14 Jan 2024, 13:31
I Can't Do This Anymore
They/SheThe cooler, early morning breeze was a brisk wake-up call for Pax. Oddly enough, it was exactly what they needed. That night, they'd been unable to sleep, even after they had just played their final game of the season. In fact, that was exactly what prevented them from doing so.
As soon as light had hit and the day had truly begun, they wandered out to the quidditch pitch. They weren't even sure if they had intended to (maybe they'd been headed to breakfast, the library to complete any outstanding homework, they couldn't justify it), but when they had come to from whatever daze they had captured themselves in, they were barefoot in their PJs in the middle of the site of their horrifying defeat.
They couldn't stop it from all flooding back - from the whole year flooding back. Every crushing defeat, every painful fall, every bludger missed, every time that the other team took that win because they couldn't get their act together. What was wrong with them? Were they simply so incapable of leading a team? How come that they, Pax Zhang, couldn't even get one single win this year? Not one!
The weight of pressure and expectation had exhausted them, and right now it was crashing back down, pushing them to the floor until they were lying face down in the dirt. They couldn't bring themselves to get back up, not just yet. It was too painful, too fresh, too raw, and just much too overwhelming.
And it was tiring. So, so tiring.Reducio
Last edited by Pax Zhang on 30 Dec 2024, 18:54, edited 1 time in total.
18 Jan 2024, 16:32
I Can't Do This Anymore
Reducio  |
English |
June 4 2023 |
Linda was in her room when she suddenly decided to go out to draw. There still were some places she never went to and never tried to draw.
So this time Linda decided to go to the Quidditch pitch. She liked Quidditch but wasn't playing it. Although someone already told her before to try but she found herself more into music and drawing. Maybe she would try herself in Quidditch one day, however, she wasn't sure in it.
Taking her small bag with everything for sketching and making her hair with changing her clothes, Linda went out. Weather felt quite nice at that time and she found herself enjoying looking at the sky and all places around her. Linda felt nice even though it was last month before summer holiday. However, something caught her attention making her stop looking around. As she came closer to the pitch, she noticed someone there. Were they alright? It didn't really seem so but Linda never interacted with them before.
However, this was never enough for Linda to just keep walking so, instead, she came closer to the person and offered her hand. Hi, are you alright? Do you want to see my drawings? She knew this question might sound stupid, but Linda could never bring herself to ask directly what happened as she never wanted to force another person to speak about something they might not wish to discuss.
@Pax Zhang
Will is able to change even the lines on our palms
| ✮Célestine de la Croix-Valmer✮ - staff account | -ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ-Kaya Rose Bennett-ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ- - first iNPC account | Ryusei Ishikawa - new iNPC |
22 Apr 2024, 23:07
I Can't Do This Anymore
They/SheA voice echoed from above, and for the briefest moment Pax thought that they might be dead. Was this the voice of God?
It didn't take them long to quickly realise that this individual was indeed not some unknown deity, but rather a fellow student also out on an early morning walk, who had likely stumbled across Pax mid-mental breakdown, and had been, you know, rightfully concerned to see a thirteen-year-old lying face down in damp mud. At this point, the whole situation was laughable. Which is why Pax promptly burst into laughter.
"I'm fineeeeee," Pax chuckled almost manically into the dirt. By this point, whoever the visitor was was probably certain that Pax was going insane. They flipped over (with some effort), now lying on their back, to look at their saviour the student, who had their hand outstretched to help them.
"Thanks," the giggles had began to settle down within them as they accepted the hand, reaching an upright sitting position before wiping any leftover dirt from their clothes and face. "I'd love to see your drawings."
There was a slight air of silence as Pax contemplated on where next to take this conversation. Whoever this student was probably didn't deserve a big long rant about something nobody had any control over. As much as Pax probably could benefit from one.
"And, I mean, if you couldn't tell, I'm probably not actually really that fine. If finding me face down in the middle of the quidditch pitch wasn't an indicator."Reducio
27 Apr 2024, 19:56
I Can't Do This Anymore
Reducio |
English |
June 4 2023 |
Linda chuckled at the reply from another Gryffindor. Surely no one could decide to enjoy laying like that. As she pulled them in sitting position and sat down nearby, she showed her sketchbook to them. There were plenty of different drawings, all of them from different parts of Hogwarts.
