Closed Burn Out Blues PV Ernest Baird

Setting: Small Hall
IC date : February 29th 2024

It's kinda funny how things are only noticeable when you are looking for them. Like suddenly every detail is revealed, and you're faced with the truth even if you didn't want to hear it. Everything is so much easier without knowing the truth sometimes and Ernest would have done better without it.

It's hard to believe that something that hurts so much started so normal, just another day at Hogwarts, his new home. He was getting used to the classes, the people, and the crazy things he saw every day.

He was opening up to people, trying to figure out his place in the world where he wasn't a goblin's grandson, an abandoned kid, a Baird brother, or anything besides himself. He was finally figuring himself out. That's why when he noticed a boy who seemed a little too over his head, he didn't stop to look at his features. He didn't focus on the blue eyes they seemed to share or the nose that matched perfectly. He didn't see the truth just yet.

He only saw a boy, who needed someone. The boy was sitting with his knees drawn up to his chest and seemed to be breathing fast, and even though Ernest didn’t know how he could help, he felt like he had grown enough that he could. "Hey, ... are you okay?" He asked softly, before crouching down to be level with the boy.

Private Thread for @Alec Mason

Alec had been in this situation all too many times before, it was far too familiar to the teen by this point. Breaking down, finding himself at his wit's end, thinking he could hold out and move on; for the record, he never could, he always ended up breaking down. Always ended up a mess of a person, as if he were melting into a puddle on the floor. Why was he this way? Why did it always have to be this way?

He was so predictable that his predictability angered him, he should have known it was all going to become to melt, he sure he'd felt the build up of the weight of everything slowly toppling onto him day by day; he chose to ignore it, an old habit his younger self had been quite fond of. He wanted to convince himself he was better than that, shoving all his problems and feeling to side said otherwise, it said everything he wouldn't. Alec wanted to scream, to shout the let everything he'd been holding in out in one incoherent yell; he didn't, of course he didn't. He didn't scream, he didn't shout, he didn't speak a word, instead his shoulders heaved inward and before he could stop himself quiet sob escaped his lips.

The sob wasn't loud by any means, but he still heard it, and that was all that matters. Pull yourself together, he recited in his mind as if hearing it enough times would mean it would actually do something and he'd actually be able to pull himself together, it was wishful thinking...

"Hey, ... are you okay?"

Alec's breath hitched in his throat, and his body tensed. By now his headache was long gone as he was beginning to wish he had that as some sort of excuse, some sort of justification for what the other what forced to witness at Alec's hand. Alec had no excuse nor justification, he should have gone to his dorm when he had the chance, now all he wanted to do was disappear and become one with the floor. He almost wondered if he willed it hard enough if it would work. He knew it wouldn't, but it would have been nice if he was able to will himself to disappear and become one with the floor. Alec was very aware how the other's eyes were on him, it made him feel vulnerable in a way he didn't like, as if he were some sort of prey out in the open, dancing around in a field of flowers just waiting to be attacked by the top of the food chain. When he realized he could hear the other bending down to meet his level he would come to find they weren't asking and walking away the second he didn't answer.

The bending down made Alec feel like a child, it was almost appropriate given how emotionally immature the whole situation was proving him to be. Merlin, he was never going to let himself live this one down, it'd be one of those little things that haunts you in the back of your mind for the rest of your life.

He was being asked if he was okay, Alec had avoided it long enough, the least he could do was muster up a somewhat coherent response to give in turn. Alec let out a shaky breath. Pull yourself together; and he did, mostly, it took him a few minutes and the silence felt incredibly loud, but he did. The fifth year continued to keep his head buried in his knees, feeling exposed enough as is. He let out a wry laugh, knowing that if he didn't, he'd cry.

