Hjørdis laughed softly, shaking her head at the Headmaster's mutterings. The man was too busy stuffing his face with cake at this point in time to actually have a decent conversation. Then again, a proper conversation seemed rare from him these days. He sometimes would randomly go quiet or mutter odd words about what happened. But for now, he seemed to be agreeing with everything the Slytherin said about baking more cake for tomorrow - and that was positive. Well, it was certainly the most positive she would likely get out of him.

She caught the gaze of the Hufflepuff who reemerged into the tent and was pouring out some tea. It was strange... For perhaps the first time in a long time, he was quiet. It was like the roles reversed at some point. She became the talkative one, whilst he was the silent introspective one. It was odd. But she returned to the task at hand, casting thoughts of him out of her mind as she stacked up the empty containers and cleaned everything out.

Swallowing, she observed the leftovers - ignoring the fact that she could see her companion staring at her from the corner of her eye. Plating some flapjacks, a few cookies and a slice of the chocolate cake that somehow still had a tiny bit left, she pushed it towards the cups of tea without saying a word. They were there and available for him to consume, if he wanted them. She figured he likely wanted more of the desserts than she did, anyway. Hjørdis then put a piece of garlic beard, some fried rice and couscous salad onto her own plate, along with some potato wedges. Honestly, the food variety was a whole mix of weird. She was not entirely sure how Solomon Lear had managed to devour his way through most of the containers, with the most random selections and the odd mix of cuisines. However, he seemed to enjoy it and at the end of the day, that was all that really mattered. Food was good for healing, both physically and mentally. It was also how she just showed her love, affection and care.

After she grabbed some cutlery and her plate, she turned towards the direction of the tea cups laid out. Her eyes locked with his. She widened hers slightly as though to say 'stop that' but found herself looking down a little, tucking her hair behind her ear shortly after. "Thank you," Taking a tea cup, she nodded politely and sat herself down at the table, not too far away from the duo. She blew softly on the tea as she glanced over the cup to the server. Her gaze fell on his lips for a moment before looking down, moving away as she took a sip. Placing the cup of tea down, she bite her lip as she picked up the spoon and took some of the fried rice.

Her mind pondered on what actually happened not too far away from where they sat mere minutes before. It was kind of uncharacteristic of her. At least, he probably did not expect that reaction from her. Hell, she did not expect that to happen. But they did not speak about it - which was entirely her fault as she rushed back in to work. So... it was kind of like... they were just pretending it never happened and carrying on - which, quite honestly, was exactly what she was doing. She was trying to cast it out of her mind. But... for just a moment, it allowed her to feel like maybe, just maybe, she was not alone. It was odd to even consider the possibility. A part of her had shut that feeling down, burying it so deep that she had almost forgotten it existed. But everyone got lonely at times. And when you gave up hope, everything felt all the more lonely. But maybe... for the first time in years... maybe, just maybe, she was not as alone as she thought she was. There was something very comforting in that knowledge.

Hjørdis ate in silence. Glancing up at the duo, she spotted Lear reach out for the third cup of tea after some time, likely after he had finished eating way too much food. His hand shook a little, causing her eyebrows to frown a little as she wondered if she should go over and help. But... he seemed to be doing it.

Well... that was until it accidentally ended up getting knocked over and spilled onto the badger head. Her eyes widened. Wh- It- Wh- "Car-" She mumbled out, staring at him. The tea was likely still on the hotter side, which was never comfortable. Standing up, Hjørdis reached into the box, grabbed some tissues and held them out for him, if he wanted. Not that it would help get the stain out but it might. And then... she looked down away from him, so he could clean himself off in some sort of privacy. Welp.

Outfit of the Day

Widening her eyes once more as though to say 'stop that' when their eyes locked, she could not help but look away with a small smile edging its way onto her face. Within a short while, she was still looking away from him but this time waving tissues in his face. The whole situation made it harder to have any sort of control over her expressions or maintain that usual neutral look she opted for. His words did not help. She caught his gaze, trying really hard not to laugh. But it was rather amusing.

Hjørdis bite her lip, attempting to fight back the desire to laugh but there was an obvious grin on her face. After all, he was a silly old fool. Nodding in response to him, mostly because she had absolutely no idea what to even say to that. How was she supposed to react to her colleague saying it looked like he had peed his pants because of tea!? There was nothing you could say to that that would borderline anything professional.

