Falling Apart (pt. 1) solo Finished

We're going to move. We're going to move. A moment of silence, as the three kids took in the information. Then the exclamations. The panic. The pain. The half-hearted explanations. How Pierre's work was no longer from home, that he had to be in France. How it was closer to Hyltwis' school. How Reltyl would get to improve their French. Whatever the reason, it didn't matter. They were moving. That summer. There was no going back.

Reltyl was the first to leave the room, obviously holding back tears. They went straight for the door, and before anyone could stop them, was out in the street, probably on their way to one of their friends' houses. Hyltwis went right to her room, her expression already unreadable again. Pierre went after Reltyl. All of these were just details in the background. Mahlioz went back upstairs to her room and sat on her bed, dazed.

It was harder on Reltyl, of course. Hyltwis was already in her fourth year of Beauxbatons, she was rarely home. Mahlioz was at Hogwarts. But Reltyl was a squib, and they went to school in Aberdeen. They'd never known anything different. They would be leaving everything behind.
That didn't make it any harder for Mahlioz or Hyltwis, evidently. They had also lived here all their lives (or fourteen fifteenths of it, for Hyltwis, who was born in Paris). Neither of them wanted to move either. What about all the memories they'd made, everything they had here? How were they expecting them to leave it all behind??

First she was numb. Then everything came crashing down onto her and she was angry, livid that she was being forced to do this. How could they do this to her? She, too, had people here, maybe not as good friends as at Hogwarts, but still acquaintances and people she didn't want to leave behind. And places. And memories. This was her home, this was where she came back to when she needed to feel safe. Nowhere else would be the same.

Mahlioz cried herself to sleep.

Date: December 24 2023 Time: Morning

City: Aberdeen Mentions: X

English | French Thoughts

Alarian | Pierre | Reltyl | Hyltwis
Any other family members will have their own colors, I'm just not putting them here as they're not as important

The next morning was silent. It was Christmas eve, things were supposed to be festive and warm and cozy. But the house was cold. Mahlioz wondered whether her parents regretted telling them about the move right before Christmas. Maybe they could have waited until the 26th. But would it really have made a difference?

Family members would start arriving in the afternoon. They would stay a few days before leaving - some apparating, some driving. Mahlioz was impatient to see them, but she also didn't know how she would talk to them. With all of this on her mind, how much worse would she be at social interaction than usual?

When this sort of thing used to happen, before Hogwarts - after she got a less than average mark on a quiz, or when someone she looked up to called her nerdy, for example - she always went to Reltyl. They were best friends. They did everything together. Reltyl was always the one who could cheer her up.
But then she'd gone to Hogwarts. And now nothing was the same. Of course, Mahlioz loved Hogwarts with all of her heart, she loved her friends, she would never give any of it up. But Reltyl. They used to be so close, and now... she felt like she barely knew them anymore.

But what else was there for her to do? She did not want to talk to her parents at all, and she knew Hyltwis would want to be alone, because of Erin and everything. And besides, she really had missed Reltyl. And she had questions that... she was pretty sure they would have the answers to.
She crossed the hallway that separated their rooms. It was only a couple of meters, but it felt like an eternity away. Hopefully she could change that. They'd been so distant lately.

"Reltyl?" she asked, opening the door slightly. They were sitting on their windowsill, hugging their knees, looking outside. They made no sign that they had heard her, though she knew they had. "Sorry, let me know if you want some alone time, I just... wanted to talk to you. About all this."
She wasn't expecting an answer for them, considering how they were ignoring her, but they looked at her right in the eyes angrily and said, "Ohhh, sure. What a grand idea. Come on in and let me cheer you up like I always do about something that barely even affects you. Ever think about the fact that I might have feelings too?? That maybe for once I could actually think about them before you barge in and 'want to talk'?!"

Mahlioz was frozen in place by their words. That hurt. She assumed it was their intentions - they were angry, and of course had the right to be - but it wasn't fair. Something that barely affected her? How could they say that she didn't think they had feelings?? She'd even told them she could leave if they wanted her to!! She didn't know what she wanted anymore. To cry? To yell? To fight, or to cheer them up? They didn't deserve it, part of her said. But they were her sibling, they'd always been close. How could she not care about them, not want to cheer them up?

She had no idea what to do. And standing there with that terrified hurt look on her face wasn't exactly a great idea either. Why couldn't she go back to before? When they didn't have to move, when Mahlioz and Reltyl were best friends. Why had everything changed? Why did it have to be like this?

The only thing Mahlioz could think of saying or doing was changing the subject. But that wouldn't fix anything. And to be honest... wasn't Reltyl right? She had come to get cheered up by them, or at least be sorrowful together, which would help her cope. And then she was going to ask them about gender, and try to get some answers, and figure out her life. Maybe they were right. Maybe she was selfish and never thought about them.

"...Do you want to play Minecraft?" It was a silly question, but it tumbled out of her nonetheless, because she had nothing else to say. It wasn't so much an invitation to a game but a truce, a question of peace. Reltyl looked taken aback, but after a moment just nodded. They didn't move, so Mahlioz sat down on their bed, taking their tablet as they started playing on their laptop.

She hadn't played a video game in a long while. They had never really been her passion, but Reltyl loved them a lot, so she would always accept to play with them. That was before Hogwarts. Now they had other friends to play with. Mahlioz rarely played with them anymore.
She could tell they had a lot of new mods, but didn't mention it. She already felt grateful for making it this far. To be honest, she wasn't sure what she was doing. Wasn't Reltyl the one who had hurt her? Why was she trying to be nice to them?

