A Little Eager FINISHED

The morning was brisk, the Scottish air crisp, and her head felt a little clearer then it had this morning when Illowy had slipped from the Common Room in the wee dark hours to have her run. It was a hobby she'd taken up in the summer to try to ease the nervous energy she had otherwise been allowing to become pent up. Not being on the duelling team anymore, she needed some way to get such an energy out physically. Ergo: she took up running.

It offered her some semblance of peace, even if it required breaking a couple rules leaving so early in the morning, but it was worth it to be able to have her time completely alone, have a quick and quiet breakfast, and make her way back to the dorms to change and get herself ready for the day while everyone else was gone to breakfast. It was a routine that allowed her days to start with a little less bustle. A feat not easily achieve in a hive that buzzed as much as Hogwarts did.

The Sixth Year slipped easily into the Great Hall, trying in vein to smooth out her fraying braid. Another reason she chose to run so early; lest she appear publicly being too disheveled from a run that was arguably longer and more intense then what was probably necessary. Whatever got endorphins pumping and kept her head clear enough to think straight for the day. Regardless though, she did have enough of a reputation in place she if she could avoid looking like a complete mess in public, she would.

The girl walked the length of the table, pick some small items already set out while the elves finished their work for the rest of breakfast. An apple here, a couple slices of toast and jam there, she'd almost hadn't noticed the First Year already seated and practically vibrating with anticipation which was... odd to say the least. Her pale eyes flicked to him and back around the hall before falling back to him again in confusion, "You are aware that breakfast doesn't start for another hour yet? The Prefects should have told you about meal times and all of that." she spoke, though not quiet with her full attention as her eye caught that which she was really after; a hot pot of tea, which she eagerly helped herself to.

Caught in a daydream Matthew was suddenly shunted out as he heard a question being directed his way, at least he was pretty sure it was directed at him seen as there was no one else here, this really was a stupid idea he thought to himself. The older girl seemed more occupied in getting to the tea pot giving time for Matthew to take in the sight of her. She was wearing what seemed to be running gear and although her hair was braided he could recognise it had a curl to it as much like his own it could never fully be tamed. He wondered to himself how someone could look so put together after a run but ended on a conclusion she was probably headed there as soon as she got some food! Looking a bit embarassed by the question Matthew straightened out his robes and tried to make himself seem as mature as possible.

Finally, he spoke "They did! The prefects were great I guess I just couldn't sleep this is all pretty new to me you see- he paused slightly as the girl rushed to pour herself tea "You're a big tea fan then! he attempted a small laugh to ease his awkwardness but if anything it had to opposite effect and he felt like a proper mug. "I thought if I came early I might meet some people who were looking for friends, it has yet to have the desired effect! But at least I talked to someone today... I'm Matthew. He smiled gently but internally was wondering if he would ever actually interact with anyone in a normal way. Pouring himself a cup of tea he held the pot towards the girl offering her a refill and hoping there was a spell he could learn that would have the ground swallow him up, if there was surely she would know it and end his suffering.

Preoccupied at the prospect of tea or not, Illowy was still acutely aware of not being alone, watching the lad from the corner of her eye as he preened and sat a little taller. First Years were terribly amusing when they tried to seem like more than what they were. While Illowy didn't pay much mind to most underclassmen, she did always take care to keep a close watch over the young ones; at least from afar. After all, the First Years couldn't be expected to be able to look after themselves. Especially not in a place like Hogwarts. While naturally one should assume children would be safe in such a school, Illowy had enough experience to know otherwise. Just as well, it should be the responsibility of the older students to look out for the younger, particularly in their own houses. After all, they were all basically one another's second family. For some, their only family.

The older girl wasn't slow to finish her first cup of tea as the lad started on so enthusiastically, after all, it had been a long and chilly run, and one couldn't simply carry on cold and thirsty. Tea was the perfect remedy for both. A perfect remedy for most things in her opinion, but that was neither here nor there. She only paused mid sip when he pointed out her affection for tea, "Tea is a bond for the soul." she joked, returning to her cup.