“I-” He let out another shaky breath, “I'll- I'll be okay.” The young teen's voice was muffled by his robe in his refusal to move his head up, but not muffled enough to make his words unable to be heard. He willed himself to focus on his breathing because even if he even stopped for a second to think about how pathetic he sounded he'd have the waterworks coming all over again. “You- you should really go eat. Dinner won't be there forever.”

@Ernest Baird

Setting: Small Hall
IC date :February 29th 2024

For all of the complaining that Ernest does, he realizes his problems at Hogwarts were threatening or uncomfortable in many ways. Sure, Clark was always trying to prove some point to him, but he didn't have to see the elder that often. It's so easy to be angsty when you can safely be angry. He had never been at the end of his rope to the point of publically crying in the hall.

The boy seemed to sink into himself when Ernest talked, almost like he was hoping he'd disappear or Ernest would. Which, when has Ernest ever stopped before? If he was one to walk away, Clark wouldn't have set him back 8 sickles for his new wand.

"Don't seem too okay, Mate. Sure you don't need a hand? I might not seem it but I have good ears," He tried to joke back, though he figured the joke failed since the boy hadn't looked up once to spot the main part of his joke; his abnormal ears. "Plus, I already ate, I get here pretty early so I don't have to fight for the seat away closest to the door. Slytherins are rather anti-social I've come to figure out."

He figured rambling wasn't the best to do, but maybe it would help the boy by distracting him from his own issues and onto the apparent Slytherin social issues.

Private Thread for @Alec Mason

"Don't seem too okay, Mate. Sure you don't need a hand?"

Alec sniffled, then inhaled sharply; obviously he was not okay, Alec knew that, they knew that. it was hard for the teen to push past his own pride and own up to anything. He didn't feel like devolving into a blubbering mess and spilling his guts to a stranger would help him keep any of the little remaining dignity he had left in this situation. The gesture to try and help was sweet, but even if Alec wasn't worried about keeping whatever little dignity he had left; he knew who he wanted to talk to, who he wanted to listen, and if it weren't for his own stubborness maybe they would be talking right now and this poor stranger would have never been subjected to witnessing Alec's breakdown. Alec felt more guilty subjecting the general populous, especially when subjecting the general populous had put him in a rather uncomfortable situation.

Through his robe he could feel the cold of the castle's wall on his back. He'd wrinkled his uniform from the way he was sitting. Undoubtedly some part of his clothing was tear streaked. His brown curls were all over the place his hair as disheveled as the rest of him. He looked a mess and that was sort of funny in it's own way since he'd always been known for looking like he was in a constant state of dishevelment. He could feel himself slowing, his body relaxing ever so slightly.

"-I might not seem it but I have good ears,"

What? It was such a ludicrous statement,“hm?” Though it could not be seen, Alec's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Had he heard that right? How does one not seem like they have good ears? What is considered good ears? He was pretty sure 'good ears' weren't a thing and maybe he meant listening ears but Alec immediately took the statement literally and ran with it. Slowly, Alec lifted his head, turning to look towards the other. His blue eyes held curiosity within them as he look towards the other. Alec's eyes were blood shot from crying and his cheeks were tearstained, and yet in that moment, he didn't look quite as distressed as he had only moments ago.

When picked up what the other was speaking of Alec hid his face, burying his face with his knees once more. Oh that was... it was such a dad joke, Alec was beginning to understand how people felt about him during third-year during the time he hadn't been acting out that year and dad jokes were his every waking thought.

“urghh” he half-groaned half-chuckled, and tried to hide his face further with his knees, though there really was not more face to hide at this point. “That was such a stupid joke,” there was a certain fondness in those words, if he could have rolled his eyes at the other he would have though even the eye roll would have come with a certain sort of fondness to it. He'd never quite experienced the secondhand embarrassment up till this point, it was a funny joke but cringe-worthy and at the same time it could have been so much better with just a few minor adjustments, and yet somehow, as bad as it was, it was better that way.

"Plus, I already ate, I get here pretty early so I don't have to fight for the seat away closest to the door. Slytherins are rather anti-social I've come to figure out."

