16 Feb 2024, 01:18
Outside the Box
That was it. Mahlioz was done procrastinating, fearfully staying away from the book on their bedside table, like it was going to eat them. She was over it. She was going to stop being a coward.
Time: Late morning
Mentions: X
Thoughts
They decided the best place to do this was the study room. They didn't often use it, preferring their dorm room (when it was empty) or the library, but she knew she wouldn't actually get herself to do it if she was in one of those two places. They'd distract themselves, knowingly or unknowingly, and what she needed to get done wouldn't get done. Here, at least, people were watching them. They would feel guilty if they weren't on task.
Plopping herself down at a table, she opened her book and took a look at it. Gender: What it is, Why it's Changing, and Other Frequently Asked Questions. This book is not real lol Heart racing, Mahlioz opened the cover up and began to read.
The first chapter was mostly things she knew. The difference between gender and sex, how trans people had always existed, how different cultures had different genders that weren't necessarily female and male.
The second part was all about being trans. It talked about hormones, surgery, the struggles that came with transitioning medically and all of the good stuff, too. How it could be life-changing, and sometimes even life-saving. Lots of stories from trans people. The fact that you didn't need to transition medically to be valid. It was all interesting, but Mahlioz didn't find what she was looking for. This book described binary trans people, and it mostly explained what to do or what life was like when you knew you were trans.
But that was the problem - Mahlioz didn't know if they were, and being a boy definitely didn't fit. She wanted to know more about the other genders. The ones in between. Like Reltyl.
27 Feb 2024, 16:19
Outside the Box
── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
Things hadn't got better with their grandmother. No matter how hard they or their father tried, she refused to accept Leaf's chosen gender and always referred to them as a girl. The two of them had been so close in the past, but now all they wanted was to stay away from her for as long as possible.
They placed their half-complete homework down on the desk and sighed. "I can't do this." Mei, their cat, purred and leapt onto the homework - then she tore it in half. "Mei!" Leaf whispered, "Now I have to start from the beginning." But they didn't. Instead, they took out a stack of coloured pens and a square of scrap paper.
On it, they drew a small flag in the corner. Four stripes: yellow, white, purple, and black - the colours of the non-binary flag. In the middle of it, they wrote 'Me'. Immediately, embarrassed, they slipped it into their bag along with the two halves of the homework.
Maybe there's someone else in this school like me. Leaf looked around the study room, as if they'd find some answers as to what to do inscribed on the walls - but there were none. Does this school even have anyone who'd understand? They buried their head in their arms and remembered what their grandmother had said last time they'd seen each other:
"That's not normal."
── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──Interacting with: @Mahlioz Evethisawe
6 Mar 2024, 00:23
Outside the Box
Mahlioz stared up at the ceiling. This was getting them nowhere. What was the point of overcoming her fear (of a frigging book, no less) and sitting down to read about something that scared her so much if really she was no further than she had been before? There was none. Annoyed, they shut the book with a slam, than glanced around guiltily. They hadn't meant for it to make this much noise. They were just... frustrated.
Time: Late morning
Mentions: X
Thoughts
If only she could ask Reltyl about this. She wasn't even sure why she couldn't. It was just... Reltyl was having such a hard time, and they'd specifically told her off for being selfish when asking for help. Mahlioz wanted to be there for them, not always have to count on them. And besides, this problem... if felt like a her thing. She didn't want to share it with them, not until she was completely sure of who she was and where she was going and that she was comfortable.
Well. There was no point in staying here. This book had proven to be less than helpful. They might as well just go back down and return it to the library. The second year looked around the room again, at all these people studying, probably not giving much thought to their identities, with a twinge of jealousy. And then her eyes snagged on something.
It was small, almost nothing. A tiny slip of paper, sticking out of a bag. There were even other papers with it. But it was what was on the paper that caught Mahlioz's attention.
It was a flag she knew well. Too well for it to be a country flag - those they sucked at recognizing. A pride flag. Which one exactly, they were annoyed that they did not know. One Reltyl used a bunch, but Reltyl used a lot of flags a bunch. The only few Mahlioz knew were asexual, pansexual and the main rainbow one (how unsurprising. Reltyl was definitely right - she really was quite self-obsessed). She definitely had some research to do.