Her eyes followed him as he left the area, heading into his part of the tent. They lingered on him until she could no longer see him, biting down on her bottom lip. It was not until he stepped in and was hidden from view that her laugh escaped her. Of course, he could probably still hear her but she could not hold it back any longer. Solomon mumbled out some words of an apology as Caradoc walked off. Turning her attention back to the headmaster, "It's fine, he'll be fine. Besides, let's be honest, that was hilarious," She replied softly towards him. Grabbing her own tea, she sat down closer to Lear, who took his own cup.

For a few minutes, Caradoc would hear mumbled voices as they both spoke over tea, "Of course you can." He probably would not make out everything but her voice was a little easier for him to hear. It was clearer and louder, so likely made its way through the tent better than Lear's did. "I'm glad to hear that," She would reply, "But you don't have to force yourself to eat everything now. I promise I'll bring you some more tomorrow." She continued. Solomon had made a very good attempt at cracking down on the food available to him. He had actually consumed far more of the feast that she had anticipated but he was still saying he wanted to eat more, despite being very full by now. Perhaps it was indicative of how much he missed being able to eat properly.

"Uh huh... Nice try," She replied to some other mumbles before sipping her tea. The voices continued. Hjørdis was clearly making an effort to talk more than she usually did. She normally would not have bothered but this was different. It was for Lear. They finished up their tea, "Yeah, let's get you cleaned up, shall we? Then I'll call him," She would say. Lear started to wash his hands and made an solid effort of cleaning up, "Ah, you missed a little, mind if I help?" She offered. With his affirmative, she picked up the tissue that she had been waving at Caradoc earlier. Brushing some crumbs and chocolate off his beard with it, Hjørdis helped him to finish cleaning up.

A soft smile appeared on her lips, "I guess that's a sign." She replied to the sight of Lear yawning. Glancing over to the compartment that her colleague had just entered into,"Browne? If you're done in there... Mind helping Lear to his room?" She'd called out, though her voice was barely that much louder than it had been before.

Outfit of the Day

An exhalation escaped her lips as she watched him leave the room, taking the old man with him. She did not know she had been holding her breath but there was a moment of relief when he left. Hjørdis swallowed. She did not realise when her heart had started to pound or when she had held her breath. Left alone in the room, she tucked her hair behind her ear as she sighed softly. Was she nervous? Perhaps a little. She had not felt these nerves in some time. Quite a long time.

She stood in the same spot, staring into the empty space that they had been in moments earlier. The truth was that she had no idea how long she had stood there. It might have only been a second or two, it could have been a minute. In time, her brain finally snapped out of the daze it was in. Right. Work. That was a task she had to do. She looked back at the table and busied herself in cleaning up any mess that was made.

At some point, the badger companion returned. She turned to say something to him when she noticed he was looking elsewhere. Anywhere but at her. Quietly, she cleaned up alongside him. It was just them again. Just them tonight... Lear was resting and the others had yet to return. Swallowing, Hjørdis looked over to the entrance, wondering when they would return. She knew it would be a few more hours before the stargazing team returned but her nerves were getting the better of her now.

Unfortunately, there was a limit to how long she could put off the conversation that they were both likely thinking of having. After all, it really did not take that long to clean everything.

His words - well singular word - hit her ears. Raising her gaze from the table, she allowed it to fall onto his face, "Hey yourself," She replied. Her words came out in a whisper, without her intending to. She stared at him for what felt like a while. Hopefully, it was only a moment or two, so she did not look totally weird. Hjørdis knew she should bring up the earlier incident but she had no idea what she should say. Her gaze lowered a little after what felt like an eternity and her fingers tucked a piece of hair behind her ear as she swallowed before biting her lip. Without a doubt, she was a little nervous.

This was a bad idea, right? She knew that... She had concerned herself of that in the past few weeks. Yet she acted on her heart, instead of on her mind earlier. Her eyes scanned his new shirt for a moment, mostly for something else to look at other than his face, before falling on the floor and then back up to his arm before glancing at his face once more and... so on. She had no idea where to look. When she found her eyes locked with his, all she wanted to do was step closer.