The other continued to speak, reassuring Alec food was not a worry. Had he come from the great hall then? Alec hadn't noticed... With good reason he supposed, Alec had been a little preoccupied, who wouldn't have been preoccupied in his situation? The stranger continued to talk and Alec continued to listen. Anti-social Slytherins? Some of them maybe, Alec turned his head so he was resting it on his knees while looking at the other. It was now he was able to get a good look at the other, Alec took a moment, he stared at the other longer than he expected himself too, and couldn't figure out any conscious reason as to why. There was something... had Alec walked by him before? Alec couldn't quite understand how- he blinked and his eyes darted away from the other. “Depends on who you've been around.” Alec mumbled, focusing his eyes on the floor. Letting go of his knees, Alec wiped away at his eyes, and ran a hand through his hair in an attempt to make himself look more put-together. “All of my closest friends are from Slytherin,” how that happened even Alec was not sure, it just did, and that was that.

Alec's left hand moved to absentmindedly fidget with his robe, “you're a first year then?” he asked, he knew the answer, by the looks of it there was no way he was even a second year, first year it was. The information surprised him, the maturity in which he handled the situation with was not the sort you would expect from a first year. Incredibly empathetic too. Alec remembered how much of a brat he used to be as a first year, if only Alec had a little more understanding and empathy for other's in his first year the way this kid had. If he had been kinder maybe him a Wyatt would have been friends much sooner, maybe Alec would have been a little less lonely.

@Ernest Baird

Setting: Small Hall
IC date : February 29th 2024

The first thing Ernest noticed was the blue eyes. Unexpected, as he expected brown eyes. He only saw them for a second but they seemed so familiar. In the back of his mind, he tried to go through people he knew, or even just people he saw when he was walking through the halls. Though in the forefront, he was feeling pride in making the boy laugh with his horrible joke. “It made you laugh though,” he remarked, smiling at himself.

He never really made someone who seemed to have been crying and just put out, laugh, or smile, so he felt very good about stopping to help the boy.

Then he was looking at him again. Now, Ernest could look at his eyes again. They were a very nice blue but that wasn’t what kept his attention on them. They looked like ones he had seen so much before but Ernest couldn’t figure out where. “... Yeah, most of my friends are Slytherins, too. Though that is mostly because I am stuck sharing a room with them.” He remarked as his eyes left the boy’s and took in the rest of his face.

He furrowed his brows, wanting to ask if he met the boy before. Maybe he saw him at Gringotts Bank a lot when he went there with his grandfather? Yes, maybe. Though….

Ernest’s thoughts were interrupted by Alec’s question; making him blink. “I guess that is kind of apparent,” He said, gesturing to himself, he was aware he was probably looking more like a baby to the boy than anywhere near someone his age. “Though I like to think I am very emotionally mature for my age.”

OOC Notes: Getting close to them finding out

Private Thread for @Alec Mason

Tacky as the young student's joke had been; he took pride in seeing Alec's amusement and surprise towards it. Despite the fact the other's joke was most-definitely was muggles would consider a 'dad joke' the child remarked that it'd made Alec laugh. This laughter was more important in the eyes of the other than the fact that this was a joke someone would say that anyone would want to instinctively roll their eyes at. It was sweet that Alec's laughter was all the other seemed to pick up from the situation. Alec didn't mind. He preferred the distraction... The other must have recognized that.

