Reopened A Peek Under the Veil of Denial E. Lee-Hunt PV

Blue in English, Red in Korean

Eun-ji felt absolutely drained. It was the sort of bone-deep exhaustion that made one want to disappear. Her dress was still slightly damp due to prematurely stopping Hiro from helping her. The long wet hair caressed the red fabric on her back, soaking it more and more with each step she took. Though she looked calm, the occasional blow of wind made her shiver. A harsh reminder of the season she chose to jump into the freezing lake. Still, all things considered, it was bearable. She was at least partially dry and the rest could be finished later in the safety of her own room. When it came to shoes however, the witch couldn't be bothered. She felt miserable enough as it was, there was no need to suffer high heels on top of everything. While she usually didn’t like exposing her feet, as they were somewhat damaged by the years of practicing ballet, there was enough people and chaos tonight that she didn’t feel the need to care.

But of course, as fate would have it, she just had to bump into someone she knew on her way back to the dorms. Not just any someone either, leaning against the wall as she was passing through the Small Hall, was the one and only Hanako Tone. The very man that clearly wasn't too eager to hang out with her just a few moments ago. Honestly, why were their paths crossing so often? Surely, there was no such thing as fate, was there? Arguably, Eun-ji usually didn't mind as much as she thought she would have but today was different. Today, she felt somewhat disappointed with the Slytherin. It was not his fault of course. Rather, it was a result of her own unreasonable feelings and expectations. Eun-ji knew she shouldn't blame him but the crippling exhaustion made it difficult to keep everything perfectly bottled up. Then try harder! Her own subconsciousness reprimanded her quickly.

Eun-ji paused and let go of the hem of her hanfu dress, letting it cover her feet once more. Somehow, she forced herself to keep it together but what was next? Their eyes already met so she couldn't pretend she didn't see him. Even if Hana didn't want to talk to her for some reason, it would feel too awkward to just ignore him entirely and walk away.

"You okay?" The moment those words left her lips, Eun-ji wanted to punch herself. What did she mean by that? He wisely stayed safely on the shore, didn't he? There was very little reason why he wouldn't be okay. She just wasn't sure what to say so her brain went with the first sincere question it came up with without caring if it actually made sense. Unfortunately, the sincerity didn't make it sound any less stupid and knowing it was a stupid thing to say didn’t help her either. In any case, it was too late to take it back and she was in no state to think quickly and salvage the situation. Eun-ji really just wanted to dissolve into thin air and come back once she wasn't so incompetent and dizzy. Well…he looks a bit…not okay. Her brain noted with some delay. Not that she was happy about it. Somehow, the Ravenclaw would rather he was looking perfectly fine and make herself sound even more stupid than worry about his disheveled appearance.

As she was waiting for his reply, Eun-ji couldn’t help but wonder whether she made a mistake by talking to him. He really didn’t look like he wanted to talk to anyone and she didn’t know if she could deal with another conflict today. Please…at least tell me to leave nicely…

6/10/12
Right after the fall ball 2023

How often does this happen at this point? It was like the universe never allowed him to have a sense of peace when he desperately needed it. Their eyes met for a brief moment as she walked in the hallways. Hanako’s breath hitched and he turned his head away. Though it felt futile to ask the universe to send Eun-ji on the way- away from him- perhaps, he could think of this as reverse psychology. Please, let Eun-ji decide to approach me despite it being an obvious wrong choice. Please please, please.

And the universe decided it was only that particular wish that they decided to grant. Hanako tried his best to hold back from sighing as he felt her nearing him. The air felt more suffocating than it needed to be. Suddenly, his tie was too crooked. Shoes too wet. Hair looked like it experienced a hurricane and did not survive. His fingers twitched in his pockets, itching to fix them. He wanted to slap himself. Pull yourself together! That was the last thing he needed to care about! [it was at this moment the writer realized Hanako was a total libra rising]

He reminded himself of endless reasons as to why he was mad at her. Risking her life. How she could easily twist his chest at the thought of her being hurt. Her date. How he was still annoyed about her date. The list was…. Not as endless as it felt. But nevertheless, she was the last person he wanted to see now.

