true. Nora had seen the living, writhing darkness. It was not an arachnid. Proof perhaps to Nora that Erin did know something, that she had seen something. An observation that the woman might not have made.
"And now that they have found their way into the castle... There's nothing stopping them. Those missing students you spoke of? There could be many more now..."
Back to it being the hags fault rather than the part giants, even the death witches.
"Hey... The food served in the great hall. You said it was poisoned. How about if you pick some vegetables from the garden and I help you cook something? You can watch, so you will know that I am not poisoning it. I'll eat it too, if you want. Just... that rat is probably not very filling or tasty and I want you to eat properly. You need to eat to stay strong, to be able to protect yourself better. Eating raw rats that you find from the ground might make you sick."
"I don't have the time," Erin admitted. [color==indigo]"I would be in detention again for skipping,"[/color] not that it was very different from her usual perennial state of discipline. "I get in trouble enough," nobody scolds you for getting sick. An attempt at compliance. At conformance.
"You don't have to agree to this... I just... I want to help you. What can I do for you?"
"Find who is missing and prove me wrong. Not that I will care by the time you succeed. IF you succeed. But if I was a better person, I would have." Little consolation, just a promise of a bitter-sweet ends.
Just a trick of the lighting they said...