Phoenix Zhang
22 May 2025, 04:10
Bound to Break
The room lay quiet. The golden slants of afternoon sun streamed through the high windows and picked out the dust floating lazily through the room. It was the kind of light that equalized everything, smoothed everything out — as if the room itself were holding its breath in anticipation.
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
Date: 19/05/25 | Time: 14:35 | Outfit: Robes | CC: #english, mandarin
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Phoenix hadn't intended on ending up here. She'd stormed out from the library, her textbooks gripped so hard in her arms they ached, her jaw set so hard it ached. She wasn't sure what class just concluded — she hadn't attended in any case. Her feet guided her here rather, to this cramped and dusty little room on the fourth floor, door ajar like in invitation.
She entered and let the door close softly behind her with a soft click.
Her bag fell onto the floor. She did not even stoop down -- simply sat on the hard stone at the side of the window and wrapped her knees close in against her chest and hugged her arms hard around them. As if holding so hard would keep it from falling into pieces.
She clung on for a couple of seconds.
Then it snapped
It began small enough. A gasp of breath. A burning at the outer corners of her eyes. She tried to blink it away. To breathe it away. To ignore the constricting sensation in her chest forming over the course of weeks — months, really.
Then she heard her mother's voice in her mind. Not the real one. Not the soft one she remembered when things were all still working properly. This one sounded strained. Exhausted. Saying things like "It's not your fault, love." And "Your dad and I. we just need space." Space. All they ever discussed was space. As if they hadn't already made enough space between one another for oceans.
One fell, tracing a line down her cheek. It got wiped away, but only paved the way for its replacement.
She hated this. Hated that she cared. Hated that she was the only one who appeared to pay any mind to the way everything unraveled.
Her dad hadn't even written since she arrived at Hogwarts. Her mother attempted it, but the letters came off as if they were half-truths and were crafted carefully so Phoenix would not ask the incorrect ones.
What if they did not reunite?
What if this was it?
What if all this — fractured homes and taut silences and pretending we hadn't missed things — were all we would ever have?
The quiet and steady tears fell now down her cheeks and onto her sleeves. She did not cry out. Made no sound at all. Her shoulders did tremble and she pushed her face into her knees to hide it — from herself as well.
She simply required a minute.
A small space of her own.
A space in which nobody would ever see her crack
For everything they already possessed─────
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| 𝑰𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑾𝒊𝒕𝒉: @none @Graci Laren | 𝑴𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈: @ |
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
Last edited by Phoenix Zhang on 6 Jun 2025, 16:29, edited 3 times in total.
22 May 2025, 20:24
Bound to Break
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Graci was wandering. Again. She usually was, with nothing better to do except homework. And she definitely didn't want to do that. She usually got it all done in one big stretch and then went on with her week.
But today wasn't any normal wandering, no. She felt like she needed to do something, but she wasn't quite sure what. Henceforth, she was wandering.
Graci knew it was a bit weird, but she was just opening random doors if she didn't know what they were. Mostly empty classrooms. I wonder why they don't have more classes if there are so many unused classrooms.
More sound than dust bunnies was coming from one of the doors, and Graci was immediately intrigued, what if this is it? The weird feeling I have that I'm needed.
And there she was. Sitting on the floor, silent tears streaming down her face. A face Graci remembered. Phoenix. The girl from the study room. Graci rather liked her, first impressions aside.
Graci wasn't sure if Phoenix had seen or heard her, but she wasn't just going to leave!
"Hello Phoenix." Just because Graci was trying to be a good friend didn't mean she knew how. "Life probably isn't too good right now, but I'll be here if you need me."
She didn't know if Phoenix wanted to be left alone or not. Probably did. But this was how Graci knew how to care. So she sat on the ground next to Phoenix, waiting to see if Phoenix let her stay there or told her to go away.
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OOC notes:It's kinda late, sorry
coded by @Eugenia Karageorgiadi
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Phoenix Zhang
23 May 2025, 03:52
Bound to Break
Phoenix wasn't aware the door had opened.
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
Date: 19/05/25 | Time: 14:35 | Outfit: Robes | CC: #english, mandarin
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She'd gotten too deep down in the water — far from drowning, no, but underwater. Head down. Sore eyes and swollen eyelids. Her knees up to her chest as if she might just make herself small enough to fit inside the corner of this vacant classroom and take the hurt with her.
But then came a voice.
"Hello Phoenix."
Her shoulders tightened. No.
She remained stationary. Perhaps if she didn't make a sound, didn't say a word, they'd just. depart. Perhaps they'd think she was someone who wasn't actually dissolving in the middle of the day, behind a stiff face and salt-stained cuffs.
"Life probably isn't too good right now, but I'll be here if you need me."
And the soft sound of the other person getting settled beside her.