I guess that says enough: finding you like that. Linda smiled softly. I can listen if you wish to share at any time while we are sitting here. She didn't mind hearing what happened to cause them to go and lay face down early in the morning, even though she was fairly sure that wasn't something she personally could do anything about.
Realizing that none of them introduced their names Linda spoke again. I'm Linda Ramirez, second year. What about you? Li took a moment to enjoy the weather and looked again at the older Gryffindor. She was fairly certain they didn't have too much in age difference, maybe a year?
Thinking what to say else, Linda decided to ask a question that came out of nowhere. Do you have pet here in Hogwarts? Perhaps early morning wasn't the best time for small talks. Linda didn't even know why this was a question she decided to ask almost from the beginning. However, she decided to not to think about it much.
@Pax Zhang
Will is able to change even the lines on our palms
| ✮Célestine de la Croix-Valmer✮ - staff account | -ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ-Kaya Rose Bennett-ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ- - first iNPC account | Ryusei Ishikawa - new iNPC |
15 Jun 2024, 01:23
I Can't Do This Anymore
They/She
Sorry for the wait!As the girl showed Pax her drawings, Pax could feel themselves start to calm down. Heartbeat slowing to a normal, healthier pace, and breathing no longer fast and anxious. Sighing, they began to speak, but not looking at the girl.
"I'm meant to be the captain. I'm meant to lead our quidditch team to glorious victory and make Gryffindor proud. And, so far, we have won no games this year. We have lost Every. Single. Game. It just makes me feel... well, hopeless, you know? Like, what am I doing wrong? I just don't know. I'm doing my best, and there's nothing else I can do, but surely there must be one more thing I've missed. And I have to try and remain upbeat for the team as well. If their captain is losing hope, how might they feel?"
Smiling, they finally looked up. "I'm Pax. Pax Zhang. I think I'm in the year above from you."
The distraction from everything that had been racing through their mind proved helpful to Pax, and Linda seemed to know what to say to alleviate any worries. Pax supposed it was lucky it had been them who had caught them in their breakdown this morning. "I have an owl, his name's Tyler. He's on the older side, but he's still a great friend." they smiled. "How about you? Any pets of your own?"Reducio
12 Aug 2024, 08:55
I Can't Do This Anymore
Reducio |
English |
June 4 2023 |
Linda listened carefully to Pax. She thought she could understand how it must have felt, however surely she wouldn't understand it completely as she was neither captain nor co-captain. I understand the way you feel, but I believe you are already doing a great job. That it happens like this doesn't mean you are not good enough. I am sure you will find a way to achieve winning. Linda smiled in a supportive way. Surely failures were more difficult on captains, right? But Li didn't think that Pax was wrong in the strategy she was using for their team.
I have kitten here in Hogwarts. Lila Moon. She's so playful and friendly. Linda smiled at the memory. As she looked at Pax, her eyes were shining. What are your hobbies?
Linda knew that this question came suddenly and seemingly out of nowhere, but she found herself wishing to keep talking to Pax. It was a great time in its own meaning. That time of the day felt beautiful and Linda didn't focus so much on the state she found Pax in, rather focusing on trying to be there for them. Would it be enough for letting them feel better? Did her words make any difference? Linda didn't know but hoped that the answer was yes. At least the breathing speed of the older Gryffindor seemed to be better now.
@Pax Zhang
Will is able to change even the lines on our palms
| ✮Célestine de la Croix-Valmer✮ - staff account | -ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ-Kaya Rose Bennett-ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ- - first iNPC account | Ryusei Ishikawa - new iNPC |
29 Sep 2024, 21:48
I Can't Do This Anymore
They/She"Thanks," a small but genuine smile appeared on their face as they wiped away the unwanted tears from their eyes. They had slowly begun to form as Linda comforted them, and as much as they'd have to try and convince themself that those words were actually true, it was a shockingly nice thing to hear them from someone that wasn't them repeating the sentiment in the mirror. "It's gonna sound stupid... but I really needed to hear that."
"Awh, Lila Moon sounds so sweet. I'd love to meet her at some point, and maybe you could meet Tyler," Pax said, extending an offer to Linda. After all, after everything Linda had done to help them already, Pax felt as though they should try to find a way to repay them for their help. They didn't need to stop and help them in the midst of a mental breakdown - most people probably would've walked away. But she didn't.