Alas, even that wasn’t enough to drag his gaze towards her. His shoulders tensed as he frowned. “ Am I really the one you should be asking that?”. Even as the words spilled out of him, the annoyance in his tone was barely hidden. Crap. Why did he have to notice how weary she seemed. So… out of it. Unlike her usual self. He supposed the same could be said of him. His throat felt dry. Annoyance didn’t cover whatever he felt. Who knew you were stupid enough to jump in a cold lake? Were you even thinking straight? Where’s your boyfriend when you needed him? He looked troubled as the harsh words naturally came to mind, threatening to spill out. He tightened his fists in his pockets as he glanced away.

Annoyance didn’t cover what he was feeling. He barely made sense of how he was feeling now. Torn between storming off, and stepping closer. Where are you hurt? Why did you look like you lost a life instead of saving one? Why did you come to me? Yet, just like before- the words got stuck in his throat.

So he chose a middle ground.

“You’re still wet” he mumbled, staying rooted in his spot. An undesirable observation, as evident in the way it sounded on his tongue. Like saying it was meant to put a frown on anyone’s face. To anyone else’s ears, it almost sounded like he was blaming her for it. He was so busy making sense of his own thoughts that he barely noticed how his words might be perceived.

@Eun-Ji Lee Hunt

Blue in English, Red in Korean

Exactly as she feared, Hana didn’t seem too keen on seeing her. It was not outrageously obvious but she could tell. Sometimes she hated how observant she could be. Not that it mattered, even if she didn’t notice immediately, his tone when he finally spoke to her would have given it away. “Oh…” Eun-ji uttered absentmindedly. “You are right.” She agreed, wondering whether she had done something wrong. She was pretty sure she didn’t at first, but the more she thought about it, the more that belief wavered. Mrs. Hunt always found something wrong with her. The Ravenclaw tried to ignore it most of the time but after everything she heard tonight and how fatigued she was, the nagging thoughts that her grandmother was onto something kept clawing at her brain. Perhaps she was really lacking in some way but simply wasn’t self-aware enough to see it. She wasn’t really sure of anything anymore.

The whole scene was terribly uncomfortable. She had never been so distracted in front of Hana before. It must have been a sight to behold. Then again, he didn’t look all that great himself. Eun-ji wanted to think somebody else made him angry and that’s why he seemed so distant and standoffish right now but then why did he run the moment he saw her? What did I do? The witch questioned again and again.

“You’re still wet” That short sentence finally brought her back out of mental prison. It was not necessarily a good way to be brought back however. It sounded almost…accusatory. “Yeah. I’m sorry.” The apology slipped out pretty much automatically. It was not reaction to Hana’s delivery. Not really…but he did remind her of something important. Eun-ji Lee Hunt was not supposed to be seen this unkempt in public. If she remembered correctly, it was a disgrace to her family name. Well…one of them at least. That being said, she had no energy left to fix the situation. Even such simple spell as hot air charm seemed like too much effort right now. “I’m on my way back to the tower. I’ll dry myself once I get there.” She quickly added, trying to sound at least somewhat composed. That was the her, he was used to. The her everybody was used to. She should probably stick to their expectations.

“Did I do something wrong?” The words escaped her lips before she could stop herself. The Ravenclaw wasn’t sure what happened. She was just thinking about how to make her exit so it looked at least somewhat natural. She definitely wasn’t planning to ask that question. Well, at least it didn’t sound too pathetic. If anything, she sounded genuinely curious. It might still make him uncomfortable when I ask outright though. “Sorry…I don’t know why I said that. I’m a bit tired is all.” Of course, Eun-ji knew perfectly well why she asked but this was her way of giving the Slytherin a way out. She was great at that. Giving others a way out that is.

6/10/12
Right after the fall ball 2023

Part of him expected her to snap at him back. Raise her eyebrow and sharply comment on how he was making little sense. Or at least look unimpressed at the way he evaded her question. But instead, he got this; an affirmation that he was right. Her response made him pause for a moment. Anger gave way to confusion as it crept through his mind and urged him to give her a look of exasperation. “ I’m what?” he repeated, unsure if he heard her right.

It was like a foreign language that slipped his understanding. Something he was not used to hearing. Never mind the fact that she admitted he was right. Hanako was far more focused on her voice above all else. Like a piece to the wrong puzzle. It wasn’t meant to be there. Or at least from his understanding, it was not….her usual voice. Far from the voice he expected her to have. Where was the pride in her tone after saving a few kids? The joy that came with being somebody’s hero?