Not teasing. Not questioning. Just—
She detested the fact that it made her have to weep more.
Why was being kind always the worst choice when you did not want to break?
The hush remained a moment longer. Phoenix wasn't certain if she trusted her voice, yet the words fell out anyway, rough and low.
"Why are you here?"
It ended up worse than she'd wanted. Not mad—just harsh. She sniffed and rapidly stroked her sleeve across her nose. Stupid. She wasn't supposed to let this get to her where people could witness it.
But she did not ask Graci to leave.
Or maybe because part of her already knew she wouldn't?
She said the next words slowly, stretched out like splinters. "I got a letter. From my father." She hesitated this time. "They're divorcing."
She exhaled deeply. Not a sigh. Simply pressure. Something attempting to get out. "He didn't even—he just stated it." She clenched the sleeve material in her fists. "No forewarning. No negotiation. Just a neat little declaration as if it were a critique of a home exercise."
She lowered her voice to a scornful mutter. "We've decided it's for the best."
She shook her head back and forth and a frustrated breath stuck in her throat. "I could tell they were fighting. I'm not stupid. But they waited until I left the house before they decided to make it official or whatever they made official."
She laughed dryly and hollowly once—neither merrily
She lapsed back into silence, looking at a chip in the floor stone as if it held some hidden reply within it.
"I don't have to care; I don't want to care. But it just all fell apart." She breathed slowly. "And I don't know where I'm meant to go from here."
It wasn't an invitation.
But it wasn't a dismissal.
She didn’t budge from Graci’s side
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| 𝑰𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑾𝒊𝒕𝒉: @Graci Laren | 𝑴𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈: @ |
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
23 May 2025, 04:27
Bound to Break
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Graci didn't know what to say. She never did. Not really, at least. Usually just whatever came out. But nothing was coming out.
She had heard a lot of things as to what to do in this situation. None of them all together helpful in this instance. These conversations were always hard. Graci never knew if she was supposed to express her sympathy or her condolences, but she didn't't think either of those would help.
So she did what she did best. Talk.
"I had a friend, back in London. His name was Lindin. His parents divorced when he was seven and he was in London by eight. He never really talked about it, but we all knew he was hurt by it. He took it personally, too, which is almost worse. He idolized his dad, treating every letter from him like it was worth more than gold. But we also knew when he got the letters. He was angrier, more emotional, yet distant. I never quite knew what so say, so I didn't. I wish I had though. I hope he talk to someone about it though. I like to think we're still friends."
Graci got lost in thought for a bit, remembering London. Days spent with Lindin and Makayli. Only grazing superficial things. I hardly even know their birthdays.
Graci did know their birthdays, but she wished that they could've connected more. Since coming to Hogwarts she realized how limited their friendship had been. Sure, they would've gone great lengths for each other, but they didn't really know each other.
"Anyway, that's my schpiel. I hope you know that you're not alone, and if you ever need to talk I have ears, surprisingly enough. And here's a piece of advice from my aunt. 'Distance yourself from anyone who hurt you, but not because they could in the future if they haven't'."
Graci wished she could help more, but she didn't know how. Her parents had always been in love. And supportive of her and Zoe's every endeavor, so Graci didn't feel eligible to give advice about such things.
Yet here she was.
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OOC notes:Don't worry about replying soon:)
coded by @Eugenia Karageorgiadi
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Phoenix Zhang
23 May 2025, 14:26
Bound to Break
Phoenix didn't answer immediately
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
Date: 19/05/25 | Time: 14:35 | Outfit: Robes | CC: #english, mandarin
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She didn't jump. Didn't blink. Simply sat, the robe hem balled up tight in her fists, her knuckles white with pressure she hadn't yet registered she'd imposed upon them. That sound—Graci's—had shattered the stillness like a stone tossed across the water. Not boomed. Not commanded. Simply existed.
There were a thousand things she might have said. Cutting things. Discouraging things. The type of things to repel people before they got too close. But this time the words refused to come out. They stuck in the back of her throat, sharp and unyielding.
"It's an odd thing to say," Phoenix said at last. Her tone was rough. Not aggressive—merely exhausted.
She moved a little, knees still drawn up, cheek on her arm. It was less risky to stare at the floor than at Graci.
But it is wrong
Another beat went slowly and silently by.
"You could have left." Her tone wasn't judgmental. She sounded more stunned. "You pushed open a door and you looked inside and the girl was crying in this empty room. Most people would've closed the door."
She released a harsh, humorless snort of breath. “I'd have likely done so.”
But Graci didn't.
And she was just sitting here now. Not attempting to fix it. Not requesting anything in return. Phoenix didn’t know what to do with this.
She shifted her head a little, far enough to look sideways. Graci wasn't looking at her—just waiting, as though she'd really meant what she'd said about Phoenix not needing to say a word. As though silence wasn't something to be feared.