And that could start here and now. Mahlioz stood up, putting their book in their bag, and walked over to the bag with the tiny slip of a flag sticking out of it. As they got closer they noticed something was written on the flag, but she couldn't figure out what. The person next to said bag had a curly bob of black hair and light skin, and Mahlioz tapped them on the shoulder, pointing with the other hand to the flag.
"Sorry, could I just ask - what flag is that?" It occurred to her too late that maybe the paper was in the bag so as not to be seen - maybe the person didn't want anyone to notice it. But it was too late now. And she was too curious.
22 Apr 2024, 16:19
Outside the Box
── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
They weren't sure how much time had passed before Mei clambered back onto their lap and curled up into a ball, purring innocently and leaving them with no choice but to gently scratch at her back as she lay there. "I'm sorry for snapping at you." Leaf whispered once more as to not cause a disturbance. A pair of golden eyes stared back at them.
Their vision flickered back to the two halves of the homework Mei had torn apart, and sighed. I'll have to do it again at some point. For now they just leaned on the desk and sat there.
They couldn't change what their grandmother thought of them, and that was that - all they could do was tolerate it. As they paused the back and forth motion along the cat's back, Mei glared menacingly in disapproval before leaping off to begin doing circuits of Leaf's leg under the desk.
Tired yet needing something to take their mind off things, they grabbed a book from their bag and dropped it on the table without making too much of a racket since this one was a small-ish paperback, not noticing that the motion swept the paper with the flag on it to the top of the bag once more, leaving it exposed for any passers by to see.
Then someone tapped them on the shoulder. "Sorry, could I just ask - what flag is that?" A voice from behind shook Leaf out of the book.
"Oh." They bit their lip and followed the line from the person's finger to the flag, screaming on the inside as they realised that the M was visible and the corner of the E just stuck out enough to be seen. "N... Non-binary?" They folded the scrap paper further into the bag to cover up the 'Me'. "Yes. Non-binary flag. That's it. How are you?"
They cringed at their own awkward self.
── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──Interacting with: @Mahlioz Evethisawe
9 May 2024, 19:25
Outside the Box
Ah, oops. She'd interrupted their reading. What a jerk-like thing to do. But now that she looked, the contents of the person's bag had been moved around a bit, and the bit of paper with the flag Mahlioz was so interested in was much more visible. Along with the two letters written on it, spelling out a short but rather impactful word. The second year read it at the same time as the person they'd disturbed said "N... Non-binary?"
Time: Late morning
Mentions: X
Thoughts
The paper read 'Me'. Then Mahlioz could no longer see it again, because the bob-haired person had folded it up back into their bag. But it was too late, and Mahlioz wasn't sure how to feel about that. Had she crossed a line, gone over a boundary by accident? That was a personal thing to see, she certainly wouldn't want people finding out about her gender problems. Though it seemed this person was a lot more sure of themselves than Mahlioz was. Then again, why answer with a raised voice at the end, like a question? Were they not sure of what the flag was?
They confirmed a second time, more sure of themselves. That's it. Like they needed a reminder as well. Of course - nonbinary. It made sense why Mahlioz recognized it now, why Reltyl used it so much. What a peculiar match of colors - purple and yellow, complimentary and clashing. Was this what Mahlioz was? How could they find out more about it, to figure out if it was?
Gods, how they wanted to ask more to the kid in front of them, but Reltyl's voice was back. "Come on in and let me cheer you up like I always do... Ever think about the fact that I might have feelings too??" It wasn't fair of her to start asking questions, especially when she didn't even know this person.
They asked how the Slytherin was doing, which was... weird, but understandable, in this time of awkwardness. "Er, I'm... I'm alright, thanks. I'm... sorry about - for seeing that. I didn't mean to... make you uncomfortable, or anything, I'm sure it's private." It was getting harder and harder to contain their curiosity. But instead of a question, something else slipped out. "I... I think I might be, like, not cis, too."
Ooohhhhhh gods. They hadn't exactly meant to say that. It had come out accidentally. But it was the first time she'd actually told someone. For the first time in her life, she was admitting this to someone other than herself. They had no idea how to feel about that, but their heart was beating so hard she felt like it might burst out of her and run away. Thankfully, this person seemed accepting. The question was just what they would do with this information. Why was it that she kept coming out as LGBTQ+ to people she had just met??