He continued on explaining his thought process for having hurried so early to breakfast. Childish reasoning on his part, but he was a child after all. She smiled a bit amusingly, wondering at which point, between her first arrival here up to this point, she'd lost having quite that much enthusiasm for the day. Or at least, enthusiasm for other people's company. Illowy had never been very good at making, muchless maintaining, friends. She wasn't known for being terribly warm or comfortable to be around, mostly due to her typically stoic and cold demeanor. She wasn't good at tact or comforting, her patience with most people was very thin, and her general appearance, with her dark hair and harshly contrasted pale features, tended to make people rather uncomfortable; as though she might Bombarda them on the spot if they even slightly crossed her... not a totally unreasonable assumption, truthfully. She was working on it.

Illowy chuckled as he pointed out that he had achieved talking to at least one person, and she could only assume it was herself, "If I'm the only person you talk to today, then I'm terribly sorry for your misfortune, lad. I'm not exactly known for my social skills." she explained, "Perhaps if you waited in the Common Room, you might've found some others that would've wanted to come walk with you to breakfast." the older snake suggested, "There's no shortage of First Years like yourself looking to find a friendly face." her ghostly pale gaze flitted down to the offered teapot, giving him a small nod and taking it to refill her own cup.

"Its normal to feel so antsy in the beginning. Before long, you'll fall into step and find just the people you're needing to be friends with." the girl tucked an unruly curl behind her ear, "Though I suppose, in the event that all is lost without hope, at the very least you can say you got to have tea with the terrifying recluse, Illowy Magnard, and she didn't kill you. The young ones will either never believe you or be impressed you lived to tell the tale." the girl teased.

It wasn't a complete over exaggeration. She'd managed a reputation of being quick to cast at someone or cut them down to size with her tongue. She'd once scared a First Year so badly the poor thing wet herself. Dramatic, but true. Only those very close understood that she wasn't as cold or unfeeling as she usually appeared to be. One couldn't completely blame her though. But in this moment, there was no real reason to be standoffish with this kid, still shiny, new and starry-eyed about the prospect of being here. Best to let him continue to enjoy the wonder while it was still there.

Tea is a bond for the soul. It was an interesting phrase he thought definitely needed analysed at a later point. Matthew, hadn't been here very long of course but he felt quite out of place indeed from the language people used to the way they held themselves, as if everyone here knew they were to be a wizard their whole lives. He guessed that was part of the gig when you're a muggleborn and decided to not let it phase him for a moment longer. After all, not only was someone talking to him, but an older student so perhaps this morning was worth it after all, he thought a smile encroaching the corners of his mouth as he watched the girl before continuing rambling.

He found the older girl tended to keep a neutral face but every so often while he rambled an amused smile would grace her pale features softening them ever so slightly. Though they would always return to the blank slate they grew from. In those moments she reminded him of how his father used to be, so focused on being strong for him that he had to shut the world around him out. He hoped that the older girl wasn't suffering like that but who was he to say, he had only met her mere minutes ago. After he was finished rambling he slouched slightly dropping the ridiculous notion of maturity he had failed at portraying.

As the older girl chuckled at him he waited for the inevitable ridiculing to begin but instead the girl simply apologised which Matthew thought rather disheartening. He was used to doing it too, so he hardly had the foot to stand on an after all this was an older student, disagreeing with her would probably do him no favours. Still it worried him, will I still be alone at the table like this when I'm older. He hoped the girl wasn't lonely, he knew very well the joy of solitude but also the coldness of it. Feeling nervous he figured it best to chuckle with her, maybe laughter would help clear his head.

Unable to hide his smile as she talked he listened to her accent and blushed slightly at him being called lad, only his father did that. As she continued he wondered whether to laugh as she called herself a terrifying recluse and feeling confident did giggle a little. As he took in her face once more he wondered how anyone could think her terrifying, in his experience bad people didn't stop to comfort lowly first years with no friends. He noticed she had these faint freckles, you really had to look to notice them but they framed her face perfectly, well they would have if her stray lock wouldnt keep reappearing. That was when she finally told him her name Illowy Magnard, much like her expressions on tea it was elegant and suited her, unless she didn't think so god I must stop doing that he thought.