"I don't know how to do this," Phoenix admitted after a pause. "The whole… letting people in thing." It felt artificial. Like it'd never been said out loud before—and possibly it hadn't.
"It was my mum who spoke about feelings. Dad—well, he just kind of… didn’t." She gulped. "He wrote the letter."
She cracked slightly in her voice but didn't stop speaking.
"He did not apologize. Only that it was occurring, and they would notify me about accommodations when they ‘sorted it out.’" Her hands curled up in her sleeves once more. “Like I’m baggage. Or an scheduling issue.”
She curled her mouth in a small smile, a smile almost forming. "Your aunt's advice… I believe she meant well. But suppose the one who injured you still holds significance?"
That was the part that Phoenix couldn't figure out how to describe.
That it wasn't merely the divorce
She still wanted both of them. Both of them whole.
And now they weren’t.─────
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| 𝑰𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑾𝒊𝒕𝒉: @Graci Laren | 𝑴𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈: @ |
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
23 May 2025, 21:46
Bound to Break
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Graci was at a loss for what to say. Again.
Phoenix was dealing with a lot. A lot that Graci was ill equipped to give advice about. She frowned. This was one of the only subjects she couldn't relate to, so she felt that someone with similar experiences would swoop in and Phoenix would pay her no mind.
Am I really that narcissistic? This girl just had her heart hurt by her parents of all people and here I am. I disgust myself.
"What use are friends, people in general... if not for helping and comforting?" Graci was shocked, what does she mean no one stays?
Graci's heart was slowly breaking for the girl, but she refused to pity her. Verbally, at least.
"I don't think you're just 'baggage', and if either of your parents dare to think so they are sorely mistaken. As for what my aunt said... it was more forewarning. She has been hurt a lot more than I have, and regrets how she handled it. But the person who hurt her still holds some power over her, yes. I just told you that so you don't push people away just because they could hurt you. Discretion is still necessary, though."
She didn't want to over do it, so she stopped talking there, hoping her presence would be enough. But with silence came thoughts, ones of her aunt Katerina. Sadness a main theme. Her aunt had gone through a lot, but was slowly on a path to happiness, but Graci saw the way she looked at old photos.
Katerina's fiance had passed away a few weeks before their wedding, and was never really the same since. She'd been better lately, and Graci had her suspicions, but she wanted to talk to her aunt before assuming anything.
I hope Phoenix is going to be okay. But... things will still never be the same for her.
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OOC notes:
coded by Eugenia Karageorgiadi
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Phoenix Zhang
23 May 2025, 22:32
Bound to Break
Phoenix let the stillness descend between them again. But this time she didn't feel as if she couldn't breathe within it.
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
Date: 19/05/25 | Time: 14:35 | Outfit: Robes | CC: #english, mandarin
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She remained curled up, still tensed up against the floor as if she could wriggle through the cracks if she breathed hard enough. But her shoulders weren't as stiff anymore. Her fists weren't quite so clenched anymore. Her jaw no longer ached from being clenched hard.
"What use are friends, people in general... if not for helping and comforting?"
That sentence rang more loudly than anything else Graci uttered. Phoenix never looked at her, but she heard her. She heard her the way one hears when one does not wish to appear as though one is listening—stillness, half-turned, silence.
She didn't know what to say and her mouth opened and then closed again. She strained to think of something sharp or sarcastic or witty—something to take back the interaction. But nothing came.
There was a raw little whisper rather.
"They used to say I was 'the quiet one' back home," she said slowly, as if drawing each word out from a drawer untouched in years. "I didn't need to say a word. Mum knew me."
There was a moment of silence. She swallowed and her throat constricted.
She left and Dad writes letters as if it were a matter of business. And I'm just expected to be fine about it.
She responded with the word "fine" in a way that indicated otherwise.
"I'm not actually baggage," she admitted grudgingly after a moment. "I just… feel as if I am. Like they're negotiating weekends and owls and playing who gets me at Christmas as if I'm a task."
She raised her hand and wiped her eyes again. Her cheeks were wet already, her lashes streaked with wetness.
But I don't want to hate them. That is the worst part about it. I want them to learn. To stop pretending this is all normal.
Phoenix stayed silent for quite a while afterward.
She said it more gently when she resumed talking. Honest.
"I believe your aunt is someone who has suffered a lot," she said softly. "And I think you told me this because you didn’t want to see me get hurt in the same manner."
She finally shifted her head to look over at Graci. Not completely. But enough.
Thank you for coming.
And she wasn't joking.
She permitted someone to witness her pain—for the first time—and they remained.─────
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| 𝑰𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑾𝒊𝒕𝒉: @Graci Laren | 𝑴𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈: @ |
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
24 May 2025, 01:16
Bound to Break
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Graci was thankful that Phoenix felt okay opening up to her. It gave Graci some comfort knowing that she could be there for someone. Probably a helpful skill for a person to have in a world full of such brokenness.