He almost asked her if she knew what he meant. He was the wrong person to ask - as in she ought to look at herself first. They both looked dishevelled yet it was obvious who had a rougher night. An eerie silence passed them and he couldn’t tear his eyes away from hers. A feature of hers he told himself he could get lost in for hours. This time was no different. But this was not due to his usual attraction. It spiked his chest. Made his skin grow cold and his eyes squint. Urging him to hold her hand, as if she’d disappear soon if he didn’t.

And yet his foot stood firm to the ground.

Part of him wanted to feel like this was some ploy. A way to get his defences down and take advantage of him. To make him feel like the bad guy and wash away his frustrations with her. His pride demanded he cut whatever he was feeling and not give in to it. No matter how illogical it sounded. It was easier to stay angry than to stay and discover what was beneath it.

And perhaps he would have done his pride proud if not for her next words.

“Yeah. I’m sorry.”

“...sorry?” the repeat of it only made him want to shrink himself smaller. His eyes narrowed at her, unsure. There was that feeling again. As if something was horribly unnatural. As if she was merely mimicking a practised word by instinct. Why was her instinct to apologise? He took in a sharp breath, unable to keep the frown off his face. That was the word he was looking for, wasn’t it? He wanted her to know how dumb it was to jump in a lake. To apologise for making him feel…things. But instead, he felt like he’d been punched in the gut. “ I don’t want your apologies” he grumbled in reluctant admittance. Unsure what to make of this. He felt like he might as well be struggling to breathe in the great lake right now. An uncharted territory he had no map of.

The question is if he wanted a map. Did he really want to know where to go with this? ‘Lost’ had never been a foreign concept to the boy. Years of awkward tension and prickling fear of the unknown had made him a runner. It didn’t matter where he was, there was always an option to run. Confrontations. Confessions. He had run from plenty of things, really. Most of it had him hesitant in admitting that a trail of guilt followed them. So the big question came to mind as he locked eyes with Eun-ji. His unease evident.

Would he regret running away or not?

“Did I do something wrong?”

He tensed. As if she asked a question he forgot the answer to. If she had asked this much earlier, he would have plenty to tell her. No duh! You were being stupid! Going in a freezing lake and for what?! Making me feel like losing my mind! Yet, nothing. No sound. No movement. Just an exchange of staring while he fought back an urge to take a step closer. Like too many things stirred in his head for him to form a complete sentence. And no matter how different they were, they all led back to one cause: Eun-Ji Lee Hunt.

I should run, he thought. I need to run.

His body shifted just slightly as if he was taking a step away. Suddenly feeling dry in his mouth. Acutely aware of why this felt so painfully similar. At that moment, he felt 11 again. Leaning against the hardback of a trunk while a treasured friend with gold-like hair and eyes held deep secrets. Secrets he decided to share with him. It was like Hanako could hear it now. The subtle tears shed from his friend. And how Hanako pretended he didn’t see it. As if it was shameful. A nuisance in their perfectly fine day. And most importantly, the regret that followed afterwards. Why had he done that? If not for the simple reason that he was scared. Afraid engaging with the less sunny parts of someone's personality would open up parts of himself he protected. To admit to caring was the same as giving room for the heart to ache.

Perhaps after he stripped himself bare to his core, everything was exactly the same. The effort to be better, to open up, to admit he wasn't as he wanted to appear to be. Maybe that was all in vain.

A coward, in the end.

Suddenly being angry and proving he was right became a second priority. To answer a question like that would leave room for… unneeded things. In the end, all of this was unnecessary for the nature of their relationship. Soon his frustration would be gone, as well as her weariness. And they would go back to their usual. Right? She’d understand. She always did. That was the reason why they worked so well together.

“Sorry…I don’t know why I said that. I’m a bit tired is all.”

‘To admit of caring, is the same as giving room for the heart to ache’And yet why did he feel all the same?

That his chest still felt suffocated, heavy with an invisible burden he could barely make sense of. Like he was doing something so awful by taking up on her offer to leave. Was it maybe because they were scarily similar? Perhaps on the surface, they looked to be complete opposites. But if it were just like that, they wouldn’t have worked so well together. There was always an easy, silent understanding between them. Even if he didn’t like to admit it, it was there. It was there when they made flower crowns and tea together. When they went on dates like old friends. When she kissed him of her own will to cheer him up. Even when they simply caught each other's gaze in the hallways.

