9 Mar 2024, 18:04
Questions, Doubts and Jealousy
The nightmares had been few and far between with the new year, but when they did come they were unforgiving. The smoke and the limited ability to breathe was always the worst part, yet somehow the nightmare last night had topped that. All because he had shown up. Him with his stupid arms wrapped around Opeila. Even though Aaron had tried to forget it, the image was apparently burned into his subconscious because now it was appearing in his nightmares.Thursday | 29 February 2024 | early morning before breakfast
Even now as he walked out into the chilly morning air of the day, the Hufflepuff found himself gripping his fists tight and clenching his teeth. Aaron wanted to punch something, a feeling that had been sporadically cropping up over the last few weeks because of him and that stupid mark.
Why did he have to be her best friend? Why did they have to go as far as getting binding marks? Why had she done that? Aaron knew he shouldn't feel so upset by this - it had happened before they even started dating - but it felt like such an... an intimate thing for her to do with someone who was just a friend. And did Alec only see her as a friend? They had faked a relationship together for months, how could someone not feel anything for someone in that situation? But did that mean... did Opeila feel something for him?
The sixteen-year-old stopped his infuriated march across the grounds, pausing under a tree. He took a really deep breath, trying to calm himself down. After a few moments he knew it wasn't working though, because the thoughts just kept coming. Questions, doubts and jealousy were overwhelming him. Why now? Aaron took a seat on the ground and leaned against the tree, trying desperately to calm his mind. Exercise usually helped, he should just go on his morning run like he'd originally planned, but he found himself stuck here going down a rabbit hole of anger. At least he was protected from being too cold on the ground thanks to his dark sweatshirt and sweatpants.
A few minutes later though, he saw movement out the corner of his eye. A distraction, thank gosh. His brown eyes focused on the figure and recognized Illowy heading towards him. Aaron managed a half-hearted smile in her direction as she approached, lifting a hand in greeting. He and Illowy had taken to running together whenever they were outside at the same time, which usually happened once or twice every week. Over the past few months of that, they'd become good running buddies, racing from time to time or chatting about school stuff. As he got to his feet to greet her properly, he considered for a moment asking what she thought about this crazy situation. But the thought was fleeting, he doubted she would want to give him relationship advice of all things. It wouldn't be a normal topic of conversation for them.
"Morning," he greeted when she was close enough. He wasn't sure how convincing his expression would be, but he was trying to bury the intrusive thoughts as best he could. "Ready to run?"
@Illowy Magnard
Aaron has a Calming Presence.Your presence simply puts others at ease, if it is your carefree personality or the trust others have in you, the result is still the same. With you there, perhaps through your encouragement, your allies are able to better focus.
Aaron is a Lovely Creature.You are so incredibly beautiful, it is hard to take ones eyes off of you.
PC: Aaron Jones | iNPC: Madeleine Nakamura | Former staff account: Marcus Iwasaki
2nd Gen PC: Idalia della Torre
Best way to contact me? Discord or owl Idalia
12 Mar 2024, 03:10
Questions, Doubts and Jealousy
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Under most circumstances, once winter fell over these Scottish Hills, Illowy wouldn't even consider going outside. The girl hated being cold, she hated especially when it was too snowy because then she wasn't just cold, but cold and wet, but she was enjoying her runs. So with that in mind, she'd wanted to maintain her routine and she'd just learn to deal with the chill... unless there was snow. She couldn't bring herself to be that dedicated.
Another benefit to keeping up her new hobby was that she'd made what she would more or less call a friend in Aaron Jones. At the very least he made for a good companion while running. He was amusing, he was a good distraction from the growing cold, and she didn't mind his chattering as much as she might from most people. The best for her was that it was an easy relationship to maintain. There was no serious expectations, no real plans for anything beyond run. If they happened to be out running at the same time, they'd run together, they would chat about school and lessons -nothing terribly intimate-, perhaps have the occasional race; it was relatively low stakes and she liked that because she didn't feel pressured to be a better friend then she thought herself capable.
Thus, as she did whenever their paths crossed on early mornings like this, when she saw him smile and give a small wave, she couldn't help but return it as she geared towards his direction, "Mornin'" she greeted back, fixing the cuffs of her sweatshirt to make sure the cuffs of her gloves were tucked securely inside. Arguably, too many layers, but with such cold, Illowy would rather get too warm while she was running then too cold, "Always." she smiled.
Something felt off though. By no means would she consider herself close enough to know much about Aaron's personal life, but four months of running alongside another person, one at least could tell when something was off. She just wasn't sure what...
The girl gestured towards their typical trail for him to start before her, "Beauty before brains." she teased gently, finding it easy to fall in step with another's pace. Though the itch that something was wrong just wouldn't leave her be. Typically, Illowy wasn't one to pry, but she couldn't help but notice, just in his body language and in his expression that felt forced, that her running mate didn't seem to be his usual, chipper self, "Is everything alright?" she wondered aloud, "You seem... tense."