He mentioned most of his friends were from Slytherin too. Though of course it'd be the case when he spent day and night with them. Alec listened intently. He pursed his lips thoughtfully. Alec couldn't help but wonder how different his life would have been if he'd ended up in Slytherin like his parents wanted. Perhaps life at home with them would have felt less strained; perhaps he would finally have met their expectations for once in his first eleven years of life. Maybe his mother wouldn't have gone out and had an affair with a muggle. Maybe his family wouldn't have fallen apart. Maybe Nina wouldn't have left home so soon. And perhaps it was all true, maybe he wouldn't have experienced all this familial anguish if he had just gotten into Slytherin; still it was useless to sit and wonder now. What's done is done. Alec breathed in, “my parents had always wanted me to get into Slytherin...” He spoke trailing off, “I'm glad I didn't. I could barely get through being in Gryffindor as a first year; I would not have lasted a day in Slytherin.” He liked being in Gryffindor now even if it didn't stop the 'what if's' from showing their faces.

Wyatt always told Alec he should have been in Slytherin. The idea of being in Slytherin house now felt like admitting he was like his parents... Admitting that he couldn't move past or beyond them, that whether he liked it or not he always had something linking to them. It was a relief to not carry those metaphorical chains with him. Getting into Gryffindor was proof that he was his own person and he did not have to be them or be like them. It was freeing in a way that was hard to explain to even Wyatt.

When the young student confirmed he was a first year Alec would nod. Silently; he noted the stranger's surprise. As if he felt called out, he made certain it was clear to Alec that he was very emotionally mature for his age. Alec could only assume he was pointing this out as a means to seem older, more mature, maybe even too seem like he could handle and help Alec if Alec had wanted to share what was troubling him. It was fortunate for the both of them that Alec didn't. He would not be dropping the weight of the world on a first year, Alec could scarcely handle it himself. His eyes crinkled in amusement, he raised a brow then spoke, gently-teasing the other, “Oh, are you now?” A half-smile found itself forming at the teen's lips.

Alec looked down then patted the space beside him. “Sit with me?” Alec asked, he doubted the child planned on walking away just yet. He may as well sit. “You've been in like that same crouching position for a good- what five? ten minutes? Sit.” It'd be more comfortable than trying to continue to maintain crouching for however long he was staying here. “I'm... not ready to get up yet.” He pretty much knew that getting up meant he was going to go talk to Opeila about what just happened and really everything he's been going through, whether it be physically talking or binding mark. Then Wyatt at some point too, it was getting into actively worse territory if he was at the point of having very public breakdowns. He wasn't ready to talk either of them just yet, he needed thirty more minutes at least.

With a hum Alec looked at the wall in front of him, “are you enjoying Hogwarts so far? I get its hard to acclimate at first.” Alec could make good small talk, he may as well make an effort to make good small talk if they were sitting here. “- you've saw my face.” Alec spoke in realization, he covered his face with his hands on instinct but even that would be useless now, he'd kind of forgotten he was embarrassed for a few minutes. “I guess not introducing myself isn't going to save me from that embarrassment since you've already seen my face.” He wasn't going to give his name, it would have been better if he didn't but the other kid was going to be able to recognize him from now on from face alone. He may as well go along with the niceties. Alec let his hands fall from his face. “It's Alec. -My name.” There we go, he did the proper thing, gave a name.

@Ernest Baird

Setting: Small Hall
IC date : February 29th 2024

Ernest never thought that he would be someone who could actually make someone feel better. Though the boys seemed to get in better spirits the more he stayed and talked to him. Weather is an act to make him not worry or actually get better, Ernest couldn't tell. “My family wouldn't care where I was, I honestly believe my grandfather doesn't even know there are houses here. My adopted family seems to be more focused on each other than what I'm doing.” He said. Ernest wondered if that was too harsh on them. He honestly felt like Clark took too much attention away from him, but he couldn't say much about it; he wasn't actually Octavius's kid.

“Yes I'm very mature,” He said, a slight blush overtaking him. “I make all my decisions for myself, and I have all my stuff done, no help from anybody else.” He said. He was practically self-sufficient, he could have been on his own without his adopted family, his grandfather be damned.