Perhaps he was too tired and overthinking this. She didn’t need someone. Even if she did, it would be her (annoyingly) hot mahoutokoro quidditch boyfriend. Not him. Who was he to be there for her? It was the same for her. She didn’t need to be there for him either. She didn’t have to talk to him here, and yet… here she was. He didn’t have to worry about her. And yet, here he was. Two teenagers. Who both knew they both rather just go to bed. Who knows they were in a relationship that didn't have strings attached. Was still standing here. Together. But why?

The question made a chill run down his spine. He was not ready to answer that. Weariness clung to him deeply. He wasn’t in the right mind to make profound discoveries he would regret knowing. Instead, he focused on just one thought. Of how he didn’t want her to leave like this. “ I don’t…want your apologies” he repeated, but this time it was different than before. He sounded soft, almost weak. Perhaps in a way, she could see it as him subtly pleading. As if he would be distraught if she didn’t believe him. “ I just want…” answers. “ you…to let me…dry you up”. A sort of firmness came back to his tone. As if he was holding something back. Whatever it was, he kept his mouth shut. His brown tired eyes glued to her, observing every feature as if he’d miss it if he blinked.

So caught up in worry, and pretending he isn't worried - he didn't realise how his earlier frustration had dissipated. Most of it at least.

@Eun-Ji Lee Hunt

Blue in English, Red in Korean

“Right?” Eun-ji repeated as if she didn’t understand Hana’s need to confirm her words. Didn’t he think he was right? Did she say something wrong? Her brain was struggling to process his confused expression but she was too tired to dwell on it. She said what she said. There was no need to overthink it any further. Perhaps he just didn’t hear me.

Then came a moment silence, when the two of them just stood there, looking into each other’s eyes. The Ravenclaw held Hana’s gaze for a bit before averting her sight, pretending to survey their surroundings. Somehow, she couldn’t bear to look at him. The feeling she didn't like – guilt – crept into her soul. But why? What was the reason? Should she feel actually feel like this? Perhaps…just perhaps, she was a little bit broken. Perhaps the Hunts finally taught her to feel shame and guilt all the time. Be as it may, she could not admit such thing even to herself. Her world was already held together by a thin thread. If she started being honest with herself, the thread would snap and her world would fall apart and she would crumble with it. “Yes?” The witch tilted her head slightly, when the boy echoed her words, once again looking perplexed. Was she actually not speaking clearly? Her voice might have not been as steady as usual but he was standing right in front of her. Surely, hearing her shouldn’t have been such an issue…

“I don’t want your apologies.” His tone made Eun-ji flinch a little although it was incredibly subtle and easy to miss. She was about to open her mouth and apologize again, when her brain finally caught up with the meaning of Hana’s statement and she quickly swallowed the word “sorry” that was about to escape her lips. There was a weird tension in the air. Something Eun-ji wasn’t used to when it came to this particular Slytherin. Of course, she wasn’t naïve enough to think he was actually the ‘happy go lucky guy’, he liked to present himself as but that’s how he was with her most of the time. Even when he was grumpy about his guaranteed dueling loss, he still took an effort to keep his composure at least somewhat intact. This was the first time the atmosphere between them felt so heavy. Maybe that’s why she couldn’t help but ask if she did anything wrong.

Watching Hana take a step back, the Ravenclaw couldn’t help but feel defeated. It was her, who decided to give him a way out, yet it was like he threw a bucket of cold water on her. It was not fair of her to feel like that of course. They were simply supposed to have fun. He had no obligation to stick around, especially since she was very much NOT fun to be around right now. So why the disappointment? She shouldn't be having any expectations of him. She had no right to have them. Her brain knew all this. It was her heart that was the traitor.

Surprisingly enough, Hana did not actually leave in the end. Instead, he just repeated his previous statement but this time, it sounded different. Almost…gentle or pleading? It caught Eun-ji off guard and for a second, she froze. The added explanation didn’t help the matters either. She was fully expecting him to bail on her but he stuck around and was even offering her a helping hand? It came across as a bit awkward but she didn’t mind at all. Whether he actually meant to say it or spat it out last minute to cover up something else didn’t matter, because it felt like he cared. Even if that wasn’t the case, that’s how her brain perceived it at that moment, which was more than enough.

“Oh…okay.” The witch blinked in surprise but she could already feel some of the tension leaving her body. “I…thank you.” She added quickly. Admittedly, it was not the drying of her clothes she was grateful for. Hana was still here and he wanted to help. She had a feeling, even if he somehow messed up and set her dress on fire, she would still be grateful. No matter how pathetic that made her seem. Besides, that was just for her to know. She would never tell Hana as much so it was okay.