I was told I was dangerous. When I asked why, they said, "Because you don't need anyone." That's when I smiled.
14 Mar 2024, 01:42
Questions, Doubts and Jealousy
Illowy's joke about beauty before brains got Aaron to crack a genuine smile and chuckle a bit. "Of course," he said, playing along as he took the lead in a jog. She fell into pace beside him, and he kept it slow and steady to start. A bit of a warmup was needed before they began to push themselves, as evidenced by the fact that he could see his breath as they ran. He tried to focus on maintaining a steady pace and letting himself get lost in the run, but those pesky thoughts kept creeping up, sending a shiver down his spine unrelated to the cold.
They didn't get far at all before Illowy said something. "Huh?" Aaron said, needing that extra moment to process the fact that she had recognized it. The dark-haired witch went on to say he seemed tense, which made him adjust his jogging posture a bit. "Oh, you think so?" His tone wasn't convincing at all though, and he recognized that immediately. He relented and cast a look over at her, his brown eyes meeting her pale blue gaze momentarily.
"Just, uh, relationship problems. Well, I mean, not a problem, really, I guess I'm sorta making it a problem when there is none - or maybe there is one, but..." Aaron paused and recognized he was stumbling all over his words. He slowed to a walk and focused on the ground in front of them, thinking that might help him get his thoughts sorted.
"Basically I've been dating this girl for a few months, and she has this best friend - a guy best friend - and they've been friends since before we started dating - well they pretended to be more than friends once, actually, but- but basically they have this - this connection that I, uh, don't understand. A connection I don't have with her, and I just, I think he likes her, and- and maybe she likes him too - but maybe I'm just imagining all this," he was full-blown rambling at this point, stopping only to take a deep breath as they walked. He didn't even know how much of that Illowy would've understood. Her lack of context probably didn't help, and it's not like he could give all the details about the binding mark situation anyway or the fake relationship stuff.
Aaron looked over at her again as they walked, offering a sheepish smile. "I don't know, it's just silly relationship stuff I guess, I don't mean to dump on you," he said, one gloved hand going to his head to push his hair around a bit. "Guess it's just been weighing on me a bit, but I'm probably just imagining it and need to just not think about it so much."
@Illowy Magnard
PC: Aaron Jones | iNPC: Madeleine Nakamura | Former staff account: Marcus Iwasaki
2nd Gen PC: Idalia della Torre
Best way to contact me? Discord or owl Idalia
16 Mar 2024, 14:29
Questions, Doubts and Jealousy
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Illowy wasn't sure what she was expecting Aaron to say once she'd finally asked, but it certainly wasn't that he was having relationship issue. That was not a topic of conversation they'd ever gone near... honestly that was I topic of conversation Illowy would typically go near with really anyone, and now she was admittedly in uncharted waters. But she'd asked, and the least she could do now was listen as their pace slowed from a jog to a walk as Aaron tried to pull his thoughts and words together.
It seemed, once the floodgates were open, there was no stopping the word vomit as he tried to explain the situation. Regardless, she allowed him to get through his thoughts before she spoke, "Its not dumping. I asked." she assured, considering his words for a moment, "But I won't lie, I'm not exactly a relationship expert on what's normal or not." the girl admitted sheepishly. Illowy barely had regular friends, much less a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Sure she'd had crushes. There was the girl at
Castelobruxo that she'd spent most of last year writing to. Then there was Ruby when they were just kids and they'd been more or less together -albeit unofficially-. If Illowy were being honest with herself though, Ruby still kept her eye, not that she was keen to admit it. They were just friends now, and Illowy could convince herself that was enough.
"Have you tried talking to her about it and how you feel? I mean, in my experience, its better to just come out with it if something is bothering you like that, otherwise you'll come to resent your partner. Especially if its about someone else." she explained, "If they've been friends for so long, but they've not real dated, just fake dated, then I'd imagine that you shouldn't have anything to worry about. I mean, if they wanted to real date then they would. But they're not. She picked you, right? So that should count for something."
Illowy tried to consider how she would feel in the situation, but it was somewhat difficult. The only real experience she could go off was she and Ruby and they were all of thirteen; and even then, they had more or less been one another's closest companions at the time and trusted one another more then most people, so it was hard to imagine Ruby behaving the same way with someone else; guarded as she was then. Maybe she had someone else like that now, but that was hardly Illowy's business or place to hold envy about, "I wouldn't invalidate your own feeling about it though. Its at least worth talking to her about and getting some level of reassurance about; all things considered." even if she wasn't sure quite what 'all things considered' might be. Aaron was being painfully vague about the details of the situation; but Illowy was hardly going to press for information since this was technically none of her business. If Aaron wanted to share, that was his choice.
I was told I was dangerous. When I asked why, they said, "Because you don't need anyone." That's when I smiled.