"I guess... it's just... the two of us..." She mumbled out, looking back to the entrance. Someone, anyone, enter. Please, "It seems relatively quiet now. Why don't you get some sleep? I can tend to Lear if he needs anything," She explained since they did not actually both need to be up for this now. Besides, she could definitely wake him up if she did need his assistance for anything. Hjørdis spoke as she looked around, trying to find something else to do.

Without a pause, she would continue, "Tea!" The word quickly escaped her lips as she spotted the teapot. Right, tea was always good! Tea solved everything and would be very welcome since she was intending on staying up some more hours. With a motion, the water started to boil, before she had even had a chance to move, "Would you like tea?" She offered, despite the fact that she had also just offered to take watch whilst he slept. Her brain was clearly not functioning and her mouth was clearly sprouting out words without a second's thought.

Hjørdis watched the water boil for a second. It seemed to be taking forever. Why was it not done instantly? Turning away from the counter, her eyes raised from the teapot to land on the familiar face of the badger - still in front of her as she had not actually moved - and likely staring at her like she was an idiot, "Caradoc..." The soft whisper escaped her lips as she took in his figure. Was he closer than before? She honestly had no idea if he moved or if she had. Her legs could have been moving right now, for all she knew. In any case, she found herself closer to him than she expected. Her hand raised up in the air a little, the open palm reaching for his cheek or the back of his neck. The pounding of her heart was definitely audible to the entire stadium, she was sure of it.

Swallowing, she allowed her eyes to linger on him. She knew what she wanted. She had known it for what felt like an eternity already. Continuously, she tried to convince herself that these feelings were ridiculous, that he did not see her that way and there was no chance in a desperate attempt to squash the desire and move on. She avoided him at times, trying not to be alone with him after what happened about a week ago. His presence was distracting her from work. No... Even the thought of him distracted her. Gosh darnit, why was he so distracting?

She froze, catching herself before she touched him. Her hand awkwardly hovered in the air between them for a moment as the fingers curled. Right. She shouldn't- Moving the hand quickly, she ran her fingers over her hairline a little and tucked some hair again as though that was always her intention. It obviously had not been. Also, when did she get close enough to touch him if she reached out just a little more? She had no answers, Ahem, "So... We should probably talk about earlier... W- well I suppose I probably should not have done that. Especially given that... we work together, it is probably not the wisest decision..." She whispered out, swallowing. Her eyes flickered to his lips in the conversation. She wanted to kiss him again. Of course, she bloody did, "This is probably... a really... bad... idea..." She managed to mumble out, desperately trying not to just give in. Her words were full of pauses, as she swallowed.

This was a terrible idea. She knew it was. He had a daughter. He should have been with Cassanora right now, instead of here babysitting a whole bunch of students at summer camp - or Lear - with her. Any hope of them working was fading quickly as her mind had overthought this matter far too many times. Whilst at school, they could not really be together. They both at jobs to do and it was never good to mix business with pleasure. Work was work. She wanted to keep her personal life separate from that as much as possible. And... his personal time should be spent with his daughter and his family and there was no space for her in that. She knew that. Of course she bloody did. That did not stop her heart from harbouring the tiniest bit of hope that maybe, just maybe, it would be alright. Maybe this was not a terrible idea... "I shouldn't... kiss you again... right?" She whispered, lifting her eyes from his lips to his eyes again, "R-right?" Her voice was a little shaky and she was somehow a little closer to him, "Tell me... this is a bad idea..."

Did she want him to agree or disagree with her? She had no idea anymore. It would likely save them both a lot of pain and awkwardness if he agreed. But truth be told, deep down... some part of her... kind of wanted him to, maybe, just maybe, disagree.

Outfit of the Day

She swallowed as she allowed her gaze to fall a little. He agreed. He agreed that this was a bad idea. Disappointment. That was the feeling she felt surging through her for the briefest of moments. His words were followed up quickly as he reduced the gap between them, drawing her in. "O-oh-" She managed to get out before she found her lips meeting his.

This was most likely a bad idea. A terrible one, in fact. But he was right. It felt like the right one. Almost instinctively, she tiptoed a little, wrapping her own arms around him. Her hand finally found its place, on the back of his neck, pulling him in a little.