No matter whether Illowy was telling the truth or not Matthew felt very lucky to have met her, he was growing ever more curious to know if there was any merit to her murderous persona but felt that no rumour could show who someone was as much as who they were when no one was watching. The Grand Hall still remained empty and yet here she was having breakfast with a stranger, it didn't exactly scream 'terrifying recluse'. After she had stopped talking he piped up for the first time with admiration in his eyes and a mischievous grin ready to chance his luck, he always found his mouth worked faster than his brain ever could "Tales of how I survived the terrifying recluse will be all over the paper by tomorrow, you might have to attack me, I mean we can't risk you losing the reputation you've worked so hard for." he hoped his joke would land but quickly changed his tone to cover his back either way, if he was going to be a snake he better learn their cunning quickly. "Thank you though, other people's opinions are often wrong. All I know
is that I was alone before you sat here feeling defeated and now I've managed to, not only get us both some much needed social interaction," he felt himself start to joke again "but a first breakfast to remember with a smile and laughs to accompany." he said smiling gently at her, begging she didn't take his joke seriously.

Murderer or not he had already read a handful of spells he never wished cast upon him. He refilled their cups of tea, mostly just to do something with his hands, before taking his hands to his chest toward the necklace that hung behind his shirt wishing it would protect him if necessary. For the first time he was truly nervous awaiting her response but in his mind nothing could ruin this moment, if he was anything like Illowy when he grew up he would be very lucky indeed.

It wouldn't be a stretch to infer the Sixth Year as being a bit lonely; even if it was mostly her own doing. It wasn't as though she'd lacked oppertunity to make friends, and certainly she had them... but her failure to nurture those friendships, to refuse to use them when she needed support and allow people to care for her, that was solely her blame to bare. Perhaps it was a mixture of the trauma she'd experienced since coming to Hogwarts; the years consumed by little more then quite literally trying to stay alive due to a curse and solve it before the worst could happen. Maybe it was because she was still angry over the situation of her family, being abandoned by those she loved. Maybe it was regret over letting go of the one person that truly understood her, that she could feel safe enough to be herself around. Maybe it was because she never wanted anyone to see that at her core, beneath the jaded and stony exterior, beneath the anger towards her parents, she was still secret just the scared little girl she'd once been all those years ago. There were a hundred reasons one could imagine as to why Illowy was the way she was and it ultimately all boiled down to the same thing; self preservation. The further you keep people, the safer you are from being hurt by them... even if that did mean you'd only be lonely in the end.

As Matthew made his joke, Illowy couldn't help but chuckle a bit, "We'll owl the Hogwarts Headliner and make sure they set up an exclusive interview." she teased back, "I'm sure we can figure out how rough you up a little, make sure the story is truly convincing. I'd hate for anyone to get the idea that I've gone soft. Then I'd never get a moment's peace." she laughed before taking another sip of her tea, though there was no hint of actual threat or malice in her voice. Sure, she could be quite a brutal witch, but she wasn't so heartless she'd actually strike down the boy over some good-natured banter.

It was a kind sentiment, his choosing to not to believe other's opinions of her. Not that she felt she deserved such a kindness. The things people said about her weren't really wrong. She could be cold and critical, quick to cast a curse or jinx if she had a mind to. She came off stuck up, enigmatic and judgemental, tactless, rude... she'd gotten in fights and duels were she was nothing less then brutal and unrelenting. People weren't entirely wrong about her, but his was a kind thought nonetheless, "You're a sweet kid." she mused, her eyes flicking back to him, her expression a little softer now, "You seem... soft. And I don't mean that in a mocking way or anything. There is such strength in being soft, believing in the best of people and bringing it out in them." she explained, "Keep that at the core of you here."

"You are so brand new and shiny, and I don't doubt that you'll find yourself good friends. The best, I'm sure." the older girl held her cup firmly in her hands, thumb traced the rim absently, "There is so much ahead of you here, both good and bad. So much can happen and will happen that will try to ruin that softness, believe me; But you will have to remember that it is an asset." maybe it was a bit of a morose choice of topic, but it felt pertinent to say now, before anything had the chance to alter that starry look in the boy's eyes at the wonder that was the magical world.

Coming back from her museful thought, the girl cracked one more small smile, "And in the meantime, if you should need any help or get yourself into some trouble or danger or what have you, just let me know and I will see what I can do to help." she finished with an offer.

