Closed An Antidote for Sore Losers pv: Eun-Ji L.H

21 July 2023

“I don’t think anybody is ever truly immune to the inevitable.”. His first reaction was to show a slight frown at her words. Like a defensive child eager to prove people wrong. Even when deep down he knew she was right. They both knew how frequently he used fronts. He didn’t particularly like to be faced with the truth. It made him feel somewhat stupid for attempting to believe otherwise. Even though rationally, (in his own logic) he should be more annoyed than anything. He remembered dueling with her. The worst pick-up lines still never failed her composure. If she were in his position, surely she wouldn’t be this much upset? It was hard to imagine her in his position. Even if she mentioned she was in a similar position before, surely she took the news better instead of wallowing in self-pity?

At least, that was his initial thoughts before her next few words. Which instantly softened his frown and widened his eyes slightly. A mixture of surprise and curiosity. Confusion even. Still, he stopped playing his instrument, evidently paying full attention, hanging on to her every word like they were a favoured melody.

After she finished, he had to remember to blink and take a moment to ponder on each of her words. Unsure at first what to say. “That's..” his tone was soft, his earlier annoyance forgotten. "You-”. His words clearly faltered, grasping at a coherent sentence that slipped right out of his grasp. He tried to mimic her nonchalance. Evidently failing. “I… didn’t know that..” Right after the words slipped out of his tongue, he wanted to smack himself. No duh! Of course, he didn’t know that! Why on earth would he be given that sort of information. They didn’t have that sort of relationship. Or at least..he thought they did. But wait - why wasn’t he recoiling back in unease? It was impossible not to notice the subtle change in the air, filling in the temporary silence. Did his hands feel warm from the heat in his chest?

He could only hope he was not the only one that was feeling unraveled. Even if she was, it was hard to tell if she felt as conflicted as he was. Her eased expression was like a tempting invitation for him. To simply look at the situation for what it is. A moment to enjoy. Instead of a start of potential downfall.

He instinctively pushed down the turbulent thoughts flooding through him but he couldn’t deny there was just…something about this moment he felt he couldn’t forget. Even if he wanted to. Would he look back to this moment and tense? Or smile? Knowing he now knew a part of her he felt was not up for just anyone to display. Or would he feel defensive? Unsure why she felt he deserved to know. But with Eun-ji, he was both rest-assured and unnerved that she never did things willy-nilly. Whatever that was going through her head, she had a reason. And not a weak one at that. He was only having a hard time guessing. Because surely, just making him feel better wasn’t it. Even if it. Worked. In a .. gut-twisting, head-spinning, palm-sweating sort of way.

Framing his guaranteed loss and annoyance as a sign he cared for something important. How..sly. Enough for a rare twinge of a soft smile to appear on Hanako’s face without his awareness. He was frankly, at a loss at what to say. Unsure how to appropriately continue the conversation. Which was a good reason why he gave her an out. But once again, Eun-ji seemed to always be a step ahead of him.

“Oh? And how do you know what kind of Hana I like? After all, I’m a Ravenclaw. At times, we prefer complicated things better.”

She could see clearly he was momentarily frozen, taken aback by the smidge of change in at atmosphere. But it took only a few seconds for him to embrace the change. Morphing his stiff face to a relaxed smirk. “ Oh, I see..” he could hardly contain the playful excitement ( and relief) in his tone as he placed his ukulele away. Moving slightly closer to her, close enough to tuck her hair behind her ear, if he wanted to. He resisted. “Good thing complicated is my middle name” he jested.

Hanako didn’t want to call it being smitten. But he was smitten. At least temporarily until he remembered the nature of their relationship was simply equal exchange. It was hard not to be after her earlier words and her rare burst of playfulness. Which he was frankly, a huge fan of. At this moment, he underestimated just how much of a huge fan he was of it.

But instead of recognising the internal surge of warmth that flooded in him, he pushed himself to pin the change on the external scene. The way the sun hit her just right, casting light shadows under her long eyelashes, illuminating her dark hair. Enjoying the way her eyes solely focused on him. Being in the spotlight was a double-edged sword for him. He wanted to be the centre of attention, yet have a shadow large enough to slip into any time. But somehow, he felt less uneasy about having her eyes on him. Almost like he was energised by it. Thriving. There was still a sense of annoyance regarding the duels. But at the moment, staring at her, it somehow seemed a tad less significant than it was.

“So? Is there anything that could improve your mood?”

Where would he even begin to answer that? How about staying with him longer without asking him why? Tell him more about her dreams of being a professional dancer? Get out of here and explore the campgrounds with him? Each first thought was more mortifying than the last. “ You could kiss me”.