No matter what logic told her, she knew what her heart wanted. She wanted to deny it but she could not. She had tried for weeks to push these feelings out, avoiding him long enough to avoid getting into a situation like this. But now that she was here, she did not want to go. She knew she had to stop this. She just... did not want to.

She had no idea how long the kiss lasted. Was it longer the last? She could not tell. Her hand moved from the back of his neck to his cheek as their lips broke contact. Hjørdis swallowed as she stayed close, her forehead leaning forward to rest on his, the tip of her nose still touching him, "We probably shouldn't..." She whispered, "Someone could come in, Lear's right there, we should-" Her mumbles continued, trying to find work to do. There was always work to do. But realistically, it was the middle of the night and their main task was looking after Lear, who was resting. Everything had been cleaned away. There was little for them to do but sit and tend to the old man if he suddenly woke up. They both did not need to be awake for this. Her offer from earlier made sense.

Despite knowing all of that, she stayed close - holding onto him as though it were the last time she would. Falling quiet when she ran out of excuses, she remained in the same spot. Her eyes remained close, just resting her face against his. She had no idea how long they stayed like this either. Time made no sense at the moment. Certain moments would feel like an eternity, whilst others felt like they were over far too quickly. There was no balance.

It dawned on her that her emotions were getting the better of her. Her self control was withering away quickly. Her mind was telling her to pull away, saying words that made complete and utter sense but her body refused to listen to it. She struggled to pull away, as though held in place by a magnetic force. It was ridiculously annoying, in a way. Her mind and heart had a conflict with each other. This was not a good idea. She knew this. He knew this. Yet she struggled to gain any sort of composure or control as he was making it incredibly difficult for her to pull away when he kissed her like that, "Gosh, stop being so darn attractive," She scolded him, out of the blue. It was really rather distracting! How was she supposed to focus on work when he was so incredibly cute all the darn time?

On the plus side, she had figured out how to stop him from making that stupidly annoying expression at her. The way he would smirk at her! It infuriated her! She just needed to kiss him more, it was the best way to stop. Well, at least for a moment. He would likely smirk before and after. Sigh.

"Right. Tea. Tea is good. Before someone walks in," She added, pulling away finally after who knows how long. Her hands moved from behind his neck to the top of his chest. Her eyes lingered on him for a moment, swallowing as his arm was probably still wrapped around her. It took her a few moments after speaking to actually move enough to break the contact, slowly stepping away. She instantly missed the feeling of his arms around her but nonetheless, she turned to make her way to the teapot.

Quietly, she filled up two cups. In one cup, she put a dash of milk, one spoon of sugar with a pinch of cardamom whilst in the other, she put two spoons of sugar. Stirring each teacup, she picked up her latter, offering it to her companion. Before picking up the former - her own - and turning to lean against the side of the table. Hjørdis took a sip before returning it to the table, "So...?" She offered, hoping he said something, anything, about these actions or gave a conversation prompt that she could run with - that was less awkward and confusing.

Outfit of the Day

Right. The talk. She lowered her eyes to the cup in her own hands and started to stir it, unsure of what to actually say. Luckily, he seemed to have something to say that started it off. Correction: he seemed to have a lot to say - almost as much as she silently thought, in fact! She swallowed, just silently taking in the words that escaped his lips. Right. Stop looking at his lips, woman! Ahem. Anyway, she fell silent and did the one thing she was good at, which was thinking.

She pondered on his words. There was so much at stake, they both knew it. And there was a lot of risk in things like this. Someone was always at risk of getting hurt. This time, it was not necessarily just one of them. His daughter could have gotten hurt in all of this. Silently, she leaned back against the table, just sipping her tea as she listened to him. It was clear that he had a lot of thoughts he wanted to get out. But this was kind of an accurate description of them, in a way. Him talking, her just thinking. Her eyes lifted as she heard him speak about the night in the Three Broomsticks.