He could breath again, not only had the joke landed but Illowy had shot right back at him. It was refreshing to talk to someone who understood his wit and didn't misconstrued his words. Seeing Illowy tease and joke really was 'Hogwarts Headliner' worthy, was that really a paper? Matthew filed the information away in his to be discovered pile that seemed to be growing rapidly, regardless it would make the headlines. She seemed somehow lighter when she joked as if she was remembering a version of herself she hadn't seen in a long time.

Mere moments ago he never thought he would survive this conversation and now Illowy, a girl he had decided deserved his admiration, was complimenting him. Like really, genuinely doing so. To say he was taken a back would be putting it lightly but luckily his face didn't betray his surprise, well not fully at least. He was unable to stop the blush of his cheeks which must have been a sight if he could feel it that vividly. Watching as Illowy's expression softened he wondered what she was thinking of as her eyes took him in. In the muggle world they say lightning never strikes the same place twice but I suppose in the wizarding world anything's possible.

Matthew wasn't sure what to think of the comment at first, she had assured him she wasn't mocking him and he was quite sure that she wasn't the kind to beat around the bush. Continuing though he understood exactly what she meant and it might have been the nicest thing anyone had ever said to him. The thought spiralled round in his head for a moment until he was quite sure it was. Growing up without a mother he had looked at the world in a different way, there wasn't enough time in this world to waste time denying love, or forgiveness, or help. He lost himself in the thought of whether he had gained that from her, unable to know as he never actually met her but he did know she had been a nurse and he imagined you couldn't do that without a certain softness. Tears, began to prick at his eyes but he managed to contain himself. Being soft was a quality to be proud of he thought, and the notion that he could bring the best out of those around him was surely a new goal to strive towards. He even began to wonder if Illowy thought he could bring out the best in her. From everything the girl said he was sure that she was unable to see the true strength she possessed, and the comfort her smile could bring.

Illowy was able to see something within him that he never seemed to be able to see himself, people really are always too hard on themselves. This time he remembered to count himself in that list. If he could even make a few people see themselves how he did that would be worth more than anything. She really believed that he could make friends, there was a wisdom to the girl both in tea and advice. Something shifted after that though, before Matthew's eyes the girl retreated to whatever corner of her mind she used for safety. She spoke of a world that he knew all too well but wished to believe was far away from here, a world that broke peoples spirits down until they couldn't breath, the world that had almost taken his father. His heart ached as she continued, wishing he could take her pain or transfer to her the shiny quality she saw in him.

It was a hard conversation but he was glad to be told the truth, so many people walked on eggshells around those they believed too young or too fragile. If anything this only filled him with more determination, he was sure he wouldn't lose that softness, that her words would remain with him for his entire journey here. He would be soft and be proud of it, even in the face of hardship and pain. He had never had any siblings but he allowed himself to imagine that this was what having a big sister was like. As per he was living in his own fantasy land.

A smile breached Illowy's face once more and Matthew was glad for its reappearance, not to mention the offer that came with it. He had a million things he wanted to say and ask but he had a feeling he would see her again anyways, warming his hands on his teacup he responded "I'd like you to know that meeting you has made my day, and yes I know its only 7am." he laughed, "I don't know what my time here will bring me, but thanks to you I know the kind of person I want to be. Your words will be with me every step of the way! Oh and I might just take you up on that offer one day." Matthew paused for a second wondering whether to add anything else and realised if he was going to start on this journey he might as well start now, "I know it doesn't mean much coming from someone that doesn't know you but I think there's still a softness in you too. I can see it in your eyes, that you care about people. Thank you for making my first breakfast special, hopefully I'll see you around! He didn't want to embarrass her too much but Matthew realised something else in their conversation. He now knew the kind of friends he wanted to make too. People like Illowy, the kind of person that people judge based on what they can see rather than who they are, he decided that the latter was far more important.

The girl smiled, quiet as Matthew expressed his appreciation for her words and her company this morning. How long had it been since someone had taken something she'd said so genuinely to heart in such a way... probably not since she'd last seen her friend Henry, but that felt like ages ago. They didn't see much of each other now. It did bring some comfort that he accepted her offer, "Please do. And I mean anything, even if you're worried about getting into trouble with a Prefect or a Professor but you need help, just find me." she urged.