When Alec offers a space beside him, he wonders if that was an opening for more than just a talk in the hallway but a friendship. He had been crouching for some time but after spending years with a guardian shorter than you, crouching was like a second nature. “You don't have to get up, it's a very nice hallway if he had to be stuck in any of them. Very …. Roomy.” He figured it could be worse. Could be sitting outside the bathrooms.

Alec seemed like a night person to be around, sitting with him wasn't too bad. “It's different, more people and loud. But I'm having fun with my classes, always love to know more things and here there's a lot to get to know.” He looked over at Alec, as he talked, happy to have someone who seemed to care. Though Alec seemed concerned. His face, though, why was him seeing his face in shock, was he not supposed to look?

“I'm Ernest, Ernest Baird. You probably heard my last name, it's technically my brother's. I didn't really have a set one before taking his so I'm kinda stuck with it. The more I meet people who met him, the more I believe there's no worse last name.”

OOC Notes: ;P

Private Thread for @Alec Mason

Introductions, as dull as they could be were a necessary evil. He shared his name was Ernest Baird, and Alec nodded. He mentioned Alec had probably heard his last name, Alec chose not to jump in and clarify that he had in fact not heard of the Baird's before this point. He figured the implications of what it was to be associated as a Baird weren't something he was proud of, nor interested in sharing. I stood to reason that if it was such the cause that be associated with the Baird's were bad that he would go out of his way to leave it out. He hadn't though... He paused reflectively, then spoke, “names and their associations are scarcely true in defining who a person really is.” It was not the most profound statement in the world. For people were willing to acknowledge that association in names may not be the abject truth of a person, most people acknowledge that, then continue judge as if it were an abject truth anyway. Last names while useful, had a way of taking away one's own individualism.

It was an incredibly personal thing for Ernest to go out of his way to share his last name if he knew the price it came with. Whatever the reason Ernest was sharing it; it left Alec in a tight spot. Unlike Ernest he had no fear for reputation bogging his name down. There was nothing inherently 'bad' associated with his last name, he was always able to slip through the cracks that way. Everything that could have ever been a problem was something massive effort was always put into to be kept quiet. For Alec, rather, there was a certain personal pain he had in being tied to his last name. Alec took a deep breath, “I sort of get it. There's not 'bad' associated with my last name. It's more that I have some er- personal grievances with other people of whom it belongs to.” Changing his name would be a hassle, but it was something Alec had considered in the past. It would be like cutting off shackles to finally be free of it, to not have salt continuously thrown into that open wound.

“It's Mason, my last name is Mason.” Alec's face contorted as he spoke, his expression was pained, but he felt comfortable in sharing it, it only bothered Alec, he could deal with that if sharing it might make the other more comfortable. A fair give and receive sort of deal.

@Ernest Baird

Setting: Small Hall
IC date :February 29th 2024

Growing up Ernest was always reminded how much he didn’t look like his grandfather; too human, too wizard. He knew that he had to have a wizarding father as a half-goblin mother could not create such a being with another like his grandfather. He forced most of these thoughts from his mind as he didn’t think he would ever have to worry about the man. Maybe he didn’t even know about Ernest’s existence. He can’t be upset at someone who didn’t know.

But then the social worker came: an older man who looked as close as a wizard could look to a troll. He looked bitter, but he acted sweet, almost with pity. He sat Ernest down, tried to tell him that he was very sorry, he wanted Ernest to know it was no fault of his own, that he’s a great boy but… “My father doesn’t want me.” He learned then that his father was James Mason, a pureblood. One who did not want a goblin child in his care.

Ernest didn't even take in anything else that Alec had said before his last sentence, his mind starting to race and his hands starting to shake; from shock or anger, he didn't know.

Suddenly he was breathless and felt very small. “Mason?” He asked softly, to the other boy sitting beside him, “Like James Mason?” He couldn’t believe it if it was true, he just couldn’t. All those nights thinking about his father and the man had another son he could be proud of while Ernest was without. He had another son to choose besides Ernest.

Private Thread for @Alec Mason