6/10/12
Right after the fall ball 2023

She’s still here. Hanako finally let out the breath he didn't realise he had been holding. She hasn’t left me. It was absurd to think she would leave once he offered help but that was just how his brain worked. That one single sentence provided a sense of ease he had been deprived of all night. At the very last second, he bit back a comment about thanking her instead. In essence, it was her that was doing him a favour. Not the other way around. For the thought of how it would be if she rejected him… he didn’t think he could sleep well that night.

It took a few more seconds before he fully snapped out of his daze. He reached into his pants pocket, then scuffled into his jacket, before finally finding his wand. Hoping his hands looked less shakier than it actually was, he took a step closer. Noticing how …exhausted she looked. The sort that went beyond her wet clothes and damp hair. The heaviness in her eyes punctured every last remaining thought but her. An instinctual, almost terrifying urge to brush the damp strands of hair that stuck to the side of her face. Almost drove him to do it. Feeling the warmth of her cheeks in his palms like a desperate assurance her soul was still intact within her. That whatever haunted her hadn’t reached parts that made her whole. Parts that for a split second there- he’d do anything to get back. He couldn’t help but think having her stay like this forever, was far scarier than the thought of the consequences if he did anything about it. There was a prickly, innate feeling that it shouldn’t be him to see her like this. And yet, he was seeing it. Perhaps more accurately put, she was letting him. It was scary, to feel like a spotlight was put on him. With nothing for him to direct it somewhere else. But like he mentioned, it only took a look in her eye to strengthen his resolve. Why? A mystery he had yet to solve.

“Aer Calidus” he directed his wand to somewhere else for a moment before gently and slowly bringing its direction to her. Tearing his attention away from her and to the tip of his wand. His focus was entirely on making sure the air wasn’t too hot. It wasn’t meant to hurt unless it backfired on him. But his spells packed quite a bite. The very last thing he wanted to do was hurt her.

He stayed silent. His wand first directed their focus on her shoulders, then all the way down to the shoes she held. The hot air never stayed in one place too long. As if he wanted the warmth to spread across her as much as possible. With the loud whoosh of air around her, he didn’t bother saying a word. Hardly looked at her face while he focused on the task at hand. Paying far more attention to it than any exam that graced his eyes. Not that it was a competition in the first place. Exams and Eun-ji. It was evident who was the clear winner.

The easy part of drying her was over. Now all that was left was her hair. He wasn’t looking forward to that. Where should his eyes land? Should he touch her hair? Should he stop now? Before the flurry of thoughts petrified himself, he sighed. “ Is it okay if I....-” his hand gestured gently for her to turn around, pointing a bit to her damp hair.

He tensed, waiting for her to refuse his request. But it never came. Instead, in a tone that rivals the gentleness of flower petals, she said; “ Of course”. Before turning around her back faced him. Thank god, because he dreaded letting her see the tinge of red that invaded his cheeks. He shook his head, dropped his jacket to the floor for a moment, and just focused on her hair. This was nothing. He reminded himself watching the warm air blow out her wet hair. Deciding to speed up the process as he hesitantly parted the strands. Ignoring the pool of warmth that gathered at the pit of his stomach. There was then a tiny voice in his head. Like a repetitive mantra, telling him that this was hardly anything special. The voice grows more desperate as the seconds go by. Like they were on their last grasps, holding on to their last hope that one day, Hanako would believe those words. In the end, perhaps he succeeded. Because the tiny voice was no longer as prevailed as the seconds turned to minutes. They just grew.... silent….

And suddenly - gone.

The feeling of how soft her hair was now occupied more than half of his mind without him realising it. His eyes wandered to what he could see, trying to find if there was some sort of injury, and that he should be concerned about. His hands grew a tad less hesitant as he dried different parts of her hair. Like on auto-pilot. The sensation of it drowning him almost like a trace. A core memory suddenly unlocked within him. Of when he accompanied his sister for some silly experiment that ended with her being drenched and infuriated. He was suddenly transported back to his old bathroom. The cold tiles under his feet, hair dryer in hand, and a carefree amused smirk plastered on his face. His sister's annoyed retorts of her failed experiment were like music to his ears. What got his heart to lurch however was the fuzzy memory of her smile. How long has it been since it was shown to him? Before she concluded magic was the root of all their family problems?