For a moment, her thoughts floated to all the times she could have used someone like herself, someone older and willing to help. Her thoughts drifted to that Blossom Festival her first year, getting lost in the Forbidden Forest and seeing that... creature. She hated thinking about it. She often wondered if that moment was when her brain chemistry changed, to have such feelings of dread and helplessness and her worst memories dredged up to the surface to where she could no longer push them down.

Her thoughts drifted further to her Second Year, only 12 years old and wanting so deeply to protect her house and her peers that night the Slytherin House was attacked. Being struck down and cursed and living for nearly two years teetering on the brink of death with so many of her fellow classmates. The Proffessor hadn't been in the House that night for their night shift patrolling the halls for any troublemakers. And the majority of the students that were able to help consisted of mostly First through Fourth Years. They hadn't been much of a match. That had been a terribly rough time. She'd been among the worst off, and unlike most of her peers who were able to hide the evidence of being among the Cursed, she'd bore the inky black scars on her face for everyone to whisper about. At least that had been solved now, cured... though trouble she suspected was connected to that night was still stirring around the school. She could feel it in her bones.

It still troubled her, the Attack on Slytherin. The same thing had happened in Ravenclaw a year later, but the cure was found not long after; of which Illowy had volunteered to be the test rat for. Some Slytherins found it creepy and unsettling, but her closest friends understood. The paranoia of such a thing never really left her. Illowy was fairly certain she hadn't had a full night's sleep since Second Year because of the nightmares and worry; which led her to take post each night in the Common Room, long after everyone was fast asleep, just in case it ever happened again. At least then she might offer more protection, more service, to her home then she had that night.

If she could save even one person from having to suffer such chaos and fear and regret, she'd gladly do it. Maybe she could offer such protection to the new crop of First Years, pass on her warnings and advice, while she was still at the school to do so. It worried her, wondering what would happen after she graduated, and she would have to trust she did whatever she could to help prepare the younger ones just in case.

Illowy was pulled from her thoughts when Matthew started speaking again. For the first time in too long, Illowy felt unnervingly seen. Illowy had a hard time thinking of herself as soft; angry and jaded and paranoid, sure, but soft felt miles away. She wasn't sure what to say as her eyes flitted back to her cup and she finished the last of her tea, "For the love of all things decent, certainly don't spread that one around." she teased gently with a small smile, "That will destroy my reputation for sure." the girl stood up from her seat, picking up the nearly forgotten apple, rolling it a bit nervously, trying to keep her hands busy.

"People will be along soon, so I'd best go and make myself presentable. I'm sure you won't have any trouble finding me if you need me. Best of luck in your search for friends, though I highly doubt you'll need it." with a final smile, she gave the lad a small wave before starting back the way she'd come. Even if it hadn't been the quiet, solitary first morning back that she'd hoped for, at least the company had been worth it.

As the girl walked away he had half a mind to draw out some paper and write an exclusive for the 'Hogwarts Headliner', to tell everyone who Illowy Magnard the Terrifying Recluse truly was. He of course wouldn't - her secrets were her own and the girl clearly had plenty, which, in the quiet moments between them, he could see darting across her mind. Scars that hadn't, perhaps couldn't heal. For now though, he saw her and that was enough. Watching her leave it was impossible to stop a beaming smile from filling his face, her words echoing in his head. She believed in him and that was all he needed.

Staring up at the enchanted ceiling he noticed that the grey sky had parted in places. Just slightly enough to show hints of the blue sky hidden behind the layers of cloud. He thought that rather poetic in this moment, no one is ever just one thing he told himself, we can be whoever we want to be. Wrestling with the collar of his shirt he dug out the ring that hung on his necklace and bringing it to his lips he whispered into it, not that anyone was around to hear anyways, "Thanks mum." Storing it away he sat back allowing his eyes to well slightly as he took in the room.

The silence of the Great Hall was beginning to set in once more and Matthew found himself alone again, but something had changed. He wasn't really alone, he was surrounded by possibility and moments like this one, memories that would last him a lifetime. Fulfilled with a profound new sense of confidence he decided that he wasn't going to risk anything tarnishing this memory. He scoffed down a few treats for the road and set off back to his dorm, with a chip on his shoulder, ready to collect his things and get to his first class of the day.