"Aside from quidditch..." Pax really had to search their brain, and that fact was yet another wake-up call. Did they really have nothing going on outside of quidditch?
"I play the bass guitar," they managed to recall. "Though I haven't practised in a bit, so I might be kinda bad. I always liked running as well, especially here at Hogwarts, where the grounds are so pretty. How about you?"
At least this conversation was going well, and it was definitely taking their mind off of other stressful things.Reducio
16 Oct 2024, 20:41
I Can't Do This Anymore
Reducio |
English |
June 4 2023 |
Linda smiled warmly. It's not stupid. I think we all need to hear something at some point of our lives. She looked amused by the idea that Pax offered. It definitely would be great. We could do it some time later.
Linda was surprised to find yet another person who could play musical instrument. And even liked to run. I'm playing guitar and piano, as well as sometimes running in the morning. Makes me feel great by some reason.
She didn't know why she adored running so much, but it was just something about her. As she thought about it more, Linda remembered another great feeling. Playing guitar and looking at stars. She missed it here, as usually stars were visible when it was curfew for them, and she never did anything that would caz her getting detention.
Are you still running? How often do you like doing it? I think I didn't see you when I went to run, though admittedly, I usually run near great lake. She mused. Running in the morning was distracting her and she always was interested in improving how long she could run. Maybe this was her answer why she liked running quite much. She glanced at the sky and breathed in the air. It didn't feel as good as it is after rain, but still was good enough.
@Pax Zhang
Will is able to change even the lines on our palms
| ✮Célestine de la Croix-Valmer✮ - staff account | -ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ-Kaya Rose Bennett-ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ- - first iNPC account | Ryusei Ishikawa - new iNPC |
27 Dec 2024, 20:05
I Can't Do This Anymore
They/She
Sorry for the wait!"That sounds good," Pax smiled.
They raised an eyebrow, with an impressed smile on their face. "Learning one instrument is impressive, let alone two. You must have a lot of patience." This much had been proven to be true already, in this case. Linda had been incredibly patient with Pax this morning, and they were very grateful.
"I have been, up in the grounds... but I've not been enjoying it as much recently. You know, when you do something for the sake of doing it, not for fun?"
They sighed. "But I'm gonna try and run for fun over the summer. Gotta find something to enjoy after this shocker of a year, right? Might help me out."
As the sun rose and it got lighter and lighter, Pax became more and more conscious of the time, not wanting to waste any more of Linda's. They were also painfully aware of the fact that they were also still in their PJs and there was still bits of dirt on their face, despite their best attempts to wipe it away.
"We ought to head back," they admitted, slowly getting to their feet. "As much as I've enjoyed chatting and relaxing for once, there will always been something I should be doing. Again, I do have to say a big thank you for today. Genuinely."Reducio
ReducioOOC Note: Sorry for such a late reply! This is intended to be a concluding post for Pax, so you're free to post once more, but after that, I think I'll mark the thread as finished!
30 Dec 2024, 11:02
I Can't Do This Anymore
Reducio |
English |
June 4 2023 |
Linda thought about what Pax said for some seconds before replying. Was she actually patient? Probably yes. However,she never thought about it, so she decided to not say anything about it. I just really enjoyed it. My brother likes playing different instruments and he made it look so interesting that I kept asking him to teach me too. I guess when you truly enjoy doing something, you don't really care or notice how quickly time can go. She mused quietly. Was it more as answer to Pax or thoughts aloud Linda didn't know. But neither she really cared about it, hoping only that she was heard.
I know. Not the best feeling. I hope you can find some joy in it or something else that you can do simply for fun rather than for the sake of doing it. She replied softly.
As the light around them started to change, Linda thought about having to go back. It was a nice time, but it couldn't last forever. And she once again realized that Pax was wearing their PJs. Linda doubted they wanted to explain a lot of other students why they were out in PJs.
We certainly should. It was rather nice to talk to you and I hope we could meet and talk some other time again. But for now we need to go back and prepare for the day.
@Pax Zhang
Linda leaves the thread
Will is able to change even the lines on our palms
| ✮Célestine de la Croix-Valmer✮ - staff account | -ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ-Kaya Rose Bennett-ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ- - first iNPC account | Ryusei Ishikawa - new iNPC |