He wasn’t even entirely sure why those were the words that came out of his mouth casually. Like a suggestion that she should wear a hat when it's sunny. He was certain the words were a manifestation of the earlier fear and mortification about how she could help him. None of his first thoughts sounded like him. Shamelessly asking for a kiss, that's him. A red herring for his train of thought. To distract himself from asking how those suggestions even came to be. “ C’mon, you know me” he joked with a small laugh, simply rolling with it at this point. “ I'm a simple guy. Simple wants. A kiss from you? I’ll be feeling better for days” he shrugged with a grin.

Surely, she wouldn’t. Despite his playful flirt, it was obvious he never expected such a thing from her. In their relationship, it was usually Hanako who was bold and made the first move. The idea of her making an effort to kiss him first was unlikely.

Curiously thrilling. But unlikely.

He glanced at her for a moment, ready to spring up a joke once she dismissed his silly request.

Reducio

@Eun-Ji Lee Hunt

Blue in English, Red in Korean

Eun-ji rarely talked about her innermost feelings, yet here she was, telling Hana of all people, something she had never shared with anyone before. Surprisingly enough however, it wasn’t all that hard to do so. She used to think they were like fire and ice but now she was beginning to realize there were many things the two of them seemed to have in common. Otherwise, why would it be so easy to talk to him about these things? And he was actually listening. She could tell in that moment that Hana was focused solely on her and it made her… happy? It turned out sharing did bring some sort of relief to oneself, as people often claimed and it was clear her words had some positive effect on Hana as well. While they did not bring him joy, they did give him something to relate to and hopefully, relax a little bit. Although he was notably awkward when it was his turn to react... it was kind of cute.

“Oh, don’t look at me like this. I didn’t tell you, so you’d feel sorry for me or anything like that. I just wanted to say, I understand.” The Ravenclaw said with a soft smile. Did her reality make her feel sad? Yes. But that was an emotion she had to take care of herself. Nobody else should be burdened by it least of all Hana, who was already struggling with his own worries. They weren’t in a relationship, where she’d expect him to comfort her about this. Trying to cheer someone up when they were facing a certain duel defeat was completely different from delving any deeper into her lost life dreams. This was not the time nor place for that. Right now, she just wanted to cheer him up.

At last, Eun-ji managed to coax a little smile from the boy. She wasn’t entirely sure, which part of the conversation made him happy, but she found she didn’t care. Somehow, it felt like her biggest achievement of the day, and she couldn’t help but smile along with him. It even made her want to tease him a little bit. Ah there it is! The witch thought once the familiar relaxed smirk reappeared on Hana’s face. He seemed more relaxed now and even shuffled closer to her, the beautiful ukulele momentarily forgotten. “Yes, on that we agree.” She replied playfully. Strangely enough, even though they both appeared to be a rather complicated individuals, they got along swimmingly so far, and Eun-ji hardly ever struggled to read the boy’s emotions. At least to a certain degree. Sure, she didn’t know much about his background but that didn’t matter to her…as long as they understood each other in that moment, everything was fine.

“You could kiss me.” Aaand here she was, foolishly thinking she had the upper hand today. Of course, Hana would give an answer like that to her totally innocent question. The Ravenclaw blinked in surprise but that ended up the only indication of being caught off guard. Once Eun-ji’s brain linked the request to Hana, it suddenly made perfect sense. As usual, he sounded like he was joking but she could tell there was a genuine interest in it. Eun-ji considered herself smart, but why did this boy constantly have to challenge her like this? It was both annoying and pleasantly thrilling. An of course, then there was the fact that she seemed to have trouble saying no to him as easily as she could to others. This request, no matter how ridiculous was no exception to that rule.

Is it really that ridiculous though? We are teenagers after all. If anything, she was probably one of the few girls her age that had yet to kiss anyone. What was the big deal anyway? Just a few years back, she would have thought her first kiss should be extra special but now, she wasn’t so sure anymore. According to her grandparents, she was not worth much so her first kiss probably wasn't either. Besides, it was a nice summer day and a handsome young man was asking her for a kiss. He even made it sound like a big deal so…would it really be such a bad idea? Suddenly, Eun-ji didn’t seem to think so. “Good thing I quite enjoy leaving a lasting impressions.” She imitated his earlier remark, with a smile.

No matter how composed she might have looked on the outside, her heart was beating a million miles a minute as she leaned in close, lips brushing together, tentatively, for the first time. The smell of honey and lavender mingling with her own lavender perfume was almost dizzying in the best kind of way. There were butterflies dancing in her stomach and Hana’s lips felt unexpectedly soft against her own. For a moment, all there was the two of them. It was surprisingly sweeter than she imagined and, while she was not usually fond of the sweet things, she found that this particular sweetness wasn't all that bad. With all those thoughts, Eun-ji didn’t dare to linger for too long lest she lose herself completely. She could not do that…she had a reputation to keep. “There…feeling better?” The young witch asked with a smile, her voice still playful but not quite so teasing anymore.

@Hanako Tone