That was the first time she got to know him outside of a work capacity, to actually get to know him. It was some weeks after he joined, after work. It was not planned by any means but they both needed a drink and there were not very many spots to drink local to Hogwarts so they wound up in the same place. What she did not expect, however, was the conversation that they had or the ridiculousness of everything that happened after the few too many drinks. Did he really sing, dance and play multiple instruments all at the spur of the moment in a public space? More than that, did he actually manage to get her to sing in public? He likely did not realise what sort of challenge he had successfully achieved that evening at the time. A smile tugged at the edge of her lips as she listened to him, recalling the event.

It honestly was not the sort of thing she thought she would do. It was spontaneous and ridiculous. She was the sort of person who planned things out, thought things through and never ever acted so crazy in public. Perhaps it was the alcohol, or perhaps it was the person but something convinced her to just forget the world and be spontaneous in that moment. She did not realise his goal was to make her smile, of course. A smile appeared on her face as she heard it, rather surprised by that. Since then? He had wanted her to smile? It happened over a year ago. It was pretty much their first meeting that was not a staff meeting.

He then went on to refer to another incident that happened several months prior to now but almost a year after they first met. That was the moment? She recalled the incident he spoke about, she recalled thinking how foolish she was being and how she had accidentally started to show her emotions when she usually pretended to be emotionless but she never, not once, thought that that was why he acted weirdly that night. He had these feelings for her for months?

She had suspected he had a crush on her in the recent weeks but nothing more than a passing crush or simply thinking she was attractive. There had been moments of 'maybe?' when she saw the way he looked at her or what he went out of his way to do for her but definitely not since then.

Stirring her tea, which she had barely drunk, her eyes lingered on him as she watched him move around the tent and stopped right in front of her. She swallowed, just holding her teacup in its saucer, trying not to shake or spill it. But her attention was not on that, it was focused on him. He claimed that they needed to decide if this felt right, that he could make her smile, that he could get her to dance... before also saying that they could go back to just being friends. Her eyes locked with his when she found him staring at her.

She had no idea how long she had stayed quiet, just processing the words he had said or staring into his eyes but after what felt like an eternity, she released a soft sigh. Her gaze fell onto the teacup shaking slightly in her hand, which she promptly lowered the table that she had been leaning on since she was not actually drinking it anyway.

"Caradoc..." She whispered, starting to voice her own thoughts out loud in return, "You're not wrong." He knew he was not wrong but confirming it anyway never hurt. There was always that small part of you that was convinced something was true but maybe, just maybe you were wrong. She was removing that doubt, if he did have any, with her words now. At the very least, she knew she would have had that small doubt and would have appreciated it being removed. Her hand raised to touch the side of her face. Absentmindedly, her fingers ran down it in as though she was stroking paint over it. A smile appearing on her face as she spoke. It was clear she was reminiscing about something. A moment a month prior that made her heart race.

The thing was, though, that she had these feelings inside of her for a while. And she was pretty sure that he had them too but did not act on them. In that time, she had come up with a list of reasons why it would not work, why this was a terrible idea and one that neither of them should pursue. The biggest being his time and how it affected Cassanora if he spent his free time with her instead. So when he did not pursue it, she began to convince herself that that was for the best. They were good friends - no, best friends. At least, he was likely her best friend even though she was pretty sure she was not his. He seemed to get along with everyone, to no one's surprise, so he probably had a huge list of closer friends than her.

She sighed, looking up at the roof of the tent for a moment before back at him, "We are a good team and... it does feel right. But I- I don't know if this is a good idea, I-" She did not really know what to say. He had agreed it was not a good idea mere moments ago and if this was such a bad idea then why were they considering it? More than that, why was she seriously considering it? Why did she not just say no, turn around and leave? Why was she still here, not wanting to say no...? "It's probably not a good idea... but you're not wrong. I do have feelings for you but I- I just... I don't want to hurt you, or worse, Cassanora. I can't do that to her. I just can't. I really don't want her to hurt because of me..."She said with a sigh.

He was not wrong about her feelings. But the idea of hurting him or Cassanora genuinely just scared her. She was not fearless, no one ever truly was. For some it was spiders, others it might have the dark. Hell, people were afraid of being alone. She was not scared of these things. But she was scared of hurting the people she cared about. Whilst it was not her fault in the past, her loved ones always seemed to get hurt and she was always too powerless to stop it. Perhaps a part of her was just scared of getting close to someone again.