He took a sharp breath, snapping himself out of it. It was a horrible realisation to know Eun-ji’s hair was already dried, his hands were previously gently gliding between the strands stood frozen. For how long had it been dry? For what seemed to be the 100th time tonight, he wished the ground would swallow him whole. All this magic in the world and no one came up with such a spell? He quickly released her hair and coughed uncomfortably. “ Done”.

He fought back against asking her why she didn’t tell him it was dry. They must’ve just been standing like this for a few minutes. What was she thinking when she just waited for him to say something despite her hair being dry? What was he thinking? Zoning out like that? The unnecessary antics he piled up all night just kept growing. He picked up his jacket from the floor and hid his hands in his pockets, feigning casualness despite his internal screaming. “It's not recommended to take a swim so late at night, you know”, he said in a desperate attempt to not focus on his earlier blunder. Until he realised that was a mistake, knowing full well she didn't swim for the fun of it. “ But….” he quickly said, “ props to you for looking good either way. But I have a preference for when you’re not..cold”. He felt his tone was like putting a vinyl in a DVD player. Like the words were designed to be flirty, but it was anything but. More like a statement that brought relief. To him in particular. And he could no longer stop her from hearing them. How in his own loopy…twisturvy sort of sentence, he was glad she was dry. And safe. And still here, with him. And not 10 feet underneath the lake.

@Eun-Ji Lee Hunt slight godmodding allowed

Blue in English, Red in Korean

Eun-ji stood motionless as Hana painstakingly dried her damp clothes. The pleasant heat emanating from his wand engulfed her like a protective shield, numbing her senses as she struggled to keep her emotions in check. Despite being accustomed to his boisterous nature and overpowering presence, she found solace in the eerie stillness that hung between them. The spell was a welcome respite from the chill that clung to her skin though the bone deep coldness still prevailed...probably because it had nothing to do with the freezing water.

Despite the chaos that preceded this scene, a moment of peacefulness settled over Eun-ji as her dress slowly returned to its original state. Her hair, however, still dripped with water, causing her considerable discomfort. “Of course,” she replied softly when Hana asked if he could dry it for her as well. She actually surprised herself by how readily she gave him the permission. She usually didn’t like others touching her hair but for some reason, she didn’t find the idea of him touching it unpleasant. The witch couldn't quite pinpoint why and was genuinely afraid to examine that thought further so she didn’t. Instead, she simply turned around to give him better access to her raven-colored hair.

As the warm air brushed against her face and tangled locks, she couldn't help but notice how safe she felt in Hana's presence. It didn’t really make sense. By all accounts, considering his wild nature, the Slytherin should have felt more like a threat to her but that wasn’t the case at this very moment. In spite of her strong facade, she was feeling lost and exhausted both emotionally and physically but a sense of calm spread through her body thanks to his care, easing the tension in her shoulders and chest. For the first time, she realized how much she craved protection from someone else and it terrified her. Eun-ji couldn’t afford such thoughts. It was simply unacceptable. Handling everything alone was what she was supposed to do. There was no other way...

Lost in a storm of thoughts, she initially failed to register the warmth that still clung to her despite her hair being perfectly dry. To her credit though, Hana’s reaction seemed to be even more delayed than hers. She couldn't help but wonder what was going on inside his head but wasn't brave enough to ask. Not knowing what to do, the Ravenclaw almost spoke up to break the silence, but then decided against it. She felt like she was placed into a protective cocoon and all the hateful words she heard just few moments ago slowly started fading into the background. She couldn't bear to leave this sanctuary just yet, even if it meant pretending to be oblivious for a little while longer.

“Thank you.” Eun-ji said with utmost sincerity once Hana finally broke out of his daze and informed her that he was done. She didn’t call him out or ask why he spaced out for so long. There was no indication whatsoever that Eun-ji found anything wrong with it, making it seem like she didn’t even notice. No matter how curious she was, she didn't want to make him uncomfortable. Besides, if she did speak out, he could also ask her why she didn’t say something sooner and the witch didn’t have an answer for that one. At least not one she was willing to give.