Graci also hoped that Phoenix could remember her self worth, that she wasn't simply a task to cross of a list. No matter what anyone thought. If they think that, they don't deserve to be in Phoenix's life.
"I did tell you that because I don't want to see you get hurt. I don't believe I could want you to get hurt if I wanted to be a good friend. Or a good person in general, you've done nothing to warrant that. I hope you know that you're worth loving. caring for, at least."
She hoped the message was well received. Even though by typical standards they wouldn't be classified as 'friends', Graci wasn't typical and rarely heeded standards.
"Now, let's get off this probably dirty floor and find you some tissues." Graci smiled at Phoenix, wondering if she wanted to be friends, too.
Let's hope so. But either way, this wasn't in vain. Hopefully she can be okay. One day, at least. She won't be the same but... changed for the better. or worse. Just so long as I can be in her life along the way.
Graci got up and dusted off non-existent dust, and put a hand out to pull Phoenix up.
Someday, we will be bestest of friends. Even though bestest isn't actually a word. I don't think so, at least.
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OOC notes:
coded by Eugenia Karageorgiadi
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Phoenix Zhang
24 May 2025, 04:08
Bound to Break
Phoenix did not stir initially
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
Date: 19/05/25 | Time: 14:35 | Outfit: Robes | CC: #english, mandarin
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She just sat, staring at the ground as if it would just swallow her up whole. This was easier than staring at Graci—easier than having to handle the pity in her gaze, or the struggle she put into not saying something wrong. Phoenix wasn't sure how to handle kindness like that. She never did.
It was like having been cracked open. All the defenses she'd built—silent, sarcastic, untouchable—none of them proved valid
And somebody had seen her in this state.
Wiping her face for a second time, more from habit than for any other reason, her sleeves were wet. Her head throbbed. Her throat felt raw and rasped like from the inside out. But finally, her tears were under control. Or maybe just did not have any available for a while longer.
She did not want anyone to find her
She did not intend for anyone to mind
But Graci did have. And somehow, she'd managed not to make a bad situation even worse. She'd not made empty promises or strange apologies for something that wasn't her responsibility. She'd just. remained.
Phoenix wasn't used to that.
The silence grew again, no longer awkward this time. Soft now. Like it had changed shape.
When Graci opened her mouth again, it was not pity. Not heavy like guilt or crushing like worry. But gentle. Genuine. Something almost untamed in silence. Phoenix blinked, not sure that she could trust herself to talk. She did not know how to respond to anyone saying words like those. That she mattered in her own right. That she did not need to earn her worth because she was useful, good, or pleasant to be around. That sounded.dangerous to believe in. But maybe that was all the more reason that she did.
Somewhere along the line, perhaps she should have thought that her parents simply made errors—and someone else would do it correctly.
She took a slow breath in. Her legs and arms were sore from cold floors, and her irises stung whenever her lids dropped shut too swiftly. But no longer did she feel that she would fall apart.
That's gotta be worth something
She cast a sideways glance at the proffered hand.
It would be easier just to stay here, just to sit here in all this wreckage and brood. But she no longer did. Not now, at least not when there was another person waiting for her.
So, she established contact.
Graci tugged her upright, and Phoenix went along willingly.
Not smiling, not quite, but something shifted in her expression. The first stirrings of a truce. The lightening of something less lonely.
Maybe she would be okay again. Not the same, though, just different.
And maybe, just maybe, she would not have to do that alone.─────
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| 𝑰𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑾𝒊𝒕𝒉: @Graci Laren | 𝑴𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈: @ |
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28 May 2025, 03:28
Bound to Break
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Graci felt quite relieved when Phoenix took her hand and she could pull her up. Like a handshake during a pact of friendship.
She was glad that Phoenix hadn't pushed her away, relieved, really. It was a way she found joy, helping other people.
"You're now stuck with me, I hope you know that we are officially best friends now in the least odd way possible." She smiled at Phoenix, a soft one.
Graci knew it was a rather childish way to make friends, even though there was nothing childish about one's parents getting divorced. She had always been quite aware of how it could hurt someone, especially after Lindin. Though, he never really opened up about it so she never saw the full extent. The ugly tears. The pain it really caused him. Minus the mood swings and barely concealed anger. But that didn't count.
Walking through the halls towards the common room with Phoenix was nice. Albeit the sniffling interrupted the silence, but Graci didn't mind.
She hoped that she didn't scare Phoenix away with her overly social persona, but if she hadn't completely the first time it made sense that she wouldn't now.
Graci had a lot of hopes.
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OOC notes:
coded by Eugenia Karageorgiadi
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