In a way, it almost seemed silly to consider someone's feelings when she had never even met the person and this would not directly impact them unless it became serious enough to do so. But her own childhood had given her enough experience to feel like she could relate to Cassanora and knowing what she knew about Caradoc - and based on the words he was saying - he likely wanted this to be something serious, something more long-term than a summer fling. It might not be tomorrow but at some point, down the line, there was a high chance that Cassanora would get affected by it at some stage.

"Don't get me wrong, I didn't even think it was possible for me to feel this way again but I do. However, it's been so long that I have no idea how to even be good at this anymore. If you're expecting romance, I can guarantee that's not a thing I do. I can't create a whole quest for you or serenade you or dance with you. And you realise that I'm the least maternal person for your daughter, right? If you're looking for something long-term, I'm definitely not the right person for this... I have absolutely no clue how to do any of this," She admitted. She listed off things he had done or likely would have appreciated. The speed of delivery in her words showed her slightly panicking about the whole thing, overthinking it perhaps. Being honest and being open were not things that she was used to doing.

He had won her heart over by being himself - as ridiculous as that was - and it all seemed to be rather romantic. But that was also not her. She had no idea how to romance people. Was she supposed to break out in song, learn how to play the piano or start randomly dancing with him? Because she had no intention of doing any of those things. More than that, if he was expecting something long term then there would likely be a time where she would meet Cassanora. Her experience with children was mostly limited to Hogwarts and she was pretty sure that most of them feared her. If he expected her to be suddenly maternal, he would be disappointed. She was not a parent for a reason. She had no idea how to do this, any of this.

It took a lot of self-control to not just turn around and walk out of the door, run away from the conversation or to just dismiss it with a wave of her hand and change the topic. Opening up, making herself vulnerable was scary. It was not something she did often or easily. She wanted nothing more than to just stay silent and not open up but she was doing her best to push past those things and respond to him. Because he deserved that. Her thoughts would likely hurt him. The fact that she thought this was a terrible idea and did not understand how it would work at all was not a pleasant one to hear. However, it was better than hurting him in the long-run after his child was involved too.

She hit her fist against the edge of the table she was still leaning again lightly. It was not hard enough to hurt but she was frustrated. Her brain was telling her that this was a terrible idea and they should not try this but she did not want to say those words out aloud. Her heart did not want to say those words. Honestly... she was not sure where to go from here. He had offered her an out. Telling her that they could go back to just being Jensen and Browne. She should accept that.

But she did not want to. She did not know how she was supposed to go back. Was she suddenly supposed to pretend that she was not falling head over heels for him?

She looked at him after staring at the floor for some time. Her voice was soft, quieter than usual and almost contemplative, "For what it's worth... You do make me smile. And, though I still want to throw you off the astronomy tower for this, you have already gotten me to dance," She replied to something he said earlier with a small smirk on her face as she thought about throwing him off the tower. She had no doubt that he could achieve both but she did hope that he did not make her dance again - though she had a feeling that he wanted to be the one dancing with her. But she would hope it was not in public. That one time in the ballroom was embarrassing enough and it was just Alaric and Miss Cooper there. Though, most of the other Hufflepuffs likely knew about that incident too. Eh. It was still better than what transpired in the potions classroom or how she almost cried with joy in front of those in the library that evening. What an adventure that was.

"And... You did make me smile that night. In the Three Broomsticks, I mean. I thought you were ridiculous. But it made me laugh," She continued, her lips tugging into a smile at the sheer thought of the whole scenario. She could not recall specifically how many times she smiled or laughed that night. Mostly because she was not actually counting such a thing, since she never thought she would have needed to. But there were plenty of times when the memory popped into her mind, whilst she was filling out some boring paperwork or reading a lengthy book or bored out of her mind babysitting the kids and it never ceased to make her happy. She always found herself struggling to fight back the desire to smile or laugh thinking of all of the utterly ridiculous things that the man did.

It was the same the morning in the Great Hall where he opted to enter breakfast by dancing - like a complete and utter idiot. She was shocked, almost annoyed but also found herself covering her mouth to hide the fact that she wanted to laugh. Even thinking about it now made her feel a little better. He could definitely make her smile, he always could. Though, she was not sure if she liked his idea about dancing. The memories of their adventures over the past year crossed her mind. From cooking together to slapping his hand away from her food, before he ended up eating it all. From watching him play a musical instrument to watching him throwing paint at her. There were honestly too many. Of course, he could make her smile.