“…props to you for looking good either way. But I have a preference for when you’re not...cold” Eun-ji was taken aback by Hana's words, unsure of how to feel. He sounded more like himself now, but not entirely. She couldn't help but wonder if there was a hidden meaning behind his statement. Did that mean he was concerned about her wellbeing? If so, then why did he run away without checking on her first? Her thoughts were swirling and her head began to ache from the confusion. “What a coincidence, I also prefer not to be cold,” she replied, trying to play along as best as she possibly could in her current state of mind. “Unfortunately, my brain is not wired quite right.” She added cryptically. “It’s good to see yours is…for once.” At last, an attempt to tease him in an effort to lighten the heavy atmosphere however it was not easy. Although she was not hurt by the Grindylows, all her muscles screamed in agony, telling her to rest. She pressed her fingertips to her temples, trying to soothe the chaos of thoughts swirling inside her mind. They were like a tangled knot, impossible to unravel. And amidst the throbbing pain in her body, the turmoil in her head felt even more overwhelming.

“Do I really…” ...come across a cold and limp and flaccid stalk of a spineless wench? Thankfully, Eun-ji swallowed her question just in time. How could she let Piérre’s venomous words affect her so much that she nearly asked Hana to disprove them? Pull yourself together Lee Eun-ji! She reprimanded herself bitterly. “Sorry…forgot what I was going to ask…” She tried to salvage the situation quickly. “Anyway…Thank you again for your help. Will you be staying here or heading back to the dorms?”

6/10/12
Right after the fall ball 2023

He let out a smile of relief after he was thanked. Grateful she didn’t bother to ask why he was acting so weird. But he didn’t think it helped him any better with the tumultuous thoughts swirling in his head. She was all dry now, but it wasn’t like he magically fixed everything. There was still that lingering tension in the air he couldn't decide yet if he hated it or not. But one thing was certain; it wasn’t enough to make him want to leave. In fact, he was struggling to keep away from her. Was it bad he wanted to hug her? Yeah, definitely. He was mortified at even allowing such a thought to pass through.

“Har har, funny” he played along with their teasing, even if it felt a bit empty. Devoid of something he couldn’t put his finger on yet. It was different. It was unpleasant. And yet, somehow that's not enough reason for him to want to leave. His grin eased up when she rubbed the side of her temples. It killed him more than it should. To know that even after he helped her, he hardly did anything. Then she was about to say something. Asking him a question. His ears perked up and he instinctively leaned in closer to hear what she had to say. There wasn’t a hint of his usual playfulness in his expression. He was serious. Dead serious. An off characteristic coming from him. But Eun-ji seemed to naturally bring out sides of him he kept dormant.

But as she took back her question, he couldn’t help but frown at. It seemed that her attempt to salvage the situation didn’t work out too well. Unbeknownst to him, he was thinking the same exact thing she was. Pull yourself together Tone. Even if he felt so small at the moment. So powerless. No bone in his body wanted to look this weak in front of her, of all people. But dammit. He wasn’t as good as she was at it. He had no fuel in him to crack up his usual ‘ha ha ha look at me the only thing I'm failing at in life is growing up’ act. It frustrated him to no end. The insistent itch to want to tear down the walls she had. But how could he ask of that? What right did he have to even want that? Especially when he was thankful she didn't ask more than she needed. It should be terrifying to see what's behind those walls. Yet how was it equally terrifying to have those walls in the first place? He couldn’t help but feel like she simply closed a door right in front of him. Was it him? Could he have done better? Or talk more? He couldn’t explain the sudden inadequacy that threatened to consume his thoughts.

“I wanna stay” he felt the words slip out of his lips before he could stop them. Oh. Well then. No turning back now. He was too tired to think of an exit. Too much of an idiot to not shut up. “I.. I mean.. I wanted to stay.. earlier..but..” he didn’t even know what he was saying. How did he even begin to explain what happened at the beach? How he saw her arrive in a boat all drenched and worn out, and all he could do was walk away? He felt that she somehow understood this. That he had no reason to explain himself. Their relationship was based on this common understanding. That they didn’t owe each other anything. But how strongly did he understand that? Really? Why did the compulsion to apologise twist his gut so bad then?

All he could think of was when he was down in the dumps, she was there to make him better. Despite the walls he put up, she didn’t leave. She made him forget why he was upset in the first place. And yet right now she couldn’t even feel it was worth telling him much. Was this it? Just some urge to pay a debt back? It was only now that he saw that memory as a ‘debt to fulfil’, and not just a nice memory with her. Somehow it left an odd taste in his mouth. Like forcing a puzzle to fit. But how else could he explain this?