28 Mar 2024, 22:15
Questions, Doubts and Jealousy
Although she said she wasn't an expert on this subject matter, Illowy's input on the situation sounded rather wise. Maybe too wise, though. She made it sound so easy. Just talk to her? He didn't want to ruin anything. What if he really was making it all up in his head? She would think him jealous and paranoid and not want to be together. Maybe he really was jealous and paranoid, but- that didn't mean he wanted Opeila to think that way of him. He wanted to be confident and attractive and charming to her. He couldn't be those things if he confessed to worrying about her best friend.
Aaron turned his eyes away from Illowy at this thought, once again focusing on the ground ahead as they walked. Illowy was right, right? Opeila had picked him, not Alec. If she wanted Alec, she would've turned their fake relationship into a real one. Surely that was true. But what if Alec wanted her? What if he was too much of a coward to admit it to Opeila, so he was taking what he could get? Maintaining a steady relationship with her, being a "best friend," until he could-
Aaron's spiraling thoughts were interrupted by Illowy this time, and he lifted his brown eyes again. She spoke of not invalidating his feelings. It was a relief to hear that, honestly, because surely his next spiral of thoughts would've been Illowy thinking he was batshit crazy, too. He offered a small smile, "Thanks." And then to clarify, "For listening and the advice. I'll try. To talk to her about it. I just don't want to come off as paranoid, you know? And her birthday's coming up, so maybe I should wait until after that at least..." Although he made it sound like it was right around the corner, her birthday was still two weeks away. He was just giving himself time to work up to it. He would definitely talk to her about it after that, though. Definitely.... Well, he'd definitely try.
"You said from your experience, it works out?" he asked, hoping for details on how exactly he should tell Opeila. Since Illowy said confessing her problems had worked out for her, it would probably be okay. It was only after asking that Aaron realized maybe he was being a little too personal with his running buddy. "You don't have to give details if you don't want to."
@Illowy Magnard
PC: Aaron Jones | iNPC: Madeleine Nakamura | Former staff account: Marcus Iwasaki
2nd Gen PC: Idalia della Torre
Best way to contact me? Discord or owl Idalia
3 Apr 2024, 03:11
Questions, Doubts and Jealousy
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A small smile pulled her lips when Aaron seemed receptive to the advice. Sure, the idea of having such a hard discussion was easier said then done, but it had to be worth a try. After all, hadn't that been her downfall the last time she'd tried to be with someone? Her lack of trying when it came to admitting emotion...
Her cheeks flushed a little when Aaron asked his next question. Illowy's eyes fell away and back to their trail, "Maybe 'lack of experience' would've have probably been a better way to put it." she admitted, "I was seeing someone a couple years ago, and... well... you should know I'm not exactly the touchy-feely sort. Shocking I'm sure." she said, trying to cover her sheepish tone with a vail of weak sarcasm. Even with the talk she and Ruby had had during camp and reconciling, Illowy suspected losing her chance with the other snake would always be a regret she'd hold deep in her heart.
"Things, life, it just got so messy. I was so angry all the time, so many Slytherins were still dealing with the curse, including myself. My family was falling apart- a right bloody mess." she sighed, fidgeting with the sleeves of her sweatshirt and pulling them over chilled fingers, "But she was the absolute best thing in the world to me. She just understands me without me having to even try to explain myself. She made me feel safe and seen and I never felt like I had to pretend around her about anything... and that scared the life out of me." Ruby still made her feel that way. There wasn't another student in the whole school she held in higher esteem then her, nor another person in the world she would trust with her life the way she'd trust Ruby. That had been the crux of the problem at the time. Everything Ruby made her feel and think, ultimately went against all of Illowy's better instincts of survival and self preservation.
"I was so scared of how much a valued her and felt like I needed her in my life. I was scared of losing her, I was scared of dragging her into the dark hole I was falling down. But more then anything, I was scared of being rejected. Looking back, I shouldn't have been so worried. I think we'd still be together now if we'd just talked about it. But that was the problem. We were both so scared of all the same reasons that instead of just being open and honest, we just ran away from each other and that was miserable. We didn't talk for three years up until Camp." by this point now, she felt like the rambling madwoman.
Illowy didn't know enough words in English and Gaelic combined to even begin to describe the level of peace she'd felt then they'd finally talked again, "Don't put off hard conversations because they're scary. Even if there's a chance it might not work out in your favour, you have to at least try. What's really scary is losing someone special just because you didn't have the guts to try to for them. Then you have to go on, knowing you've lost your chance." the older witch offered a small shrug and a sad attempt at a smile. It was a thought she tried to keep at bay if she could; the idea that she'd likely lost her shot forever with someone who was, by all means, her perfect match. Try as she might, even Illowy's honed talent for trying to remain neutral during serious talks crumbled if the subject of that talk was Ruby.
Suddenly everything felt too heavy. She felt too exposed and raw and the need to brush off the severity of it all was overwhelming, "Otherwise, you turn out like me. Bitter and jaded and unwaveringly single, with nothing better to do then run around a lake all day and study all night." she joked with a chuckle, weak as the joke might've been.
I was told I was dangerous. When I asked why, they said, "Because you don't need anyone." That's when I smiled.