Hjørdis could not help but wonder why this was so complicated. It should have been simple. A yes or no question, really. Did she want to be with him or not? How did everything get so much more complicated than that though? "Do you really think you would be able to go back to just being head of houses?" She asked him quietly rhetorically after some time, before continuing without waiting for a reply, "Because I don't think I can... I can't keep pretending that I don't have feelings for you, Caradoc. I've tried, trust me. I've tried to convince myself it's just fleeting or to shut them down. I spent weeks trying to pretend I felt nothing and then the second we're alone, it almost slipped out. I can't keep avoiding you..."

She sighed softly as she stared at him. Who was she even kidding? Her gaze looked down. All she wanted to do was close the gap between them. Swallowing, she looked up at him. Her arms lay by her side, her hands gripping the edge of the table that she was leaning against as though she needed the support it was giving her. Her self-restraint was wavering. Her emotionless mask had cracked long ago and she was struggling to even pretend she did not want to move forward, close the distance, to just hold him.

It was killing her to be standing in the same room as him, talking about this whole thing and to not just be able to run into his arms without a care in the world. That was the sort of thing she probably would have done before. Not cared about other people's feelings, not been concerned if it affected their relationships. However, she had not felt this way about someone who she actually valued as, not only her peer but also as, her friend. She had never fallen for someone who had someone depending on him. Everything was different this time.

The struggle in her mind was clearly showing as she stared down at the floor for a bit, trying to listen to the war going on in her head. She knew they could not go back to pretending none of this happened but she did not know where to go from here. In front, there were different paths ahead and she had no idea which would be better for him. "I know you can make me smile, Cara, I have no doubt about that. I just-" She swallowed as though she was trying to figure out how to phrase this or what to say. Her eyes fell down to the side a little as her mouth fell shut. It was strange. Self-confidence was not an issue for her, it never had been. She was perfectly aware that she was capable in many ways or that she was attractive. Her confidence in her ability to be in a romantic relationship wavered based on the fact that none of them seemed to go all that great. However, till now, she was pretty sure that her looks alone won hearts.

The fact that it took him over a year to make a move suggested it was not her looks. But she did not understand what it was. He was spontaneous, crazy, ridiculous and everything else she was not. He would have been better being with someone who wanted to dance with him, who'd get up on the stage and start singing with him or matched his level of romance. He needed someone who could be a mother to his child if it ever got serious enough. He was full of warmth, care, kindness, goodness, love... These were not traits she had. She was cold, scary, evil - right? She was manipulative, mean or secretive. She worked far too much to be in a serious relationship with anyone. Her priority had always been work, it was one of the reasons that she always seemed to fail in relationships in the past. Whilst she might have thought she was an incredible woman in many ways, she never once thought she was right for him. He deserved better. He always had. "I don't have anything to offer you..." She ended her sentence after a moment or two, in a mere whisper. What was she supposed to say in return? She had no idea how to make him happy in return, she could not promise that she could make him smile in return. He always seemed so much happier when she was not around. Why had she seen him kind of sad more times than she'd have liked? Did she bring that out in him?

"Of course I want to... 'try this out' but I- I have nothing to offer. You deserve someone better..." She admitted quietly. Of course, she wanted to be with him. He made her happier than he apparently realised. But it would be a very one-sided relationship. All she could offer him was a lack of spontaneity or fun, silence, glares or a scolding and coldness. Probably a world of pain, hurt or emptiness - none of which sounded like something either of them wanted for him. How was that fair or balanced in any way? For perhaps one of the first times in her life, she had no desire to be selfish. She genuinely just wanted him to be happy, she just did not think that she could be a source of it. Though, ironically, she was likely hurting him right now by trying to be honest. She should have just stayed quiet. Gripping the edge of the table tightly, her hands clutched them as she braced herself, staring down at the floor. She had no idea where to go from here. She wanted to be with him but it just seemed far too complicated and full of hurt. Not being with him seemed too difficult too though. Her brain was muddled up, "I'm sorry... I don't know what to do..."

Outfit of the Day