“Look I…” he ruffled the back of his hair, hiding the slight trembling of his hands through it. “ I didn’t ignore you because I wanted to, it's just..” his words faltered like falling dominos. His features evidently conflicted. His hands were brought back down to his sides, but he was clenching them. All the confidence and ego that can fill up a dam but this is what he had to show for it? “Damnit” he muttered under his breath, his eyes glued to the floor in a harsh glare. That frustration was never meant for anyone but himself. He tensed and took a quick deep breath before forcing himself to look at Eun-ji. A lingering frustration in his eyes eases with each second he sees her eyes on him. Motivated not to let it show.

“ I’m not….good at this” he admitted, in an unusually gentle tone. Slightly tinged with a hint of criticism. As if failing a test that was important to him. “ But before you go… and I’m sure you want to, wouldn't even dream of stopping you but… is there…” The usual confidence in his eyes was nowhere to be seen at the moment. Faltering ever so slightly with each word he said next. “ is there..anything I can do..? For you?”. His eyes scanned hers for answers or even reluctance. As if expecting it, his nerves spiked and he clenched the jacket on his arm tighter. He didn’t sound demanding. If anything he sounded hesitant. If he sounded too sure, he was certain it would easily slip into pleading. That was the last thing she needed to hear right now. No, he wanted to assure her through his tone that she could still say no to all this. Make it easier for both of them. Maybe take the opportunity to scold him for being an idiot.

He could regret his words later.

@Eun-Ji Lee Hunt

Blue in English, Red in Korean

[/color][/b] Eun-ji’s emotions were a tangled web of confusion and melancholy. Normally, their playful teasing could lighten up the atmosphere, but right now, it seemed neither desired nor appropriate. Their customary banter felt like a distant memory amidst the unusual seriousness of the ongoing conversation. The weight of the moment pressed down on her as she struggled to maintain her composure. Pretending everything was fine felt impossible and it probably wouldn't have been convincing, even if she tried.

What truly surprised her about all this however, was Hana’s sticking around. With his natural aversion to serious conversations, Eun-ji half-expected him to make a swift exit. But…he stayed. Why had he stayed? She couldn’t fathom why he would linger in such a heavy-hearted exchange when she was hardly the most delightful company right now. Yet, despite her confusion, a fragile thread of gratitude cut through her sorrow. Hana, who usually avoided such heavy conversations, remained by her side. This uncharacteristic show of support filled the cracks in her heart with a bittersweet warmth she so desperately needed.

“I.. I mean.. I wanted to stay.. earlier..but…” This broken sentence immediately made Eun-ji raise her head. Was he trying to explain his sudden departure back at the lake? Did he really…not mean to leave her there? Clearly, he was struggling to get the message across but she didn’t rush him. No matter what he wanted to say or how long it took, she wanted..no…she needed to hear it. “Yes?” The Ravenclaw encouraged him, her voice barely audible. She watched him squirm and agonize over the topic but for once, she did not enjoy his suffering in the slightest. He was obviously stepping far from his comfort zone and she understood how frustrating that could be. Still, unlike many other times, she did not offer a way out. Eun-ji was not feeling generous today, rather she realized quite unhappily, she felt desperate and unsure of herself. It took everything she had to keep her walls up to at least some extent.

Alas, despite her patience, the witch did not get any more details out of the boy. Still, she could tell he felt bad about the whole situation and somehow, that was enough. He was being more honest than ever and she truly appreciated his effort. It would do her no good to push him any further than this. Eun-ji was about to make her exit as to not torture him any longer when she heard his last question. Her whole body froze, contemplating whether she wasn’t just hearing things at this point.

“I...” She paused. How was she even supposed to answer such question? People usually asked for hugs in this scenario, right? Her hand twitched unconsciously but she didn’t dare… The Ravenclaw was not used to that kind of comfort. No one had taught her and she was not sure it would be an appropriate request when it came to Hana. They were not in that kind of relationship, were they? It would probably just scare him away. “I…don’t know…I really...don’t know.” Her shoulders sagged as she finally managed to reply quietly. He was being honest with her so she wanted to do the same. For once, Eun-ji didn’t pretend to be strong and all knowing, instead of saying she didn’t need anything or that she was fine, she told the truth. It was a rare moment of vulnerably she did not allow herself often but it felt like a right thing to do.