But they had only hurt her because she had hurt them. She could tell the distance between them wasn't something they wanted either. For the first time, she wondered if it had been partly her fault. Bringing her best friend over for the holidays, always going on about magic and books... she'd been serparating herself too.
"I'm sorry," Mahlioz said suddenly, and Reltyl's character nearly fell into lava in-game from surprise. "I didn't realize... I... I don't know." Another silence. "Do you want to talk about it?"

A quick glance at Reltyl told her they were relieved and guilty. Maybe they had started falling apart, but Mahlioz still knew her sibling like the back of her hand. "No, I... I should be the one apologizing." Not letting her interrupt, they continued, "You're always the one who comes to me. I never go to you when I need help. That's my own fault, it isn't fair of me to blame it on you." They looked up, and both of them said it at exactly the same time: "I missed you."

Then they grinned, and all the tension in the air was gone, at least for now. That wasn't going to be it, Mahlioz knew. It had been a year and a half since they'd started losing each other - it was going to take a long time for them to get back to where they were, if they ever did. But it was a start. "So - you going to tell me why you came?"
"Mostly just 'cause I missed you," Mahlioz replied, "buuut, also. How... how did you know you weren't a boy?"

That startled Reltyl so much they accidentally made their character punch an iron golem. Not exactly the smarted move, but once they'd sheltered themselves at the top of a dirt tower, they turned to Mahlioz. "I... hm. I guess I always kind of knew? It's not so much how you act on the outside, or how you dress, or any of that thing. I just... whenever I heard people call me a boy, it felt wrong, you know? Or, like... well, once I found out trans-ness was a thing, I thought I was a girl for a while, but that didn't fit either. I think actually figuring out who I was was mostly about experimenting." They gave her a little glinting 'why do you ask?' look, but she said nothing.

Mahlioz thought about what they'd said for a moment, before Reltyl's character (who had escaped the golem) accidentally punched hers, and she fell into a ravine. Maybe it hadn't been accidental. After a "Heyyy!" the game went on, and Mahlioz's question was answered. She'd have to keep thinking about it later, but she'd have plenty of time. For now, she had a game to play.

Date: December 24 2023 Time: Morning

City: Aberdeen Mentions: X

English | French Thoughts

Alarian | Pierre | Reltyl | Hyltwis
Any other family members will have their own colors, I'm just not putting them here as they're not as important

Though Mahlioz and Reltyl had started getting along better, that didn't mean anything when it came to their parents. Reltyl was livid and refused to talk to them, which was definitely not the best way to go about it, but Mahlioz understood. Alarian and Pierre kept trying to talk to their children, explain that these feelings were alright and valid and that they'd try to make the move as bearable as possible, but most of the time these speeches were for Mahlioz alone. And she barely paid attention to them. She didn't want to be angry at her parents, though a small part of her was, but she couldn't just accept that they would be moving happily. Most of the time she just tried to ignore the fact.

So Christmas was a welcome opportunity and distraction. It wasn't long before her cousins and aunts and uncles came along. Anatole, Pierre's brother, and his husband Alexandrain were first, with their two kids, Manon and Ceyes, who were quite a bit older than Mahlioz. She liked them, of course, but their age gap made it hard for them to be too close. I swear I will make Mahl a family tree one day, just wait a couple millennia
Then it was her maternal granparents, Seanmhair and Seanair, and with them, Mahlioz's two aunts and their kids, Hobbes and Destiny, who were seven and four respectively. Everyone was given a bed for the night, and then it was Christmas morning, and the last four members of the party arrived.

Dahlia, Pierre's sister, and her son Félix, who was Reltyl's age, got there quite early and tired from their train rides, along with Mahlioz's other two grandparents, Mamie and Grand-Père. Then it was present-opening time. And then it was brunch. And then it was socializing, and trying to translate from French to English and from muggle to wizard. Socializing was always exhausting, but it being with people Mahlioz loved made it a lot more bearable. She even saw Hyltwis grin a couple of times, though she was being rather flighty and gloomy. Ceyes and her got along like two birds of a feather, though they looked so different.

What a Christmas. Mahlioz's parents mentioned the move many times, and sometimes her aunts and uncles would ask her how she felt about it all, but mostly she tried to avoid those conversations. Hobbes, who had a little toy broom now, kept going on and on about how he would be a famous broom racer one day - he'd gotten it from his moms, apparently. It was all cozy and warm and lovely.

But of course, it wasn't to last. There was another ring at the doorbell in the late afternoon, and though Pierre had another sister, she wasn't supposed to come for Christmas, so no one knew who it was. Hyltwis went to open the door, shutting it as soon as she got even a glimspe of the person outside, scowling. "Oh, hell no." Mahlioz frowned, following her mother over to her sister. "What? Who is it?"
"Erin. It's Erin."

Hyltwis looked about ready to punch someone. "Why is she back now? On Christmas, no less?? Isn't she the one who didn't want me?"
The silence in the living room was unbearable. Though some of the French family probably had no idea what was happening, it was obvious enough that it was serious. After a pause, Alarian said, "Why don't you go out there and talk to her? You can't just... leave her there."
"Watch me," Hyltwis replied, flipping off the closed front door and storming away to her room. Ceyes followed her worriedly, but no one else moved. It took a good few seconds for the conversations to start up again. Alarian had disappeared - she was probably outside, talking to Erin.

Mahlioz didn't know what to do. Again. Why was it always like this? She was sure Ceyes would be able to cheer Hyltwis up, but it was just... exhausting, all of this. Everything going wrong. She wished Hyltwis would tell them what had happened between her and Erin. But it was none of her business.
Back to the festivities, she guessed. Back to pretending everything was fine and perfect. Back to not thinking about the move. It was Christmas - she was allowed a little bit of pretending, right?